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<title>13 Reasons Why: The Tapes of Clay Jensen by ValentinLaboy</title>
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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29102397">13 Reasons Why: The Tapes of Clay Jensen</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/ValentinLaboy/pseuds/ValentinLaboy'>ValentinLaboy</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>13 Reasons Why (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alive Hannah Baker, Dead Clay Jensen, Multi, Revenge</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 13:41:38</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>119,280</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29102397</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/ValentinLaboy/pseuds/ValentinLaboy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Following a teenage boy's perplexing suicide, Hannah Baker receives a series of tapes that unravel the mystery of his tragic decision, a fateful occurrence that has ramifications for everyone involved.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Hannah Baker &amp; Charlie St. George, Hannah Baker &amp; Jessica Davis, Hannah Baker &amp; Justin Foley, Hannah Baker &amp; Sheri Holland, Hannah Baker &amp; Zach Dempsey, Hannah Baker/Clay Jensen, Jessica Davis &amp; Clay Jensen, Justin Foley &amp; Clay Jensen, Zach Dempsey &amp; Clay Jensen</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>38</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>58</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Tape 1, Side A</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Liberty High School mourns the death of Clay Jensen. His friend Hannah receives a box of tapes with the messages he recorded before he committed suicide.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>They say that suicide is a contagious act. For a long time, Hannah Baker had no idea what that really meant. But now she understood. When someone around you takes their own life, you realize that you can do the same. You realize that it’s not just this foreign concept, it’s something that you can actually accomplish. It makes it easier to consider doing it yourself, because now you truly come to realize that you can terminate your own life.</p><p>Those thoughts were reverberating through Hannah’s brain as she looked at the locker of a classmate. It was decorated with pictures and notes, and several people were taking selfies with it. Hannah was apathetic to them. Let those people “grieve” in their own way.</p><p>The locker belonged to one Clay Jensen, a fellow junior at Liberty High School. And he was no longer with them. He was dead. The school bell rang, and every kid went straight to their classes, all except for Hannah.</p><p>She stayed back to look at Clay’s locker. She watched it, longing…and a single tear slid down her face. She quickly wiped it away to avoid letting anyone in on just how torn apart she was.</p><p>“What the hell are you doing?”</p><p>Hannah didn’t turn to sound of the male voice. “Isn’t it obvious? I’m—”</p><p>“Looking for something?” She turned to look at him. If she didn’t know any better, he looked like he was either high or didn’t get any sleep last night.</p><p>“What the fuck does that mean?” Hannah asked, now annoyed. “What the fuck would I be looking for?”</p><p>“You tell me.”</p><p>“I don’t have time for this bullshit,” Hannah said. She went right past Justin, but he grabbed her by her arm.</p><p>“You’re not that innocent, Hannah, I don’t give a shit what he says,” Justin muttered in her ear.</p><p>Hannah did not know and did not care what this dramatically cryptic sentence meant. She shook her arm free from his hand. Her voice dripped with vicious fury as she warned, “Justin Foley. If you touch me like that again, you’re gonna lose your fucking hand.”</p><p>Hannah stormed away. She was furious, but her face was flat. Her rage was prominent in her voice, but not in her face. In fact, her face was practically unemotional. Nothing really showed. Even when her tear slid down her face, her face remained frozen and stoic.</p><p>She stormed past Mr. Porter, one of the school counselors, or more accurately the glorified hall monitors, on her way to her class. She didn’t even remember what her class’s name was. She just remembered the room number, and autopiloted her way to it, sliding into a chair and letting the class slip by her. However, Ms. Bradley was still one of the more empathetic teachers here at Liberty. Hannah at least gave her some of her attention.</p><p>Her main focus was on the empty desk close to her. It was once Clay’s.</p><p>“There are a number of ways to get help if you need it, or if a friend does. And all of this information is on the board outside of my room, and outside of the main office. It’s on the Liberty High homepage—”</p><p>A boy interrupted her. “Ms. Bradley, is it possible we could be done with all this? It’s been over a week. Isn’t it healthy to…like, move on?”</p><p>The entire class was in an uproar, angry and disgusted with him.</p><p>“Seriously, it’s tragic. I don’t want to keep being reminded of it. It’s depressing!” the kid yelled.</p><p>Hannah gave Ms. Bradley credit for keeping the class in order. “We’re never done with it, Mr. Pratters. Which is why it’s important to know the signs that someone you care for might need your help. Are they withdrawing from friends and family? Is there a change in their appearance?”</p><p>That last question…there was an answer to that with Clay. The last time she had seen him in that empty desk, there was something different about him. The pictures on the locker were of a clean-cut boy in a nice long sleeve shirt. The boy she had seen, just days before he died, was of a much more unkempt boy. His clothes were ruffled, his pants damaged, and his hair shaved to a buzzcut.</p><p>But he was still that nice boy in her eyes. Still attractive, just different. And she had noticed the difference, but just thought that was Clay going through a little change. Not once did she realize that the change in appearance was for a far more sinister reason.</p><p>And then she heard her name.</p><p>“Hannah?”</p><p>She didn’t look at Ms. Bradley. “What?”</p><p>“Are you with us?” The class found Ms. Bradley’s question funny.</p><p>Hannah still didn’t look at her. “No. I’m not with you.” She picked up her backpack and walked out. That sucked out any humor from the room. Everyone was surprised by her odd behavior.</p><p>“Ms. Baker,” the teacher called.</p><p>“I’ll get her. I’ll get her,” said another girl. She was dark-skinned with curly hair. She ran out after Hannah, finding her walking to the girl’s bathroom. Just as she stepped out, the girl noticed Mr. Porter standing at Clay’s locker.</p><p>Clay’s parents were with him. Lainie Jensen, a lawyer. Matt Jensen, an author. A week after Clay’s death, the two of them appeared to have accepted their son’s death.</p><p>“This is everything in here?” Lainie asked Mr. Porter.</p><p>“Yes. We can go through the rest in my office. That way I can return the textbook,” the counselor answered.</p><p>“We need everything,” Lainie said firmly.</p><p>Matt saw the dark-skinned girl looking at them. “Hi, Sheri.”</p><p>“Hi, Mr. Jensen.” Sheri kept a smile, but it was clearly forced. She followed Hannah into the bathroom, finding her taking a red penny length tablet from a translucent brown bottle that had its label removed. Hannah was visibly discomforted, rubbing her breasts.</p><p>“What happened in there?” Sheri asked.</p><p>“Sheri…I can’t just keep pretending things are fine.” The stoic face was cracking now that she was alone. Her voice broke a little bit, and she took a moment to recover her dull emotionless expression. She put away her bottle of tablets.</p><p>“Hannah…do you really want to go through with this? This is not some decision you can make on a whim,” Sheri said.</p><p>“I know. Believe me, I know. And I’m not taking it lightly,” Hannah reassured Shuri.</p><p>“Are you gonna tell them?”</p><p>Hannah glanced at her. “I will…”</p><p>“You can’t put this off forever.”</p><p>“I’ll tell them, Sheri.”</p><p>The girl sighed. She hugged Hannah. “If you ever need anything, just come to me.”</p><p>“Thank you.”</p>
<hr/><p>The two girls left the restroom to return to class. They met two faces in the hall. Both familiar. The first person was holding a camera, and he was visibly awkward, being very contained and appearing to retreat into himself.</p><p>“Uh, hi Hannah,” he said awkwardly.</p><p>“Hello, Tyler,” she said flatly.</p><p>The tense Tyler quickly left.</p><p>The other face was someone tall and clean. Slender like Tyler, but visibly athletic underneath his clothes. His features were contrastingly soft for the fact that he was clearly one of the jocks here at Liberty High.</p><p>“Hi, Sheri.”</p><p>“Hello, Charlie.”</p><p>“Are you okay?” he asked her with tenderness. “I know you were close with Clay, weren’t you?”</p><p>Sheri nodded. “I’m fine.”</p><p>“Are you sure? Cause if you wanna talk or something, you can.”</p><p>She touched his shoulder. “I’m alright. And thanks for the offer.”</p><p>Charlie glanced at Hannah. “You’re…Hannah Baker, right?”</p><p>“The one and only.”</p><p>“I…I’ve heard the rumors. And I want you to know that I’ve never once believed them. And even if they are true, I wouldn’t think anything less of you,” Charlie said very softly and gently.</p><p>His voice as so gentle and soft, his words…so odd that she wasn’t sure what to make of it. “Ummm…Thanks…”</p><p>“I gotta go. See you later, guys?” Charlie walked away with a bright smile…and it was a little bit uncomfortable to Hannah. Sheri gave him a very slight head shake.</p><p>“Uh…that was weird,” Hannah muttered. She looked at Charlie with a very suspicious eye..</p><p>“He might be a bit awkward, but he really means well,” Sheri told her.</p><p>Hannah nodded awkwardly, still not knowing what to think about this Charlie figure. That being said, he was among the only athletes in the school that <em>didn’t</em> disrespectfully ogle her, make her feel like a piece of meat when he looked at her.</p><p>“Let’s just go back to class, and I’ll give you a ride home after school. Okay?”</p><p>Hannah nodded. She hugged her friend, holding her close to her. Another person walked by. Another jock, one that was wearing his varsity jacket. He was talking on his phone with someone. He gave Hannah a smug and smirk…she wasn’t receptive to it, openly wincing at him with disgust.</p>
<hr/><p>The rest of the school day melted away from Hannah, slowly dragging by. How is this possible? Time isn’t a physical concept that can move faster or slower. It always moves at the same speed. And yet, perception slows it or accelerates it.</p><p>Her feet dragged her across the pavement. She felt almost, empty, soulless. Every month, every week she spent in Liberty High was slowly killing her. She just didn’t know that she wasn’t the only one suffering said fate.</p><p>A young Latino boy approached her. “Hannah?”</p><p>Hannah by this point had completely regained her front of being stoic. “Hi, Tony.”</p><p>“Hey. How’ve you been?” he asked her. She embraced him. “You’ve been on my mind.”</p><p>“Have I?” Hannah asked. Tony was one of the few people who was decent to Hannah in this school. One of the few men who looked tough and didn’t ogle her.</p><p>“Yeah…I just…We all need to be there for each other at a time like this,” Tony said gently.</p><p>Hannah nodded.</p><p>“Clay was my friend for a long time…I don’t know how I didn’t see it coming.” Tony’s voice dripped with guilt, and it looked like he was holding back tears. “I’m still trying to make sense of it.”</p><p>“You’re not the only one. But I guess…some things just don’t make sense,” Hannah said.</p><p>“I guess some things don’t have simple explanations. Look, I’ll see you around, Hannah.”</p><p>He walked away. Hannah smiled. She was happy that they got to talk. She looked around and found Sheri at her car, a classic lime-green convertible Cadillac. Hannah thought it was a little bit funny, seeing at how two people who were close to Clay Jensen also preferred old classic cars to new ones.</p><p>Hannah got in the car with Sheri.</p><p>“You didn’t drive today?” she asked Hannah.</p><p>“No. Mom wanted to drive me and talk. You know, the usual.”</p><p>Sheri nodded. She took out a cassette. “Can I play you a tape?”</p><p>“Yeah, sure. I bet that tape’s older than we are,” Hannah joked.</p><p>Sheri laughed. “No. I think this one’s only…fifteen years old. Maybe sixteen.” She slid the tape into the player.</p><p>Hannah didn’t pay much attention to the song playing. Instead, she lowered the window and let the wind into the car, and she breathed in the stale Evergreen, California air. They passed by the theater that bore the town’s name…and she remembered one of the first days she met Clay.</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>Before</em>
</p><p>Clay stood with a huge piece of paper with TRAINEE written on it. He was with Hannah, who showed him some of the ropes of the job. She pumped the liquid butter from the dispenser into a bucket of popcorn.</p><p>He wore the clean uniform for Crestmont workers. The black bowtie, the white button-down shirt (or blouse), and the dark maroon vest.</p><p>“Like so,” she said. She handed the bucket to Clay. “If they ask you if it’s real butter, you say?”</p><p>“It’s a butter-based product,” Clay said stilted.</p><p>“And smile when you say it. I know, it’s <em>so</em> terrifying, but it sells the big lie.” She winked at him. “And a little trade secret: if they’re cute, only put butter on top so that they have to come back for more during the movie.”</p><p>“Uh…why?” Clay asked obliviously.</p><p>“So you can chat with them,” Hannah said. She thought it was kind of obvious.</p><p>“Chat isn’t really my thing.”</p><p>Hannah smiled. “I like it. We’ll get along, just as long as you remember I was here three weeks before you, and that gives me seniority, hence why I’m training you. And that’s fucking crazy, because I just moved here two months ago, and I literally have no idea what I’m doing.”</p><p>“I think it’s going well,” Clay complimented.</p><p>Hannah grinned at him with gratitude. “Do you like it here?”</p><p>“At the Crestmont? I think…the smells are fascinating,” Clay answered sarcastically.</p><p>She laughed. “I meant Evergreen. What’s it like here in town?”</p><p>“Oh…I…uh—I don’t have anything to compare it to. I’ve lived here my whole life. It’s like asking Han Solo ‘how is space?’.”</p><p>Hannah giggled. “Uh oh, we have an actual nerd in here. Nerds are cool.”</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>After</em>
</p><p>Sheri dropped Hannah off at her home. She waltzed up to her front door, finding two packages with her name written on them. She brought them into her house. Inside of one was an old Walkman. It looked like the kind Sheri had…except Hannah remembered seeing it in the backseat of her car, so this clearly wasn’t hers. Inside the other was a shoebox with layers of bubble wrap. Behind the saran wrap was a physical map of the town with red stars all over it. And below that were a bunch of numbered tapes. 13 of them.</p><p>“What the hell? I mean—what the hell—who the fuck sent me these?” Hannah instantly figured it out. “Ugh…Sheri. What’s this, a playlist of your favorite ancient hit songs? Baker’s Dozen…that does sound like a decent name for a music album.”</p><p>These Walkman cassette players…too bad they’re not like iPhones. They don’t have speakers of their own, or at least this one didn’t look like it.</p><p>“Where are my headphones?” Hannah muttered to herself. She dug around and found her Beats headphones in her bedroom. She relaxed into the bed, placed the tape that was labelled “1”, and pressed play.</p><p>
  <em>“Hey. It’s Clay. Clay Jensen.”</em>
</p><p>Hannah shot upright. She paused the tape and rewound it.</p><p>
  <em>“Hey. It’s Clay. Clay Jensen.”</em>
</p><p>“Fuck…oh fuck…Clay?”</p><p>
  <em>“That’s right. Don’t adjust your—whatever device you’re hearing this on. It’s me. Live and in stereo. No return engagements, no encore, and this time, I have no requests. Get a snack and settle in. You’re about to learn the story of my life. Specifically, why my life ended. And if you’re listening to this tape, you’re one of the reasons why.” </em>
</p><p>“What…what the fuck? No…What did I do?” Hannah rapidly muttered. She was sweating and almost crying hearing this.</p><p>
  <em>“I’m not saying which tape brings you into this story. Don’t fret, if you have this little box, your name will pop up sooner or later. I can promise you that. Before you pause this, and throw the box away, know that I have some rules.”</em>
</p><p>Hannah heard through her headphones a car door closing outside. She hastily paused the tape and went straight to the bathroom. She splashed water on her face and towel-dried herself to hide her tears. She placed the box of tapes into her backpack, along with the Walkman. She left the house just as her father came home from the pharmacy they owned.</p><p>“Hey, sweetie,” he said. “Where are you going?”</p><p>“Hi. Dad. I’m going over to Sheri’s. We have some homework that we want to work on together. It’s not easy over the phone.”</p><p>Her father’s smile faded. “Hannah, school emailed again today.”</p><p>That just figured. “I didn’t—I didn’t know him that well, Dad.”</p><p>“But you worked with him at the Crestmont. You worked with him for almost a year. You didn’t know him well?”</p><p>Hannah shook her head. “I gotta go.”</p><p>“Hannah.” Her father touched her shoulder. “It’s just homework.”</p><p>She lightly nodded. She walked away, once again holding her breasts with visible discomfort. She kept going in the direction of Sheri’s house until she wasn’t on her block anymore. She went to a hill overlooking the suspension Hickman's Bridge, sitting on the bench there. The wind blew he hair behind her, chilling her. Part of her wondered…</p><p>“Is that you Clay?” she whispered.</p><p>She pressed play.</p><p>
  <em>“The rules are simple, and there’s just two of them. First, you listen. Second, pass it on. I hope neither one will be easy. It’s not supposed to be, because if it was, I would have emailed you an MP3. When you’re done listening to every side of this story, rewind the tapes, put them back in the box, and pass them onto the next person. And if you’re the last…then you can take these tapes straight to fucking hell. Who knows? Maybe I’ll see you there.</em>
</p><p>“Clay…” Hannah had never heard Clay’s voice carrying such…anger and contempt before. She barely recognized the voice behind this tape.</p><p>
  <em>“Oh yeah, and there should be a map in the box. I’ll be mentioning several spots around this lovely town. You don’t have to visit them, and I can’t force you. But if you want some more insight, head for the stars. Or you can just throw away the map and this box of tapes, and I’ll never know…or will I?”</em>
</p><p>Hannah’s heart nearly stopped.</p><p>
  <em>“You see, I have the upper hand on you. All of you. And if you’re tempted to break the rules, know that you’re being watched.”</em>
</p><p>She nearly threw up. She looked around frantically, terrified that someone was watching her.</p><p>
  <em>“This isn’t the only set of tapes. Know that I made a copy of these, and I left them with a trusted individual. Said individual will release these tapes in a very public manner should you break the rules. This wasn’t an impulse, it wasn’t a spur of the moment decision. Don’t take me for granted, and don’t underestimate me, not again.”</em>
</p><p>“I never did…” Hannah said, her voice quivering.</p><p>
  <em>“Alright. Enough with the fucking dramatics. Let’s get down to business. Go get the map. Put your finger on ‘D’, and your other finger on ‘4’. That’s our first red star. Head there.” </em>
</p><p>Hannah paused the tape. She didn’t have a car, or a bike, or anything. And she wasn’t about to go off and waste money on Uber. She found her spot on the map and walked the distance to the spot.</p><p>She made it to the spot marked by the first red star. This was someone’s home, and it was a relatively run-down home. Where underprivileged, mostly minorities, were condemned for no other crime other than being less fortunate than other humans.</p><p>“My old house.”</p><p>
  <em>“Welcome to our first red star. It’s kind of weird, right? A map. Old school, again. No Google Maps, no apps, no chance for the online world to make everything worse like it always does. Anyways, welcome to the house where I went to my first party since I was in fourth grade.” </em>
</p><p>“And the only party I ever threw,” Hannah mumbled.</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>Before</em>
</p><p>Clay rode his bike to his job at the Crestmont, just like he did the first day he came here. While he secured his bike, Hannah came outside.</p><p>“Love the helmet. It’s adorable,” she commented, smiling. Half-sarcastic, half-serious.</p><p>Clay smiled at her. “You mean ‘adorable’ in a helpless wild baby animal, I’m guessing.”</p><p>“Aren’t you afraid of helmet hair?” Hannah joked. She stroked his short, side-swept hair.</p><p>“My hair…just sits there. Doesn’t matter what.”</p><p>“Eh, you just need some product. Maybe blow-dry it in the morning.”</p><p>Clay smirked. “And sacrifice what’s left of my masculinity?”</p><p>“That ship has sailed, don’t you think?” She glanced down at his outfit…which was the same as hers. This stuff didn’t have any style, at least in her eyes. She also eyed the black helmet.</p><p>“Forgive me for wanting to keep my brains inside my head,” Clay continued the joke.</p><p>“Instead of other regions like most boys?” Hannah commented, still smiling. “Anyways, let’s go Helmet. You’ve got bathrooms to clean.”</p><p>“You mean <em>we</em> have bathrooms to clean.”</p><p>Hannah shook her head. “Nope. And there is a party at my house tonight. Mandatory attendance, you’re invited, and don’t bring the helmet.”</p><p>Clay checked his hair in the reflection of the glass. He glanced at Hannah, and she was still looking at him with the sheepishly adorable smile. Yeah, he was definitely attending the party that night.</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>“Say hello to our first tape, Justin Foley. That’s a name I feel like I’ve known all my life. I don’t actually remember when we first met, Justin. Maybe you do. Doesn’t matter now, does it? Whatever. It was just a party. One of many. Nothing too notable. I had no idea that it was the beginning of the end. Justin. You were in love with two people in my life, people I considered friends. The important one here is Kat.” </em>
</p><p>The house was bustling. And there were a lot of people rustling around the house, doing what naïve and experimenting teenagers do. Underage drinking and a lot of kissing. A bit dangerous maybe.</p><p>Regardless, Clay Jensen showed up on his bike, helmet and all. He had a blue button-down shirt and some tan slacks. He hesitantly walked up into the house. No one except for two people gave him any attention.</p><p>“He came! Clay’s here!” shouted Kat, the long-haired blonde girl. She came running down the stairs with Hannah.</p><p>The latter said, “I win! You owe me five dollars.”</p><p>Clay, with a bright smile on his face, was surprised. “You guys bet on me?”</p><p>“Against you,” Kat said. “Cause the last party I saw you at…was my…birthday. In the fourth grade.”</p><p>He laughed. “I still remember the clown.”</p><p>Kat nearly choked on her drink. “Oh my God. He was a heroin addict. My mom, the social worker, hired a recovering heroin addict. He had the shakes! Okay, now for the drinks.”</p><p>Hannah and Clay were left there, shocked by what she just said. He told her, “I just thought he was nervous.”</p><p>They followed Kat into the kitchen. There were a lot of people here, all of them with red cups. And many of them were addressing Kat.</p><p>Clay snarked, “This is quite a turnout. People are happy to see you go.”</p><p>“I really just threw it so Hannah could meet some people before I finally depart this realm,” Kat said with excessive arm movements.</p><p>“I met Helmet,” Hannah pointed out.</p><p>“Clay doesn’t count. You met him at work.”</p><p>Clay chimed in. “I feel like that should count.”</p><p>“And of course you do.” Kat glared at Clay. “What are you having to drink?”</p><p>“Sprite.”</p><p>Kat shook her head. “You’re adorable, and you’re getting a beer.”</p><p>She walked away to get him a drink. However, Tyler stopped her, holding his camera. She posed between Clay and Hannah to snap a picture of them. With that, Kat went off…and there was a long moment of silence between the two remaining teenagers.</p><p>“Stop having so much fun, Clay,” Hannah dryly remarked.</p><p>“I’m…totally having fun. Whoo!”</p><p>Hannah chuckled. “And…you’re too buttoned up.” She undid a second button on his shirt. For a moment he kept it like that, but quickly buttoned it back up.</p><p>And in that instant, another soul appeared. The same guy who smirked at Hannah in the halls, after Clay’s death. He waltzed up to Hannah with the same smugness as in the halls.</p><p>“Hi. You’re the new girl, right?”</p><p>“Hello…and yes that seems to be the word about me,” Hannah responded. She was warmer and kinder to him, giving him an appreciative eye.</p><p>“I like your laugh,” he complimented.</p><p>“Thank you. And I like you’re very understated sense of fashion.”</p><p>“Bryce!” Kat came running…literally, once she saw this. “Go hit the keg and catch up. You’re over an hour behind.” Her voice was suddenly stilted, and she looked nervously between him and Hannah.</p><p>“I’ll see you later, I hope.” Bryce walked away, and Hannah kept her eye on him. Seemed kind enough. “See you Clay. Happy to see you here at one of these for a change.”</p><p>“Oh God…Hannah…no. Solid no,” Kat said firmly. “He is…frat boy Darth Vader…minus the awesomeness and badass voice.”</p><p>“He didn’t seem that bad,” Hannah commented.</p><p>“<em>I</em> was being kind to him,” Kat said.</p><p>“She was,” Clay agreed.</p><p>And Hannah officially felt like she was being tag teamed. “I’m gonna grab a beer too.”</p><p>“Okay, Princess Leia,” Kat said.</p><p>Hannah glanced between her and Clay repeatedly. “You’re both nerds!” She walked away to get herself a drink.</p><p>And Kat milked every moment she had alone with Clay for what it was worth. “Are you gonna tell her?” She smiled at him knowingly.</p><p>“Tell her what?”</p><p>“Seriously? I’ve known you this whole century, you’re gonna try to get something past me?” Kat commented.</p><p>He sighed. “Gimme a break. You know I’m not good with this. And the gay rumors only recently subsided.”</p><p>“Which means the stakes are high for you,” Kat said.</p><p>“Around her…it feels like I can be different. I’m the new Clay Jensen, the high school sophomore adventure archaeologist.”</p><p>“And she’s the Lara Croft to your Nathan Drake.” Kat looked straight into his eyes, placing a friendly hand on his shoulders, all complete with a smirk. “Clay…sweetie…you are a prize. But from my very limited observation, she has horrible taste in guys.”</p><p>“Are you gonna tell her anything?” Clay asked.</p><p>“Only if she asks me.”</p><p>Kat abandoned the awkward Clay to be alone.</p><p>“Ugh…God…” He softly facepalmed himself and went outside to gather his thoughts. He relaxed into one of the chairs on the porch. He was only there alone for a few minutes when Kat and Hannah came outside looking for him.</p><p>He was relieved when they didn’t push the obvious crush he had on her any further. Further helped when two guys ended up wrestling on the lawn, being sprayed to hell and back by the lawn sprinklers. Justin was one of them, and the other was a larger Asian kid.</p><p>Kat laughed. “Meet the boys!” She looked at Hannah. “Justin Foley for me, and Zach Dempsey for you.”</p><p>Clay scoffed. “Zach Dempsey? Seriously.”</p><p>“What? He’s sweet,” Kat said…only to get another look at them wrestling around getting soaked. “Alright, I admit, he’s kind of dumb, but he’s the sweet kind of dumb. The best kind.”</p><p>She walked out clapping. “Yes! The star athletes of Liberty High, ladies and gentlemen. So impressive. And I’m so sorry boys. Can’t have you in Hannah’s house soaking wet.”</p><p>“Seriously?” Justin said.</p><p>“God Almighty. Look at yourselves!” she yelled.</p><p>Justin took off his shirt. “Better?”</p><p>“Improvement,” Kat said nodding. “But still a no-go.”</p><p>“It’s not a party without us,” Zach said.</p><p>“We’ll take our chances. Go dry off, you two,” Kat commanded.</p><p>“Your loss, milady,” Justin said with a faux British accent.</p><p>“Idiots…I can’t…”</p><p>“But they’re sweet idiots,” Clay commented.</p><p>He went inside and into the basement. He happened to notice something down here, something that may just help out. There were some towels, but more importantly, there was a cordless leaf blower.</p><p>
  <em>“And that’s where the trouble started. With a fucking leaf blower.”</em>
</p><p>Clay brought the blower and a couple of towels upstairs and outside. He found Justin down and across the street trying to dry off. He approached him, finding him undressed to his underwear. And Justin wasn’t even ashamed or hiding when Clay approached.</p><p>
  <em>“I walked up to you Justin, and I found you undressed. Did you guys think something else happened? Sorry to disappoint you, but all I did was give him a towel. I know it’s not as interesting as what I know what you all think I am, what everyone says about me: Clay Jensen is a slutty faggot. Oops, did you catch that? I just said ‘Clay Jensen is…’ Can’t say that anymore.”</em>
</p><p>“Hey! I got you something!”</p><p>Justin was elated. “Oh, God. Thanks, man.” Clay tossed him one of the towels.</p><p>“Where’s Zach?”</p><p>“I…uhh…I don’t know…He was ahead of me.” As Justin dried off, he pulled his phone out of his pocket…and it was ruined from the water. “Oh, fuck me… Clay, can I use your phone for a moment?”</p><p>“Uh, sure.” Clay unlocked and handed Justin his phone.</p><p>“I’ll call him, see where he is,” Justin said. “Try the other side of the street.”</p><p>Clay nodded. As he left, Justin smirked mischievously. He snuck around the cars with Clay’s camera phone on, filming a video. He snuck around, and then gave Zach a jump scare…and Zach was butt naked hiding between two trucks.</p><p>“Holy fuck, man! What are you doing?!” Zach immediately covered his junk.</p><p>“Calm down, man. It’s too damn dark to see,” Justin reassured him. He showed the still-undressed Zach the video. The video was very dark, though the silhouettes and Zach’s voice made it clear what happened. “See, man. Nothing to it.”</p><p>“Is that even your phone?” Zach asked.</p><p>Justin didn’t answer. Instead, he found Clay’s contacts, all his phone numbers, and sent a cropped version of the video he took of Zach to everyone in the contact list, all complete with a mischievous smile.</p><p>“Hey! Clay! He’s over here!” He waved the phone’s flashlight around to signal Clay. He came running with the other towel, and Clay was equally shocked with seeing Zach butt ass naked.</p><p>“Jesus…I…here…” Clay averted his eyes and tossed him a towel. “And this is to try and dry off your clothes.</p><p>“Thanks man,” Zach said.</p><p>They both dried off, and then Clay used the leaf blower to try and dry off their clothes as best as they could, all so that the two athletes could enjoy a nice party.</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>“The one and only Kat moved away right before school started. She was the kind of friend you could never replace, not even by making friends with the people she left behind. That included you Justin. And if I’m being honest, that was the only notable thing about you. You were Kat’s boyfriend. And you were also my kryptonite. And the funny thing is, the die was already cast. Everything had already started, and it started that very night, even before I tried to be your friend. But I didn’t know it then.”</em>
</p><p>Clay passed some time in the library studying. He wasn’t aware of what people were doing around him. Several of them were all looking at him weird, but he wasn’t even paying any mind to it. He was there engrossed in his textbooks and homework when Justin joined him.</p><p>“Room for one more?” he asked.</p><p>“Uh, yeah sure.” Clay moved his stuff out of the way for him. Justin sat down with him.</p><p>“Thanks for the other night. You really got us out of a hard place,” Justin said.</p><p>“Eh. It was nothing. Hannah chewed me out for dirtying two good towels…and for taking her parents’ leaf blower without telling her first,” Clay said.</p><p>“You didn’t ask her?”</p><p>Clay shook his head.</p><p>“You’re good at Math, right?” Justin asked.</p><p>Clay nodded. “Want some help?”</p><p>Justin nodded. He sat down with him and opened up his book to the homework he was assigned. They started working together, with Clay helping Justin on the problems with which he needed some help.</p><p>
  <em>“It helped that I was a class ahead of you, Justin. First the party, and then you asked me for help, I thought everything was on an upward trajectory. Freshman year was gone, and it was time for a new and better period. Of course, I didn’t realize that I was actually in the calm before the storm. And you were the beginning of that storm, Justin.”</em>
</p><p>Over the next few days, even up to a week, Clay and Justin continued to work together on homework in the library. Eventually, this extended beyond just the library, and went into some time where Justin would call Clay when he was at home, and they’d work on homework over the phone.</p><p>
  <em>“When you repeatedly help someone with homework, you get close. How close do you ask? Do you think I tried to flirt with him? Sorry to disappoint you again. Never happened. All I did was help him with homework. The only relationship upgrade I wanted was to be more than just a homework buddy. I thought we could be close friends.” </em>
</p><p>Clay walked the halls of his school to his locker. It was only then that he saw all the looks…and heard the mutters of the word “faggot” and “pervert” being whispered by other guys around him. He looked around curiously, and then sighed in annoyance. Looked like the rumors hadn’t faded just yet.</p><p>And then he got a notification on his phone. It showed the video that Justin had taken of Zach that was sent everywhere from his phone. Close by to him, Justin was standing at his own locker. Clay glared at him from the side, furious, and now realizing what he did.</p><p>
  <em>“I never took that video, and yet I found it on my phone. The thing is, I could have chalked it up to just thoughtlessness, but you cropped the video, Justin. You took out the part of the video where it was clear that you were the person holding the phone. I wonder if you were the gay guy in the closet, and you just did something to save yourself.”</em>
</p><p>Zach charged right past Clay and right to Justin, furious. He shoved his phone in Justin’s face, showing him the video that was sent to his chat. “Dude, what the fuck?”</p><p>“Calm down, man. It’s just a little prank video, a little laugh. And think of it like this man, you’re gonna get a lot of chicks from this,” Justin said defensively.</p><p>“Dude, that’s more than fucked up! Who does that?!”</p><p>
  <em>“Ask anyone that question, they all give you the same answer. Clay Jensen. Everyone treated me like I was a legitimate pervert, like a voyeur. You know, I heard so many stories about me, that I have no idea which one is the most popular. I know that the least popular is the truth. The truth is bland, boring, there’s no drama to be had. But I’m going to expose the truth to every last one of you.”</em>
</p><p>Justin’s grin slipped from him, and Zach’s anger only grew. “I’m sorry man. I wasn’t even thinking.”</p><p>“Yeah, well, sorry’s not gonna fucking take down this video, is it?” Zach said. He angrily stormed off. Justin followed him.</p><p>“Look, Zach. What can I do to make it up to you?”</p><p>Zach only glared daggers back at him.</p><p>
  <em>“Clearly, Justin, somehow you did make it up to him. It was barely into the next week when you two shoulder-to-shoulder again. Friends are complicated, I guess. I would find out the hard way, as you’ll learn.”</em>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>After</em>
</p><p>It was the dead of night at this point. Hannah was sitting on the side of the road, a short distance away from Liberty High School. She was rubbing her aching feet and legs, wincing in pain after walking so much.</p><p>She was so engrossed in hearing Clay’s voice, listening to those little stumbles he made, even now. She closed her eyes, wishing the voice was real, that she had just walked in on him recording the tapes.</p><p>She didn’t notice someone approaching her on foot, at least until this person touched her shoulder, startling her to hell and back. She stumbled over, getting a look at the individual’s face. It was just Sheri.</p><p>“Jesus Christ! Fuck!” Hannah yelled. “Why would you sneak up on me like that?”</p><p>“I called your name, like, three times, Hannah,” Sheri said. She helped Hannah to her feet. “Are you okay?”</p><p>“I’m fine,” Hannah instinctively lied. “Just a little sore.”</p><p>“You’ve been walking around all day?” she asked. “Come on, I’ll take you home.”</p><p>Hannah nodded, not in the mood to do any more walking than she needed. She followed Sheri to her parked car some distance away. She was surprised to find Charlie sitting in the front passenger seat.</p><p>“What’s he doing here?” Hannah asked, suspicious.</p><p>“Hannah. I’m a cheerleader, he’s an athlete. We stay at school way longer than you do. I give him rides on occasion,” Sheri answered.</p><p>Hannah got in the backseat and buckled up. “Hello Charlie.”</p><p>“Hi, Hannah,” he said politely. He flashed her a smile. Hannah was sure by now that the smile and his attitude was real…but there was something…off. Something felt weird. “Have you been walking all day?”</p><p>“Yeah,” Hannah said. “My legs fucking hurt. And my feet.”</p><p>“Wait until tomorrow,” Charlie joked.</p><p>“Yeah…I think we all learned that tomorrow is not guaranteed anymore,” Hannah remarked flatly.</p><p>That immediately took away Charlie’s smile. “Right.” Hannah felt a twinge of discomfort for taking away that smile. She liked seeing that smile. Unlike so many others, especially from so many of the men in her life, it was a soft one, like real joy and humor. Nothing lecherous, nothing predatory. Just sweet.</p><p>Sheri didn’t press any further for more conversation. She just started up the car and drove off. Hannah was sleepy, relaxing as Sheri drove at a brisk pace. She went to Hannah’s house first.</p><p>“Thanks, guys.”</p><p>“Hannah?” Sheri said before Hannah got a chance to get far from the car. “Why were you at the school so late?”</p><p>“No reason. I was just walking around,” Hannah lied.</p><p>“Means you’re almost ready for side two,” Charlie said.</p><p>She froze. At first, she just believed she hallucinated him saying that. Auditory hallucinations can and do happen. The voices in the head. But she knew it, she knew that sentence was real. She turned to face them both.</p><p>“Take care of yourself, Hannah,” Sheri said. She drove off with Charlie in the passengers, and he kept his eye on her as they left her in the safety of her house. She was left there stunned, completely in shock. She went into her home, and into the safety of her bedroom. While she was lying down, she was far from tired. All she wanted to do was listen to Clay’s tape. And so she did, placing her headphones on and pressing play.</p><p>
  <em>“Justin. Let me make it clear that I believed what brief friendship we had was real. I don’t believe you were faking it. I kind of liked having someone to help study. It gave me something to do other than just go to class and back.”</em>
</p><p>As she laid down, she pulled something from inside of her pillow. It was a picture that she looked at and touched tenderly. She hid it away as quickly as she took it out.</p>
<hr/><p>The next morning, and Hannah went to school with little makeup and little sleep. In her car, she took out that bottle of tablets and took another one, swigging it down with a large amount of water. She hid the tablet inside of the console instead of her backpack.</p><p>She walked into school, keeping to herself and wearing a hoodie that was too big for her. She walked down the hall, right past two familiar faces. Justin and Zach.</p><p>“Porter wants to see me about Clay,” Justin said.</p><p>“Probably about this fucking lawsuit,” Zach responded. He was the first to notice Hannah walking by. He alerted Justin to her presence, and she didn’t give any fucks that they knew she was right there. She glared right at them both.</p><p>She stopped right in the hall. She chose to confront the first of her demons, as she and Justin had history together too, and it was just as messy as Justin’s history with Clay. She approached them both.</p><p>“So…sending an inappropriate picture of me wasn’t enough, was it? You just had to go and send one of Zach around,” Hannah said with false politeness.</p><p>“Fuck off, Hannah,” Justin quipped.</p><p>“No. Yesterday, you sounded crazy. Telling me I’m not that innocent. Now I know what you mean.” She looked at Zach. “And judging from your lack of surprise, I’m guessing you have a tape, too, Zach.”</p><p>Justin and Zach glared at her, looking around concerned. “Stay quiet,” Zach told her.</p><p>“Have fun trying to make me. Let me make one thing clear, whatever name I hear on the tape, I’m coming for them. I want them all to know that, I want you to warn them that I will come for them,” Hannah threatened. Justin and Zach glared at her hatefully, and her only response was to smile at them.</p><p>She walked away with that same malevolent smile on her face, more than happy to let them in on what she knew right now. She was a naïve student here once, but now, she had the trump card on Justin, and 12 other people, including Zach Dempsey. She was looking forward to reclaiming power that she had lost for so long in the past year.</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>Before</em>
</p><p>Clay walked through the halls, sulking as people continued to look at him with a mixture of disgust and laughter. All of which made him want to shrink away into nothing. He made it to the marginally safer area of Ms. Bradley’s communications class.</p><p>He sat down, refusing to look at anybody. Hannah came in here, quite the opposite. She was vibrant, full of life and with a real joyful grin. She had eyes only for Justin Foley when he entered the room.</p><p>And then phones around the room went off.</p><p>“Oh my God! Seriously, Justin? Why would you send that?” said one girl.</p><p>Justin’s only response was to shrug.</p><p>More and more phones went off across the room. Hannah eventually noticed a picture on somebody’s phone. It was of her going down the slide at Eisenhower park. It was the date she had the previous night with Justin, where she had her very first kiss.</p><p>She saw how the picture looked. It was right up her skirt, and it looked…bad. Made it look like she was about to tear off her underwear and flash the person taking a picture. She immediately turned sullen, wanting to hide behind her long hair…and her expressions was barely different from Clay’s.</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>After</em>
</p><p>Hannah remembered that helplessness. And all she wanted was to reclaim the power that had been taken from her, that Justin specifically took from her. However, none of that would bring Clay back to life, and Hannah knew it. A powerful guilt pulsated within her body.</p><p>
  <em>“It’s what came after our brief friendship that ruined everything. And I’m not exaggerating. You’ll find out soon enough.”</em>
</p><p>Later on, Hannah found Sheri sitting with other cheerleaders during lunch.</p><p>“Sheri,” Hannah called.</p><p>The girl turned to her friends. “I’ll be right back.” She walked away with Hannah to the doors leading to the outdoor eating area. “Hey, Hannah.”</p><p>“How do you and Charlie fit into all of this?” Hannah asked her bluntly, without any emotion.</p><p>“We’re not on the tapes, if that’s what you’re asking,” Sheri said.</p><p>“That still doesn’t answer my question. Tell me that you didn’t help him do it,” Hannah said.</p><p>Sheri was horrified. “Absolutely not.”</p><p>“Good. Because I should let you know that there’s going to be a lot of chaos around here now,” Hannah warned her.</p><p>Sheri looked at her in horror as she walked away, and Sheri was too stunned to say anything. She immediately got out her phone and texted Charlie.</p><p>
  <em>Charlie…red alert. Hannah’s on the warpath, just like you thought she would.</em>
</p><p>Hannah stormed out of the lunchroom right past the jocks. One of whom was Charlie. He read Sheri’s message and shook his head.</p><p>
  <em>Dammit. Look, meet up with me on the field after school. Let’s talk about this then.</em>
</p><p>Hannah abandoned all pretense of staying in lunch and headed straight for her next class to wait there for class to begin. However, along the way, she encountered somebody. Justin Foley, emerging from the front office, looking sweaty and bedraggled. The two shared a brief glance.</p><p>Hannah had every intention of living up to her threat.</p><p>
  <em>“You see…everyone has secrets. Some dark secrets. Just like you Justin. I’m not done with you yet. Stick around. Got a few more skeletons in the closet when it comes to you.” </em>
</p><p>And the rest of the school day faded away until Hannah returned home.</p><p>
  <em>“Turn the tape over for more.”</em>
</p><p>Hannah did exactly that. She listened to the next side, learned who the second target in her rampage would become. She still had Justin in her sights, but now she could expand her target range, and learn who was responsible for what.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Tape 1, Side B</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Clay makes friends with Jessica and Alex, two additional new students. Justin is absent from school, and Clay's crusading father finds something disturbing.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Hannah lay in her bed facing the ceiling. She looked to nothing specifically, only looking up. She listened to Clay’s voice. Her deadly stoic façade dropped, and she was visibly distressed, tears nearly falling. She kept one headphone off her ear to listen for her parents, should they come and see her like this.</p>
<p>As she heard his voice, she imagined some of the times that she had seen the cruelty of Liberty High…specifically the cruelties she endured, the same cruelties that blinded her to the suffering of Clay Jensen.</p>
<p>
  <em>“Welcome back. So glad you stuck around. Is this fun? I bet you’re asking, ‘Who’s next?’ and “Why?”. Is it you? What did you do? Why are you on these tapes?”</em>
</p>
<p>Hannah remembered walking through the halls of Liberty High, with boys like Zach Dempsey and others exaggeratingly worshipping Hannah from behind, acting like they were going to smack her butt. She turned around, distressed and visibly uncomfortable with them ogling her like that so much. To be made nothing more than a sex object in the eyes of men is the tragic fate of many girls and women in the world.</p>
<p>
  <em>“Maybe you did something cruel, or maybe you did nothing, or maybe you watched. Maybe you didn’t even know what you were doing. Maybe you should have done something. Well, too late.”</em>
</p>
<p>The very last time Hannah saw Clay alive was when he dropped off his uniform at the Crestmont theater. Hannah was shoveling popcorn into bags, and Clay walked up behind her, dropping his uniform on the counter. The sound of the drop got Hannah’s attention.</p>
<p>She ran outside after him, but failed to catch him in time.</p>
<p>“Dammit,” she mumbled. She rubbed her chest, wincing in discomfort.</p>
<p>
  <em>“Too late.” </em>
</p>
<p>One of the better moments in her life was a passionate moment with Clay. The two of them kissing and touching each other, him touching her in a way she had never been touched by anyone before.</p>
<p>
  <em>“You know what you did. After these tapes, you’ll never forget it. I never will. And in case you forgot…”</em>
</p>
<p>…</p>
<p>…</p>
<p>
  <em>“I’m still dead.”</em>
</p>
<hr/>
<p>Hannah lay in bed, still dressed in the clothes she wore yesterday. She was passed out on the bed with the Walkman right there on the bed with her. Her mother knocking on the door jolted her awake.</p>
<p>“Hannah? Sweetheart?” said her mother. “You’re going to be late. I’m making a big breakfast for us.”</p>
<p>“H…huh…what?” Hannah said groggily.</p>
<p>“Are you just waking up?”</p>
<p>Hannah regained her ability to think. “Yeah…Yeah, I just woke up.”</p>
<p>“Well, sweetheart, brush your teeth. Breakfast will be ready soon.”</p>
<p>“Since when do you make big breakfast?” Hannah asked, her voice still groggy.</p>
<p>The door opened. Hannah hurried to hide her Walkman under the blanket as Olivia entered the room. “You didn’t change last night?”</p>
<p>Hannah shook her head. “Did I say come in here?” she impulsively mumbled.</p>
<p>“Well, I just wanted to see you. Sorry,” her mother said.</p>
<p>“I’ll be right there, Mom.”</p>
<p>Olivia Baker closed the door and left. Hannah sat up and pulled out the picture from inside of her pillow. She held it close to her chest. She once again quickly hid it away and turned on the tape again.</p>
<p>
  <em>“Friendship is complicated. I already told you that. Don’t worry, you won’t go through it alone. That isn’t any fun. Believe me. I’ve been there. Now, it’s not always going to be easy. It might hurt a bit, or more than a bit. Don’t worry, we’ll get through this, you and me, together. And don’t forget, there are more of you.”</em>
</p>
<p>Hannah stopped the tape. She rubbed her chest in discomfort again and hopped into the shower, she got ready for the morning, still hearing Clay’s voice in her head. She cleaned the steam off the mirror…and she glared daggers into her own reflection, an expression of complete contempt.</p>
<p>She got dressed and headed to the dining room. Sure enough, there was a plate right there waiting for her…and something smelled <em>horrible</em> to her.</p>
<p>“God…what is that smell?” Hannah said, covering her nose.</p>
<p>Her parents smelled the air around them. “I don’t smell anything,” her father said.</p>
<p>“Neither do I,” said her mother.</p>
<p>“Something reeks…and I feel like I’m gonna throw up,” Hannah said. She looked around and realized that this nauseating stench was coming from the coffee that her parents were drinking. “Oh my God…that coffee smells terrible. What’s in it?”</p>
<p>“Nothing but the usual cream and sugar, sweetie,” her father joked. “Are you okay?”</p>
<p>“Yeah, I’m alright.” Hannah quickly sat down and started scarfing down all the food on her plate. The eggs, the Canadian bacon, and the toast.</p>
<p>“Whoa, slow down, sweetheart. You don’t wanna choke,” warned her mother.</p>
<p>Hannah covered her mouth. “I’m really hungry…and I really need to get away from the smell of that coffee. And anyways, since when do we do big breakfast spreads?”</p>
<p>Olivia sat up and smiled. “Well, Hannah. We’ve been busy with the pharmacy and trying to make ends meet. It’s been some time since we were together for dinner, but we’re all here early in the morning, so I figured we’d have family breakfast instead.”</p>
<p>“Well…thanks, Mom.” Hannah finished her meal and her orange juice. It was so fast and quick that her parents still hadn’t finished half of their food. They found their daughter’s hurry kind of funny. She needed to get out of there before she threw it all back up. “I gotta go.”</p>
<p>“Don’t forget your lunch!” her father yelled. Hannah ran back for her lunch bag and ran out the front door.</p>
<p>“Well…that was weird,” said Olivia.</p>
<p>Andy shrugged. “She’s probably stressed out from all this. Do you think maybe we should call a therapist for her?”</p>
<p>“She’s a child, Andy. Besides, she hasn’t shown any signs of my family problems,” Olivia reassured him. Andy nodded, but he was still a bit worried.</p>
<p>“She’s keeping secrets,” he mumbled.</p>
<p>Olivia shrugged. “She’s a teenager. I’d be more worried if she didn’t have any.”</p>
<p>Andy shook his head. He wasn’t so convinced that her secrets were exactly healthy.</p>
<hr/>
<p>Hannah walked to school today, unlike yesterday. Before she got close to school, she hid away, taking another tablet from her bottle. In her bag was also the Walkman with Tape 2.</p>
<p>
  <em>“You see, I know for a fact that one of the reasons you’re still listening is that you really wanna know who the others are. Who else is responsible for my death? Keep listening, and you’ll find out soon enough. That also means they’ll learn about you, if they haven’t already. Does that make you feel on edge? Good. Because that’s what high school does to a person. You don’t know who you can and can’t trust.” </em>
</p>
<p>Hannah went to her locker, opening it up and stowing the tablet bottle inside. “I should’ve taken the car today,” she mumbled. She looked around just to make sure no one saw her put it in there. That was the last thing she needed right now.</p>
<p>She took her headphones out of her backpack and slipped them around her neck. She made sure that they were visible over her hair, and obviously plugged into the Walkman.</p>
<p>She had some business to attend to in the gym. Unfortunately, she forgot that the two people who were hired to keep an eye on whoever had the tapes were there too. Charlie played basketball, and Sheri was a cheerleader. And neither of them was happy to see Hannah here. Both of them looked at her and looked at each other worried but played it off to avoid tipping anybody else off.</p>
<p>Zach was here too, but Hannah didn’t care about that. She gave Zach a polite unnerving smile.</p>
<p>“Hey, brunette. Closed practice. Out,” said the coach.</p>
<p>“Hi, I’m sorry, I’m just…I’m trying to find Justin Foley,” Hannah truthfully said.</p>
<p>“Who are you?” the coach asked.</p>
<p>“Hannah Baker. I have a history class with you. Fifth period,” she answered.</p>
<p>“Oh yeah. Now, I recognize you.”</p>
<p>“Is Justin here?”</p>
<p>The coach shook his head. “And he wasn’t here yesterday. He better be here for the pep rally today. If you see him, tell him his ass is gonna be running suicides till the lights go out.” The coach winced, realizing that saying “suicides” was a bit tasteless, though Hannah wasn’t discomforted.</p>
<p>“Okay.” Hannah turned to leave.</p>
<p>“Hannah?” She stopped and turned around. “Is Justin in any kind of trouble?”</p>
<p>She shrugged. “I don’t know,” she lied. <em>He sure as fuck is in trouble,</em> she thought.</p>
<p>“Well, tell him to come and see me. No matter what, I’m here, okay?”</p>
<p>Hannah nodded. She gave one last glance to Sheri and to Charlie before leaving the gym. Clay had said, you never knew who you could trust, especially now of all times. And she definitely wasn’t sure about trusting either of them now. And right now, there were 12 people who Hannah wasn’t sure she could trust. She wasn’t the first tape, and she wasn’t the second. That meant she had to go farther down the line of tapes to find out. And she was fine with that.</p>
<p>Charlie snuck away to speak with Sheri.</p>
<p>“Has she done anything?” Charlie asked her.</p>
<p>“I don’t know. I don’t think so. And I think it’s best if we keep it that way,” Sheri said.</p>
<p>“How do you plan to do that?” </p>
<p>“Let’s keep our eyes open. And if things start happening…we’ll try and stop her. Talk some sense into her,” Sheri suggested.</p>
<p>“I can’t speak for someone like Hannah…but I don’t know if that’s gonna work,” Charlie mumbled.</p>
<p>Hannah made it to her next class.</p>
<p>
  <em>“Alright, no more bullshit small talk. Let’s introduce the star of Tape 1, Side B. Meet my former friend. Step up Jessica Davis. You’re next.”</em>
</p>
<p>Unexpectedly, Jessica came running into the classroom. The biracial girl was very hard to miss in a crowd, and she looked very pissed off. She immediately went to Zach.</p>
<p>“Where the hell is Justin?” she asked loudly.</p>
<p>“I don’t know, Jess,” Zach responded.</p>
<p>“You don’t know?” Jess said annoyed.</p>
<p>“Probably just skipping first. Sleeping in,” Zach suggested. Hannah knew he was lying. He wasn’t very good at it, but Jess seemed fooled.</p>
<p>“Did he ride with you guys today?” Jess further prodded. She was also addressing Marcus Cole, the black boy sitting next to Marcus.</p>
<p>“No.”</p>
<p>“So where is he? Marcus?” Jess was…desperate. Hannah found it funny. “Did you guys see him last night?”</p>
<p>“He was at practice,” Zach told her.</p>
<p>“Then why isn’t he answering my calls or my texts?” Jessica further asked.</p>
<p>“I’m sure he’ll be there,” Marcus reassured her.</p>
<p>The bell rang right as she said, “Oh, you’re sure. Thanks Marcus. Mr. Porter wants to see me now. He left a call slip in my homeroom.”</p>
<p>“Miss Davis?” said the teacher. “Don’t you have a class to get to?”</p>
<p>Jessica turned back to Zach and Marcus. “Tell him I need to talk to him. Now.” She looked at Hannah. “Whatcha listening to, Hannah?”</p>
<p>Hannah took out her Walkman and offered her the tape. “Someone left a box of these on my front porch. I figured I’d listen to them when I had the chance.”</p>
<p>“Someone left you cassettes?” asked the teacher.</p>
<p>“They may be ancient, but they got some pretty good music on them,” Hannah lied. She put the tape back in her Walkman and put it in her backpack. She smiled at the teacher, playing off the joke that the , but Zach, Marcus, and Jessica were very much not amused.</p>
<p>Jessica left the room. Marcus and Zach were left staring at her, frowning. Hannah took out a small notebook. It had two lists on either side of the paper, for the confirmed tape subjects, and the ones she suspected were on the tapes.</p>
<p>CONFIRMED TAPE SUBJECTS:</p>
<p>HANNAH BAKER    (ME; TAPE UNKNOWN)</p>
<p>JUSTIN FOLEY         (TAPE 1)</p>
<p>JESSICA DAVIS       (TAPE 2)</p>
<p> </p>
<p>SUSPECTED TAPE SUBJECTS:</p>
<p>MARCUS COLE</p>
<p>ZACH DEMPSEY</p>
<p>ALEX STANDALL (THE LIST)</p>
<p>She put the notebook away and flashed Marcus and Zach a viciously malevolent smile. They were both unnerved by her…almost Joker-like expression.</p>
<hr/>
<p>First period ended. Hannah confidently left the room and was promptly ambushed by Sheri and Charlie.</p>
<p>“Hey, Hannah,” said the former.</p>
<p>“Cut the formalities. What do you two want?” she said crassly.</p>
<p>“Why were you looking for Justin?” Charlie asked flatly.</p>
<p>“Do I really need to spell it out for you both?” Hannah scoffed condescendingly. “You both know why.”</p>
<p>“Yes. And we’re both hoping that you won’t go through with this. It isn’t worth it,” Sheri said.</p>
<p>Hannah stopped and stared forward, making the two other teenagers with her very nervous. “Sheri…you know me pretty well. Since I first got here. If you knew me well enough, you would never have let me get those tapes in the first place.”</p>
<p>“It’s what Clay wanted,” Sheri emphasized.</p>
<p>“Yes. But I’m not playing by anybody’s rules except my own. If nothing will deliver justice for Clay, then I will deliver vengeance,” Hannah declared.</p>
<p>She stormed away from the two of them. Sheri and Charlie stared at each other, worried and concerned. She had yet to do anything, but…they were terrified of what she might do.</p>
<p>“Maybe she’s right,” Sheri said.</p>
<p>“What?” Charlie said shocked.</p>
<p>Sheri shrugged. “Maybe we shouldn’t have let her get those tapes.”</p>
<p>He sighed. “What would you have done? How were we supposed to do that? And if we did, then what? Were we just supposed to disobey what Clay wanted?”</p>
<p>“Maybe,” Sheri suggested. “I mean, what he wanted wasn’t exactly a good thing.”</p>
<p>“It’s not good or bad. It’s the truth. She needs those tapes. She needs to hear it, and you know that for a fact,” Charlie declared.</p>
<p>Sheri didn’t deny it. “But at what cost?”</p>
<p>“It doesn’t matter anymore. She has them. All we can do is wait for her to listen to them,” Charlie reminded her.</p>
<p>Sheri turned around, scratching her head. “Fuck…”</p>
<p>Charlie looked in the direction Hannah went. “And we can keep an eye on her. Maybe we can keep her from doing something she’ll regret when she finally recovers from all this.”</p>
<p>Sheri scoffed. “Come on now. Do you honestly believe that? If anything…this is just gonna make it worse.”</p>
<p>The two of them looked at each other, very worried, very much uncertain of anything at this point.</p>
<p>In the meantime, Hannah scurried to her own locker. She took one brief glance at Clay’s decorated locker. For once, she felt something calming within her. Even if it was a brief fleeting moment of peace and tranquility.</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <em>Before</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“I met Jessica a couple weeks into sophomore year. We met through a mutual friend. The one and only Hannah Baker. I remember hearing the story of how you two met.” </em>
</p>
<p>A different Hannah, a much happier Hannah, walked confidently through the halls of Liberty High, wearing a skirt instead of jeans, and a grey beanie hat. She went straight to the front office. She went to the front office where Jessica was already waiting.</p>
<p>Hannah sat next to her. “Hey.”</p>
<p>“Hi,” Jessica said.</p>
<p>“Mrs. Antilly?”</p>
<p>Jessica nodded.</p>
<p>“Me too. Any clue why?”</p>
<p>Jessica shook her head. “No.”</p>
<p>And out came Mrs. Antilly, with the brightest most vivacious smile in existence, and a voice that just echoed with the energy of a toddler. “My new students! Come in!” She even made grandiose gestures…she seemed more in-place as a kindergarten teacher rather than a high school counselor.</p>
<p>Jessica and Hannah were taken aback by her behavior. The two were a little worried that they would come out of the office covered in glitter or something. They hesitantly went in and sat in front of her.</p>
<p>“Did you two get a chance to meet outside?” Mrs. Antilly asked them. Neither of them answered. She wasn’t demeaning or condescending, but she spoke to them with the voice someone would use addressing toddlers. “Hannah, meet Jessica. Jessica, meet Hannah. You’re both new to Liberty, and I thought you two should meet. I know this isn’t how things are usually done, but I was hoping you might become friends.”</p>
<p>
  <em>“I wonder if adults understand how friendships work nowadays?”</em>
</p>
<p>Hannah and Jessica glanced at each other again.</p>
<p>Mrs. Antilly’s voice dropped to a more serious tone. “I recognize it’s unusual to assign someone a friend, so think of it as a friendly face in a crowd until you get your bearings.”</p>
<p>“So…” Jessica started. “You want us to smile at each other in the hall?”</p>
<p>“How is that gonna help us directionally?” Hannah added.</p>
<p>“The point is you won’t be strangers to each other. Starting at a new school can be overwhelming. I want you to have an ally. Two allies, count me in, too!” Mrs. Antilly clarified.</p>
<p>“So, we should smile at you in the hallway too?” Hannah asked.</p>
<p>“Sure! I’d love that!” Mrs. Antilly leaned forward. “Listen. I’m not under any illusion that this school is a friendly place. I would love it to be. It isn’t always, but we three, we can be there for each other!”</p>
<p>Jessica giggled. “Mrs. Antilly, I’m sure Hillary is awesome, but—”</p>
<p>“Hey, if we’re gonna be great friends, you should know my name is Hannah.”</p>
<p>“What did I call you?” Jessica said.</p>
<p>“Hillary.”</p>
<p>Jessica feigned shock. “That’s not your name?”</p>
<p>“No. Hannah.”</p>
<p>Jessica gasped. “I already had your best friend necklace engraved with Hillary!”</p>
<p>Hannah looked at Mrs. Antilly. “Any students named Hillary we can set up with Jennifer?”</p>
<p>“Jessica.”</p>
<p>“Right, Jezebel,” Hannah joked. “OOOH! Can I actually get a Jezebel? She’d be an amazing friend.”</p>
<p>Mrs. Antilly loved all of this. “See!” she laughed. “See, the senses of humor on you too. It’s a perfect match!”</p>
<p>The shocked Hannah and Jessica left for their classes. They smiled as they left. And it was a genuine smile between them both. She left and ran right into Clay. They walked together.</p>
<p>“Hello, Helmet,” Hannah said.</p>
<p>“Hey,” Clay said. “Why are you smiling?”</p>
<p>“Am I not allowed to smile?” Hannah jokingly asked.</p>
<p>“Of course, you’re allowed. I’m just wondering if there was a very recent cause or something? You look like you just got out of a Gabriel Iglesias show or something.” Hannah looked at him with a very ambiguous expression. Clay couldn’t tell if it was confusion or bewilderment. “Uh, Gabriel Iglesias is—”</p>
<p>“I know who he is,” Hannah said, now more openly happy. Hannah bit her lip. “You know Mrs. Antilly, right?”</p>
<p>“The misplaced kindergarten teacher? Yeah,” Clay answered.</p>
<p>“Well, she summoned me for counseling. She introduced me to someone named Jessica. She’s hoping we’ll become best friends,” Hannah told him.</p>
<p>Clay stared at Hannah shocked. “Wait, she assigned you two to be best friends?”</p>
<p>“Yeah. And you know what the worst part is? I think…I think she might actually be onto something, because we have the same sense of humor,” Hannah said.</p>
<p>“No way…I got. I gotta see this. I gotta meet this Jessica.”</p>
<p>“Well, we’ll see how this goes, first,” Hannah said.</p>
<p>She scurried away from Clay to her class.</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <em>After</em>
</p>
<p>Hannah was left with a real moment of peace. She remembered that moment fondly. Even if the circumstances around the memory were currently unpleasant, she had no unpleasant memories of Clay directly.</p>
<p>“Hannah?”</p>
<p>The sound of her name frightened her. It was Mr. Porter. “Yeah?”</p>
<p>“I have not seen one of those in a long time,” Mr. Porter said, pointing to her Walkman. “What are you listening to?”</p>
<p>“Oh…my friend has some old tapes and music. She lends me them from time to time. Janis Joplin and Janet Jackson. <em>Rhythm Nation</em>,” she lied.</p>
<p>Mr. Porter laughed. “Yeah, it’s good stuff. I’m more for jazz, but music’s good. It gets you through the day.” Hannah was briefly distracted when she saw Jessica again. She glared at her briefly, but paid enough attention to Mr. Porter to listen to him. “Listen, Hannah, I would like to talk to you sometime about Clay Jensen.”</p>
<p>That caught her off guard. “Uh…Why?”</p>
<p>“I’m just trying to understand what happened. You guys were friends, right? You worked together?” Mr. Porter asked.</p>
<p>Hannah nodded. “Yeah.”</p>
<p>“Just come by my office, and we’ll talk sometime.”</p>
<p>Hannah walked off. She happened upon one of the only friendly faces who wore a varsity jacket. One Jeff Atkins. He gave her a friendly nod as they went to their separate classes. </p>
<p>
  <em>“You’re probably asking yourself why I wasted some of this tape on an event I wasn’t involved in. Why I brought up a counselor who talked like a preschool teacher who moved to another school district and was replaced by Mr. Porter. Well, it’s because of something Mrs. Antilly said. She said she knew that Liberty was an unfriendly place. She had no idea how right she was. Or maybe she did and that’s why she left.”</em>
</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <em>Before</em>
</p>
<p>Jessica walked along the sidewalk after the end of the school day. Hannah came running after her.</p>
<p>“Hey, Joanna!”</p>
<p>Jessica smirked. “Hey, Hazel…this is a disaster. We’re walking in the same direction.”</p>
<p>“I know. It’s the end of the world. Impossibly perky counselor lady <em>cannot</em> turn out to be right,” Hannah said. Heavy footsteps signaled Clay catching up to them.</p>
<p>“Impossibly perky counselor lady cannot be right about what?” Clay joked.</p>
<p>Hannah giggled. “You made it. Jessica, meet Helmet, Helmet, meet Jessica.”</p>
<p>Jessica laughed. “Helmet?”</p>
<p>“Clay Jensen, actually.”</p>
<p>“Oh. Well, nice to meet you…Clint.”</p>
<p>Clay snickered.</p>
<p>“Are you following us?” Hannah asked Jessica.</p>
<p>“I’m ahead of both of you,” Jessica reminded her.</p>
<p>“Fair enough,” Clay conceded. “So, I heard something about Mrs. Antilly assigning you two to be best friends. That’s a new one, and I’ve known her for years.”</p>
<p>The girls glanced at each other. “You’ve met with her before?”</p>
<p>“Once or twice,” Clay confessed.</p>
<p>“How many cats do you think she has? Five? Seven? Eleven?” Jessica asked.</p>
<p>“Uh…I don’t know,” Clay answered, his tone turning serious. “Maybe…15.”</p>
<p>“And they’re all, like, really obese and purr loud,” Hannah added.</p>
<p>“Where are you guys going?” Jessica asked.</p>
<p>Clay answered first. “<em>I</em> came here to meet the girl who was assigned a best friend.”</p>
<p>Now it was Hannah’s turn. “And <em>I </em>am going home. I live on Bristol.”</p>
<p>“And <em>I </em>am going to Monet’s for a hot chocolate.”</p>
<p>Clay and Hannah were both taken aback. The former commented, “Hot chocolate? And we’re technically still in summer.”</p>
<p>“Hot chocolate is the cure for all things shitty in life,” Jessica declared.</p>
<p>“We got shit that needs curing, don’t we?” Hannah said to Clay.</p>
<p>“Oh, totally…”</p>
<p>
  <em>“And thus we enter the realm of Monet’s. The story of friendship.”</em>
</p>
<p>The three sat around a small table at Monet’s, a little place where they could be alone.</p>
<p>“Kat was the best,” Hannah said.</p>
<p>“You don’t know the half of it. She was my only lifeline in school for almost ten years now,” Clay added.</p>
<p>“I leave friends behind every two years. We’re always moving.”</p>
<p>That took Hannah by surprise. “Parents on the lam?”</p>
<p>“Mom in the Army?” Clay guessed.</p>
<p>“Dad in the Air Force,” Jessica corrected.</p>
<p>“So you’re always the new kid,” Hannah said.</p>
<p>Clay shrugged. “I’m ashamed to admit that I have never been the new kid.”</p>
<p>“It’s…an unenviable position to be in,” Jessica warned him. “I had this friend named, Amy. I told her everything, including my series of embarrassing sex dreams involving various Avengers, including Scarlett Johansson. The one day, the moving trucks come, and I’m like, ‘Goodbye! Don’t tell anyone about that Scarlett Johansson thing!’ But she posts about it because that’s the only communication you have anymore.”</p>
<p>“And it ends up getting around your new school,” Hannah guessed.</p>
<p>“And it gets completely twisted,” Clay added.</p>
<p>Hannah finished, “And you end up as That Girl.”</p>
<p>“I am so That Girl,” Jessica said.</p>
<p>“I’m That Other Girl,” Hannah empathized with her.</p>
<p>“And for a long time, I was That Guy.”</p>
<p>All three of them took drinks of hot chocolate like they were taking shots.</p>
<p>“Stupid Mrs. Antilly,” Hannah mumbled.</p>
<p>“Bitch is good at her job,” Jessica whispered.</p>
<p>
  <em>“It was a strange friendship. I call it a hot chocolate friendship. Perfect for the cold months, but not perfect for all months.”</em>
</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <em>After</em>
</p>
<p>Jessica sat in the bathroom stall, rubbing her face in her hands. She sighed heavily, getting out her phone.</p>
<p>
  <em>JUSTIN WHERE ARE YOU?! </em>
</p>
<p>No response. She threw her phone in her pocket and stepped out of the stall…and right into a scowling Hannah Baker.</p>
<p>“Hello, Jessica,” she said softly, barely containing just how hateful she was of Jessica.</p>
<p>“What do you want, Hannah?” Jessica washed her hands.</p>
<p>“Do you really need me to answer that?” Hannah said. Jessica’s face…something about it lacked fear or concern, more just annoyance. That told her that Jessica was <em>not</em> aware of Hannah’s confrontation. “Fine. I will. What happened to Justin?”</p>
<p>“I don’t know. Mr. Porter pulled him in yesterday. Then he just walked out of the office and school, and he just vanished.”</p>
<p>Hannah nodded, softening herself from her anger to create a false sense of security in Jessica. She let her anger dissipate for the moment so that her voice could come across more empathetic. “You’re still dating him?”</p>
<p>“Yes.”</p>
<p>“Tell me one thing, Jessica. How could you blame him for something your ex-boyfriend did?” Hannah said.</p>
<p>“Is that what you think? Don’t believe everything you hear, Hannah,” Jess said.</p>
<p>“You mean like you did?” Hannah said.</p>
<p>Jess promptly left the bathroom. Hannah smiled maliciously. Her first three pawns, Zach Dempsey, Justin Foley, and Jessica Davis were all in place and moved where she wanted them to be. Not in location, but in mindset.</p>
<p>Marcus…she’d get to him eventually.</p>
<p>
  <em>“For a while, me, Hannah, and Jessica were the friends people wished for. I even shopped with them. They dragged me along so they could marginally expand my limited wardrobe choices. They even roped me into a few conversations they would have about boys.”</em>
</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <em>Before</em>
</p>
<p>Back in Monet’s, during a happier time, Jessica and Hannah compared the outfits they bought. Jessica pulled out a purple shirt. Clay waited for them to finish with their girliness conversation by working on Chemistry homework.</p>
<p>“That top is perfect for you,” Hannah said.</p>
<p>Jessica wasn’t so convinced. “It shows too much of my arms. They’re so fat.”</p>
<p>“They’re not,” Hannah said.</p>
<p>“I have substitute teacher arms,” Jessica said.</p>
<p>Hannah glanced to her left. “Uh-oh. We’ve got a stalker.”</p>
<p>“Where?” Jessica said excited.</p>
<p>“Play it cool. Three o’clock,” Hannah said.</p>
<p>Jess was confused. “It’s after three.”</p>
<p>“No…three o’clock, directional.” This was still lost on Jessica. “Oh my God, your dad’s a fighter pilot.”</p>
<p>“He’s a logistics expert, mostly,” Jessica claimed.</p>
<p>“It means look to your right,” Clay said without looking up from his book. “And she’s right, we have a stalker. He’s still watching us.”</p>
<p>Jessica glanced to the right, finding a boy with bleached blonde hair looking at them. He quickly looked away at the instant she looked at him.</p>
<p>Jess smirked at Hannah. “He’s checking you out.”</p>
<p>Hannah shook her head. “He’s checking you out.”</p>
<p>“Maybe he’s checking Clay out,” Jess joked.</p>
<p>“He’s checking you both out. I’ve been watching him in my periphery for almost a minute now,” Clay said.</p>
<p>Jessica disagreed. “You’re wrong, Clay. He’s checking Hannah out, and he’s cute.”</p>
<p>“And he’s alone,” Hannah reminded them.</p>
<p>“So?” Jess said.</p>
<p>“It means he doesn’t have any friends, which is weird,” Hannah said.</p>
<p>“We didn’t have friends two weeks ago.”</p>
<p>Hannah smiled at Clay. He returned it, and they had a perfect little moment of the three of them standing up. They ambushed the lonely boy. Hannah and Jessica sat opposite of him, and Clay sat next to him. He froze, eying them all without looking up from his book.</p>
<p>“Uh…Hey…” he got out.</p>
<p>“Hey,” Hannah said.</p>
<p>“Hello,” Clay said.</p>
<p>“Hi,” Jessica said. “We saw you staring at us and wondered which one of us you were checking out.”</p>
<p>“Oh, I wasn’t,” Alex stammered.</p>
<p>“Oh, come on, don’t play dumb. Do we look dumb?” Jess asked.</p>
<p>“No. I mean…no,” Alex answered.</p>
<p>“Have you ever heard of the male gaze?” Hannah asked him.</p>
<p>Alex shook his head.</p>
<p>“We have, and we’re not totally sure what it means, but we’re pretty sure you have it,” Hannah finished.</p>
<p>Clay leaned in and whispered in Alex’s ear. “You have the male gaze. I saw you checking them out. Secret’s safe with me.”</p>
<p>“Hey!” Hannah yelled dramatically. “No secrets between us! Never! Ever!”</p>
<p>Clay gave Hannah a sheepish whimper.</p>
<p>“You’re forgiven. Good boy,” Jess said. “Alright, now stranger. Explain. Why are you sitting alone?”</p>
<p>“They think it makes you weird,” Clay said.</p>
<p>“Are you weird?” Jess asked.</p>
<p>“Well, I can’t objectively answer that, but I’m sitting alone because I just moved here. I don’t know anybody.” Alex seemed shy.</p>
<p>“What’s your name?” Clay asked.</p>
<p>“Alex. Alex Standall.”</p>
<p>“Okay…Alex Alex Standall…” Hannah said very slowly. “We are prepared to invite you to our table if you can answer one question. What is depicted in the painting they hung up on that wall?”</p>
<p>She pointed to a surrealist painting near to where she, Clay, and Jessica were previously sitting. Alex examined the painting.</p>
<p>“Uh…It’s…a giant bleeding man. Or squid, or a man-squid. In spring,” Alex said.</p>
<p>The other three looked happy. Clay said, “Good enough. You’re in.”</p>
<p>“Okay…what am I in exactly?” Alex asked.</p>
<p>“If you have to ask, you don’t know,” Jessica said with complete seriousness. Alex looked worried, but the smiles of the two girls and Clay comforted him.</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <em>“And just like that. Three became four. And before you know it, you’re best friends. And not just that, it’s like you’ve known each other all your lives. Monet’s became our little office, and there was nothing that three hot chocolates and…whatever the fuck Alex was having couldn’t fix.” </em>
</p>
<p>On another day, the quartet of high school buddies sat together with their Monet’s drinks. The females sat opposite each other, and the males did the same. They were silent for a few minutes, at least until Alex spoke.</p>
<p>“F.M.L.”</p>
<p>Everyone perked up. “Why?” Clay asked.</p>
<p>“I got put in remedial math because my math from my old school is not the same math they have here. Who knew that there was different math?” Alex said. He sounded tired, exhausted almost.</p>
<p>“I bet there’s a hot troubled bad boy in remedial match,” Jess said with a dreamy slur. “Brooding, likes wearing leather, doesn’t like talking about his past, and has trouble with long division.”</p>
<p>Alex shook his head. “There’s a couple of pregnant girls.”</p>
<p>“Oh my God…My dad would panic,” Clay said.</p>
<p>“Mine too,” Hannah said.</p>
<p>“My mom might,” Alex added, “but my dad’s a cop. As long as I stand up straight and do well in P.E., go shooting with him—”</p>
<p>“Your dad’s a cop? And you go shooting with him? How did I not know about this?” Jessica rambled.</p>
<p>“You never asked.”</p>
<p>Jess smiled. “I love a man in uniform. I would love to meet your father.”</p>
<p>Clay sputtered out a laugh.</p>
<p>Alex winced and wiped his cheek. “Well, thanks Clay, you just spat on me.”</p>
<p>“I’m sorry,” Clay said through his laughs. “Jess…you make it sound like you want to hook up with him.”</p>
<p>“Eww!” Alex was beyond disgusted with that idea. “And—and <em>your</em> dad wears a uniform!”</p>
<p>Jess looked like she came to a profound realization. “I never realized that.”</p>
<p>
  <em>“Everyone needs friends. Even if they’re just for hot chocolate. Especially when your life goes to fucking shit. Day after day, drink after drink. We held our mugs up, and held up each other.” </em>
</p>
<p>On another day, long after Justin had sent the video of Zach from Clay’s phone, and right after he had sent that picture of Hannah everywhere, the hot chocolate quartet, the F.M.L. friends, gathered again.</p>
<p>Hannah struck the table. “F.M.L.” One at a time, starting with Clay and ending with Alex, they all joined in with her. Jess wasn’t happy with Alex’s cappuccino fingers.</p>
<p>“Fuck Justin,” Jessica said.</p>
<p>“You don’t even have to talk about it,” Alex said.</p>
<p>“Ever,” Jess added.</p>
<p>“Okay,” Hannah said.</p>
<p>“Same for you Clay,” Alex said.</p>
<p>“Thanks.”</p>
<p>“Did you guys take that Vocational Interested and Aptitude Test?” Jessica said changing the subject. “We got our results back today.”</p>
<p>Hannah and Clay were more than grateful that the subject didn’t linger on their respective victimization at the hand of Justin Foley.</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <em>“Despite our differences, we were each what we needed at that time. Four drinks against the world. Alex didn’t have a drink. He was determined to work his way through the menu. We became the F.M.L. friends. F.M.L Forever. But I learned this: one times four is not a simple equation.” </em>
</p>
<p>The next time, it was just three drinks, all hot chocolate, as Alex was absent, busy with a new circle of friends that included Justin Foley and Zach Dempsey and Charlie St. George.</p>
<p>
  <em>“Alex was the first to stop coming. He traded up for ‘better’ friends. We were friendly in the halls, but that was it. It was left to me, Jessica, and Hannah. And then Jessica stopped coming. It was just me and Hannah for a time. It wasn’t bad, with it just me and her. But it wasn’t the same. We stopped going of our own accord. We’d have all the time we needed at work. We all went our separate ways, or so I thought.”</em>
</p>
<p>Clay encountered Alex and Jessica exchanging kisses and being quite close to each other. Seemed like they moved on without him, or Hannah for that matter.</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <em>After</em>
</p>
<p>Hannah saw them together, and there was nothing but apparent animosity between them. Whatever joy, whatever happiness they had, it was gone. Hannah looked at them, her anger simmering into a longing for those happier days, where it was the two of them. She couldn’t bring herself to feel angry with them for dating.</p>
<p>
  <em>“And that’s the thing, I wasn’t even upset with you. You two were good for each other, at least I thought.” </em>
</p>
<p>She turned away from them to get some candy from the vending machine. She had serious cravings for something sweet, something sugary, something dangerous for her teeth. She chose the Reese’s.</p>
<p>That vending machine was right next to the faculty lunch lounge, or whatever the room was actually called. And she heard Ms. Bradley’s voice, found her speaking with Mr. Porter.</p>
<p>“I’m just surprised,” she said to Mr. Porter. “The other day, I’m handing out the family dynamics papers, and I find his. I swear to God, I just about lost it.”</p>
<p>That phrase, “family dynamics”, it triggered Hannah. “Family…” she whispered.</p>
<p>“It’s still fresh,” Mr. Porter told Ms. Bradley.</p>
<p>“I know. I’ve been losing sleep. I had Clay in my class for three years in a row. I mean…I watched him grow up basically,” Ms. Bradley said.</p>
<p>“How many students do you have, Pam? Hm?”</p>
<p>Whatever respect Hannah had for Mr. Porter vanished. “What the fuck? His life doesn’t matter cause she has other students to care for?”</p>
<p>“That’s not the point,” Ms. Bradley said, clearly as exasperated with Mr. Porter as Hannah was.</p>
<p>“What do you have, 200? I have 600 on the advisory list,” Mr. Porter told Ms. Bradley.</p>
<p>The conversation promptly stopped when they saw Hannah was watching them. She grabbed her candy and walked away. She once again grabbed her chest in pain. Only this time, her agony was much more prominent.</p>
<p>“Jesus…” she muttered. She powered through the pain until it subsided. She spotted Sheri in the crowd with the other cheerleaders, and Charlie with the other jocks. The former seemed completely at peace with her smile. You would not have even believed Sheri was holding any kind of angst inside her, let alone about the death of her friend.</p>
<p>Charlie…he was a different story. He was visibly sullen and stressed. You could see his smile was forced, and it wasn’t reaching his eyes. If Sheri and Charlie were trying to make sure they didn’t get busted as the tape guardians, Charlie was bad at hiding. Sheri put up the façade flawlessly.</p>
<p>He looked right at Hannah in the eyes. She saw that he was worried.</p>
<p>But that begged Hannah the question…how did he fit into this? As far as Hannah knew, Clay never even met the guy. Of course, she might have been wrong. There was a lot that she didn’t know about Clay, as she recently learned.</p>
<hr/>
<p>Hannah attended the pep rally after school. The cheerleaders gave a dance performance. The men like Bryce Walker all enjoyed the fanservice show. Jessica was obviously new to the cheer squad, falling out of synchronicity two times.</p>
<p>Sheri, who Hannah was focusing on, was much more invested in, was seamless in her movements, gracefully falling in with the other girls. Once again, she seemed so at peace, so happy. Hannah wished she could be as good at faking as she.</p>
<p>When the tacky techno song ended, the cheerleaders all gathered to make a line just for the varsity team to run through. And Principal Bolan stepped up to the mic to give an obligatory speech that Hannah completely ignored. His words meant little to her. The only part that registered was him addressing the school as the Liberty Tigers. It wasn’t until she heard him say the name of Bryce Walker that she looked up.</p>
<p>“Thank you, thank you,” he said with his typical big man on campus charm. “It’s an honor to be here, and I’m proud to be a Liberty student athlete. Go Tigers!”</p>
<p>That got everyone clapping. Hannah reluctantly joined in.</p>
<p>“Now, this year’s starting lineup…” Cue drumroll from crowd. “Willem Barclay!”</p>
<p>Cue the crowd going crazy and the music starting up. The guy came out as did his cheerleader escort doing fancy but impractical-in-daily-life backflips.</p>
<p>“Zach Dempsey!”</p>
<p>Rinse and repeat. Crowd, cheerleader, then the athlete.</p>
<p>“Justin Foley!”</p>
<p>Crowd, cheerleader…and no Justin. So, he never came today either. Jessica was clearly not happy, and Bryce continued on with the announcements, bringing out more athletes whose names he didn’t know, and cheerleaders who were unknown to Hannah. Although, they were clearly more experienced with the stunts than Jessica.</p>
<p>Hannah found it cathartically funny that Jessica went running out of the gym. She decided to go after her. She found her standing outside the front entrance. She enjoyed herself watching Jessica freak out over the phone.</p>
<p>“How could you do that to me? Call me back, text me back, something!” Jessica screamed frantically.</p>
<p>Hannah allowed herself to enjoy this. She took a few breaths and pushed down her contempt for Jessica and put on a softer face, an inexpressive expression that she could pass as empathy. She stepped outside.</p>
<p>Jessica immediately saw her. “What do you want, Hannah?”</p>
<p>“To be there for someone I once thought of as a friend.”</p>
<p>“We’re not friends, Hannah. We haven’t been for a long time,” Jessica snapped.</p>
<p>“Really? You didn’t seem like that at Bryce’s party a few weeks ago. What changed?” Hannah asked.</p>
<p>That caught Jessica by surprise.</p>
<p>“I still care about you Jess.” Hannah did <em>not</em> mean to say that, she only thought it…because in her heart, she still did care about Jessica. A part of her…a part of her still wanted them to be friends again.</p>
<p>Hannah’s former friend left promptly. And suddenly she felt sick at how she was getting pleasure from the pain of someone she saw as a former friend…and someone she hoped would not be a former friend forever.</p>
<p>The students who stayed behind for the pep rally left the school. Hannah went along with the flow of human beings leaving the school. She stopped when she saw the bike rack.</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <em>Before</em>
</p>
<p>Clay collected his bike from the rack, attaching the lock loop to the interior of the bike. As he did, Jessica ambushed him from behind.</p>
<p>
  <em>“If Jessica has something on her mind, she lets you know. Verbally or nonverbally.” </em>
</p>
<p>“What?” he said.</p>
<p>“We need to talk,” she answered sternly.</p>
<p>
  <em>“I knew what she wanted to talk about: Alex’s list.” </em>
</p>
<p>An upset Clay buckled his helmet on and rode off on the bike down the road to Monet’s.</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <em>After</em>
</p>
<p>Hannah stayed there for a long moment, forlornly gazing upon the bike rack. She never thought something so…mundane could bring back such a memory of a person. But that’s what grief does to a person.</p>
<p>“Hey, Hannah!” Zach pulled up right next to her, but it was Marcus who spoke to her from the passenger seat. “What’s up, girl?”</p>
<p>“Hello, Marcus,” Hannah responded flatly.</p>
<p>“Need a ride?” Zach asked.</p>
<p>“Where are you going?” Marcus added.</p>
<p>She immediately saw through this false, and terrible, attempt at trying to woo her.</p>
<p>“I’m fine,” she said. “I’ll walk.”</p>
<p>“You should ride with us. We’re gonna hang at Bryce’s. You should totally come.”</p>
<p>“Why are you being so nice to me? After yesterday?” Hannah asked Zach.</p>
<p>“We all have bad days, Hannah. Water under the bridge,” Zach said. Oddly, he sounded almost sincere. Operative word being almost.</p>
<p>Hannah didn’t have a chance to say anything when the sound of Sheri’s engine came to her rescue. This time, she was alone. “Hey, Hannah. You good?”</p>
<p>Hannah nodded.</p>
<p>“You sure?”</p>
<p>“Yeah, I’m sure,” Hannah confirmed.</p>
<p>Sheri looked at the boys. “You heard the lady, boys. She’s fine.”</p>
<p>Zach promptly and angrily drove off back home. Hannah did the same, just on foot, flashing Sheri a grateful smile. As she walked, she ended up going past Monet’s.</p>
<p>
  <em>“That’s how it works in high school. Popular people talk, unpopular people listen. And the truth is lost, and everything gets messed up. That’s how it was with us. Isn’t that right, Jessica?”</em>
</p>
<p>Hannah found Jessica sitting there in Monet’s. But before she had the chance to go to her, she was ambushed by Jeff Atkins.</p>
<p>“Hannah?”</p>
<p>“Oh. Hey Jeff. What’s up?” Hannah said, this time with genuine happiness.</p>
<p>“Oh, uh nothing. I just saw you at the pep rally, but you left early,” Jeff said. “What are you doing?”</p>
<p>“Just daydreaming,” Hannah lied.</p>
<p>“You were looking for Justin earlier?” he asked her.</p>
<p>Hannah nodded.</p>
<p>“Yeah, well the coach is not happy that he missed the pep rally. He’s gonna kick Justin’s teeth in…if that’s even legal. Why were you looking for him?”</p>
<p>She shrugged. “I needed to talk to him. I needed to get something off my chest.”</p>
<p>“About that picture from last year?”</p>
<p>Jeff remembered that. Hannah slowly nodded.</p>
<p>“I get it.” He touched her shoulder hesitantly. “Are you sure you’re alright.”</p>
<p>“I’m not…entirely sure,” Hannah answered honestly. She allowed to show some vulnerability around him.</p>
<p>“I miss him too. A lot.”</p>
<p>Hannah hesitantly asked him, “You and Clay were friends, right?”</p>
<p>“Friendship is complicated, but yeah. For years.”</p>
<p>Hannah recoiled hearing that. “Did…he ever say anything about me? Anything bad?”</p>
<p>Jeff was shocked beyond words. “No. Not by a longshot. You remember Kat, right? She texted me right after she left, said she could the sparks in his eyes when he looked at you.”</p>
<p>“Wow, that’s real poetic,” Hannah said.</p>
<p>“And it’s real true,” Jeff said. “I gotta go. I’m glad I got to talk to you.” He left the area and walked back to his home. Hannah was left, finally feeling something truly relieving. But that still begged the question of why she had received the tapes.</p>
<p>She looked back at Jessica through the window.</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <em>Before</em>
</p>
<p>Clay met with a very angry Jessica at Monet’s. However, he tried to be friendly to her, and still said, “F.M.L.” Complete with a smile.</p>
<p>“I should’ve known…” Jess mumbled. “I know the rumors, Clay.”</p>
<p>“You can’t know rumors. You can hear them, but you can’t know them. That’s why they’re rumors,” Clay joked.</p>
<p>“We were friends. How could do that to me?” Jessica asked harshly.</p>
<p>“Do what? What did I do?” Clay asked.</p>
<p>“Is it you and Alex now? You, him, and Hannah?” she said.</p>
<p>Clay was stunned. “What do you mean? Of course not. We’re not even sexually compatible with each other. You like him, he likes you. We’re the ones who were out.”</p>
<p>“Yeah and that pissed the two of you off, didn’t it?”</p>
<p>Clay was silent for a moment. “A little bit. I was sad. Why didn’t you just tell me?”</p>
<p>“Maybe I was afraid of something like this,” Jess told him.</p>
<p>“Something like what?” Clay asked, losing patience.</p>
<p>Jessica slammed a paper down on the table. Clay looked at it and stood up. “Come on, now. Jess. You know this doesn’t mean anything.”</p>
<p>
  <em>“You couldn’t deal with the fact that your boyfriend dumped you. So you wanted to pin it on someone else. And you had the perfect scapegoat in me. You needed it to be my fault, so you made it my fault.”</em>
</p>
<p>“Stop acting innocent!” Jess demanded.</p>
<p>“I <em>am</em> innocent. I had nothing to do with this. Alex did this on his own,” Clay said.</p>
<p>“He broke up with me on his own?” Jess asked, pain flooding her voice.</p>
<p>“I didn’t know he broke up with you. And yes. That’s how breakups work,” he retorted.</p>
<p>“I’ll just say this: enjoy it. Cause you will, won’t you? That’s what slutty faggots do.”</p>
<p>Fury rose inside of Clay, replacing any empathy he had for her. “Fuck you.”</p>
<p>And then she slapped him hard across the face. Jessica’s face…even she was shocked that she had done that. It left a mark on his face, and everyone was staring.</p>
<p>
  <em>“And according to the looks on everyone else’s faces, it was my fault, too. They looked at me like it was my fault. Obviously. Because when a white man hits a black woman for any reason, he’s an abuser who needs to be arrested. But when a black woman hits a white man for any reason, she’s awesome for standing up for herself. It’s always the white man's fault.”</em>
</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <em>After</em>
</p>
<p>Jessica was sitting in Monet’s with a hot chocolate.</p>
<p>“Is the hot chocolate working?” Hannah asked flatly. She sat across from her. Hannah was visibly uncomfortable, wincing as she hated the smell of this place.</p>
<p>Jessica sighed. “No.”</p>
<p>“Why did you blame us?” Hannah asked her. “I mean…me…I get it. I get why you got angry with me. But why him?”</p>
<p>Jess just shrugged.</p>
<p>“We were friends, Jessica.”</p>
<p>“We weren’t friends. Friends tell the truth, they don’t turn on each other,” Jess said.</p>
<p>Hannah threw it back in her face, “You mean like when you came to my house screaming at me for stealing your boyfriend, and then you slapping Clay accusing him of doing it? You’re right. You were a shitty friend.”</p>
<p>“I was a shitty friend to you. But Clay’s a user and a liar. You can’t believe anything that he says. Not a thing,” Jessica rambled.</p>
<p>Hannah leaned forward towards Jessica. “You really think you’re in any position to try and label another person a liar? And don’t forget, I was part of this F.M.L. quartet, so don’t try to pull a fast one on me. Not anymore. And plus, why would a dead boy lie?”</p>
<p>“Isn’t it obvious?”</p>
<p>“No. It isn’t, so why don’t you tell me?” Hannah requested.</p>
<p>Jessica didn’t have an answer. She received a text and checked her phone.</p>
<p>“Okay…look. The reason I’m here is because Zach and Marcus offered me a ride to Bryce’s house.” Jessica was caught off guard with Hannah telling her that. “I’m here to tell you that I’m very sure that Justin’s there, too.”</p>
<p>Hannah stood up and left Monet’s.</p>
<p>Jessica shook her head and sighed. “Of course,” she mumbled.</p>
<p>Hannah walked away from Monet’s just as a car pulled up to her. It wasn’t Sheri’s car, and Hannah nearly panicked as it pulled up next to her. She was relieved to see that it was just Charlie.</p>
<p>“Hey, Hannah. Come on in. Let me take you home,” Charlie offered. Hannah obliged. She relaxed into the soft leather seat of Charlie’s Grand Jeep Cherokee.</p>
<p>“Thank you,” Hannah said.</p>
<p>There was a long awkward silence between the two of them. The silence lasted until they made it to Hannah’s house. Charlie put the car in park, and he clearly had something on his mind.</p>
<p>“Hannah…you’re the slowest one yet,” he said. Hannah was appreciative that he went straight to the point. “Why are you taking so long?”</p>
<p>“I have my reasons,” Hannah said vaguely.</p>
<p>“I’d like to know them.”</p>
<p>Hannah shook her head at him. “You won’t. Not until I want you to. You and Sheri both.”</p>
<p>“Why not?”</p>
<p>“The less you know, the better.” Hannah once again remained vague. She got out of the car and went around the car. She turned back to Charlie before she entered her house. “Thanks for the ride.”</p>
<p>
  <em>“Losing a friend is never easy. Especially when you don’t understand why you lost them in the first place. Like I said. Friendship is complicated.”</em>
</p>
<hr/>
<p>Zach and Marcus arrived at Bryce’s enormous house. He took them into his house, already knowing why they were here.</p>
<p>“The official word is that he’s not here,” Bryce told them.</p>
<p>“Coach is looking for him, too. He’s fucking pissed that he missed the assembly,” Zach said.</p>
<p>“He’s in the pool house,” Bryce said. “And stoned off his gourd by the way.”</p>
<p>“He’s been here all day?” Marcus asked.</p>
<p>“Since last night. What did he do?” Bryce asked.</p>
<p>Zach shrugged. “Who the fuck knows?”</p>
<p>Marcus and Zach found him in the pool house playing first-person shooter games…and there were bongs all over the table.</p>
<p>“Yo man. Are you okay?” Zach asked.</p>
<p>“Fuck you, am I okay. What are you, my bitch now? Close the fucking door.”</p>
<p>Marcus complied. “Jessica’s looking for you. She looks bad.”</p>
<p>“She has for a while,” Justin said slurred.</p>
<p>“Are you gonna talk to her?” Zach asked.</p>
<p>“And say what?”</p>
<p>“Tell her to get her shit together. She’s acting like a nutjob, drawing attention to herself,” Marcus said. “And you.”</p>
<p>“Not me. I ain’t there,” he said without a care.</p>
<p>Marcus and Zach were very much not happy with this at all. Not one bit. Justin just laid there and played. The other two boys forewent any attempt at talking with him and just played games. At least until Justin got up to smoke some weed. There was just a long time of them doing nothing except that, until someone furiously knocked on the door.</p>
<p>They knew it was Jessica. “It’s all you, bro,” Zach said to Justin.</p>
<p>Justin opened the door, and Jessica unleashed the fury of a woman scorned on Justin, shoving and pushing him back, ranting viciously at him. Most prominently, she kept asking Justin, “What did you tell him?!”</p>
<p>“What did I tell who?”</p>
<p>“Mr. Porter! What did you tell him yesterday?! And why haven’t you been at school!” Jessica screamed.</p>
<p>“I just needed a day off to chill,” Justin claimed.</p>
<p>“The day after you talk to Mr. Porter, you suddenly need a day off?! You’re not telling me something!” Jessica screamed further.</p>
<p>“What would I not be telling you?” Justin asked her.</p>
<p>Jessica said nothing. Zach and Marcus weren’t even fazed by this fiasco happening. Justin sat down with a beer and nonchalantly started drinking, suddenly looking more concerned than apathetic like before.</p>
<p>“Hannah has the tapes now,” Jessica announced.</p>
<p>“I know. Don’t worry about it,” Justin told her.</p>
<p>“She’s not like the rest of us. She could say something.”</p>
<p>Justin reassured her, “She won’t talk. We’ll make sure of it.”</p>
<p>Jessica glared at him. “You could lose your shot at a scholarship.”</p>
<p>“We’ll deal with it, okay? Just chill!” Justin told her. “How far is she, anyway?”</p>
<p>“Not there yet, if that’s what you mean,” Jessica said. She looked around, and then back at Justin. “If Clay was lying, why are you here?”</p>
<hr/>
<p>Justin had no answer to that.</p>
<p>Hannah stood right outside of Clay’s home as the sun was setting. She looked right upstairs, right to the window that once allowed sunlight into Clay’s room. However, it was not he who was sitting there. It was his father, Matt. He looked around aimlessly at nothing, and Hannah was almost in tears looking at him. She held her arms around herself.</p>
<p>Inside of Clay’s room, Matthew Jensen sat down looking at his son’s desk. He picked up a blue sharpie that was left on there. He doodled on some notebook paper Clay had left over poking dots in the paper. Unknown to him, it was the same writing utensil that Clay had used to label each tape from 1 to 13.</p>
<p>There were also numerous textbooks on the desk, including the ones that they had taken from the school. He found a crinkled notebook paper in one of the textbooks. He looked at it surprised.</p>
<p>“Lainie…” he mumbled. He got up and ran downstairs. “Lainie!”</p>
<p>He showed her the paper. It was a list. It listed the “bests” and “worsts”, the “Hot or Not List”. It included various titles, like the best/worst lips, best/worst breasts, ass, face, legs, all of it. And on the list for Best Ass was Hannah Baker, the Worst Ass was Jessica Davis…but the title for Best Lips was given to Clay Jensen, on a list that consisted entirely of women.</p>
<p>“It’s nothing. If anything, it’s a compliment,” Lainie said.</p>
<p>“Are you kidding me, Lane?” Matt said.</p>
<p>“I’m just saying what the litigator would argue,” Lainie told him.</p>
<p>“This is not a fucking compliment! You saw what was on her Facebook, and the texts, or did you forget?” Matt harshly asked her.</p>
<p>“He had mean classmates,” Lainie downplayed it.</p>
<p>“This is bullying! Our son was bullied!” Matt almost yelled.</p>
<p>“The courts won’t see it that way,” Lainie claimed.</p>
<p>“With everything else—”</p>
<p>“What else do we have, Matt? A couple of Facebook posts? Some texts? Online comments?” Lainie said. “Anonymous insults that could have come from anywhere. We have no idea what this means, who wrote it, or where they came from.”</p>
<p>“We have to find out, Lainie!” Matt yelled.</p>
<p>“What if we find out something we don’t want to know?” Lainie asked.</p>
<p>He flashed the list in her face. “I know our son.”</p>
<p>“Are you sure?”</p>
<p>Matt ignored her. He grabbed his phone and called someone. “Hi. It’s Matt. I’m so sorry to bother you again. You’ve already done so much, but we found something inside one of Clay’s books. We don’t know what it is. I was hoping that you could.”</p>
<p>The person on the other end of the phone was Sheri. “Of course, Mr. Jensen. I’ll be right there, I’m just around the block. Alright, bye.”</p>
<p>Sheri drove around the block and right to Clay’s home. Matt waited for her outside.</p>
<p>Hannah in the meantime had already made it back to her home. Her parents weren’t home. She went straight to her room and sat at her desk, where she found blue nail polish. On impulse, she painted her nails blue to match the numbers on the tapes.</p>
<p>She checked her phone. Specifically, she checked the Find My Friends app that allowed her to locate the people on her phone. She had their numbers and they had shared their locations with her from time passed.</p>
<p>Those people had forgotten about this. She saw that Marcus Cole, Zach Dempsey, Jessica Davis, and Justin Foley were all in the same area. Hannah smirked like a hunter that spotted her prey.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Tape 2, Side A</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Jealousy and gossip take a toll on Clay's relationships. Hannah battles her own guilt and anger, as well as her own personal demons from Liberty High School.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>“For want of a nail, the shoe was lost. For want of a shoe, the horse was lost. For want of a horse, the rider was lost. For want of a rider, the message was lost. For want of a message, the battle was lost. For want of a battle, the kingdom was lost. And all for the want of a horseshoe nail.”</em>
</p><p>Jessica walked up the stairs to where Justin’s apartment was in the slums of Evergreen, California. She knocked on the door.</p><p>
  <em>“We all know the concept. It’s called the butterfly effect. One small thing changes everything. A butterfly flaps its wings at just the right time, and a thousand miles away, a hurricane is created.”</em>
</p><p>“Hang on.” An unkempt woman in a waitress outfit, Amber, answered the door. The entire apartment smelled like smoke and drugs.</p><p>“Is Justin here?” Jessica asked her.</p><p>Amber shook her head. “I haven’t seen him for days. I thought he was with you.”</p><p>“He told me that he was going home last night,” Jessica said.</p><p>“Yeah, well, he didn’t.”</p><p>“Who is it, Am?” asked a man.</p><p>“Justin’s girlfriend,” Amber said. She walked away and the man came to the door. He was covered in tattoos, including SS bolts on the back of his neck.</p><p>“Girlfriend…huh…” he said. “You tell that little shit that his mother is worried sick, alright?”</p><p>“Yeah, she looks it,” Jessica mumbled sarcastically.</p><p>Jessica went down the stairs. The man looked down the stairs and said, “Tell him to call or don’t bother coming home.”</p><p>Jessica didn’t give him another glance as she left.</p><p><em>“If you’ve seen </em>Jurassic Park<em>, you’ve heard of it. It was Ian Malcolm’s school of philosophy. Chaos theory. Not exactly chaos, but how tiny things in a system will drastically affect the outcome. One little thing happens, everything changes.” </em></p><p>Bryce woke up Justin by dripping water on his face. It startled him awake.</p><p>“Fuck! What the fuck?!” he said panicking.</p><p>Bryce just thought it was funny. “Dude. It’s time to wakey. Rolling in ten if you feel like school.”</p><p>“Shit… What’s with the fucking water?”</p><p>“Having a little bit of fun,” Bryce said. “You know, Justy. You’re welcome here anytime, but I thought you were going home last night.”</p><p>Justin scoffed. “That guy Seth is back.”</p><p>“Meth Seth?”</p><p>“Yeth,” Justin answered. He got dressed.</p><p>“That’s all? Just Meth Seth?” Bryce asked.</p><p>“I can’t deal with him, you know that.”</p><p>Bryce showed Justin his phone. “Your girlfriend’s texting me now. Brother, I always got your back. If you did anything, we can take care of it. I mean anything. You know my one rule.”</p><p>“Keep you clean,” Justin said.</p><p>“Keep me clean,” Bryce repeated. “And take care of Jessica, alright?”</p><p>Justin smiled.</p><p>“You want breakfast? Marisa the maid’s here. She’s making some Mexican shit.”</p><p>Justin snickered. “You know that she’s Guatemalan, right?”</p><p>“Whatever. You hungry?”</p><p>Justin nodded. He jumped at the chance.</p><p>
  <em>“Chaos Theory. The Butterfly Effect. For want of a nail. It all sounds so dramatic, but it isn’t. Ask any mathematician, or even better, just ask a person who’s been in a hurricane.”</em>
</p>
<hr/><p>Hannah stood in front of posters. There was one that was gathering up a whole lot of attention. It was a poster that said <em>you are not alone</em>. It would be a fine message, save that the charcoal drawing was largely red with black illustrations of human faces. It was far more unnerving than it was uplifting, but it was great at getting everyone’s attention.</p><p>Marcus ambushed her with a bright smile. “Do you want to help?”</p><p>“With what?” Hannah asked.</p><p>“The posters.” Marcus showed her one of the school’s many anti-suicide, get-help posters.</p><p>Hannah scoffed. “You’re fucking kidding me, right? After what you did to me?”</p><p>Marcus’s smile faded. “Look…what happened between us. Totally my fault. I know what I did was…wrong, and reputation or not, you didn’t deserve that. I’m hoping that you’ll forgive me…and maybe we can go past it?”</p><p>Hannah was a bit disgusted with Marcus’s fake apology. She instantly saw his ploy. Jessica might not have known about Hannah’s confrontation with Justin and Zach, but Marcus had to. He knew what her intentions and Marcus was trying to pull a kindness trick to try and prevent her from doing anything that would affect him.</p><p>Hannah was certain that Marcus was trying play her as a pawn in a game of chess. Hannah had one on him, though. She had wizened up after a year here. She knew how to play that game. What’s the best way to manipulate someone? Make them believe that you’ll do what they want you to do. Make them predictable. So Hannah did exactly that.</p><p>“Fine. I can look past what happened as a moment of teenage hormones. Just that once, alright?” Hannah said with a soft voice.</p><p>“Fair enough,” Marcus admitted. He was about to wrap his arm around her shoulder, and immediately recoiled. “Walk with me?”</p><p>“I’ll walk with you, but I’m not putting up those posters,” Hannah said.</p><p>They walked towards the main building. “Come on, school spirit. Make a contribution. Giving back.”</p><p>“To whom? And to what? This school’s done shit for me,” Hannah retorted. A mixture of her honesty to go along with her attempt to come across as receptive to Marcus. Their discussion was cut off by the band playing in the courtyard. Hannah said the first thing that popped into her head. “Why are they playing in the courtyard?”</p><p>“They asked student council. They thought it was a great idea. Got a concert tonight. Got some glum chums,” Marcus said.</p><p>Hannah had no idea what that meant…until Alex Standall walked past her with a complete expression of depression.</p><p>
  <em>“Alex Standall. You caused the hurricane. It’s your turn. Remember the motto you had with me, Hannah, and Jessica? F.M.L. forever? When I came up with that, I didn’t know you would F my L forever. I didn’t know you’d be my hurricane.”</em>
</p><p>The gloomy Alex brought his instrument to the rest of the band. Hannah couldn’t hear what he was saying, but she could easily determine from the reactions of his bandmates that he…wasn’t a good influence on the mood. Whatever happened, Alex didn’t take it well, if him throwing down his instrument and walking away.</p><p>Hannah walked away from Marcus and right to Alex. She couldn’t even bring herself to have anger towards Alex anymore. It didn’t make her feel any better to kick a dog that was already on the ground and not fighting back. And Alex was definitely the depressed dog who felt the weight of his part in Clay’s death.</p><p>
  <em>“Maybe you think I’m being silly. That I’m just a guy who gets all worked up over nothing. But what you think is nothing, can mean a lot to another. Like when you didn’t tell me that you started dating Jessica. I remember how it ended with your list.” </em>
</p><p>Hannah sat with him. “What was that?”</p><p>“Troy made a joke about the song ‘Gloomy Sunday’ being a suicide song,” Alex slurred.</p><p>Hannah glanced at the band. “How fucking nice. Is that a real song?”</p><p>“Google ‘Hungarian Suicide Song’,” he answered.</p><p>“I’ll take your word for it.”</p><p>“Are you here to chew into me like you did Justin and Zach?” Alex asked.</p><p>“No. You seem to be doing a good job of that yourself,” Hannah commented. She was more right about that than even she realized at first.</p><p>“Alex,” a girl from the band called. “Let’s do ‘Take the A Train’, with your solo.”</p><p>“Well. If I’m gonna be happy, may as well do it with the Duke,” Alex said.</p><p>Hannah…for once was actually worried for a tape subject. Something…was off. This wasn’t right, something was wrong here. She had<em> never</em> seen him so dejected before. Not even when he was angry or sad did he seem that bad.</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>Before</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Alex. We never spoke after you started dating Jessica. And then it seemed like you weren’t dating anymore.” </em>
</p><p>Clay went to the front office. Jessica was already there. “Hi, Jess,” he said with a smile.</p><p>“Hello, Clay.”</p><p>“What are you here for? Everything okay?” Clay asked.</p><p>“In the world?”</p><p>“No, just with you,” Clay confirmed.</p><p>“Yeah,” Jess said flatly.</p><p>“Well, maybe we could stop by our office if you want to make a full report,” Clay offered.</p><p>“Our office?” Jessica said confused.</p><p>“Monet’s?”</p><p>Jessica looked to the ground. “I forgot about that.”</p><p>“It has been a while.”</p><p>Jess shook her head. “There’s just so much going on.”</p><p>Alex walked in, much to Clay’s elation.</p><p>“Well, three out of four. Maybe I should text Hannah, and we should have a nice Monet’s reunion,” Clay suggested with excitement. “Don’t you have a few selections left on your menu journey. You were so committed to it before.”</p><p>“Commitment’s hard for Alex,” Jessica said harshly.</p><p>“At least I can try something new in life,” Alex retorted.</p><p>Clay’s smile instantly faded.</p><p>
  <em>“Is that why you did it, Alex?”</em>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>After</em>
</p><p>Principal Bolan stepped out of his office, finding Mr. Jensen right there waiting for him. “Mr. Jensen. Hi, I wasn’t expecting you.”</p><p>Matt shook his hand. “Call me Matt. Thanks for making the time. I…I know how busy you are.”</p><p>“It’s no trouble,” said the Principal.</p><p>Matt sat down. He was clearly sleep-deprived. “Can you…can you tell me about Clay’s school life. Was he unhappy here?”</p><p>Bolan shrugged. “I can’t answer that.”</p><p>“I know that you can’t know every student. My wife and I…we’re still trying to understand. At home—” he sniffled. “At home, Clay would go from exuberantly talking about projects and homework and Monet’s to just barely saying a word or leaving his room for hours on end. Nothing told us that he’d ever—”</p><p>“I’m afraid I have to stop you right there, Mr. Jensen,” Bolan interrupted. “I’m terribly sorry for your loss. I wish I could offer you what you need. But I can’t, now that lawyers are involved.”</p><p>“What are you saying?” Matt said firmly.</p><p>“In light of our lawsuit, I shouldn’t be talking to you,” Bolan answered.</p><p>“Then why are you?” Matt asked.</p><p>“You and your wife are still members of our school community, and we want nothing more than to support you,” Bolan said. Matt clearly didn’t believe him. “I can only imagine your grief.”</p><p>“You can’t imagine the first thing about my life right now,” Matt said with fury.</p><p>Bolan said nothing as Matt stormed out of the room with an expression of complete and total fury. He went straight to the restroom and held the door shut behind him. He slid down the door, his anger rapidly deteriorating until he was left a sobbing mess on the floor. Tears rolled down his face into his beard. Fluid flowed from his nose freely, a far cry from the angry stern man before. He was alone in the bathroom.</p><p>For several seconds, he sat there against the door. He went to a stall and grabbed toilet paper to wipe away the tears…and he saw the writing on the wall. Literally, as in words written in marker all over the walls. Cruel words: fuckwad, faggot, bitch-boy.</p><p>
  <em>“You might think it’s nothing, Alex. It’s just words. The thing is, man to man, I would have thought you’d understand.” </em>
</p><p>Matt looked around and took out his phone, taking pictures of all the graffiti on the wall. His grief and agony remained, but a new sense of determination overcame him. This was evidence of the poisonous climate at the school. And he collected all of it that he could. Every word, every insult.</p><p>He left the bathroom with his eyes swollen and red. He walked down the hall where he spotted a memorial dedicated to Clay. It was covered in roses. Some of the bouquets were of sunflowers. And there were several cards here too, all for Clay.  </p><p>“Anyone who knew you would’ve known that you hated fucking roses. You thought they were a cliché,” Matt mumbled. He walked away, not happy with the display.</p><p>Around the corner, Tony came out of hiding. He said nothing. He only looked at the memorial with obvious grief on his face. “I’m sorry Clay…”</p><p>
  <em>Before</em>
</p><p>Hannah left the school building. Clay chased after her.</p><p>“Hey, Hannah.” He walked with her down the sidewalk.</p><p>“Morning, Helmet.”</p><p>“Urgent question,” Clay said. “Have you noticed anything off about Alex lately?”</p><p>Hannah looked at him weird. “How can you even tell?”</p><p>“Don’t be mean,” Clay playfully teased.</p><p>“I’m not being mean. Being different’s cool. I mean, Alex has an amazing sense of style, and you could use a few lessons,” Hannah suggested.</p><p>“Totally. And I’m glad we got around to talking about my shortcomings. I was wondering when we’d get to that,” Clay joked.</p><p>Hannah giggled. “You’re working tonight, right?”</p><p>Clay nodded. “We’re both on at six. I think…I gotta look at the schedule. And speaking of tonight, I don’t know if you know this, but there’s a penumbral lunar eclipse at 11:49.”</p><p>“A what?” Hannah asked.</p><p>“Uh…you know when you turn on a light, you have the dark shadow, and then those lighter shadows to the sides?”</p><p>Hannah nodded.</p><p>“The dark one is your direct shadow, that’s the umbra. The penumbra is the lighter shadow. The Moon is gonna pass through the Earth’s penumbra tonight. Last show is at nine, and if we clean fast, and we probably can, cause no kids to that English cause it’s super boring, we could get out in time, I could point it out to you. If you want.”</p><p>Hannah was appreciative of Clay’s tendency to ramble when he was nervous. “You want to show me the Moon?” She responded with simplicity, knowing Clay was about to get even more dorky.</p><p>“Not like a full eclipse. Just a shadow. You wouldn’t see the…Yeah,” he said.</p><p>Hannah smiled. “You should patent yourself. Seriously. And yes, I’ll watch the Moon with you.”</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>After</em>
</p><p>Jeff spoke with Jessica. “Is Justin still missing?”</p><p>“He’s not missing. I know exactly where he is,” Jessica said. She showed Jeff a picture of Justin in Bryce’s pool.</p><p>“He’s at Bryce’s. Maybe you should go get him. Drag him back to school by his perfect hair,” he said with a smile. “Tell him that you entered him into that costume contest. $200!”</p><p>“Yeah, maybe he’ll dress up as my actual boyfriend,” Jessica said. She took a picture of the posters and ditched school.</p><p>In the office nearby, Bolan and Mr. Porter met up.</p><p>The latter told the former, “I spoke to Justin, but now I need to speak with Alex Standall. He dated Jessica Davis who I spoke to yesterday. Apparently, Justin sent an inappropriate video of Zach Dempsey around from Clay’s phone, and everyone thought Clay was a homosexual voyeur…and that’s putting it politely according to her. Justin said it was supposed to be a joke and that he just didn’t think it through.”</p><p>“Have you followed it up?” Bolan asked.</p><p>“Justin’s been absent the past two days,” Mr. Porter told him.</p><p>“Did you call home?”</p><p>Mr. Porter shook his head. “No answer. I spoke with Coach Patrick. Apparently, it’s just his mom and a series of stepdads and boyfriends. He’s not sure, but he suspects there may have been abuse in the past.”</p><p>“At home?” Bolan said alarmed.</p><p>“Yes.”</p><p>At Bryce’s home, Justin walked around the house, staring at everything with a mixture of envy and sorrow. The life he always wanted, the life he never had. And it capped off with a portrait of the Walker family on the wall. On the surface at least, two loving parents and their little golden boy. Justin…there existed no pictures of him with his mother, let alone both of his parents.</p><p>Jessica arrived at the house and rang the doorbell. Tears started streaming down Justin’s face. Real tears. Without hesitation, Jessica embraced him to comfort him. She let him be vulnerable around her.</p><p>The conversation between Bolan and Mr. Porter continued. The latter asked the former, “And Jessica Davis?”</p><p>“As I understand it, Clay was one of her first friends here. Now, she’s Justin’s girlfriend.”</p><p>Bolan shrugged. “I imagine she protected him.”</p><p>“Maybe, or she doesn’t know anything. She didn’t say much,” Mr. Porter claimed.</p><p>“This lawsuit could cost this district tens of thousands, hundreds. And that’s <em>if</em> we win. We’re already getting calls from the media,” Bolan said. So that was where his concern lay.</p><p>“I get it,” Mr. Porter said.</p><p>“He never came to you for help?” Bolan asked.</p><p>“Just once. Last year about colleges.”</p><p>Bolan shook his head. “All the time and resources we’ve dedicated to him now. If only we’d known.” He left Mr. Porter’s office.</p><p>As soon as Mr. Porter was alone, he closed the door and shut the blinds. He took out his datebook and ripped out a page from it, making sure that nobody saw him do it. However, he did not discard the page. Said page was dated for October 9 and October 10 of 2017.</p>
<hr/><p>Jeff and Hannah sat next to each other in history class, the one that Coach Patrick taught. Or rather, presided over for the beginning and end.</p><p>“Alright young people. Let the learning commence,” he said. “We got a film on our World War II unit. It’s full of facts even though it’s fiction. No talking, no texting, no sleeping.”</p><p>“And he will fall asleep in five minutes,” Hannah said to Jeff.</p><p>“Right? Remember when he showed <em>Gladiator</em> for Roman history?” Jeff said with a smile.</p><p>“Oh my God…John Wayne…” Hannah said upon seeing the opening credits. </p><p>“Shhh. You’ll interrupt his precious naptime,” Jeff whispered, feigning abject terror at the prospect. Hannah chuckled, a real one for a change. Jeff right now was one of the few people she felt comfortable around, someone who could draw a smile from her.</p><p>Someone snuck in late…and Hannah spotted Alex walking by. “Jeff…could you cover me if he wakes up?”</p><p>“Of course.”</p><p>Hannah slowly stood up. The coach looked like he was about to wake up. He was just coughing. Jeff gestured for Hannah to hurry, and that was exactly what she did. She escaped the room and into the halls. Alex was further down tearing down the anti-suicide posters from the walls.</p><p>
  <em>“Alex. Maybe you were just being a dick.”</em>
</p><p>Hannah walked down to check on him. “Alex?”</p><p>“Go back to class Hannah,” he mumbled.</p><p>“What are you doing?”</p><p>Alex scoffed. “Isn’t it obvious? I’m cleaning up! Do they seriously think these are gonna save someone’s life? Suicide’s not an option? Obviously, it fucking is! Why don’t we put up a poster that says, ‘Don’t be a fucking dick to people’? Why don’t put those up?”</p><p>Hannah had never seen Alex like this before. Not this badly.</p><p>“That would be nice. I try not to be a dick,” Hannah said.</p><p>“We all do.”</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>Before</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“You see, part of me just really doesn’t understand why you did what did. Especially…you of all people should have known what it would feel like to be me. With how your father is, and everything.”</em>
</p><p>In a happier time, the hot chocolate quartet gathered at Jessica’s house, sitting on Jessica’s bed and drinking cans of soda.</p><p>“If you’re waiting for, like, the perfect moment to choreograph your first kisses, you’re gonna die virgins,” Jessica said to Clay and Hannah.</p><p>“Well forgive us for having standards,” Clay said.</p><p>“We want our first kisses to be special,” Hannah added.</p><p>“Well, your standards are <em>way</em> too high,” Jessica said.</p><p>“You both need to lower them like the rest of us,” Alex said. “Okay, Never Have I Ever never been kissed.”</p><p>“Too soon!” Jessica said through laughs.</p><p>“Stop!” both Hannah and Clay demanded, throwing pillows at him.</p><p>“Drink you two,” Alex told them.</p><p>“This is just Sprite,” Clay said.</p><p>“Cheap Sprite,” Hannah clarified.</p><p>“It’s Twist Up, actually,” Jessica said.</p><p>“Your mom is so cheap,” Alex said.</p><p>“How did this turn into a game?” Clay mumbled through giggles.</p><p>Alex said, “Never Have I Ever kissed my best friend…and I’m not drinking anymore of this cheap shit, so…”</p><p>He leaned forward and kissed Hannah.</p><p>“We’re all best friends here,” Alex reminded Jess.</p><p>Jessica kissed Clay. And then Hannah and Jessica kissed…much to the appreciation of Clay and Alex. They exchanged a sheepish glance, hiding their blushes. And the girls didn’t just kiss for a split second, they were at it for a bit.</p><p>“Alright, you two. Your turn,” Hannah said. She and Jessica stared at Alex and Clay expectantly.</p><p>Clay was a bit uncomfortable. But he sighed and powered through his discomfort and kissed Alex. They kissed for as long as Hannah and Jessica kissed, for several seconds. At least until Clay broke out laughing in the middle of it.</p><p>And then Jessica and Alex took their shot at each other. And they were visibly passionate about it. Clay glanced at Hannah who sucked in her lips. She shook her head and dove right in, enjoying a nice little kiss with Clay.</p><p>
  <em>“Yeah. Alex and I kissed. Just that once. That’s proof enough for you guys, right? That proves that Clay Jensen’s gay. Yeah, well, sorry to disappoint you, but there’s a reason why Alex and Jessica got into a relationship after that.”</em>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>After</em>
</p><p>The school photographer came down the stairs. “What are you guys doing?” he asked.</p><p>“I’m recruiting Hannah for the Illuminati. You wanna join?” Alex sarcastically offered.</p><p>“Don’t joke about that. What are you guys talking about?” he asked again.</p><p>“Homework. We got a project,” Hannah lied.</p><p>“The only class you guys have together is gym.”</p><p>“And it’s creepy that you know that. Go away,” Alex demanded. Tyler did as told and walked off. At the same time that Tyler walked away, Mr. Porter came upon Alex and Hannah.</p><p>“Hey. Where are you supposed to be?” he asked them.</p><p>“Such a heavy question. That’s…existential,” Alex mumbled.</p><p>“Alex, why don’t you come with me. I’ve been wanting to talk to you,” Mr. Porter said. “You too, Hannah. If you want.”</p><p>“Coach Patrick sent me to the library. He has the wrong DVD…and I’ve wasted enough time already,” Hannah said without even fluctuating her voice. The counselor believed her without missing a beat.</p><p>Before Hannah had a chance to leave, a very tomboyish girl walked by her. She dug through the trash bin. “You find anything interesting, Ryan?” Hannah asked her.</p><p>“Hardly. Just the typical angsty, uninspired, lustful shit,” said the girl. “I’m planning a special issue in memory of Clay Jensen. You got anything to add?”</p><p>Hannah shook her head. “Not really.” She walked off back to class.</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>Before </em>
</p><p>Hannah and Clay worked the theater again, cleaning everything after the last showing. Hannah whispered to Clay, “He’s still in there.”</p><p>“Is he okay? Credits ended five minutes ago,” Clay whispered back. He was immediately answered when Alex left the room dragging his feet. “You okay, Alex?”</p><p>“Yeah,” he said. “Good night.”</p><p>“No Jessica tonight,” Hannah asked.</p><p>“No,” Alex answered.</p><p>“So, you’re all good, man?” Clay asked, sincerely concerned.</p><p>
  <em>“Alex. You should know that I always thought you were good for Jess. I was just sad that you didn’t think you could tell me. I don’t understand why it needed to be a secret. And I was hoping that you guys would get back together.”</em>
</p><p>“Yeah. See you tomorrow, I guess.” Alex left.</p><p>Clay checked the time. “Okay, you do ticket count. I’ll do concession. Ten minutes to go!” he said, beaming with excitement. Said excitement had a contagious effect, spreading to Hannah. Once they were done, they ran up to the roof and sat on the edge as the theater’s lights turned off, leaving them in almost pitch-black darkness. Clay helped the nervous Hannah to sit on the ledge.</p><p>“I got you,” Clay said.</p><p>They watched the moon together.</p><p>“Uh, what am I supposed to be seeing?” Hannah asked.</p><p>Clay pointed up to the moon. “Just a shadow over the Moon. Look can you see it? It’s growing slowly.”</p><p>“A shadow…growing slowly…” Hannah repeated.</p><p>“Little bit at a time. Look closely.”</p><p>She did just that. “Wait…Wait, I see it. I can see it…It’s kind…kind of scary.”</p><p>“Is it?” Clay asked.</p><p>The night’s chill made her scoot closer to Clay. He seemed a bit surprised and nervous. Especially when she slipped her hand into his. He looked at her like he was frightened of this. Her smile put him at ease as they leaned into each other.</p>
<hr/><p>The next day, Clay went into school with a renewed energy. So much so that he was almost shining like the warm sun. Hannah was no different.</p><p>“Morning, Astronomy Boy,” Hannah said.</p><p>“That’s better then, Helmet, I guess,” Clay joked back.</p><p>Hannah winked. “I think they really work together.” Clay had nothing but a bright grin just for her. She walked away to her next class. He failed to notice the train of jocks and asshole guys all taking pictures of Hannah’s ass as she walked away. She felt all those prying eyes, all those guys just staring at her…as well as the girls who looked at her weird.</p><p>Clay only noticed the people looking at him disgusted and weird. Clay was…confused to say the least. It had been a long time since that video of Zach went everywhere.</p><p>
  <em>“Alex. You might think I’m getting worked up over nothing. But why don’t you try walking those halls? Why don’t you try feeling all the stares? Hearing all the whispers that stop once you get close? Why don’t you try that?”</em>
</p><p>In Communications class, headed by Pam Bradley, Zach Dempsey and others in the room were all staring at the list.</p><p>“Oh my God… Clay Jensen?” Zach said. “And Hannah Baker?” He laughed with a couple of the other guys in the room. Clay heard his name from Zach’s mouth, but he ignored it. He didn’t want to let anything ruin the lingering effects of such a good night.</p><p>Sheri and Charlie were sitting next to him. While she and Charlie showed familiarity with each other, Clay didn’t seem to know him at all.</p><p>Clay’s happiness promptly was ripped away when a girl dropped the paper off at Clay’s desk. He opened it up, and whatever was on the paper distracted him from Ms. Bradley’s lesson. It was a list. The Hot or Not List.</p><p>And Clay saw his name on the list…written in Alex’s handwriting…on a list that described only women. And here he was on it.</p><p>
  <em>“I was confused. Why was I on this list? Why is my name on here? Why did this thing even exist? At first, I just thought it was like a joke or something.” </em>
</p><p>Clay folded up the paper and tossed it to Sheri. He realized that was why people were looking at him funny.</p><p>Sheri was immediately concerned and took the paper. Unlike Clay, she saw that Hannah’s name was on this list, too, along with several other names…like Skye Miller under butterface. Right…because Skye was so ugly just for preferring dark clothes and dark makeup. She found it tasteless…and saw it for what it was. An insult, something that only served as a magnet for harassment and insults. Sheri took a picture of it on her phone.</p><p>She handed the paper to Hannah. “Hey.” Hannah took one look at the paper and immediately threw it in the garbage. She realized too late that she should have torn it to pieces when another guy picked it up out of the trash. People weren’t just giggling at Clay, they were also giggling at Hannah.</p><p>
  <em>“But it was just a joke. Wasn’t it, Alex? Here’s what perplexes me, Alex. You’re a guy. And you told me all about your hypermasculine father who imposed a poisonous masculinity on you, which I told you about. You knew what would happen if you did something like that, you know what that’s like, and you did it anyway.”</em>
</p>
<hr/><p>Clay distracted himself from it all by staying in the library with the only guy who really knew him. Jeff Atkins.</p><p>“It’s good,” Clay told him, referring to the work on his English paper. “You just need to work on your sentence structure and word variety. You used the word ‘unique’ seven times. If one thing’s unique, the other six should be something else.”</p><p>Jeff shrugged. “What’s wrong with unique? If something’s unique, that means it’s different, right. I’m saying this type of literature is different from other types of literature. I mean, it is. Right?”</p><p>Clay was distracted by all the eyes looking at him in the room. It made him self-conscious, made him cringe. This time, it included women who were resentful that a boy took a slot that “should” have gone to a woman.</p><p>Jeff saw what he was looking at. “Forget them. Fuck that list, man.”</p><p>“Looking good, Clay,” said a girl dressed in black. “At least you got something better than me.”</p><p>“Thanks Skye,” Clay said quietly.</p><p>“Don’t tell me you got a thing for Twilight,” Jeff said.</p><p>“Why would it be a bad thing if I did?” Clay asked him harshly. “She used to be my friend.”</p><p>“I didn’t mean it like that. She’s gorgeous…I just don’t know why she dresses like that,” Jeff said. Skye…wasn’t happy and stormed away.</p><p>“Jeff. Let’s make a deal. I’ll keep tutoring you as long as you keep your mouth shut about my romance life,” Clay said firmly.</p><p>Jeff shrugged. “Deal.”</p><p>“Thank you.”</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>After</em>
</p><p>Hannah and the other girls ran around the track for today. Hannah went at a slow jog. Sheri was staying along with her. On the field itself, the boys practiced their coordination skills by throwing baseballs at each other. They had mitts.</p><p>“If you go any slower, you’ll be going backwards,” Sheri told her.</p><p>A question burned in Hannah’s brain. “Sheri? Remember that list?”</p><p>Sheri nodded.</p><p>“Why’d you take a picture of it?” Hannah asked.</p><p>“I showed it to Ms. Bradley after class. I saw what it was doing not just to you and Clay, but to Skye and the other girls on both sides of that list,” Sheri said.</p><p>“Doesn’t seem like they did anything about it,” Hannah said.</p><p>Sheri breathed out heavily. “Ms. Bradley said that she’d look into it. See what she could do. I checked back in with her a few days later. She said she brought it to admin, and they’d get back to her. They never did.”</p><p>Sheri and Hannah finished the lap together. Neither Hannah nor Sheri noticed that Alex was watching them and listening. When the class went back into the basketball courts for volleyball, Alex caught up with Hannah.</p><p>“What were you talking with Sheri about?” Alex asked her.</p><p>“None of your business, Alex,” Hannah said.</p><p>“Look, Mr. Porter’s asking questions. Don’t tell him anything. And don’t talk to Sheri about it,” Alex demanded.</p><p>“And if I don’t?”  Hannah challenged.</p><p>“Look, just meet me at Monet’s after school, okay?” he requested.</p><p>Hannah sped away from him…and suddenly became very dizzy. So dizzy that she had to lean against the wall of the building to support herself. She was so lightheaded that she could barely even see.</p><p>“Hannah, you okay?” Sheri came over to check on her. So did Charlie and a couple of others.</p><p>“Yeah…just give me a minute,” Hannah said. “I just…I felt kind of lightheaded.”</p><p>“When’s the last time you ate something?” Charlie asked her.</p><p>“I just had lunch,” Hannah answered.</p><p>“Did you eat breakfast?” Sheri asked. Hannah shook her head.</p><p>Sheri and Charlie scoffed. The former said, “You know you can’t do that, especially not now.”  They helped her to her feet and brought her to the gym. The coach came and checked on them.</p><p>“What’s going on?” he asked.</p><p>“I nearly passed out,” Hannah answered.</p><p>“She missed breakfast. Lunch is the only meal she’s had all day,” Sheri answered.</p><p>“Well, lucky for you, P.E. is over. Make sure you eat breakfast every morning Hannah. I don’t want to see this happen with you again, alright?” Coach said softly.</p><p>Hannah nodded. “Yes sir.”</p><p>In the front offive, Mr. Porter met with two more students. Marcus, and Tony.</p><p>“Do you think it might have Hannah who tore the posters down?” Mr. Porter asked them.</p><p>“I don’t think so,” Tony said. “She and I are close. That’s not something she’d do.”</p><p>“Can you think of anyone else who might have wanted to act out like that about suicide or Clay Jensen’s suicide?” Mr. Porter further inquired.</p><p>“I can’t think of anyone in particular. But it’s hit a lot of kids hard,” Marcus said.</p><p>“You two were friends with him?”</p><p>Tony scoffed. “Friends? I knew him my whole life. There was one time in the seventh grade where I offered to beat up some asshole who was picking on him. He said no.”</p><p>“’Friends’ is a stretch. We had a couple of study sessions and classes, but he wasn’t involved in much aside from the student council. And even then, he stopped coming to that.”</p><p>“Did he ever talk about how he felt?” Mr. Porter said.</p><p>“He seemed chill to me most of the time,” Marcus said.</p><p>“There was that incident last year though,” Tony said. Marcus immediately glared at him.</p><p>“Yeah, I remember that,” Mr. Porter said. Marcus was visibly uncomfortable, tensing up.</p><p>“There were times that he was emotional, but who isn’t?” Marcus said to change the subject.</p><p>“That’s true. I’m just trying to look out for the kids who got hit extra hard by this. I spoke with Alex Standall today,” Mr. Porter told them.</p>
<hr/><p>Hannah and Alex met at Monet’s just as the latter had requested. Hannah was eating some McDonald’s that she had picked up before she came here. Alex had a caffeine-flooded beverage. Hannah glared at it, and she kept pinching her nose.</p><p>“God…this place smells horrible,” Hannah said.</p><p>“It smells fine to me,” Alex mumbled.</p><p>“Yeah whatever. How many espressos are in there?” Hannah asked.</p><p>“Too many,” Alex said. “I get anxiety.”</p><p>“I’ve been getting anxiety recently,” Hannah commented. “But enough with the bullshit small talk, Alex. We both know why we’re here.”</p><p>Alex slightly nodded.</p><p>“Why did you put me, Jessica, and Clay on that list?” Hannah asked harshly. “Cause just so you know, Clay wasn’t the only one who suffered because of it. I had to walk those halls with troglodytes gawking at me, and taking pictures of me like fucking paparazzi.”</p><p>“I noticed…and I really am sorry.”</p><p>“Apology accepted,” Hannah said. “But do you really grasp what that list did to me? To Clay? A whole lot of bad shit goes back to list.”</p><p>“Yeah. I think the night of Jessica’s party didn’t help either,” Alex commented.</p><p>That caught Hannah by surprise. “He spoke about that party?”</p><p>“Yeah…” Alex saw Hannah’s surprise. “Wait where are you in the tapes?”</p><p>“I’m almost finished with yours.”</p><p>“Shit…Hannah… I listened to them all in one night the first time,” Alex said.</p><p>“You listened more than once?” Hannah asked.</p><p>“Twice. I thought I dreamed the whole thing. So, you haven’t heard your own tape?” Alex asked. “Aren’t you desperate to hear yours?”</p><p>“Yeah. But…I have my reasons for taking my time,” Hannah said vaguely. “Alright, no more evasion. Back to the list—”</p><p>“I should never have touched that fucking list,” Alex mumbled.</p><p>“Why did you?”</p><p>Alex sighed. “Bryce started it. All the guys were working on it at lunch.”</p><p>“Is there any reason that your friends with those assholes?” Hannah asked, with a hint of condescension. “Zach, Justin, Bryce.”</p><p>“I’m not friends with Bryce,” Alex immediately clarified. “But Zach and I got to be friends last year. He’s always with Justin. They thought it was funny and stuff. My dad was relieved that I had male friends. Also, it didn’t totally suck that Justin liked me back then.”</p><p>Hannah leaned towards him. “That was then. Knowing what you know now, why are you still hanging with them?”</p><p>“If I stop hanging out now, they’re gonna know something’s up,” Alex answered. “I shouldn’t even be talking to you.”</p><p>Hannah suspected something. “Did Zach and Justin tell you what happened?”</p><p>“That you were gonna come after the people on the tapes? Yeah. They told me and Marcus. Which is why I’m surprised that you didn’t do anything to Jessica…or me just yet.”</p><p>Hannah scoffed. She had plans in store for Jessica. Not her individually, but for her and every other member of the baker’s dozen tape subjects. At least now she knew that they had only told a select few.</p><p>But on the topic of making Alex pay… “You’re doing a good job of punishing yourself. I don’t see any reason to kick a puppy that’s already suffering.”</p><p>“Thanks for calling me a puppy,” Alex said sarcastically.</p><p>“You’re welcome. Now about the list…why did you put us on there?” Hannah asked again.</p><p>“I did it to piss Jessica off because she wouldn’t have sex with me,” Alex answered.</p><p>Hannah stared at him shocked.</p><p>“Yeah, I know. Doesn’t sound like something I’d do, right? Well, I did. The guys thought we were, and I wanted to. I loved her. And she got pissed…but not at me. She got angry with the two of you. She thought we had a three way or something.”</p><p>Hannah glared at him furious.</p><p>“Yeah, so not only did people think you gave it up for me, and that Clay was gay, but I cost you both your best friend.” The pain in Alex’s voice overcame Hannah’s anger. Her empathy for the person she still wanted as a friend deep in her heart was stronger than her anger…and she hated herself for it. She wanted to hate Alex, but couldn’t.</p><p>“And who knows?” Alex continued. “If he had just one friend…one healthy friend not tied to any of this…maybe…”</p><p>“Yeah…but he’s dead now. There’s nothing we can do about that, is there?” That was the last thing Hannah said before she left.</p><p>
  <em>“You want proof, Alex? You want to the rainclouds, hear the thunder? Let’s go to G-5 on your map everyone. Welcome to Rosie’s Diner where the butterfly’s flapping wing.” </em>
</p><p>Hannah stood outside of Rosie’s Diner wearing her headphones. She…didn’t have positive memories of this place. Not at all. And now, here she was.</p><p>“What are the fucking odds that we both suffered in this place?” Hannah mumbled.</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>Before</em>
</p><p>Clay sat at a table eating a meal in the diner. Always the same: sirloin steak well-done with a double side of fries.</p><p>
  <em>“Rosie’s Diner was a place my parents would always bring me whenever my mom didn’t want to cook. It’s also the place where babysitters would bring me when I was a child. When I turned 14, my parents told me I could eat there whenever I wanted. And that ended up being…at least three times a week. It became the place I would go when I needed an escape. When I needed a safe space.”</em>
</p><p>“You enjoying yourself, Clay?” asked a middle-aged Latina woman with the name tag saying Rosalind.</p><p>Clay chuckled. “Yeah, Rosie. You know it.”</p><p>“God. You’re a sophomore now, right?”</p><p>He nodded with a smile.</p><p>“Wow. Where did the time go? Pretty soon, my favorite lifetime customer won’t be coming here anymore,” Rosie joked.</p><p>Bryce was there too. He finished his meal and stood up to pay for it. “What’s up, Rosie? Have you forgotten that about me?”</p><p>“Never,” Rosie reassured him. “You’re a junior?”</p><p>Bryce nodded.</p><p>“Wow…all the time is just gone. Someone tell the kids to stop growing up, cause I feel so old!”</p><p>“Rosie, you don’t look a day over forty,” Bryce claimed, with his classic grin.</p><p>“You’re so sweet, Bryce.” Rosie left to manage the rest of the diner she owned. Bryce left as Clay finished his meal. He got out his wallet, signaling for a waiter to come over. The waiter didn’t accept Clay’s card.</p><p>“Your meal’s been paid for,” he said.</p><p>“What?” Clay said confused.</p><p>“Bryce paid for your food. He even left a 25% tip for Rosie. I guess it’s your lucky day,” said the waiter. That surprised Clay. Nobody had ever done that before.</p><p>He left the building and went right for his bike. However, Bryce was waiting for him.</p><p>“You paid for my food?” Clay asked him.</p><p>Bryce nodded. “Yeah. I was feeling generous today.”</p><p>“Thank you,” Clay said with a respectful nod and a grateful smirk. Bryce walked right up to him…and immediately kissed Clay. He was so shocked that he didn’t even have a chance to pull away from it. “What the fuck?”</p><p>Bryce smugly whispered to Clay. “I usually don’t listen to sophomore gossip, but…so far that list really got it right.”</p><p>
  <em>“It seems like it’s nothing until the hurricane hits.”</em>
</p><p>Clay ran to where his bike was attached. It was only now that he finally felt…just violated. His breath escaped him, going out of control as he shed tears. He lost his safe zone, and lost that feeling of having power over his body. He felt ashamed…for being a victim. For being a male victim in a world where men weren’t allowed to be victims.</p><p>
  <em> “When you put my name on that list, you put a target on me. You made it open season on Clay Jensen. You opened the floodgates. You gave people permission to do things to me.”</em>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>After</em>
</p><p>Hannah stood outside of Rosie’s Diner, with her headphones still on. She looked upon this place with a sense of dread and anger. She held her own arms around her, remembering how it felt when one specific person tried to assault her in this very place. She still felt a hand on her thigh, one that never should have been there.</p><p>But she wasn’t going to let this…phantom of a person take away anything else from her. Rosie’s Diner wasn’t the problem. It was the person. Not the place. She paused the tape and marched forward into Rosie’s Diner. Like she declared before, she was reclaiming the power that had been robbed from her for so long.</p><p>Hannah found an empty booth in the corner of the Diner, where she could see everyone here. No one could catch her by complete surprise. No one could sneak up behind her and ambush her here. She was fully safe here. And she forced herself to remember everything that happened.</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>Before</em>
</p><p>Hannah was alone at a booth in the middle of the diner. She had a milkshake in front of her, one that she slowly stirred bored out of her mind. It was Valentine’s Day. It was supposed to be a day of romance. And here were all these other couples enjoying themselves, and here she was all alone. And here she was, thinking that everyone knew that she’d been stood up on Valentine’s Day.</p><p>She was waiting for Marcus Cole. Her last text to him said, <em>Come, or don’t</em>. And this was after she had bombarded him with texts rightfully questioning why he was standing her up.</p><p>“Stupid me,” she mumbled.</p><p>And a few minute later, he finally showed up. But Marcus…wasn’t alone. Zach Dempsey and a couple of other jocks were with him.</p><p>“What the fuck, Marcus? I’ve been waiting here for an hour,” Hannah told him bluntly.</p><p>Marcus kept his smile. “Sorry. You want a milkshake or something? I still have that Founding Father, Benjamin Franklin in my wallet.”</p><p>“I already had a milkshake. Two milkshakes, in fact,” Hannah said.</p><p>“Well…fries? A cheeseburger? A stomach pump?” Marcus joked.</p><p>Hannah was receptive to that last one. “Dammit, Marcus.”</p><p>He laughed with her. “Come on! What do I have to do to get you to forgive me?”</p><p>Hannah sighed. “Nothing. Just sit down.”</p><p>Marcus did. “I’m really sorry, Hannah.”</p><p>“Why did you bring the entourage? Were you scared you weren’t safe out here on your own with me?” Hannah asked.</p><p>He leaned back. “Those guys are actually my unpaid interns. I have them do all my menial tasks.”</p><p>Hannah went with the joke. “You give them college credits?”</p><p>He whispered, “That’s what I tell them.”</p><p>Hannah giggled and turned to look at the jocks sitting nearby. Zach Dempsey was eyeing them.</p><p>“I don’t get it,” he said. “He’s an hour late. What’s his play?”</p><p>“Make a girl wait. If she’s still there after you show, she’s DTF,” said one of the jocks.</p><p>“What is that?” Zach asked cluelessly.</p><p>“Spell it out, dude.”</p><p>Zach shrugged. “It’s already letters.”</p><p>Whatever Marcus and Hannah were talking about, it was clear that it was good. She was enjoying herself, openly laughing at whatever he was saying.</p><p>“Can I have a sip of your milkshake?” Marcus asked her.</p><p>“Knock yourself out.” Hannah pushed it to him. He grabbed it…touching her hand as she did. She didn’t pull back from him.</p><p>Her mind went to the night of the eclipse. She remembered how chilly it was but being with Clay was so nice. She remembered how the next day destroyed it, with her name on the list, and Bryce groping her at the Blue Spot Liquor store. She was scared of letting someone else touch her again. And now…she was letting another man touch her. Maybe this was her first step to going back to that, to feeling comfortable with intimacy. But…she still pulled back, using the excuse of pushing her hair back over her ear.</p><p>Marcus drank some of the shake. “Mmmm. That’s good.”</p><p>“It was good an hour ago,” Hannah got out through her chuckles.</p><p>“It’s still good,” he reassured. He stood up and sat in the seat next to. “We don’t have to stay here if you don’t want. My parents are out of town.”</p><p>And then he touched her thigh…and she was wearing a skirt.</p><p>Hannah’s smile vanished. “What are you doing?”</p><p>“Nothing…Just…” Marcus glanced to the jocks. What was left of tonight was now unsalvageable. Hannah instantly saw this for what it really was.</p><p>“Oh my God…Are you kidding me Marcus?”</p><p>“What?” Marcus tried to act innocent.</p><p>“You’re a fucking asshole,” Hannah said loudly. That drew attention from some of the other patrons who looked to see what was happening. They saw Marcus getting closer and leaning into Hannah. “Stop it. Get off me,” she demanded.</p><p>“Come on,” Marcus said, still trying to work his hand up her skirt. A couple of patrons stood up to help her including an elderly woman with a cane.</p><p>“Don’t touch me! Get off!” Hannah scratched his face with her nails and pushed him off of her, and right onto the floor of the diner.</p><p>Marcus stood back up and menaced Hannah. “What the fuck?!”</p><p>“Get away from me!” Hannah yelled back to him, scooting away from him. She was hyperventilating and panicking. The jocks found this funny, save for Zach who was visibly uncomfortable with this.</p><p>Marcus smugly shrugged his shoulders. “No sweat. I thought you were easy.” He turned to the jocks. “Let’s go.”</p><p>He kept his eye on Hannah…which kept him from noticing the elderly woman and her cane. She used the cane without hesitation, striking him right between his legs. He went to the ground in agony, barely able to breathe for multiple seconds. Rosie was standing right there with her.</p><p>“How’s that for easy?” taunted the old woman. “Are you okay, young lady?”</p><p>Hannah was still trembling. Rosie immediately went to check on Hannah as Marcus’s jock buddies helped him out of the diner. They were visibly scared of the old woman, as well as the other patrons that were standing together with her.</p><p>“Are you okay?” Rosie asked Hannah.</p><p>“No…No, I’m not…I’m so fucking stupid.”</p><p>Rosie offered Hannah her hands. Hannah accepted. “Listen to me. I know this is…traumatic and horrifying and a whole lot of other indescribable things, but there’s one thing that this isn’t.”</p><p>“And what is this…not?”</p><p>“Your fault. This isn’t your fault. <em>He</em> preyed on you,” Rosie reassured her. “I’m sad to say that I’ve seen this before. But know this: you’re safe here.”</p><p>Hannah’s breathing steadied. She calmed down, partly thanks to Rosie’s reassurance of her.</p><p>The elderly woman sat across from Hannah. Three generations of women, two of them gathering to help the youngest one through her trauma.</p><p>“What is your name?” asked the elderly woman.</p><p>“Hannah,” she whispered.</p><p>“Small world. My name is also Hanna. One H.”</p><p>“Nice to meet you,” Hannah said out of proper respect.</p><p>“Under the circumstances, I don’t believe it is that nice,” said Hanna.</p><p>“Why don’t I get you a menu? I’ll get you something on the house,” Rosie offered.</p><p>“No…I just wanna go home,” Hannah said.</p><p>Rosie nodded and scooted out of Hannah’s way. Before the girl left, she turned to the elderly Hanna.</p><p>“Thank you,” she said. Hannah quickly left the diner in tears to go home. Rosie watched her leave, and she was very worried. She stepped on something as she went back to work. A wallet.</p><p>Outside, Hannah ran down the road in abject terror. She instinctively called a friend, and thankfully got an answer.</p><p>“Sheri…”</p><p>“Hannah? Hannah, what’s wrong?” Sheri asked, hearing the terror.</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>After</em>
</p><p>Hannah sat in the diner, remembering just how powerless and helpless she felt. Rosie and Hanna were able to help her, but they couldn’t stop Hannah Baker from breaking down the way she did.</p><p>“Hello, Hannah.” Rosie approached her. “How are you?”</p><p>“Hi. I’m better now. Much better than when we first met,” Hannah joked.</p><p>“I’m glad to hear. You know, my offer still stands. You can have whatever you want. On the house.”</p><p>“I think I’ll take you up on that,” Hannah said.</p><p>“Good.” Rosie handed her a menu. “Take your time.”</p><p>Hannah opened the menu…and inside was a 100-dollar bill and a note.</p><p>
  <em>The asshole left his wallet here. I thought you deserved this more than he did.</em>
</p><p>Hannah smiled and took out her wallet. She took the bill and replaced it with a 20. She wrote on the note with a pen she had in her backpack.</p><p>
  <em>Thanks. Here’s a tip for you. For everything. And if you ever see Hanna again, could you thank her for me?</em>
</p><p>Hannah briefly realized something. She had support right after the fact. She had people there to help her right after that traumatic encounter. It might have been brief, and she may not have sought help afterwards, but that very fact helped her. The fact that there were complete strangers willing to help her. However, Clay didn’t. He was completely alone in all of this. He had no one to reassure him that he would be okay, and that it wasn’t his fault.</p><p>And then Justin Foley entered the diner. Hannah immediately saw him. He came right over and sat across from her.</p><p>“So, you finally show yourself. What do you want, Justin?” Hannah asked flatly.</p><p>“To talk.”</p><p>“Then talk,” Hannah demanded.</p><p>“Look, Zach told me he talked to you. I know you’re angry and you have every reason to be,” Justin said.</p><p>“Thanks for your permission,” Hannah sarcastically quipped. “Are you gonna drop the same line he did?”</p><p>“I…don’t know his line…but I can say this. We were all having a bad couple of days. Maybe we can just move forward. Forget it happened.”</p><p>“So you want to just forget about me pretty much threatening you and Zach?” Hannah said.</p><p>Her saying it that way clearly put Justin on edge. “I’m just hoping that we can move past a bad day.”</p><p>“Okay…I’ll bite.”</p><p>“But that’s not all. I never got the chance to explain to you that I wasn’t the one that actually sent that photo everywhere,” Justin claimed.</p><p>“Oh, you mean the slide photo. It was sent from your phone,” Hannah pointed out.</p><p>“And you of all people should know that just because something was sent from someone’s phone doesn’t mean that person actually sent it,” Justin said.</p><p>“If you didn’t send it, who did?” Hannah asked.</p><p>“Bryce.”</p><p>“Oh, what a convenient scapegoat,” she mumbled.</p><p>“No. I’m being serious. I took the picture, yes. Look…I just showed him, and a couple guys the picture. And I know that’s not much better. Bryce took my phone, and he decided to just send it everywhere. I didn’t want him to do that,” Justin said. He took out his phone and opened it up. He started scrolling through texts. It took him a few minutes, and then he found what he was looking for. “Look.”</p><p>Hannah humored him. She looked at his texts…and they were dated from last year, the day after the picture was sent around. She didn’t know who this other person was, the name was unfamiliar. But the fact that these texts are dated from right after the picture went everywhere, and the fact that the other person was clearly saying that Bryce sent the picture…Hannah actually believed Justin was telling the truth.</p><p>“Okay…You’ll be surprised to hear this, but I believe you,” Hannah admitted. She returned his phone to him.</p><p>“So, we’re good?” Justin asked.</p><p>Hannah nodded. “Yeah. Let’s call it a truce.” She offered him a handshake with a smile. She made sure that the area around her eyes reacted, just to sell the lie to the hilt.</p><p>“Okay.” Justin chuckled, stood up and left just as Rosie returned. He left the diner and got in a car around the corner with Zach, Marcus, and Alex. The third was the one driving the car.</p><p>“Did she buy it?” Marcus asked.</p><p>“It looked like it. She called for a truce,” Justin told them. “I knew she. All that was just talk. If she was going to do something, she’d have done it already.”</p><p>“She still might. How do you know she’s not lying?” Zach questioned. “She can make a fuckload of trouble for us right now, especially if she starts talking to Bryce.”</p><p>Justin smirked. “She’s not gonna talk to Bryce. She can’t hide behind Sheri forever. Sooner or later, we’re gonna bring her out into the open, and shut her down.”</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>Before</em>
</p><p>Sheri drove in the direction of Rosie’s Diner. She found Hannah on the side of the road, holding her arms around her knees, all curled into a ball. She jumped up and into Sheri’s car.</p><p>“Thank you, Sheri…” she said.</p><p>“It’s not a problem. I just can’t believe he did that. I thought Marcus was an ass, but not that bad,” Sheri said. “Are you okay?”</p><p>“No. I’m not. Just take me somewhere. Anywhere. Please…” Hannah begged.</p><p>“It’s okay, Hannah. I got you.”</p><p>Sheri drove at a smooth pace. Slower than the limit, and driving around seemingly without a destination in mind. After several minutes, Hannah fell asleep from the emotional cooldown. Sheri glanced at her while stopped at a red light and decided on a destination. Sheri brought Hannah to her own home and opened the garage. The light from inside the garage woke up Hannah.</p><p>“Where are we?” Hannah slurred.</p><p>“We’re at my house,” Sheri answered. “I got the perfect solution for what happened tonight.”</p><p>Hannah looked at her worried. “What exactly is that?”</p><p>“Come on in. I’ll show you.”</p><p>A groggy Hannah stepped out of the car and into Sheri’s house. She brought Hannah to the basement, which was fitted into a gym for the family. She took some black punching gloves. They looked like the ones that boxers used.</p><p>“Uh…what are you giving me those for?” Hannah asked.</p><p>“You are gonna let off some steam. Put these on.”</p><p>Hannah did as she was told. Sheri walked over to a punching bag. She held it in place and gestured for Hannah to punch it.</p><p>“I’m not even dressed for this, Sheri.”</p><p>“Doesn’t matter,” Sheri said. “Punch this. Come on.”</p><p>Hannah reluctantly did so. Her first punches were weak.</p><p>“Hannah. Don’t you see? This big fucking black asshole is Marcus!” Sheri said loudly…and the punching bag was black and big. “Punch him! Beat the shit out of him! He just assaulted you!”</p><p>That made Hannah angry enough to punch the bag with force. She was still angry, so she kept on punching, more and more, getting angrier and angrier all the while. Sheri held the punching bag, keeping it steady, and she felt just how angry Hannah was. She kept on punching, until she was punching as hard as she physically could, until she tired herself out.</p><p>Hannah sat on the floor.</p><p>Sheri knelt with her. “You feel better?”</p><p>Hannah nodded. “Yeah. Yeah, I kind of do. Maybe I should do that again.”</p><p>Sheri and Hannah glanced at each other. The former pulled the latter against her chest, right in front of her heart. Sheri stroked Hannah’s messy hair, messing with the strands. She was more than just a friend to Hannah at this point. She was…something else. Something that Hannah didn’t have a name for, and something she didn’t share with anyone else.</p><p>“I love you, girl,” Sheri said. “I’m always here for you. I always will be.”</p><p>“And I love you,” Hannah responded. “And thank you.”</p><p>She relaxed into Sheri, feeling nothing but peaceful and serene.</p><p>“You know, Hannah, my mom grew up on a survivalist compound,” Sheri said.</p><p>Hannah opened her eyes. “Way to ruin this cute moment by telling me that…”</p><p>“My point is, she learned a lot while she was there…including how to defend herself,” Sheri explained. Hannah perked up. “I can teach you some things if you’d like.”</p><p>Hannah pondered her options. She still felt powerless. But maybe…learning to protect herself would be the first step in feeling safe and comfortable in her own body again.</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>After</em>
</p><p>Hannah sat at her desk with her Walkman, still wearing her clothes from the day. She flipped the tape like she was supposed to and pressed play. Whatever she heard, she immediately stood up and walked out the door of her room. She was careful not to stir any attention as she went along the way. She snuck out of the house and down the street.</p><p>The look of vengeance and determination on her face returned in full force.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Tape 2, Side B</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Clay thinks that someone is stalking him and sets a trap. Clay's father confronts the principal. Hannah enacts a cunning plan of vengeance, and along the way discovers a horrifying fact.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This is a very long chapter. Almost 30 pages on a word document.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>“Shhh. For this one, you need to be really quiet. Because we’re about to do something very wrong. Or rather…you are. Be careful. And don’t get caught. Have you ever wondered what it would feel like to watch someone? Invade their privacy? Do you wonder what secrets you might find? The skeletons they hide in the closet? Well, you’re in luck. You’re about to find out. Go to A-4 on your map kiddo.”</em>
</p><p>Like every day before, Hannah walked down the road, all the way to the next destination. She walked with confidence and power. After days of walking noticeable distances, she was more than ready to add a couple more miles to her count.</p><p>
  <em>“Don’t say that you feel uncomfortable doing this, or that you’re afraid. You do this every day. You spy on them every day. We always watch someone, we always follow someone, and we’re always being followed. And we love every moment of it. Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat. They’ve turned us into a culture of stalkers.”</em>
</p><p>The entire road was decorated with Halloween decorations. Hannah ignored them all and kept on going. She noticed that this place was close to Marcus’s house. She knew this because of her Find My Friends app. This was where he stayed the longest.</p><p>
  <em>“Now, stalking someone in real life is something entirely different.”</em>
</p><p>Hannah froze for a moment.</p><p>
  <em>“That’s right. I had a stalker. If you’re at A-4, you’re outside his window, just like I am. Any guesses yet? No. Stay tuned to hear about the skeletons he dug up. Now, let’s see if we can find any of his. I get it. I get the thrill of watching someone. My heart’s racing. Listen.”</em>
</p><p>She arrived at A-4, the spot marked near a cracked window just as a rapid powerful heartbeat started playing. Hannah imagined her head against Clay’s chest, listening to his real heartbeat. Her own heart started racing to match it.</p><p>It brought her back to the moments she shared with Clay, the way her heart palpitated and fluttered as she grew closer to him.</p><p>A hand touching her nearly gave her a heart attack. It was Marcus with a very tacky outfit.</p><p>“What the fuck? Marcus!” Hannah quietly screamed. “What are you doing?”</p><p>“Sorry!” Marcus said. “I said your name four times.”</p><p>“Headphones. And what the hell are you wearing?” Hannah asked. He had a strange sombrero on with a bunch of strings and cotton balls, and a very cheap-looking poncho.</p><p>“Oh, I forgot.” Marcus pressed a button on his hat, causing it to flash blue and create thunder sounds. “I’m El Niño. The tropical storm?”</p><p>Hannah wasn’t impressed.</p><p>“Wow, I really hope you’re not one of the judges tomorrow…” Marcus spoke condescendingly, like he was so smart to dress up as a tropical storm. Who does that?</p><p>“What are you doing?” Hannah asked.</p><p>“The costume party. Two hundred bucks,” Marcus answered.</p><p>“No, what are you doing here?” Hannah clarified.</p><p>He sighed. “I saw you outside. And you’re not the first one to look at the famous window. We all did. And we all took our shot.”</p><p>Hannah scoffed. Idiot just revealed himself as a tape subject. She smirked at him. She knew Marcus wasn’t as smart or clever as he thought he was. Sure, he may know all these different equations, but what about pragmatic knowledge like reading people? Not skilled there, you’re not really smart.</p><p>“I see that,” Hannah deadpanned. “I can’t wait to hear what you did to earn your place on these tapes.”</p><p>“I don’t even know,” Marcus claimed. “I didn’t listen. I just started each tape until I figured out who came after me, and passed them on.”</p><p>“You’re not worried about the second set of tapes? Or the person who’s watching us? You’re not one for rules are you?” Hannah said.</p><p>Marcus shrugged. “Clay’s dead. I’m sorry, but it’s true. Nothing that happened to him is any different than happens to every guy at every high school. He just wanted attention.”</p><p>And Hannah knew right there that this was a lie. All of it was a façade to trick her. For what reason, she wasn’t precisely sure.</p><p>“And leaving those tapes…that’s a fucked-up thing to do! No one deserves that,” he said.</p><p>Hannah shook her head. Marcus read it as an agreement, but she meant it as, “No. They did. So do I.”</p><p>And then the bedroom behind the window became active. Someone walked in the door. It was Tyler Down, the school photographer. Marcus pulled her down to avoid being seen. She hated that he was touching her but played along.</p><p>“Except maybe that psycho,” Marcus said.</p><p>“How do you know?” Hannah asked.</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“You said you didn’t listen. That you just listened for names and passed them on to the next name. You would’ve known that A-4 is Tyler Down’s house, and you would’ve stopped the tape there, go to the next one, until you got to the one after you. So how do you know what he did? And how do you know enough to take pleasure in it?” Hannah pointed out all the flaws in his statement with a very friendly voice and smile.</p><p>Marcus was smart enough to concede to Hannah’s logic. “Okay…I listened to them, but only up to my tape and the one after me. That’s it. I promise.”</p><p>She knew he was lying. It was in his nature to do so.</p><p>Hannah looked at the window. “Tyler Down. Not surprised.”</p><p>Marcus handed Hannah a rock. “Take your shot and pass those things on, girl. You’ll feel better.”</p><p>Marcus left her there. Hannah dropped the rock and saw Tyler’s father come in the room.</p><p>“We need to get this window fixed, Tyler,” he said.</p><p>“No point. They’ll just break it again,” Tyler claimed.</p><p>“Who are these kids? I need names. I want to report it to the school or to the police.”</p><p>“No. We don’t need to. I don’t know who they are,” Tyler said. “Can I just do my homework please?”</p><p>Tyler’s father left the room.</p><p>
  <em>“Welcome to your tape, Tyler Down. Tell me, when did it start? How long were you watching me, Tyler?”</em>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>Before</em>
</p><p>Hannah and Clay walked home from their shift at the Crestmont. He had his bike with him. Clay left her there at her house after an interesting and long-winded conversation about his personal distaste for the zombie apocalypse genre. He watched her as she safely got into her house before he put on his helmet to ride away…and heard the distinctive click of a camera.</p><p>
  <em>“I didn’t think anything of it at first. It was probably just my imagination, or a tree branch breaking in the wind.” </em>
</p><p>He got on his bike and rode the way back to his house. He changed in his bedroom and went downstairs to watch movies on the living room TV. He relaxed there for a while, just enjoying the night while he was still alone in this house.</p><p>And then he heard the camera click again.</p><p>
  <em>“The sound followed me home.”</em>
</p><p>Clay looked around, freaking out. He heard the sound right outside the window. He just kept watching the TV, hoping that the sound would just go away. It was paralyzing to realize that there was somebody watching him…sitting outside of a window in his home and watching him.</p><p>It eventually became too much for Clay to handle and he went up to his bedroom.</p><p>
  <em>“I thought it’d be better if I were in my bedroom, safely on the second floor. I was wrong.”</em>
</p><p>He glanced outside of the window to see a figure in the dark moonless night. It didn’t help that there were no streetlights around here to light the way. Clay instantly jumped away and to the side, where his bed was. It had no window view. He lied down and tried to go to sleep, but it was impossible for him to. His windows were open.</p><p>As a result, he still heard the very faint, but very much present sound of camera clicks.</p><p>
  <em>“I was too scared to move. Even to just close the window. I just wanted it to go away.”</em>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>After</em>
</p><p>Hannah stood outside the Jensen residence. The night was illuminated by the shining moon overhead. Up in the window marking Clay’s room, she could see shadows moving around everywhere, and saw Matt Jensen in the window.</p><p>“These pictures are proof. They’ll help us in the fight. We need to tear this room apart,” Matt said fiercely.</p><p>“I don’t want to tear this room apart, and I don’t think I want to fight. And what about us,” Lainie said. “Our son is gone.”</p><p>“You don’t think I know that?! You don’t want to know why?!” Matt screamed. “What kind of mother are you that you’re just gonna sweep it under the rug?!”</p><p>Lainie immediately left the room. Matt was alone to his own grief. He stood at his son’s desk right at the window, and he just cried. He buried his face in his hands. “Oh…my God…” He looked out into the night.</p><p>And from the ground below, Hannah watched him. She could almost feel his pain from down here.</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>“I didn’t sleep much that night. You’d know. Even if you couldn’t see me, you knew I was still awake up there. But those pictures aren’t why you’re on this tape, Tyler. It’s another one, and you know which one it is.”</em>
</p><p>Hannah looked at her phone. She found a picture that was messaged to her of two guys kissing. However, the angle of their heads and the lighting within the room made it difficult to tell who the two people were. As Hannah looked at the image, it became blindingly obvious that one of the people in this picture was Clay.</p><p>Both subjects were only visible from the shoulders up. The second person, who was darker in skin color than Clay, didn’t look like her had a shirt on. The lighting made them more silhouette-like, but the picture was obviously enhanced to compensate. It was still hard to see any discerning features.</p><p>Hannah was very suspicious that the other person in the picture was Tony Padilla. If there were any visible tattoos in the picture, she’d notice, but even the enhanced image couldn’t make any tattoos visible.</p><p>The picture was taken outside of the downstairs large bay window. The two of them were sitting on a couch with the edge of the couch concealing most of their bodies. Only Clay’s head and Tony’s head and hands were visible. He was grabbing Clay by his neck.</p><p>“Dammit, Tyler,” Hannah mumbled.</p><p>Her mother came into the room. “Hannah?”</p><p>“Morning, Mom,” Hannah mumbled.</p><p>She sat on the bed with her. “Your father and I have been talking. We’ve noticed how…stressed and distant you’ve been in the last month.”</p><p>“I’m fine, Mom. You don’t have to worry about me,” Hannah claimed. It was easy for her to lie to her mother, but that didn’t mean that she liked it.</p><p>“We just want you to open up to us. Keep us informed,” Olivia said. “Please.”</p><p>“Okay…” Hannah wasn’t lying about that. She would open up when the time was right. Hannah had no clue when exactly that would be.</p><p>“Your father is also not fond of the closed doors. In the figurative and literal sense,” Olivia said.</p><p>“Where’s this coming from?” Hannah asked.</p><p>“He’s worried about you,” Olivia said. “And don’t worry about the literal door. It’s fine. You have a right to privacy. And it’s just you and me this morning.”</p><p>Hannah sat up. “Where’s Dad?”</p>
<hr/><p>Andrew Baker was at Liberty High School with a slew of other parents. Principal Bolan and Mr. Porter were giving a presentation on the signs of contemplating suicide.</p><p>“Moo swings. Refusal to participate in group activities. Change in their appearance,” Mr. Porter said.</p><p>The whole time, Andy was jotting down notes. Tony’s father was next to him.</p><p>“You’re making me feel like a bad student,” he joked.</p><p>“I’m starting to feel like a bad parent,” Andy commented.</p><p>Mr. Porter continued. “Declining GPA, and substance abuse. Paying close attention to these warning signs can prevent your children from making a terrible mistake.”</p><p>“Thank you, Mr. Porter, for that informative presentation,” Bolan said. “Now, if any of you have any questions, we’re happy to answer them now.”</p><p>Tony Padilla’s mother spoke up. “What can you tell us about this lawsuit. Was that boy bullied?”</p><p>“We are not actually allowed to discuss that, legally, but we can all become more involved in our children’s lives,” Bolan answered.</p><p>“Should we worry about our kids being bullied?” asked a man.</p><p>“In our experience, relative to many other schools, we don’t have a problem with bullying,” Bolan claimed.</p><p>A woman with red hair asked, “Then why did that boy do it?”</p><p>“That boy’s name is Clay.” Matt Jensen was standing behind everyone.</p><p>“Mr. Jensen. It’s so good to see you. We didn’t know you’d be joining us.”</p><p>Matt said, “Well, I’m still a member of the school community, right?” Bolan nodded. Matt got out his phone, pulling up the pictures he took from the bathroom. “And if you wanna know why? Ask your children. Or look at the walls of the restrooms they use every day. ‘Faggot’. ‘Pussyboy’. ‘Fuckwad’. ‘Die’. Die!”</p><p>Every parent reacted with shock, and a couple of them looked at Bolan like he was a liar.</p><p>“These are the words carved into the walls of the bathrooms they use, and your kids did the carving!” Matt said.</p><p>While the parents were still in the library, the students of Liberty trickled into the school. Among them was Hannah. As she worked her way through the school, she found Tyler wearing a hoodie. She started following him, but lost him in the crowd, and she wasn’t about to make a big scene of trying to find him. She could ambush him later.</p><p>Getting stuff out of her locker, she spotted Jessica and Justin next to her. They were dressed as punk rockers…and Justin didn’t seem to like it.</p><p>“Justin, you said you wanted to do this,” Jessica said.</p><p>“I do. I’m here, aren’t I? I’m doing this…” He noticed Hannah staring. “What the fuck are you looking at?”</p><p>“She’s checking out our awesome costumes. You get it, right?”</p><p>Hannah nodded. “Sid and Nancy?”</p><p>Jessica smiled. And if Hannah had to be honest, they did put in a lot of effort to look the part of the punk rockers. Too bad they didn’t know how that story ended, or maybe they did and they just like the look of punk rockers.</p><p>Alex walked by. Hannah stepped past Justin, tapping him on the shoulder and telling him, “I hope you guys win.”</p><p>“Thanks, Hannah,” Jessica said surprised.  </p><p>Hannah pursued Alex. “Hello, Alex. Have you seen Tyler?”</p><p>“Why?” he asked.</p><p>“I did a little bit of research into what he did. We should—”</p><p>“There’s no ‘we’,” Alex interrupted. “You need to be careful about who you talk to.”</p><p>“There she is!” Bryce yelled from down the hall. “Hannah Baker! I haven’t seen you since my little hot tub party. How’ve you been?”</p><p>“I’ve been better,” Hannah answered honestly. Bryce and Zach were in cahoots with Alex, as they were all dressed as snorkelers.</p><p>“Well, I got something just for you. Little Halloween thing at my place, super small, super exclusive…and super boozy. Maybe we’ll finally see how much booze you can hold,” Bryce said.</p><p>“She’ll puke it all back up, like a little…uh…lightweight,” Zach said. Hannah found his last-second word swap oddly cute. Clearly, someone wasn’t used to addressing women who partake in “squad” activities.</p><p>“Fuck you, Dempsey.” Bryce slapped Zach’s shoulder. “You puked on three wine coolers last time.”</p><p>“Yeah, cause they were strawberry. I’m allergic,” Zach excused.</p><p>“So what do you say, Hannah? Alex will be there, too,” Bryce said.</p><p>Hannah shrugged. “I’ll think about it.”</p><p>“What? You got something else to do?” Bryce asked.</p><p>“How about German? Frau Harris?” Sheri came from nowhere and rested on Hannah’s shoulder, flashing her a cute grin. She was dressed in a hot pink shoulder-exposing dress and a platinum blonde wig. It looked like she was supposed to be Marilyn Monroe.</p><p>It took Hannah a second to register what Sheri was doing. She played along with the lie, saying, “Yeah. Homework’s been a bitch these last couple of days.”</p><p>The boys left. “Think about it Hannah.”</p><p>Sheri stayed behind with Hannah. “Even though I have a higher grade in German than you,” she whispered to Sheri. “Thanks.”</p><p>Hannah walked off to class.</p><p>“No problem,” Sheri said. She looked at Clay’s memorial. Among the bouquets of roses, and the cards were lily flowers. Not the usual kind of flower one leaves at someone’s memorial. “I guess…someone knew you didn’t like roses, Clay.”</p>
<hr/><p>Hannah sat in her literature class. It was fully decorated for Halloween, with a giant black spider web on the wall, complete with a fake giant spider. Numerous students were all dressed up for the costume contest.</p><p>The latest arrival was Jeff. He was dressed up as a cop for the day. And the ladies seemed very appreciative of his outfit, except for the no-nonsense teacher who barely batted an eye at Jeff’s outfit and continued her lesson to the class about the famous concept of “whoever who fights monsters should see to it that he does not become a monster”.</p><p>Hannah paid as much attention as she needed to get through the class. Tony was sitting right next to her. He wasn’t all dressed up for the day. He leaned towards Hannah.</p><p>“I’m worried about you, Hannah,” he said.</p><p>“I’m fine, Tony,” Hannah reassured him.</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>Before</em>
</p><p>In the same classroom, from the year before, an exhausted Clay held his head up, barely staying awake. Tony was right next to him. It didn’t help that this was a quiet study session.</p><p>“I see someone’s tired,” he whispered to Clay.</p><p>“Yeah, I couldn’t sleep last night,” Clay said.</p><p>“Neither could I. But I have the excuse that I have my dad’s autoshop to help run. What’s yours?” Tony asked.</p><p>Clay looked around. “There was someone outside my house last night.”</p><p>Tony perked up. “What do you mean? Like a burglar or something?”</p><p>“Someone was taking pictures,” Clay described.</p><p>“Are you serious? Jesus. Since when does shit that happen in your neighborhood?” Tony quipped. “People stay outside of people’s houses all the time in mine. Welcome to the club.”</p><p>“Not a club I wanted to be part of,” Clay mumbled. “It’s horrible.”</p><p>“I’ve never gone through it myself. We gotta do something,” Tony said.</p><p>“Like what?”</p><p>“I don’t know, but I’ll help,” Tony offered.</p><p>“Boys,” said the teacher. She shook her head, warning them to stay quiet.</p><p>To compensate, Tony wrote on his notebook paper. He showed the note to Clay.</p><p>
  <em>We set a trap.</em>
</p><p>Clay smirked.</p>
<hr/><p>Much later, Tony and Clay were at the former’s house, digging around the garage.</p><p>“What am I even looking for?” Clay asked.</p><p>“It’s a flashlight. Not your usual one. This one’s for bears. Supposed to blind them to give you the chance to get away,” Tony described.</p><p>Clay laughed. “Seriously? What do you need that for?”</p><p>“My mom’s dad used to take her camping out in the Sierra Nevada. They had it with them for it. My mom stopped going, but she discovered that…” Tony pulled the flashlight out from a large tote full of junk. “It also works on humans.”</p><p>“That thing…is older than we are by a longshot. How do even know if it still works?” Clay asked.</p><p>Tony opened the battery slot. It was empty, and it needed D-Batteries. Tony got them out from a small basket in the corner of the garage near the door. He put the in and turned on the flashlight. Even with the lights off in the garage, this thing was very bright.</p><p>“Whoa. Uh…yeah. I’d say that’ll work. Jesus, I’m going blind just looking at that spot,” Clay commented.</p><p>“Uh-huh. Told you. Now imagine this thing blaring at your eyes,” Tony joked.</p><p>“A Portable Blindess-Inducing Device. PBID. Got a nice ring to it,” Clay said.</p><p>Tony looked at Clay and chuckled. “Yeah. That actually does.”</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>After</em>
</p><p>Tyler and Ryan met in the photography lab. Tyler displayed a large collection of negatives on a light table.</p><p>“I’m amazed you still shoot on film,” Ryan commented.</p><p>“I like shooting all different ways. But film, it makes you focus on what you’re creating. You have to work and make sure you get it right because there’s no screen for it to show on,” Tyler rambled.</p><p>Ryan examined each of the pictures. “These are…really good,” she said. “I need you to print a few for the tribute issue. Can you get them developed in time?”</p><p>“Yeah. I’m already starting,” Tyler described.</p><p>Ryan examined and chose the pictures of Clay that she wanted, carefully examining each other and circling them with marker. “I like these. You really captured him, didn’t you?” she said with contempt.</p><p>Tyler became defensive and nervous. “Uh. I really got a lot of work. Can you—”</p><p>Ryan nodded.</p><p>“Yeah, no…ummmm…”</p><p>Tyler took the negatives to the dark room. As he started working, he blocked everything out. He kept it up until he turned around, and was nearly frightened to death seeing Hannah standing right there, caked in red light like some demon.</p><p>“Hello Tyler. You’ve got a nice eye for things,” she dryly remarked.</p><p>“What the hell are you doing here?” Tyler asked.</p><p>“I’m just seeing what the school’s best photographer is working on.” Hannah touched a couple of pictures, much to Tyler’s ire. Several of these pictures were of Clay…and some were of her.</p><p>“Don’t touch them, please. This is all yearbook only. You’re not supposed to be in here,” Tyler said.</p><p>Hannah laughed without humor. “You’re gonna tell me that I’m trespassing? You fucking hypocrite! I heard your tape.”</p><p>“And throwing a rock through my window isn’t enough?” Tyler said angry.</p><p>“I didn’t throw one,” Hannah admitted.</p><p>“So what do you want, then?”</p><p>She leaned forward over the table. “I want to see all the negatives, all the developed pictures, and I want to see all the digital copies of the pictures you took of him, and I mean, every last one of them. All of it. Or I turn you in.”</p><p>“Really?” Tyler said. “Are you gonna turn everybody in? Like Justin and Alex?”</p><p>“Don’t even try to pull that card. I’ve got something just for them, but right now, you’re the only one who actually committed a crime, at least among the tapes I’ve listened to. You stalked him,” Hannah reiterated.</p><p>“I’m the student life photographer. I stalk everyone. It’s my job,” Tyler defended himself.</p><p>“Oh, so you follow everyone home and take pictures outside of their windows?” Hannah jabbed.</p><p>“No,” he claimed.</p><p>“Good. That means you’ll only get up to six months in prison. Repeat offenders get a year,” Hannah said.</p><p>Tyler shook his head. “That’s not a thing.”</p><p>Hannah smiled maliciously. “California Penal Code Section 647 (j) PC: Invasion of Privacy, a statute under which there are three subsections. Let’s start with the first set of offenses, shall we? I’ll tell you everything I read. I spent all night memorizing it all just for you. You should be honored.”</p><p>Tyler became nervous.</p><p>“A defendant is guilty of invasion of privacy under California Penal Code Section 647 (j)(1) PC, if the following conditions are present. One, the defendant peeked through a hole or opening into an area someone is occupying in which a reasonable expectation of privacy exists. Two, the defendant did so by using an instrument, such as a periscope, telescope, binoculars, camera, video camera, or mobile phone. Third, the defendant did this with the intent to invade the privacy of the person inside.”</p><p>Tyler was sweating buckets. He held his arms around himself. “I…I didn’t intend to invade his privacy.”</p><p>“Intent doesn’t actually matter. It’s what you did that matters,” Hannah whispered. She stepped around the table to approach him directly.</p><p>Tyler stepped away from her as she continued speaking.</p><p>“California Penal Code Section 647(j)(2) PC involves using a concealed device to record another person’s body or undergarments. A defendant would be guilty of this offense where the following elements are present. The defendant used a concealed camcorder, motion picture camera, <em>or</em> any type of photographic camera to secretly videotape, film, photograph or record another identifiable person under or through the other person’s clothing for the purpose of viewing the body or undergarments of that other person without the consent or knowledge of the other person…with the intent of sexual arousal or invasion of privacy, <em>and</em> under circumstances in which the other person had a reasonable expectation of privacy.”</p><p>“You’re insane…” Tyler mumbled.</p><p>Hannah smiled. “Thank you. I take that as a compliment. Are you ready to hear the next thing?”</p><p>Tyler shook his head, hyperventilating.</p><p>“California Penal Code Section 647(j)(3) PC involves the use of a hidden camera to record someone in a private area. A defendant would be guilty of this offense where the following elements are present: the defendant used a concealed camcorder, motion picture camera, <em>or</em> any type of photographic camera to secretly videotape, film, photograph or record another identifiable person in full or partial states of dress for the purpose of viewing the body or undergarments of that other person without the consent or knowledge of the other person in the interior area of a bedroom, bathroom, changing room, fitting room, dressing room, tanning booth, <em>or</em> any other area in which a person has a reasonable expectation of privacy with the intent to invade the privacy of the other person.”</p><p>Tyler was panicking and in tears at this point. He slid down the wall in a ball, and Hannah just kept on menacing him, the blood red light painting her skin and hair, and her slasher smile evoking the appearance of a monster in human form, complete with an affable and kind voice to thinly veil her volcanic fury.</p><p>“Please stop…” he begged.</p><p>“Oh, I’m not done, just yet. Invasion of privacy, categorized as a misdemeanor offense, is punishable by up to six months in county jail, and/or a fine of up to $1000. Penalties for the invasion of privacy under Penal Code 647(j) increase when it is the defendant’s second or subsequent PC 647(j) offense, or the victim is under the age of 18. Under either of these circumstances, invasion of privacy can be punished in California by up to one year in county jail, and/or a fine of up to $2,000.”</p><p>Tyler was left a complete wreck on the floor, sobbing, snot coming out of his nose as tears came down his face. He looked up…to find Hannah offering him a hand up. She even pulled a box of tissues out from her backpack, offering him some to wipe away the tears and snot. She even tapped him on the back to comfort him.</p><p>“You’re a criminal Tyler,” she said flatly.</p><p>“I’m not,” he said shakily.</p><p>“You are.”</p><p>“No, I just took pictures.”</p><p>Hannah stepped back. “You ruined him!”</p><p>“I loved him!” Tyler claimed loudly, to Hannah’s surprised. “Like I loved you.”</p><p>Tyler instantly realized the fatal mistake he made saying that out loud. “What is that supposed to mean?” she asked him harshly.</p><p>Tyler desperately explained himself. “You and Clay. I barely knew you guys, but…I saw you. Most people, you point a camera at them, and they smile. They pose, they basically fake it. You don’t see them; you see their mask. When my camera was on Clay…and on you…you were different. Real. Authentic, and I loved that…I fell in love with you because of that.”</p><p>Hannah was unmoved. She wanted to scream and kick his ass, but she let him speak.</p><p>“I fell in love with that about both of you…because…people like you never give the yearbook guy a chance,” Tyler claimed.</p><p>“You know I might have if you weren’t such a fucking creep, Tyler. Tell me…you took pictures of me, too?”</p><p>Tyler got nervous and jittery. “Uh…yes…”</p><p>“How many times? How long?” Hannah asked firmly.</p><p>“Just once…”</p><p>“When?”</p><p>Tyler looked ready to break down again. His voice broke as he admitted, “The night Clay stayed over at your house.”</p><p>And everything around Hannah froze.</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>Before</em>
</p><p>“Uh, what am I supposed to be seeing?” Hannah asked. She was on the roof with Clay watching the penumbral lunar eclipse.</p><p>Clay pointed up to the moon. “Just a shadow over the Moon. Look can you see it? It’s growing slowly.”</p><p>“A shadow…growing slowly…” Hannah repeated.</p><p>“Little bit at a time. Look closely.”</p><p>She did just that. “Wait…Wait, I see it. I can see it…It’s kind…kind of scary.”</p><p>“Is it?” Clay asked.</p><p>The night’s chill made her scoot closer to Clay. He seemed a bit surprised and nervous. Especially when she slipped her hand into his. He looked at her like he was frightened of this. Her smile put him at ease as they leaned into each other.</p><p>And then Hannah kissed him. Just a brief kiss. It made Clay even more nervous.</p><p>“You okay?” Hannah asked.</p><p>“Uh…Yeah…”</p><p>She leaned back in and they kissed again. They kissed more deeply, and Clay lost his nervousness, gaining a new confidence.</p><p>“You know…my parents aren’t home. It’s date night for them. They messaged me a few minutes ago, told me they wouldn’t be back until after midnight,” Hannah offered.</p><p>Clay stared at her for what felt like forever. Hannah was begging internally for him to tell her yes. And he granted her wish with a slight nod.</p>
<hr/><p>Hannah brought the nervous Clay to her home, and her bedroom. She shut the door behind her out of habit.</p><p>“You want to put on some music?” Hannah asked.</p><p>“Uh, yeah, sure. Whatever you want,” Clay said. He sat on her bed.</p><p>Hannah played an instrumental version of <em>Earned It</em>, by the Weeknd. She didn’t exactly like <em>Fifty Shades of Grey</em>, but she liked this song, especially the version without the voice. She liked most songs that way. Just the music, and no words to distract from it. A nice quiet song featuring mostly string instruments.</p><p>Hannah stood in the middle of her room. She held her hand out to Clay, beckoning him to her. He nervously approached her and took her hand. They hesitantly kissed again, but the hesitance faded quickly. They stood there kissing for a few moments.</p><p>And then Clay unbuttoned his shirt and vest and discarded it to the floor. He pulled back from her instinctively. “Is…Is this okay?”</p><p>“More than okay,” Hannah said with a smile.</p><p>In just a few moments, they were both naked from the waist up…and Hannah was covering her face. “God…I hate my body…”</p><p>“What? Why? You look perfect,” Clay said. “You look beautiful.”</p><p>“You have to say that,” Hannah commented.</p><p>“No. I think your body’s perfect,” Clay said. His voice betrayed his nervousness. “I mean. Look at me and my skinny self. Put a needle in me, it’ll go right through me.”</p><p>“Okay…Captain America…look at yourself.” Hannah touched him. Clay was slim, but he was in good shape, good enough that he had prominent abs. “I’ve seen the sports guys’ Instagram feeds…none of them look anywhere near this good.”</p><p>“You’re just saying that,” he said sheepishly.</p><p>“Do you really not see how gorgeous you are, Clay? You are the epitome of a Hollywood nerd. You’re smart, you’re sexy, and…I’ve been standing here topless in front of you for a minute, and you keep on looking at me in the eyes.”</p><p>Clay awkwardly chuckled. Hannah pulled him for another kiss.</p><p>“Touch me, Clay.” She pulled his hands to touch her. He traced up and down her back hesitantly. And then Hannah slipped from her pants.</p><p>Clay stopped touching her to take off his pants. Hannah pulled the covers of her bed back and slipped under them. He slipped under them with her, kissing her again. She reached down the blanket, feeling herself, making sure that she was ready to have him inside of her.</p><p>Clay was grateful for the blanket. It made it far less awkward to touch himself and prepare himself for her.</p><p>“Got any condoms?” Clay asked.</p><p>“No. It’s fine. I have a morning after pill,” Hannah claimed. She proved it when she pulled out a blue box from her nightstand that said After Pill.</p><p>“You planned on this?” Clay asked.</p><p>“I might have been hoping for it,” Hannah admitted.</p><p>He positioned himself over her, kissing her again. They both couldn’t help but laugh through this. He held himself up on one arm, and reached down with the other to position his dick. He felt her entrance, how wet and warm she was.</p><p>“Whoa…” he mumbled. He pressed forward and stopped when Hannah gasped. “Does it hurt?”</p><p>“No. Just pressure. Keep going.”</p><p>He did just that until he was mostly inside of her. They both groaned simultaneously, partly because they were nervous, partly because this was the most intense thing they’d ever felt. Hannah felt how nervous Clay was.</p><p>He moved in and out of her. He very nearly slipped out of her, much to his embarrassment.</p><p>“It’s okay,” Hannah reassured him. He kept moving. They moved together. She traced her hands across his back and arms. Even his back was toned. He moved faster and faster, the feeling the intensity shoot through the roof. And they both came…somehow they got lucky enough to have that from the start.</p><p>Clay rolled off Hannah, sweaty and panting. “Holy shit…holy shit…” He looked at her. “Was that okay?”</p><p>She smiled. “Yeah. It was good.”</p><p>“If you want, we can try again. It doesn’t have to be tonight, but we can if you want,” Clay said. “I can probably do it better next time.”</p><p>Hannah nodded and kissed him, giggling. The contagious laughter spread to Clay.</p><p>But the whole time they were under the covers, someone was watching them from the window. It was Tyler with his camera, snapping pictures, but the music playing was loud enough to suppress the sound of the camera.</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>After</em>
</p><p>Hannah seethed viciously against Tyler. If looks could kill, he wouldn’t just be dead, he’d be wiped from history, metaphysically destroyed such that his soul would be completely erased from existence, and no one would remember he even had a life.</p><p>She cornered him against a wall…and started strangling him. She put her hands around his throat and pressed viciously against him.</p><p>“This is what’s going to happen, Tyler Down,” she said. Her voice dripped with not just fury, but pure hatred. “You’re going to find every negative, every picture, and every digital copy of all the photos you took from that night. And not just that night, but all the ones you took of Clay. I will be back here after school, and you will show me ever last one. Understand?”</p><p>Hannah loosened her grip.</p><p>“Yes,” he whimpered.</p>
<hr/><p>Hannah attended the costume contest in the gym. She sat in the bleachers, her heart still racing from what happened in the dark room. She sat with her bag over her chest, a feeling of complete violation and disgust flooding her.</p><p>She took long breaths to calm down, but her brain was still clouded by complete hatred and fury. She never once expected to learn that such a precious moment in her life wasn’t even hers to keep. Tyler was there, acting like a complete pedophilic voyeur, watching them, taking pictures.</p><p>An Asian girl, Courtney Crimsen, hosted the event. She was dressed like she was Katy Perry from the California Gurls video, complete with a pink wig and a candy-themed Lolita dress.</p><p>“Tight race, guys. I think we’ve narrowed down our finalists,” she said. “We’re gonna choose our winner by applause. The costume with the most applause will take home 200 smackers, so…”</p><p>Marcus sat down next to Hannah. His outfit didn’t make the cut.</p><p>“Genius is so often misunderstood,” he said. This gave Hannah something else to focus on other than her hatred for Tyler. She didn’t even glance at him.</p><p>She just watched as Courtney addressed each of the costumes, which included someone dressed as a puppet play box, Bryce and his buddies as the mud divers, Justin and Jessica, and one other person dressed as a sexy nurse. She didn’t bother hiding how angry…and hurt she was. </p><p>“Hey, are you okay?” he asked.</p><p>“Did you really just ask me that?” Hannah quietly muttered.</p><p>“You kept listening, didn’t you?” Marcus took her silence as affirmation. “You kept listening, didn’t you? I know that feeling. Hurts bad, I know it. Let yourself off the hook, Hannah. Clay’s gone, and I know it’s terrible. But we’ve got to live on. And let go.”</p><p>She finally looked at him.</p><p>“Look, come hang out with everybody tonight at Bryce’s. Bring the tapes,” Marcus requested. “We’ll figure it out.”</p><p>And then Courtney was certain of the winner. “Alright guys! We have a winner! Justin and Jessica as sexy punk rockers!”</p><p>Marcus cheered and went down to celebrate with them. She looked at all of them…and she smiled ominously at them. She looked at something she pulled out of her backpack. Everyone gathered down around them.</p><p>“It’s pathetic, right?” That was Tyler sitting right behind her, his eyes still a bit red from his crying session. Her anger returned to her with a vengeance. “The way they celebrate themselves and…just their whole group. It’s better to stay outside it all. You know?”</p><p>“No. I don’t,” Hannah retorted.</p><p>“I have everything,” Tyler said. “Everything you asked me for, I have it. It never left this building. I promise. We can go get it right now if you want.”</p><p>“Sure,” Hannah said. “I just need to use the restroom first. I’ll be right there.”</p><p>She went straight to the restroom, feeling infinitely sick. She vomited straight into the toilet. When she had nothing left, she was left a horrible mess on the floor. Her blood pounded across her body, and roared in her ears. Her heart pounded against her chest like it wanted to escape. Her vision faded from her, reduced to a tiny circle, with the rest of the world enshrouded in darkness, and what little she could see…it was like she was underwater. Her diaphragm was stiff, making each breath that much harder to take. Sweat dripped down her face in copious amounts, as if she were running for her life.</p><p>That was what she wanted. She needed to get away, to escape. She needed to get away, but there was nowhere to escape. This demon that was within her was going to follow her, that paranoia that her own bedroom wasn’t as safe as she believed it was.</p><p>Something must have been watching over her, because as if on cue, Sheri came to her rescue.</p><p>“Hannah? Jesus!” She immediately went down and held her close. She recognized that Hannah was suffering a panic attack. Sheri’s presence…right now she was the only person keeping Hannah sane. “Hannah. Come on, sweetie. I’m right here. We’re gonna get through this together. Concentrate on your breathing. Keep breathing in as I count to ten. Okay.”</p><p>Somehow, Hannah had enough of a mind to focus on the only island in this chaotic ocean. She struggled to inhale as Sheri counted bit by bit to ten. It felt like forever and too fast at the same time until Sheri reached ten.</p><p>“Okay. Breath out now. Same thing.”</p><p>Hannah pushed the air from her lungs. Once again, it was forever, but it was just a count to ten. It took multiple breaths and counts to ten for Hannah to start regaining her vision and control of her breath, for her to stop sweating and trembling. But when it finally did, and the ocean calmed, she had Sheri right there to hold her, to save her again.</p><p>Sheri tenderly held Hannah’s face. “Are you okay?”</p><p>Hannah slowly nodded. “Tyler…I heard his tape, and I spoke to him…” She didn’t even want to say it. “He told me something…something that Clay didn’t even know.”</p><p>“What do you mean?”</p><p>Hannah could barely speak, only getting out individual syllables. At least until Sheri held her head to her heart and helped her to calm down and regain control of her breathing. And then Hannah told her everything. “Clay showed me a lunar eclipse. My parents…they were out on a date that night…so I brought Clay home with me…we…had a nice night…”</p><p>Sheri was shocked. “Oh…Really? What does that have to do with Tyler? What does this have to do with Tyler?”  </p><p>“He…he…he…he said…he said that he was there that night…he saw us…in my bedroom.”</p><p>Sheri’s soft features froze in shock. She looked around aimlessly, like even she didn’t know what Tyler was capable of. “Oh my God…”</p><p>“I told him to get every picture he took of us…and of Clay…and I told him to give it to me, or I’d go to the cops,” Hannah said.</p><p>“Hannah. You should just go to the cops right now. That’s child pornography!” Sheri said loudly.</p><p>“No…No…I feel violated enough…I don’t want to report unless I need to…I just need to get those photos.”</p><p>Sheri stopped Hannah from leaving. “No. What you need is to go home. You need to eat something, and get some rest. I will deal with that fucking pervert Tyler myself. Go home, Hannah. Go get rest…and cool down. Can you do that?”</p><p>Hannah nodded. “Yeah. Yeah, I’m good now. I can make it home.”</p>
<hr/><p>She woke up from a nap later on as the sun was setting and children were coming out for trick-or-treating. She didn’t even intend to fall asleep. She just…did it. When she woke up, she felt the need to repeat her morning routine. So she did, complete with a shower and teeth brushing, even doing her hair again. The only thing she didn’t repeat was the tablet she took every morning.</p><p>She sat in her bed…and she couldn’t stay there. Not after what she just learned. Not right now. So she left.</p><p>“Mom, I’m gonna take walk,” Hannah said.</p><p>“Well, hello to you too, Sleeping Beauty,” said Olivia. “Have a nice nap?”</p><p>“Yeah. I really needed it,” Hannah admitted.</p><p>“Don’t be out too late,” Olivia said.</p><p>“I won’t be. I promise,” Hannah said.</p><p>She left and started walking around. She still had her backpack with her. She was comforted by the presence of numerous children with their families. So many children just playing and having a lot of fun on a good Halloween night. At least until she came upon the Jensen residence, where a bunch of kids in skeleton costumes were throwing toilet paper all over the trees.</p><p>“Hey! What the hell?!” Hannah screamed. The kids ran off as soon as she came up running. She looked around the yard and started taking down the toilet paper.</p><p>And then Matt Jensen came out of the house. “Drop it right now!” he screamed at her. “Stay right there! I’m calling the police!”</p><p>Hannah freaked. “No, this wasn’t me!” she protested.</p><p>“It’s in your hand,” Matt pointed out.</p><p>“I was taking it down, I swear.” Matt turned away. “Mr. Jensen, I knew Clay!”</p><p>He stopped and turned around to face her. He was very unkempt and in clear pain.</p><p>“We worked together,” Hannah downplayed. “I was walking by, I saw a bunch of kids.”</p><p>“You knew Clay?” he said softly. “Would you like to come inside?”</p><p>Hannah smiled and decided to heed Mr. Jensen’s request.</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>Before</em>
</p><p>Lainie and Matt left for their own date night. “Maybe I should cook something for them.”</p><p>“Lane, they’ve got pizza money. The boys will be fine. Besides, I think they could use the house to themselves for a bit,” Matt said. “Let them enjoy themselves. It’s been a long time since he had anyone over.”</p><p>“Yeah,” Lainie agreed. They looked back to see Tony and Clay’s shadows in the bedroom. “It’s really nice to see him happy again. I was starting to think that we should call Dr. Ellman.”</p><p>“He’s a tough kid,” Matt said. “Come on.”</p><p>Clay and Tony were still standing Clay’s bedroom. They made a point not to look out the window. “Are they gone?”</p><p>They heard the car drive off. “They are now,” Tony said.</p><p>“Perfect…now…shall we? What’s the plan?” Clay asked.</p><p>“So. We go downstairs to the bay window, we wait for him, and once we hear a camera,” Tony started.</p><p>Clay said, “We flash the light.”</p><p>“And expose the creep,” Tony said. He playfully flashed the light in Clay’s face, blinding him.</p><p>“Oh my God…expose…you just…What if this person’s…” Clay couldn’t even say the word. He just covered his face.</p><p>“Clay…man…now that’s in my head,” Tony commented shaking his head. “Okay…I gotta get this outta my head.” Knowing his way around the house, he went straight to the Jensen’s liquor cabinet in the living room.</p><p>The boys retreated to the living room bay window. They sat on the couch right in front of it and started drinking away, getting tipsier and more open with each other by the minute. The two guys who went back years caught up on lost time, including recent rumors, which included the video that Justin had sent from Clay’s phone, the unedited version that included evidence that Justin was the cameraman.</p><p>“Wait…let me get this straight. You lent Justin your phone, and he used it to record Zach naked…Who the fuck does that?” Tony asked. “And how are they still friends after that?”</p><p>“Don’t ask me,” Clay said.</p><p>“I was wondering why I was getting that video from you. So why don’t you send that version around, prove your case?” Tony asked.</p><p>“Like hell I would send a video of anybody nude everywhere. That’s just mean,” Clay said.</p><p>“And that’s what makes you so different from everyone else. You do the right thing even if it’s bad for you…sometimes I can’t decide if you’re an idiot or if you’re amazing for it,” Tony commented.</p><p>Clay shrugged. “Who says it can’t be both? The guys at school can be assholes.”</p><p>“Not all of them. I’m having a drink with one of the good ones,” Tony complimented. “But whatever, who needs them when we got each other?”</p><p>“Cheers to that.” Clay clinked his glass against Tony’s.</p><p>“What is in this?” Tony asked.</p><p>“I have no idea. You’re the one who got this,” Clay pointed out.</p><p>“Alright, let’s keep going. I dare you…to finish that glass in one breath,” Tony said.</p><p>Clay took a few deep breaths and finished his glass in one shot. He winced, very uncomfortable with the taste and texture of the liquid.</p><p>
  <em>“Yeah. We lost track of the plan. But it was nice to have an old friend over. It made everything seem better. I could forget the struggles of school.” </em>
</p><p>“I dare you to show you me your newest tattoo,” Clay said.</p><p>Tony grinned. He took off his leather jacket and his shirt. He showed off the tattoo on his shoulder, one of a green vine/stem with multiple red flowers growing off of it.</p><p>“When did you get this one?” Clay asked. He impulsively touched the tattoo and traced the stem of the plant.</p><p>“I finished it a few months ago,” Tony answered. “Alright now…I dare you…to kiss me.”</p><p>“Yeah, right,” Clay said. “Wait. Seriously?”</p><p>“Yeah. It doesn’t have to mean anything. If it makes you feel any better, I’ll close my eyes.” Tony did just that.</p><p>Clay, finding this whole thing funny, kissed him. Just on impulse, just to do it.</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>After</em>
</p><p>Hannah stood outside of Clay’s room. Matt was at the other end of the hall up here, speaking to her as he was doing something.</p><p>“It was my wife’s idea not to give out candy. She thought seeing all the kids would be too hard…and they still came flocking here,” Matt mumbled.</p><p>“I’m sorry. Kids can be…”</p><p>“I know.” Matt came out in the hall. “You want anything to drink?”</p><p>“No, I’m good,” Hannah said.</p><p>“Clay…he didn’t have many friends. Just a few, so I’m really happy to meet one. You’re Hannah Baker, right?”</p><p>She nodded. “The one and only.”</p><p>“I feel like I’ve seen you before. You said you worked with him?”</p><p>She nodded again. “Crestmont. I was his mentor when he first took the job.”</p><p>Matt smiled. “Really. Did he ever say anything to you? About school? His experiences?”</p><p>“Uh…” Hannah wasn’t sure how to answer that.</p><p>“Did he ever say anything to you to indicate that he was mistreated or bullied in any way?” Matt clarified.</p><p>Hannah shrugged. “We didn’t talk about that kind of thing. I guess…acquaintance is more accurate than friend,” she lied. She desperately wanted to tell Matt a secret that she had…but she couldn’t get it out.</p><p>Matt sighed. “We lived here all our lives, because we thought it was safe. For us and for Clay. I always thought he was happy here…I guess I was wrong.”</p><p>Hannah glanced into the bedroom. Matt stood with her, looking into the bedroom. “This is his room?” Hannah asked.</p><p>“Yeah.” Matt walked into the room and sat at the desk and looked out the window. And then he turned around in the computer chair. “You knew that already.”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“I know why I recognize you. You were standing outside the house a couple of times. I saw you,” Matt said.</p><p>Hannah was ready to panic. “I…I…”</p><p>“I’m not upset,” he reassured her. “I was just hoping that maybe we could help each other. You must have questions.”</p><p>Hannah realized just how guilty she felt right here. She felt horrible with this…and she needed to get out of there before she suffered another breakdown. “Mr. Jensen, it’s getting late…”</p><p>“No, no, please…Hannah. I’m trying to piece things together.” The pain in his eyes was so clear…and agonizing. “We never got a note. Never got a reason. So now my son might as well be an acquaintance to me, too. I have some of his things, photos, and notes. We could look at them together.”</p><p>Hannah couldn’t lie to him like that. “Mr. Jensen…I can’t. Not tonight. But…maybe tomorrow I can come again and help you. Is that okay? I promise. I will try to make time for it.”</p><p>Matt looked at her solemnly.</p><p>“Here. Have my number.” Hannah showed Mr. Jensen her phone number. He wrote it down.</p><p>“Thank you…” Mr. Jensen said.</p><p>Hannah looked at him…the pain in her eyes was evident. Her empathy, her wish to help Mr. Jensen. “Of course.”</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>Before</em>
</p><p>Tony and Clay kept on kissing. It was like nothing.</p><p>
  <em>“It’s hard to say how things came to this, but they did. That night, let’s say that things escalated quickly.”</em>
</p><p>Tony really got into kissing Clay, deeply pulling him in, almost hungrily so. It was in that moment that the stalker arrived.</p><p>
  <em>“While Tony clearly didn’t hear my stalker arrive, I did. I found a way to kill two birds with one stone.”</em>
</p><p>Clay reached for the flashlight and blared it in Tony’s face to get him to stop, and then flashed it out the window and into the brush below. He opened up one of the small window panes that could open and screamed, “Who are you?!”</p><p>The person tumbled out of the brush near the window.</p><p>“Tyler?” Tony said shocked. The stalker kid went running. “Oh…I should…Go.”</p><p>Tony got dressed and ran outside. Clay came running after him.</p><p>“Tony! Come back!” he begged. But he could only watch as Tony drove off into the night, and away from him.</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>“Remember when I said you wouldn’t believe the skeletons Tyler found? I never said they were mine. They were Tony’s.” </em>
</p><p>Clay waited outside the school for Tony. He arrived in his Mustang.</p><p>“Hey, Tony,” Clay said.</p><p>“Hi. I’m sorry I left last night. I just…I wasn’t feeling all that good,” Tony claimed.</p><p>“I’m glad you made it home safely,” Clay commented. “Do you want to talk about it?”</p><p>“There’s nothing to talk about,” Tony claimed.</p><p>“I’ll get those pictures from Tyler. Don’t worry.”</p><p>Tony nodded. “Okay.” He was clearly nervous. “Thank you.”</p>
<hr/><p>Clay found Tyler in the dark room. But it was lit, as there was nobody developing any film. Tyler handed Clay a memory card.</p><p>“These are all of them?” Clay asked.</p><p>Tyler nodded.</p><p>“Thanks.”</p><p>“Clay?” Tyler said. “Would you ever want to hang out? Go to a movie? Maybe just hang out at lunch?”</p><p>“You want to hang out with me?” Clay scoffed and left him there, laughing mirthlessly. He went to his next class, and between classes to his locker and was ready to forget about this whole thing.</p><p>
  <em>“We all have secrets. And nobody likes it when their secrets get out.” </em>
</p><p>Tony came running to Clay barely. He was visibly furious. “What did you do?”</p><p>“Whoa. What’s wrong?” Clay asked.</p><p>Tony showed Clay a photo of them that was texted to him, one of the ones of them kissing. However, their faces weren’t visible, and none of Tony’s tattoos could be seen.</p><p>“No…I talked to Tyler this morning. He told me he gave me all of them.”</p><p>“He fucking lied,” Tony pointed out. “Group-texted half the school.”</p><p>“Calm down, no one can tell that’s us,” Clay reassured him.</p><p>“They’ll figure it out. I shouldn’t be talking to you right now,” Tony said.</p><p>“Because of a picture?” Clay said.</p><p>“We both know what pictures can do to a person’s life. Don’t come near me anymore. You got it, Clay. Don’t even talk or text me again.” Tony stormed away, leaving a devastated Clay all alone.</p><p>
  <em>“Over ten years of friendship…just gone. Just like that. And the best part is, no one ever found out it was us. That whole season, everyone saw that picture. I imagine that some girls more than once. No one ever knew who it was. And now you do.”</em>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>After</em>
</p><p>Hannah walked outside of the Jensen home…and found Charlie waiting for her. “Charlie?” She was relieved to see him.</p><p>“Hi, Hannah. Sheri called me,” Charlie said.</p><p>“How’d you find me?” Hannah asked.</p><p>“Find My Friend. Sheri told me you were here.”</p><p>“Did she tell you anything else?”</p><p>The look on Charlie’s face. She did tell him about what she learned from Tyler. Hannah embraced Charlie.</p><p>“Thank you.”</p><p>He admitted, “She also wanted me to check on you. She said that she saw you talking with Marcus.”</p><p>“Yeah…he’s not as smart as he thinks,” Hannah commented. Charlie chuckled. Hannah really liked this. She actually felt safe in Charlie’s arms. Not to the same extent as Sheri, but it was there, nonetheless.</p><p>“Want me to drive you home?”</p><p>“I appreciate the offer, but I’m not going home just yet,” Hannah said. “I’ve got business to take care of at A-4.”</p><p>Charlie nodded. “Call me if you change your mind. I’m here for you, too. Don’t forget that.”</p><p>Hannah nodded and walked away. She was a bit unnerved realizing that Sheri and Charlie were watching her the same way that she was watching the others. She looked at her Find My Friends app and saw that this was true. She had Sheri, which meant that Sheri had Hannah’s location…as did the other members of Clay Jensen’s Greatest Hits.</p><p>
  <em>“Like I said, we’re a society of stalkers. The only difference, Tyler, is that you got caught.” </em>
</p><p>She walked off to Tyler’s house. She found her way to the house, and it was about seven in the evening. She had plenty of time. She made it to Tyler’s house in ten minutes by walking. She stayed right outside the window.</p><p>
  <em>“The thing is, even though Tyler stopped coming around, I never stopped feeling afraid. So what could I do after that? First the school, then my house, even my bedroom. Nowhere was safe. You took that away.” </em>
</p><p>Hannah waited, and saw a perfect opportunity. Tyler came into his bedroom with only a towel. Hannah smirked devilishly.</p><p>
  <em>“You made me paranoid, Tyler. Now, I’m giving that back to you. Maybe I’ll never know why you did what you did, but I will make you understand how it felt to be me. That’s why I’m outside your window, Tyler. And, after people hear this, I bet I won’t be the only one.”</em>
</p>
<hr/><p>The various other members of Clay’s tape subjects were gathered around pool house of the Walker mansion, smoking pot from a bong and drinking beer. Justin took a puff from the bong and started sputtering and coughing from it. He handed it to Alex, but he handed it to Marcus without taking it.</p><p>“Do you guys know how much shit I’m in with Jessica?” Justin said. “Where the fuck is she?”</p><p>“She’ll be here,” Marcus reassured him.</p><p>“If she doesn’t show, we’re done making friends. We do it my way.”</p><p>“What is your way exactly?” Alex asked.</p><p>“We make her understand,” Justin answered.</p><p>“Understand what?” Alex mumbled.</p><p>Justin just shrugged.</p><p>“Did you ever find your phone?” Alex asked.</p><p>Justin shook his head. “Bryce says he’ll get me a new one tomorrow.”</p><p>The doorbell buzzed. Zach answered through the pool house intercom. “Candy’s in the bowl.”</p><p>“You got a delivery,” answered a male voice. The three guys outside immediately went to the front door. They found a package. Justin brought it inside and immediately cut it open…and there were bunch of little golf ball packs.</p><p>“The fuck! Those are for my dad!” Bryce said annoyed. Zach was with him.</p><p>“Dude…I must be like really stoned or something,” Justin said with a fake smile. Bryce angrily took the golf balls and left the kitchen with them, not happy with them.</p><p>“We should not being doing this at his house,” Alex whispered.</p><p>“Oh, really. Should we do it at yours?” Justin retorted.</p><p>“He’s gonna find out eventually,” Zach said.</p><p>“Maybe he should. Maybe that’s how this ends,” Marcus added.</p><p>“No!” Justin interjected. “This ends with Hannah, whatever we have to do, okay?”</p><p>“You’re kinda freaking me out,” Alex said.</p><p>“Then maybe you’re too fucking stone, huh!” Justin brazened the knife right at him. After a tense moment, Justin dropped the knife and just started laughing. This made the others laugh for a moment. And then their phones all went off.</p><p>Marcus was the first to check his. “Justin…”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>Marcus showed him a picture of Tyler naked from behind, his butt cheeks clearly visible…and it was sent to him from Justin’s phone. This same picture was sent everywhere in a group text, sent to everyone in Justin’s contact list, which included Alex, Zach, Marcus, Jessica, Bryce, and so many other students, including Tyler Down himself.</p>
<hr/><p>Throughout the town, students of Liberty High all saw the picture. Jessica found it hilarious and sent the text further.</p><p>Charlie and Sheri were together when they got the text. Sheri was putting all of the various film negatives and pictures in a grill to be burned, at least until she changed her mind and kept them for leverage against Tyler in the future.</p><p>They were at first disgusted. But then Charlie remembered something.</p><p>“Hannah said that he had business to take care of at Tyler’s house…” Charlie mumbled.</p><p>“Oh my God…” Sheri said.</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>"Knock, knock, Tyler.” </em>
</p><p>“What the fuck?” Justin mumbled. And then the sound of a phone receiving a bunch of texts went off.  </p><p>They followed the sound of the phone…and found Justin’s phone in the living room. It was ringing with numerous notifications, all reactions to Justin supposedly sending <em>another</em> inappropriate image of a fellow student around.</p><p>He picked up and unlocked his phone…and the text box that was open was Hannah Baker’s. A copy of this picture was sent to her.</p><p>
  <em>Well, well, Justin. Someone’s made a habit of sending inappropriate things around.</em>
</p><p>Justin seethed. He immediately realized what this was…what Hannah had done.</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>“Oh, you mean the slide photo. It was sent from your phone,” Hannah pointed out. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“And you of all people should know that just because something was sent from someone’s phone doesn’t mean that person actually sent it,” Justin said. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“If you didn’t send it, who did?” Hannah asked. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Bryce.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Oh, what a convenient scapegoat,” she mumbled. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“No. I’m being serious. I took the picture, yes. Look…I just showed him, and a couple guys the picture. And I know that’s not much better. Bryce took my phone, and he decided to just send it everywhere. I didn’t want him to do that,” Justin said. He took out his phone and opened it up…and Hannah observed what his passcode was.</em>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>Hannah stepped past Justin, tapping him on the shoulder and telling him, “I hope you guys win.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>As she stepped past him, she picked his phone from the pocket of his leather jacket.</em>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>Marcus cheered and went down to celebrate with them. She looked at all of them…and she smiled ominously at them. She looked at something she pulled out of her backpack…Justin’s phone.</em>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>Tyler came into his bedroom with only a towel. Hannah smirked devilishly…she took out Justin’s phone and snapped a picture of Tyler naked.</em>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>The doorbell buzzed. Zach answered through the pool house intercom. “Candy’s in the bowl.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“You got a delivery,” answered a male voice. The three guys outside immediately went to the front door…and Hannah walked around the house’s driveway. She quietly entered through the open back door to the house after Bryce and Zach went in. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>She heard Bryce’s voice coming from the kitchen. “The fuck! Those are for my dad!”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Dude…I must be like really stoned or something,” Justin said. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>After a moment, she heard Alex. “We should not being doing this at his house.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Oh, really. Should we do it at yours?” Justin said back. Hannah snuck away to the living room, taking out Justin’s phone with her gloved hand. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“He’s gonna find out eventually,” Zach said. Hannah selected the picture of the naked Tyler and started selecting people to send it to, which included most of Justin’s contacts.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Maybe he should. Maybe that’s how this ends,” Marcus added. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“No!” Justin interjected. “This ends with Hannah, whatever we have to do, okay?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Hannah glanced in the direction of the kitchen. She wondered what exactly that was supposed to mean. She walked close enough that she could watch them without them seeing her.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“You’re kinda freaking me out,” Alex said. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Then maybe you’re too fucking stone, huh!”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Hannah was genuinely frightened by Justin pointing a knife at Alex so viciously. She went back to the living room, pressed send and quietly stepped out the back door. She didn’t care about any cameras. She had a perfectly good explanation for why she was here in the first place.</em>
</p>
<hr/><p>“Fucking Hannah…She did this,” Justin said.</p><p>“No way,” Marcus mumbled.</p><p>Justin immediately called Hannah. It rang for several seconds until she finally answered.</p><p>“Hello, Justin,” Hannah said with faux politeness.</p><p>“Hannah. You’re so done. You’re so fucking done,” Justin said to her.</p><p>“I’m so fucking done? That was sent from your phone,” Hannah said.</p><p>“I hope you’ve had fun. Cause this is all coming to an end,” Justin declared.</p><p>On the other end of the phone, Hannah smiled as she walked home. “Challenge accepted, Justin Foley. I look forward to seeing how you, Marcus, Alex, and Zach plan on making me understand whatever it is you want me to understand.”</p><p>She hung up the phone. Her dark smile crossed her face as she stepped further into the dark of night. Her legs no longer hurt her as she stepped. She was accustomed to the pain, and now she was ready to face down the monsters that lurked in this darkness.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Yeah, that's right. Hannah's not fucking around here. The canon show played Clay as a damaged hero, but I'm going the extra mile. She's a straight up villain protagonist, so don't expect things to get any better.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Tape 3, Side A</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Hannah and Clay reconnect at a school dance, but events drive them apart again. Various people who want to stop Hannah learn that she is nothing like the meek angry girl they believed her to be.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>“People are assholes. Some are assholes all of the time. All are assholes some of the time. Everyone’s an asshole to someone else. No exceptions. But there are some people who try their best not to.”</em>
</p>
<p>Hannah stood in front of her mirror, ready to see the effects of her actions the previous day. If by some miracle, people believed Justin’s (accurate) story of her extravagant quest to leak a picture of Tyler Down naked, she was willing to go down without being a sore loser for it.</p>
<p>She received texts from Charlie and Sheri that she deliberately chose not to look at. Justin had bombarded her the most, while the others like Marcus and Alex accused her of being the one to take the picture. She responded by denying that she did, and reminding them that they came from Justin’s phone.</p>
<p>
  <em>“Friends are people who aren’t assholes to you, and actively work against it. But, funny enough, it’s when those same friends choose to be assholes that it hurts most. Your enemies hurt you a lot. Your friends hurt you the worst.” </em>
</p>
<p>She went to the dining room, finding breakfast made and ready. She went through the regular motions, and her parents were too busy talking about their financial situation. They had been struggling for a significant amount of time financially. The Walplex that opened nearby took several their customers away.</p>
<p>Hannah quietly finished her breakfast and slinked out of the house. “I love you,” she said.</p>
<p>“We love you, too, sweetheart,” Olivia said back.</p>
<hr/>
<p>Hannah arrived at her destination. But it wasn’t Liberty High. Nope, that would come later. Right now, she had something else in mind. Right now, she was at Justin Foley’s home. Or what should be his home.</p>
<p>She went up the stairs and to his room. She knew where he lived because of the information she found on his phone. She knocked on the door and Seth answered. And Hannah didn’t and did like what she saw. All of his white supremacist tattoos…</p>
<p>“Who are you? Another one of Justin’s girlfriends?”</p>
<p>Hannah shook her head.</p>
<p>“Why are you here?”</p>
<p>“I’m here cause I need your help,” Hannah said.</p>
<p>“My help?”</p>
<p>Hannah nodded. She leaned close to Seth—she absolutely hated how he smelled—and she whispered in his ear. Whatever she whispered to him, he liked it. Seth started smiling.</p>
<p>“I’ll see what I can do. Come back later. If I don’t have anything, come back tomorrow,” Seth said.</p>
<p>“And if Justin’s here?”</p>
<p>“Then I’ll wait for you around the corner,” Seth said.</p>
<p>“Good. Thank you,” Hannah said. She left the smiling Seth behind in this rundown apartment. She walked to school…and the first car she saw was Tony’s. He was inside of it.</p>
<p>
  <em>“Tony Padilla. A nice name, a nice guy. A bit rough around the edges, but a good person at heart. Good with cars, attractive, doesn’t take shit from anyone. You’re just a good person, right? Wrong. I learned that the hard way.” </em>
</p>
<p>Tony was in his car watching his phone. He went through his text history.</p>
<p>The first text was from Justin. <em>Fucked up. </em>Followed by numerous emojis.</p>
<p>Jessica. <em>Can’t deal. Going to sleep.</em></p>
<p>Marcus. <em>We’ll figure it out in AM.</em></p>
<p>Tony sent a text. <em>We have to. Goodnight. </em></p>
<p>Justin. <em>I say we fuck her up.</em></p>
<p>Alex. <em>Yeah, that’s always a good plan.</em> Followed by a rolling eye emoji.</p>
<p>Marcus. <em>We need to OWN Hannah. Let’s talk strategy.</em></p>
<p>Clearly, they all rightfully believed Justin, in that they believed Hannah was the one who sent the picture from his phone. Not that they had anything to prove it beyond conversation.</p>
<p>Tony sighed and put his phone away. That was when he spotted Hannah standing right there staring at him. It was enough to unnerve him. He quickly left the car…and he was holding flowers, a bouquet of orchids.</p>
<p>Tyler walked by Hannah…and right by a bunch of the jock bullies, including Bryce, Justin, Montgomery de la Cruz, and others.</p>
<p>“Yo! Tyler!” Bryce yelled.</p>
<p>“Hey, Ty-Ty! Nice ass, buddy!” Monty said. They both dropped their pants and flashed Tyler their asses. Tyler noticed Hannah nearby. He knew that she was the one who did this, and not Justin. She was the only one with a vicious immediate motive to do that.</p>
<p>He waited for her in the halls, trying to hide his face from all the prying eyes that were either openly, or silently, laughing about what happened.</p>
<p>“What the hell, Hannah? That picture’s all over school,” he said angrily.</p>
<p>“Why are you talking to me about this? Justin sent it. I mean, fuck, he sent me one,” Hannah said.</p>
<p>“You don’t expect to believe that, do you?” Tyler said.</p>
<p>“I don’t give a fuck what you believe,” Hannah retorted. “That being said…I find it very karmic.”</p>
<p>“What are you trying to do?” Tyler said.</p>
<p>“I’m trying to make sure that every person on those tapes pays for what they did,” Hannah admitted.</p>
<p>“Well, I’m the only one who’s catching any shit for it, okay? Who the whole school’s laughing at. I’m the only one you’ve done something about,” Tyler ranted.</p>
<p>Hannah shrugged. “Like I said, I didn’t do this to you.”</p>
<p>“Liar.”</p>
<p>“Prove it,” Hannah challenged. Tyler walked off with nothing more to say. Hannah looked at Clay’s memorial. She longingly looked at the spot.</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <em>Before</em>
</p>
<p>Hannah approached the area, but here, it wasn’t a memorial. It was ticket sales for the Winter Formal. Three girls, one of whom was Courtney Crimsen, were selling the tickets.</p>
<p>“I didn’t know Hannah Baker did dances,” said one girl.</p>
<p>“Hannah Baker lost a bet to Sheri Holland.”</p>
<p>“It’s cute how Hannah Baker talks about herself in third person,” said the girl to Courtney’s right.</p>
<p>“Here’s your ticket gorgeous,” Courtney said. “Remember, it’s formal, so no exposed midriffs.”</p>
<p>“Got it.”</p>
<p>“And I hope you’ll save a dance for me.”</p>
<p>Hannah chuckled. “I…uh…don’t dance.”</p>
<p>Clay stood next to Hannah, surprising her.  </p>
<p>“Hey. Are you going to this?” she asked him.</p>
<p>“I don’t think so. I’m not really in a romantic winter dance kind of place right now,” Clay said.</p>
<p>“You total should be. I mean…lots of cute girls bought tickets today,” Courtney said with a lip bite.</p>
<p>“Besides, I bet the best lips in the sophomore class would be the biggest magnet for a date, right?” said the girl to Courtney’s left.</p>
<p>“Hey. Don’t be mean,” Courtney said. “No objectifying comments. Male or female. We all have to stick together, right?”</p>
<p>Clay nodded.</p>
<p>“You should totally come, Clay,” Courtney added. “There will be many single hot girls there. Take it from me, I would know. Hannah, he should go, right?”</p>
<p>The girls around her giggled. Hannah glanced at Clay and nodded. She whispered in his ear. “Maybe, we can finally have round two after?” She noticed Tony next to him. “Hey, Tony.”</p>
<p>“Hi, Hannah,” he said.</p>
<p>Clay glanced at him. “You’re going to this, right?”</p>
<p>“Once you two finish buying tickets, then I’ll buy mine,” Tony said.</p>
<p>“Wait, since when do you buy tickets to these things?” Clay asked.</p>
<p>“Since Sheri volunteered to deejay the dance,” Tony answered.</p>
<p>Clay looked around. “Uh…Ugh, okay. I’ll go to this thing.” He paid for a ticket. Both Tony and Hannah were visibly happy with this. And Hannah was excited for hopefully another good night.</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <em>After</em>
</p>
<p>Hannah turned away from the Clay Jensen memorial and walked right past Justin and Jessica.</p>
<p>“I thought you said nothing’s changed,” she said.</p>
<p>“Yeah. Cause nothing has changed,” Justin said.</p>
<p>They both saw her go by and up the stairs. Justin picked up his book bag.</p>
<p>“Justin, don’t,” Jessica said, grabbing his arm.</p>
<p>“I’m not gonna do anything,” he reassured her.</p>
<p>Justin chased Hannah up the stairs. “Hannah?”</p>
<p>No response.</p>
<p>“Hannah?”</p>
<p>No response.</p>
<p>“Hannah Baker!”</p>
<p>She finally stopped. She turned around to face him. “Hello, Justin.”</p>
<p>“That’s a pretty picture you took of Tyler,” he said.</p>
<p>“I didn’t take that picture,” Hannah blatantly lied. “You did.”</p>
<p>“You stole my phone and took the picture,” Justin truthfully said.</p>
<p>“Right, because people just normally do that. I didn’t take your phone, and I didn’t do shit,” Hannah said.</p>
<p>“Alright. You made your point, now shut it down,” Justin told her.</p>
<p>“Shut it down? Who talks like that?” Hannah asked demeaning.</p>
<p>“This is beyond just us, now. This is the whole school,” he said quietly. “If we fall, you go down with us.”</p>
<p>“No, I don’t. But if you try to take me down, <em>you're</em> going down with <em>me</em>,” Hannah whispered. She turned her back to him and continued up the stairs. Justin was left alone on the stairs, angry and determined to do something.</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <em>Before</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“You were my friend, Tony. One of the only ones I had for years. I needed you. I needed a friend. And now that I think about it, I think you did, too.”</em>
</p>
<p>In class, people looked around at the unclear image of Clay and Tony kissing. Two girls in particular made a point of trying to figure it out.</p>
<p>“Who do you think it is?” asked one of the girls.</p>
<p>The other girl glanced at the boy behind them. He was dressed femininely. “Duh.”</p>
<p>“I don’t think so,” said a boy next to him. “He never wears anything that nice.” The boy was referring to the nice sweater that Clay was wearing in the video.</p>
<p>The guy who they referred to spoke up. “Maybe I save my nice shit for after hours.”</p>
<p>All eyes turned to him. He was shameless in the attention he received from it.</p>
<p>“Damn, man, you are slick!” Bryce said. “You know, Ryker. If you ever want to have a really fun time…” He sleazily raised his eyebrows to Ryker.</p>
<p>“You’d be the last person I called. Right before the police,” Ryker said.</p>
<p>Everyone except for Tony laughed at Bryce’s expense. He glanced behind him…and Ryker was looking right back at him. Ryker’s expression made it obvious that he knew Tony was at least one of the people in that picture.</p>
<p>
  <em>“But you had secrets that you wanted to keep even from yourself.”</em>
</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <em>After</em>
</p>
<p>Tony lingered in his class. He barely paid any attention, barely realizing that the teacher was calling his name.</p>
<p>“Tony?” He finally looked up. “Mr. Porter’s hoping you have a chance to speak with him.”</p>
<p>“Uh, sure.” He grabbed his stuff and went up to the front office.</p>
<p>The woman at the desk was already with a student. Courtney.</p>
<p>“Miss Douglas, I have the agenda for student council. Could I please get 40 copies?” she asked.</p>
<p>“I don’t see why not.” Miss Douglas glanced at Tony. “Mr. Padilla, Mr. Porter is with another student his office. He’ll summon you when he’s ready.”</p>
<p>Tony nodded and sat down. Right after he did, Olivia Baker came in.</p>
<p>“Hi. I’m Olivia Baker. I’m here to see Principal Bolan.”</p>
<p>“Of course,” said Miss Douglas. “He will be with you in a moment. And I’ll be right back.” Miss Douglas went to make the copies of the papers as requested by Courtney.</p>
<p>Said girl looked at Olivia. “Are you Hannah’s mother?” she asked.</p>
<p>“Yes. Are you a friend?”</p>
<p>Courtney shook her head. “Just an acquaintance. We have a couple classes together. But she seems really nice.”</p>
<p>“Thank you,” Olivia said.</p>
<p>“I’m Courtney.” She shook Olivia’s hand. “Pleasure to meet you.”</p>
<p>Tony watched them with complete alarm. He looked around like he wanted to escape. But he couldn’t because there were so many other people here, and he couldn’t get out without someone seeing him. In the meantime, Bolan summoned Hannah’s mother.  </p>
<p>She met with Bolan in his office. “Your Hannah Baker’s mother?”</p>
<p>“I am. She’s a junior this year,” Olivia answered.</p>
<p>“How’s she been handling the last few weeks?” Bolan asked.</p>
<p>She shrugged. “Honestly. I can’t be sure. She’s been quiet.”</p>
<p>“We’ve lost two students in the space of two months. It’s been a tough time for everyone. Did she know Clay Jensen very well?”</p>
<p>Olivia shook her head. “Not according to her. But…that’s why I’m here. She hasn’t been talking with us much, and I was wondering if she’s been in any kind of trouble.”</p>
<p>Bolan looked at her surprised. “No. At least, she hasn’t been in any kind of trouble that I need to be alerted with.”</p>
<p>Olivia wasn’t sure if she should or shouldn’t be relieved by that.</p>
<p>In Mr. Porter’s office, he was meeting with Tyler Down.</p>
<p>“They pantsed me in the middle of the hallway,” Tyler said.</p>
<p>“I don’t know what that means. They pantsed you?” Mr. Porter repeated.</p>
<p>“How could you not know what that means? You work at a high school,” Tyler pointed out.</p>
<p>“The school I transferred from, kids shot kids,” Mr. Porter said. “Pants? I don’t know.”</p>
<p>Tyler said, “They just pulled my pants down in the middle of the hallway.”</p>
<p>“Who did?” Mr. Porter asked.</p>
<p>“I don’t know. Five people…You see, I don’t understand why I’m always getting screwed with, but I’m the one getting sent to the office,” Tyler mumbled.</p>
<p>“Let’s start with, what is it that you can do to protect yourself?  What is anything you’re doing that might provoke kids?”</p>
<p>Tyler scowled at him. “Are you serious? How convenient. Blame the victim. “</p>
<p>“No one’s blaming anyone,” Mr. Porter claimed.</p>
<p>“You should be,” Tyler said flatly. “You should be blaming the kids that make this school a terrible place. You should be blaming the kids that make other kids want to kill themselves.”</p>
<p>Mr. Porter paused. “Are you referring to Clay Jensen?”</p>
<p>“What do you think?”</p>
<p>Mr. Porter further asked, “Do you want to talk about Clay Jensen?”</p>
<p>“Do you?” Tyler asked.</p>
<p>“If it’s on your mind, yes.”</p>
<p>Tyler scoffed. “Isn’t it on your mind?”</p>
<p>“Of course.”</p>
<p>Tyler shook his head. “I bet it is.” He stood up and walked out, ignoring Mr. Porter’s calls to him. He went right past Tony and glanced at him. Tony refused to look at him.</p>
<hr/>
<p>At lunch, Tyler watched Jessica, Marcus, and Zach from another table.</p>
<p>“I don’t know what Justin’s going to do. He says he wants to shut Hannah down,” Jessica told the other two.</p>
<p>Marcus scoffed. “We tried that already. Look where that got us.”</p>
<p>“Hannah must have listened to her tape. I told you, she listens to her tape, everything changes,” Zach said.</p>
<p>“She hasn’t listened to hers. She just finished Tyler’s. She didn’t say anything about Jessica’s party,” Marcus told them.</p>
<p>“When she does, she’ll probably believe Clay. She won’t know that he’s lying,” Jessica said. Zach and Marcus glanced at each other oddly.</p>
<p>Tony came out of nowhere and sat with them. “Hannah’s mom came to see Bolan.”</p>
<p>“What? Why?” Zach asked worried.   </p>
<p>“What else?” Tony mumbled.</p>
<p>“Hannah wouldn’t tell her mom about the tapes,” Jessica claimed.</p>
<p>“Why not? She wasn’t shy about Tyler,” Marcus said.</p>
<p>“That would be so messed up if she told her mom,” Zach said. “I’m with Justin. We need to do something serious.”</p>
<p>“What, so your mom doesn’t find out?” Jessica threw at him.</p>
<p>“Yeah, among other people. Like, maybe your dad,” Zach quipped back.</p>
<p>“What can we do if she’s already ratted us out?” Marcus said. “I’m on track for valedictorian. I do not need this shit.”</p>
<p>Tony scoffed. “Yeah, because the most important fucking thing in the world is your valedictorian speech. Let’s keep that in mind.”</p>
<p>Tyler walked up to their table. “You talking about Hannah?”</p>
<p>“Keep your voice down, dude,” Zach told him.</p>
<p>“Whatever you’re doing, I want in,” Tyler said.</p>
<p>“We’re not doing anything, Tyler. It’s not like we’d trust you if we were,” Tony said.</p>
<p>Tyler laughed. “This isn’t fair.”</p>
<p>“Get the hell out,” Zach told him.</p>
<p>“I have a right to be here—”</p>
<p>“I will snap your arm in two,” Zach threatened Tyler. His glance went past him and melted into anger.</p>
<p>The angry Tyler bolted from the table.</p>
<p>“I will deal with it quietly,” Tony said. “No need to snap anyone’s arms.”</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <em>Before</em>
</p>
<p>Clay sat at a table looking at Tony. He tried and failed to get his attention, and when he finally got Tony’s attention, Tony didn’t give Clay a kindly wave. He just looked away from him.</p>
<p>
  <em>“For days after Tyler’s picture went everywhere, I tried to catch your eye. You ignored me for weeks. I decided enough was enough. I wanted to talk with you. I mean, we were in this together, weren’t we?”</em>
</p>
<p>Clay walked over and sat down with Tony.</p>
<p>“Hey,” said Clay. “Come on, Tony. Talk to me. I thought we were friends.”</p>
<p>“We are,” Tony reassured him.</p>
<p>“Are we? You’re pushing me away. Whatever you’re going through now, you don’t have to do it alone. I’m here for you. I always have been, just like you were there for me,” Clay said. “I know what it’s like when people judge you, but at least here nobody knows.”</p>
<p>“Please…be quiet,” Tony mumbled.</p>
<p>“Come on Tony. I of all people know how hard it is. It helps to have a friend who doesn’t judge you.”</p>
<p>Tony sighed but didn’t say anything else after that. However, he smiled to Clay, and that was enough for Clay to believe that things were good.</p>
<p>“You said you’re going to the dance, right?” Clay asked.</p>
<p>Tony nodded.</p>
<p>“Can you pick me up? I’d rather not bike…and my parents…”</p>
<p>“I will pick you up from your house, Clay,” Tony said.</p>
<p>“He finally speaks a full sentence,” Clay commented.</p>
<p>“Hey, ‘Please be quiet’, is a full sentence,” Tony retorted.</p>
<p>Clay shrugged. “Touché.”</p>
<p>The two shared a genuine laugh over that.</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <em>After</em>
</p>
<p>Matt Jensen sat his computer, suffering from a severe case of writer’s block. That tends to happen in period of complete grief. He blankly stared at his computer screen, seeing nothing worth writing anymore. It was difficult enough before the chaos of this lawsuit began in the first place.</p>
<p>Lainie came downstairs with a box. She stopped by Matt’s office.</p>
<p>“They’re coming to pick up the box,” she told him.</p>
<p>He only glanced at the box very briefly. “‘Evidence’. So clinical…”</p>
<p>“Well, it’s just the label,” Lainie mumbled.</p>
<p>Matt closed his laptop. “Maybe we should look through his room again.”</p>
<p>“We’ve been through ev—”</p>
<p>“No, we just threw some things in a box. We need to dig deeper. We’re missing something,” Matt said.</p>
<p>“Matt. I know how these things work. We start with the simple things that every kid has, and we go from there,” Lainie said.</p>
<p>Matt left Lainie alone downstairs. He meandered up the stairs and to his son’s room. He opened his son’s closet.</p>
<p>“Whatever happened to your favorite blue hoodie?”</p>
<p>He noticed a black tie hanging in the closet. He touched it softly and remembered the last time Clay had worn this tie.</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <em>Before</em>
</p>
<p>Clay sat on the stairs of his home near the front door as the sun set outside.</p>
<p>His father came to him. “Are you excited?”</p>
<p>“Maybe. I don’t know,” Clay answered.</p>
<p>“Come on, Clay. You didn’t go to any of these dances last year. What changed?” Matt asked with a smile. He looked at Clay expecting an answer. “Is there a special girl we should know about?”</p>
<p>“I…I don’t have a date if you’re asking me that,” Clay answered.</p>
<p>Matt chuckled. “I wasn’t. What’s her name?”</p>
<p>“I’m not telling,” Clay deflected.</p>
<p>Matt laughed and conceded. He shrugged and said, “Okay.”</p>
<p>As if on cue, Tony Padilla’s Mustang came up the road, signaled by the distinctive engine sound. Only Sheri drove a car that sounded anything like this, and she certainly wasn’t coming to pick him up for the Winter Formal.</p>
<p>“That’s me,” Clay said.</p>
<p>“I love you, son.” Matt hugged his son.</p>
<p>“Hey, wait for me!” Lainie came running to join the group hug. “Oh my God! You look so handsome!”</p>
<p>“Stop embarrassing me, you two! I’ll never leave at this rate,” Clay joked.</p>
<p>“Have fun, Clay,” Lainie said.</p>
<p>Clay left the house and went right to Tony’s car.</p>
<p>“We love you!” Lainie said.</p>
<p>“I love you, too!”</p>
<p>Clay ran and jumped into the car’s passenger seat. Tony was more than happy to see Clay. He drove off to the school. As they drove, Clay started talking to him.</p>
<p>“I want to tell you something, Tony.”</p>
<p>Tony turned down the stereo.</p>
<p>“That night…I know you don’t want to talk about it, but I just wanted to let you know that…I felt something to me, too.”</p>
<p>Tony looked at Clay while the car was still moving. “Are you serious?”</p>
<p>“Please pay attention to the road,” Clay said. “And…yeah. I now realize that I am bisexual. What a surprise, all those rumors were at least partly true.”</p>
<p>When they stopped at a red light, Tony glanced at Clay. “Thanks.”</p>
<p>“And I’m sorry to admit it. I may have discovered that I feel an attraction to guys, but I only ever want to be your friend,” Clay explained.</p>
<p>“And I am perfectly fine with that,” Tony said. The drive to the school became much happier after that.</p>
<hr/>
<p>The sun had set by the time they arrived at the dance. As they entered the dance, a brand-new Grand Cherokee Jeep pulled in next to Tony’s Mustang, carrying Hannah, Courtney, and Courtney’s two friends.</p>
<p>Clay and Tony were way ahead of the ladies and headed into the dance. “You wanna dance?”</p>
<p>“You know I don’t dance,” Clay said. He spotted Skye sitting over on the bleachers. “I’ll be on the bleachers if you’re looking for me.”</p>
<p>“Okay,” Tony said. “I don’t dance either. I’ll probably just get a drink.”</p>
<p>The two boys split up and vanished into the crowd.</p>
<p>Behind the two of them, Hannah, Courtney, and the two other girls made their way into the dance. Hannah was dressed in a purple dress with floral accents. The four were immediately greeted by Tyler, who started taking pictures of them all. Hannah was excited to get her picture taken. Maybe she’d be known for something other than that picture Justin spread of her. She posed with the other three girls.</p>
<p>“Come on! Let’s go dance!” Courtney said.</p>
<p>Hannah was furthest behind them, and as a result was intercepted by Jessica. “Hannah. You look good.”</p>
<p>Hannah giggled. “Hey.”</p>
<p>“Hey. Who’d you come here with?” Jess asked.</p>
<p>“Just Courtney. And her court,” Hannah said.</p>
<p>“The Courtnettes.”</p>
<p>Hannah asked, “You? Big date?”</p>
<p>Jessica spotted Alex and looked right at him. “It was supposed to be,” she said angry.</p>
<p>“Hey,” he said.</p>
<p>“Hi,” Hannah said. “I’m…yeah…” She quickly left them alone.</p>
<p>Jessica and Alex stayed there for a long awkward moment.</p>
<p>“You look amazing,” Alex said.</p>
<p>“Good enough to make your next list?” Jessica mumbled.</p>
<p>Alex sighed. “I’ll say it, like, a million times. I’m sorry.”</p>
<p>“Don’t say it.”</p>
<p>“I love you.”</p>
<p>Jessica shook her head. “You said it. Wow.”</p>
<p>“I’ll say it again, if that helps.”</p>
<p>She shook her head. “No, it won’t.”</p>
<p>And then Bryce ambushed them both. “Hold on a second. Is this happening again? You’re back together?”</p>
<p>“Not unless this is the Hell Freezes Over dance,” Jessica sarcastically answered.</p>
<p>“Sadly, that would be a really good theme,” Alex added. “Later, Jess.” He left her with Bryce.</p>
<p>He leaned towards her. “How does he get all the hot girls? His dick must be huge.”</p>
<p>An unhappy Jessica replied, “There’s only one huge dick in the vicinity at the moment, Bryce.”</p>
<p>Zach came from nowhere, laughing at Jess’s words. He slapped Bryce on the shoulder, but Bryce spoke first.</p>
<p>“She’s talking about you, big guy,” he said to Zach. “Yeah. She is.”</p>
<p>Bryce and Zach vanished into the crowd. Behind them were Monty and Justin, the latter of whom stayed with Jessica.</p>
<p>“Sorry about him. Lotta money, no class,” Justin said to her.</p>
<p>“Right,” Jess agreed.</p>
<p>“You do look amazing,” Justin complimented her. And she seemed receptive to his compliment and his cute smile.</p>
<p>Sheri deejayed the dance. She held headphones to her ears and made sure the music was of the right intensity and volume. She was thoroughly enjoying herself here, even jamming to the beat of the music she was playing herself. Up on the stage with her was Ryan. She gave Sheri a nice drink, and Sheri gave Ryan an appreciative glance…more appreciative than one needs to be for a simple drink.</p>
<p>Ryan, for as much of a tomboy she was, wore a nice black gossamer dress with a nice matching bodysuit to this event, much to Sheri’s silent surprise. Ryan had never been one for girly outfits like that.</p>
<p>“Aren’t deejays supposed to get on the mic and say things like, ‘Liberty High, keep it tight’?” Ryan asked her.</p>
<p>Sheri laughed and shook her head. “No. I’m a real deejay. Not a stage clown.”  </p>
<p>Skye sat alone on the bleachers, at least until Clay finally slid in next to her. Her dress exposed a lot of her tattoos.</p>
<p>“Hey, Skye.”</p>
<p>“Hey, Clay.”</p>
<p>“I gotta say, I never thought I’d see you here,” Clay said.</p>
<p>“I could say the same.” She didn’t even look at Clay.</p>
<p>Clay spotted the tattoo on her neck. “Is that a lizard?”</p>
<p>She shook her head. “Alligator.”</p>
<p>“How many tattoos do you have now?” Clay asked.</p>
<p>“Why? You want to give your opinion on them? Everyone else feels entitled to,” she jabbed.</p>
<p>“No. I was just wondering. And I like the alligator,” Clay complimented.</p>
<p>“Do remember the story I used to tell about my parents every time we drove over a bridge?” Skye asked.</p>
<p>“I remember,” Clay said. A moment later, “No, wait. I forgot.”</p>
<p>“When I was little, I used to cry every time we drove over a bridge. I don’t know why. My mom used to try to distract me—”</p>
<p>“By telling you to look for a purple alligator in the water, and you’d be so busy looking for it, you’d forget you were scared,” Clay finished.</p>
<p>“Yeah. That’s the story.”</p>
<p>Clay smiled at her, and she smiled back at him ever so slightly. On the bleachers on the opposite side of the gym, Hannah took a break from dancing with the Courtnettes. She and Clay locked eyes, and he waved to her. She imitated his gesture…and at that moment, Jeff Atkins slid right next to him, opposite side of Skye.</p>
<p>“Go,” he said. “Go get her.”</p>
<p>“Go get her and do what?”</p>
<p>“Seriously, Clay? This is a dance. Obviously, you’re supposed to dance with her,” Skye added.</p>
<p>Clay groaned. “You two…are horrible. I can’t dance.”</p>
<p>“Nobody can dance. Look around,” Jeff said. “Anyone who can dance, no one likes them.”</p>
<p>“If you’re not gonna grow a pair and dance with her, I will,” Skye said. “Get up and go.”</p>
<p>Clay sighed and shook his head in defeat. He stood up.</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <em>After</em>
</p>
<p>Hannah sat alone on the bleachers dressed in her gym clothes. Sheri came in after her.</p>
<p>“You’re missing out on the fun run,” Sheri said.</p>
<p>“Three miles of torture. I already had that last night,” Hannah commented.</p>
<p>Sheri dropped her smile. “Hannah, what you did to Tyler—”</p>
<p>“I didn’t do anything to him,” Hannah said. “Justin did that.”</p>
<p>“Seriously, Hannah. That’s messed up. You did the same thing to him that he did to Clay,” Sheri claimed. “I get he deserved it—”</p>
<p>“I didn’t do it,” Hannah denied.</p>
<p>“Why are you lying right to my face?” Sheri said annoyed and angry.</p>
<p>“I’m not lying to you. If I were, it would be to do two things. First, protect you from getting involved in something I might do. Second, to make sure that if people start asking you questions about me, that you couldn’t tell them anything because you don’t know anything.”</p>
<p>Sheri understood. Not that it made her happy. “That’s not a damn excuse. What you’re doing isn’t helping.”</p>
<p>“I don’t want to hear about this anymore. I already have enough problems as it is. And I don’t want to <em>help</em>. Part of me wishes I never learned about…” She couldn’t even say it. “What did you do with everything anyways?”</p>
<p>“Right now, the flashdrive, the pictures, and the negatives are safely stored away in a safe. I’d have burned them to ashes, but I figured I’d let you choose what happens to those things,” Sheri admitted.</p>
<p>“Thanks,” Hannah said. She changed the subject. “You remember deejaying the Winter Formal last year?”</p>
<p>“Yeah,” Sheri said excited. “Best thing I ever did was to deejay.”</p>
<p>“You played this song. A slow song. I can’t remember the name of it,” Hannah said.</p>
<p>“Yeah…slow song…not exactly specific enough.”</p>
<p>Hannah shook her head annoyed that she couldn’t remember what it was, what the song's name was.</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <em>Before</em>
</p>
<p>Hannah and Clay stood close together on the dance floor. She said to him, “You look adorable.”</p>
<p>“There’s that word again,” Clay mumbled.</p>
<p>“I’m glad that you came here,” Hannah said.</p>
<p>Clay grinned. “So…um…I’m not really sure how this is done, and I’m, uh, already being too formal. Although this is the Winter Formal. I don’t know if people actually ask people this in the real world…”</p>
<p>Hannah loved just how dorky and awkward he still was, even after the night of the eclipse. She bit her lip and patiently waited for him to work the nerve to ask her the million-dollar question.</p>
<p>“I wonder if you want to dance,” he finally got out.</p>
<p>“I would love to dance,” Hannah answered.</p>
<p>“Awesome!” Clay said excited.</p>
<p>Hannah looked around. “I don’t think this a song you can dance to.” She quickly added, “With someone.”</p>
<p>Clay nodded, and agreed. “Well, we could just jump around together.”</p>
<p>“You mean like this?” Hannah started jumping around and flipping her hair everywhere.</p>
<p>“No, more like this.” Clay jumped all around her in a complete circle. And the two of them joined in the nonsensical “dancing” that consisted of arrhythmic jumping and arm swinging and body swaying.</p>
<p>Elsewhere, Tony sat alone drinking some punch. And the Bryce approached him.</p>
<p>“Well, Tony Padilla, here at a dance and he’s actually down here on the dancefloor,” he said bombastically. “Why don’t we go find your boyfriend?”</p>
<p>“Excuse me?” Tony said.</p>
<p>“Come on, you’re not telling me that this isn’t you two.” Bryce showed Tony the picture.</p>
<p>“I hate to disappoint you, Bryce. But I do have a little secret for you.” Tony whispered something into Bryce’s ear, something that really made him smile and giggle.</p>
<p>Elsewhere on the dancefloor, Justin and Jessica danced together, with the former taking a little swig from a flask.</p>
<p>“Come on, keep up, be a man. I’m way ahead of you,” Justin challenged her.</p>
<p>“Fine.” Jessica drank from the flask for a solid second. “Holy fuck! I don’t usually do hard liquor!” She laughed as she quickly got tipsy.</p>
<p>Sheri slipped a tape into a cassette player and pressed play and ended the previous fast-paced rock song. Ryan stepped up to the mic.</p>
<p>“Alright, Liberty High, let’s slow it down a bit. Nice and smooth,” she said.</p>
<p>The song that played had a very soulful vocalization. Just the long notes sung by a female, coming across as a siren call. This was <em>The Night We Met</em> by Lord Huron.</p>
<p>“You happy?” Sheri asked Ryan.</p>
<p>She grinned. “I’m embarrassed to admit that I’m very happy.” After Ryan left the stage, Charlie came up to Sheri.</p>
<p>“You’re amazing at this,” Charlie complimented her.</p>
<p>“Thanks. It’s my first gig,” Sheri told him.</p>
<p>“I’m Charlie. I don’t think we’ve officially met. I mean, you’ve probably met me, cause I play football, baseball, and basketball.” He offered his hand to her.</p>
<p>She accepted it. “Sheri. And, yes. I remember you.”</p>
<p>On the dancefloor, Clay and Hannah stood still while everyone else swayed to the song. “Sheri has amazing taste,” said Hannah. “This song is perfect.”</p>
<p>“Yeah,” Clay agreed. “So…we should…”</p>
<p>Hannah put her arms over Clay’s shoulders. He put his hands around her waist. He looked around, finding most of the guys touching their girls’ butts. He shook his head and kept his hands around her waist. Hannah liked…that even after letting him take her virginity, that he was still so proper and gentlemanly. She pulled them closer. With her heels, she matched his height nicely.</p>
<p>“You know, this song reminds me of those old dance movies we play at the Crestmont,” Clay said. “<em>Strictly Ballroom</em>?”</p>
<p>Hannah giggled. “Oh my God. I love that movie. There are no new steps.” She said that last few words with a flawless Australian accent. “You lied to me.”</p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p>“You said you had no rhythm. You dance like a pro,” she told him.</p>
<p>“I’ve actually taken ballet since I was six,” Clay claimed.</p>
<p>“No shit! Seriously?”</p>
<p>Clay shook his head. “No.”</p>
<p>Hannah scoffed disappointed. “I totally would have believed it.” She looked at his eyes longingly. “It’s amazing. After…that really good night we had…you somehow still have a lot of little surprises.”</p>
<p>Clay sheepishly looked at the ground. “I’m sorry that I avoided you after that night. I had a really good time. I just…”</p>
<p>“I get it,” Hannah said. “My name was on that list too.” She whispered in his ear. “You know, I told my mom that I was going to stay over at Courtney’s for a bit after the dance. There’s a place with a great view of Hickman’s Bridge where we can be alone.”</p>
<p>Clay looked at her and smiled sheepishly. He bit his lip. Hannah leaned in to kiss him…only for Jessica’s drunken loud obnoxious laughing to cut off the moment. She was all sorts of tipsy and out of her mind.</p>
<p>“Oh man…I should take care of that,” Hannah said.</p>
<p>“Yeah, for sure.”</p>
<p>Hannah paused to kiss Clay briefly. She went over to rescue Jessica, leaving Clay alone. That was when Bryce jumped to him.</p>
<p>“Hey. Where’s your boyfriend?” he asked.</p>
<p>“Which boyfriend is that?” Clay said.</p>
<p>Bryce chuckled. “Your boyfriend from the picture, Ryker. I hear you two like a third party in there from time to time.”</p>
<p>“And who’d you hear that from?” Clay asked, growing angry by the second.</p>
<p>“Tony said you asked him for a three-way. I don’t blame you. The leather jacket, the tattoos, he’s fine as fuck,” Bryce commented.</p>
<p>“You’re fucking kidding me…” Clay tried to walk away, but Bryce didn’t let him.</p>
<p>“What, my intel’s no good?” he said.</p>
<p>“No. It’s not fucking good,” Clay answered.</p>
<p>“I think it is. See, he told me that you came out to him in his car and tried to kiss him just now. You even got a whole lotta other videos of other guys like the one you took of Zach, and honestly I think I’d like to see them.”</p>
<p>Clay scoffed. He ran off from Bryce.</p>
<p>He found Tony on the floor of the hall. “What the actual fuck, Tony?”</p>
<p>“Clay—”</p>
<p>“You think you can just throw me under the bus? ‘Everyone already thinks he’s gay and sleeps around, why not just pile on’?” Clay jabbed.</p>
<p>Tony stood up. “People were starting to talk. I just…I had to do something.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, well fuck you. You didn’t have to do that.”</p>
<p>“I’m sorry,” Tony said.</p>
<p>“You don’t get to be sorry. I have been nothing but your friend for years, what have I ever done to you?” Clay asked.</p>
<p>No answer.</p>
<p>“I didn’t think so. I’m not gonna out you, Tony. And I don’t give a shit that you’re gay.”</p>
<p>Tony freaked. “Quiet.”</p>
<p>“It doesn’t fucking matter to me that you’re gay. I get that you’re scared, but I’m not your shield. You don’t get to hide behind me. You don’t get to fuck with my life because you’re ashamed of who you are.”</p>
<p>A regretful Tony lingered in the hall alone as Clay stormed away.</p>
<p>He called Hannah’s phone. “Hey, Hannah. Sorry, but I’m gonna have to take a rain check tonight.”</p>
<p>“Okay,” she answered disappointed. “Well, maybe another night?”</p>
<p>“No…Hannah…Let’s be real. I’m not good for you to be with,” Clay told her. “The night of the eclipse was amazing, but let’s face facts. I’m not good for you, and there are better guys for you out there. I’d love to at least be your friend.”</p>
<p>Hannah sighed unhappily on the other end of the phone. “Okay.”</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <em>After</em>
</p>
<p>Hannah lingered in that same hall until the bell rang. She waited for and intercepted Tony right out of his class. “Hi, Tony.”</p>
<p>“Hey, Hannah.” He smiled. “What’s up?”</p>
<p>“Listen…the other day, you asked me how I was doing. Well…I’m not doing well. I was hoping we could go somewhere and talk,” Hannah requested.</p>
<p>“Of course. Wanna skip fifth?” Tony asked.</p>
<p>“Yeah, but you’re driving,” Hannah told him.</p>
<p>He laughed and nodded. “Okay.”</p>
<p>They met up in Tony’s Mustang. “I’m glad you came to me, Hannah.”</p>
<p>She gave him a fake smile.</p>
<p>“Look, everyone’s been really good at keeping it secret. No one’s even told their parents.”</p>
<p>“Mm-hmm,” Hannah responded. She held her chest in pain, and she was visibly tired.</p>
<p>“Man, you’re really not doing so well,” Tony said.</p>
<p>“No. I’m not.” Hannah looked out of the car window. Sheri and Charlie were watching her from the former’s car. “Hey. I’m glad we’re getting to talk. But I want to show you something.” Hannah showed Tony a location on her phone map. “Will you take me there?”</p>
<p>Tony was very uncomfortable. Because the place where she was asking to go was the cemetery. And when they got there, Hannah brought Tony right to Clay’s grave. The loose dirt and absence of a headstone made this spot stand out compared to the others.</p>
<p>“There’s no headstone,” Tony pointed out the obvious.</p>
<p>“They take a couple months to make. When someone dies suddenly…” Hannah mumbled.</p>
<p>Tony looked around. “It’s beautiful here.”</p>
<p>Hannah scoffed. “It’s beautiful here?”</p>
<p>“I don’t know what you want me to say, Hannah. I don’t even understand why you brought me here.”</p>
<p>“Why? You can’t figure it out for yourself? I’ll spell it out for you then. People like you are the worst kind of people out there. Fucking backstabbers. So I brought you here so that you can appreciate what your actions cost.”</p>
<p>“This is not my fault,” Tony deflected. “Hannah, I understand he was special to you, and I get you’re upset. But this was Clay’s choice.”</p>
<p>“Yeah. He was the one that killed himself. But there are 13 tapes out there, showing a whole lot of people who made him believe that death was the only escape. You and I are part of that list,” Hannah jabbed. She stepped around the freshly dug soil of Clay’s grave. “And you don’t get to try and shift blame just because it helps you stay in the closet. It is on you, because he thought you were his childhood friend, and you sent more assholes his way to hide that you’re gay.”</p>
<p>“That isn’t true,” Tony denied.</p>
<p>“Keep lying to yourself if that’s what you want Tony. I’ll just tell you this. It’s gonna feel fucking amazing when I force you out of the closet kicking and screaming like the pathetic fucking child you are. Enjoy what time you have left in the closet, Tony. It’s coming to an end.”</p>
<p>Tony glared right at her.</p>
<p>He started openly sobbing. “I…I got scared. I had no idea what to do. I’m sorry…I’m so sorry.”</p>
<p>“I’m not the person who needed to hear that,” Hannah said. “Just fucking go. You don’t deserve to be here, and I don’t feel sorry for you.”</p>
<p>Tony did as requested, leaving the cemetery a sobbing mess. Hannah lingered over Clay’s grave as Tony left. When she was alone, from her backpack she took out the picture that she had hidden inside of her pillow. She fell to her knees and started breaking down.</p>
<p>“Clay…I’m sorry…”</p>
<p>The picture was a sonogram. Hannah Baker’s name was in the corner. Below that, the gestational age was listed at 6 weeks, 0 days. And the date on the sonogram was October 7, 2017.  </p>
<p>“I’m so sorry…” Hannah rapidly broke down, any semblance of trying to stave off her emotions going right out the window. “I’m sorry Clay…”</p>
<p>She held the sonogram image to her chest. She openly sobbed, tears streaming down her face like rivers. They dripped onto the soft dirt of Clay’s fresh grave, darkening select spots of dirt. And then she was no longer alone. Sheri and Charlie followed her here.</p>
<p>They approached her as she openly sobbed, snot dripping down from her nose. Hannah didn’t even try to hide her grief and her agony. She barely reacted when Sheri touched her, hugged her from behind. Charlie hesitantly joined in on this, hugging both girls. And Hannah was equally receptive to Charlie as she was to Sheri. She didn’t have to face this alone.</p>
<hr/>
<p>Justin and Jessica were at the former’s home when Tony let them know what had happened.</p>
<p>“Why the fuck would Hannah take Tony to see Clay’s grave?” Justin said.</p>
<p>Jessica shook her head and sighed. “I have no idea. But if she’s doing this shit now, what happens when she gets to the stuff about my party?”</p>
<p>“Nothing happens, okay? I’m ending this shit right now.” Justin picked up his phone again and started messaging people.</p>
<p>“She doesn’t think that Clay’s lying. She could tell people the wrong things,” Jessica reminded him.</p>
<p>“She won’t. I’ll take care of it.”</p>
<p>She scoffed. “How?”</p>
<p>Silence.</p>
<p>“Justin? I don’t want people to think—God, what if people hear about what Clay said, and then everyone starts to think something happened?”</p>
<p>Justin held Jessica’s hand. “No one’s going to think that anything’s happened. Nobody will think or say anything.”</p>
<p>She looked at him for a long moment, worried. “Hannah’s...out of control.”</p>
<p>“I’ll get her under control,” Justin told her. “She won’t hurt you.”</p>
<p>Jessica nodded, grateful, but still worried.</p>
<hr/>
<p>Hannah, Charlie, and Sheri sat together on the bench next to Clay’s grave. For a long moment, they didn’t say anything. Hannah was too busy distracted looking at her sonogram, Sheri stared at Clay’s grave with tears pooling in her eyes, and Charlie just stayed solemn.</p>
<p>“I got to know him over the summer,” Charlie said.</p>
<p>“Really?” Sheri said.</p>
<p>Charlie nodded. He leaned back and told the girls, “Yeah. I started working at the Crestmont for the summer. He was so nice. I just wish I knew him longer. Maybe I would’ve seen something.”</p>
<p>“We all missed it. If you don’t know what to look for, you won’t see it,” Hannah said. “I just wished that I had gotten one last chance to talk to him.”</p>
<p>“You never got the chance to tell him, did you?” Sheri asked.</p>
<p>Hannah shook her head. “I tried to find him after school that day. But…I never found him. The one time I did see him that day was at the Crestmont when he dropped off his uniform. I couldn’t find him after he left.”</p>
<p>Sheri pulled a tape from her jacket and gave it to Hannah. “The song you asked me about earlier. The one you and Clay danced to. This is it.”</p>
<p>“Thank you. Why didn’t you just give this to me at school?” Hannah asked her.</p>
<p>“The tape was in my car,” Sheri answered.</p>
<p>“We saw you turn down Cemetery Road, we didn’t think you’d be leaving. Not that you wouldn’t be fine walking. And it was time, at least for me, to see this, too.”</p>
<p>“Same here,” Sheri agreed.</p>
<p>“The family never had a funeral. None of us had a chance to say anything,” Hannah said.</p>
<p>“And it’s not something you do if you’re not ready, Hannah,” Charlie told her. “We saw Tony. He looked…horrible.”</p>
<p>Hannah wasn’t sympathetic. “That’s what he gets for what he did to Clay. I’m already paying the price for this. If I’m paying for it, they will too.”</p>
<p>“How are you paying for it, Hannah?” Sheri asked.</p>
<p>“You kidding me?” Hannah gave her the sonogram. “This is how I’m paying for it. Do you have any clue how difficult the rest of my life will be because of this?”</p>
<p>Charlie shrugged. “There are options.”</p>
<p>Hannah scoffed. “Right. Aborting a dead man’s only baby because it’s an inconvenience to me. That’s perfectly fine, right?”</p>
<p>Charlie sulked.</p>
<p>Hannah nodded, staring at the grave. “You know, three separate times, I tried to have a relationship with him. Three times. And every time, he ended up telling me I wasn’t good for him and that I should leave. I knew what happened the first time, but I just wish I had known what happened the other two times. I could have helped him. But I can’t help him. I can’t tell him that things can get better. I can’t even tell him that he’s a father. And someone needs to pay for that, just like I am.”</p>
<p>Sheri asked, “So, you think you’re bringing karma to them?”</p>
<p>“Yeah,” Hannah answered quietly.</p>
<p>Sheri leaned on her. “Look. Let me make myself clear, I don’t feel that sorry for them. But…it’s not helping anything. I know that you don’t care about that, and that’s what worries me, Hannah. I don’t want to see you lose yourself because of this. Tell me. Do you feel any better for what you’ve done?”</p>
<p>“No. But I never thought it would,” Hannah said. “It’s not supposed to make me feel better. It’s just that…every one of these people needs to pay for what they did. And in my case, also for what I failed to do.”</p>
<p>“And then what?” Charlie asked. “Say that you listen to all the tapes, and you make everyone pay. What do you do after that?”</p>
<p>Hannah leaned back. “I go on with my life. I have the baby. Maybe I’ll have to drop out and focus on my kid. Or maybe I’ll be able to finish school. If that’s the case, I’ll take a gap year to care for my kid. Take a few courses here and there, put together a life for myself. I guess there’s not much else a teen mom can do but that.”</p>
<p>Sheri and Charlie…they both were surprised that Hannah had a plan for her post-revenge life. The fact that she did…it made Sheri begin to doubt that she would ever be able to save Hannah from this downward spiral of destruction. Right now, the consequences were comparably mild, but as shown with Clay, they’d stack up over time to something unbearable.</p>
<p>“We need to go,” Charlie told Sheri. “Hannah. Do you want a ride back?”</p>
<p>“I’ll stay here a little longer,” Hannah answered.</p>
<hr/>
<p>As Hannah walked back to town with her phone’s map in her hand leading her to Clay’s house, she imagined another world, another timeline, where she had kissed Clay at that dance, that they had enjoyed a nice time in the brand-new Jeep that her father had leased just for the dance, just so that Hannah could look cool taking Courtney to and from the dance. Much to the ire of her mother, who begrudgingly said that her father was always the hero in those situations.</p>
<p>Hannah smiled as she imagined this brighter world. The world always seemed warmer when she thought of Clay. The world seemed so much better with him in it. Now it was just cold and sterile. Lifeless and barren.</p>
<p>And she was ripped from that brighter world by the sound of a honking car. It was coming from a car on the other side of the road. Hannah never walked with traffic, so that she wouldn’t be surprised by any cars carrying drivers that might want to do things to her. And right now, it seemed to pay off, because a car with three people in it was honking at her. The driver was Alex Standall.</p>
<p>He pulled to the wrong side of the road and cut her off. Hannah stopped in her tracks.</p>
<p>“What the fuck?!” she yelled.</p>
<p>Justin and Zach stepped out of the car. She took a picture of them on her phone.</p>
<p>“Want to go for a ride?” Justin asked. He stopped, but Zach kept coming.</p>
<p>“No.”</p>
<p>“We think you do,” Zach said.</p>
<p>“Stay away from me!” Hannah demanded.</p>
<p>“Get in the car,” Justin commanded.</p>
<p>Hannah backed away from Zach as he approached her. She remembered some of Sheri’s lessons when she was teaching Hannah to defend herself, all of it coming back to her instantly.</p>
<p>
  <em>Know your surroundings. Know what’s around you, and what you can use to your advantage in a pinch.</em>
</p>
<p>Hannah immediately assessed her surroundings. What did she have? Her fists, her feet, her head. And the loose gravel of the ground. In a desperate pinch, she could use the Walkman in her bag to strike them.</p>
<p>
  <em>There are three central weakness on the human body. Nobody around here has martial arts training, so they won’t see it coming. Use that to your advantage. The first is the groin strike. We all know how painful that is, even for us women. </em>
</p>
<p>Zach was overall bigger than Justin. It’d be easier to get him in the groin than the smaller Justin.</p>
<p>
  <em>The second are the eyes. They’re the only universal weakness among all animals. Damage and pain to the eye is incredibly debilitating and the target will recoil because of it. Use your fingers and aim for the eyes.</em>
</p>
<p>Once again, Zach being bigger than Justin meant a difference in ease. This time, it wasn’t as noticeable. Both sets of eyes were within reach, but Zach being taller meant she had to reach further.</p>
<p>
  <em>Last, but not least, the throat. A jab to the throat makes it hard for the enemy to breath especially if they don’t see it coming. Open your hand and use the web to strike it, the large area between the thumb and index finger. That’ll take the wind out of them and stop a fight before it really starts, and it’s very useful when combatting more than one opponent and escape is not an option.</em>
</p>
<p>That was her best bet. And these two weren’t that bright in this moment. Justin thought that he could just stand there with his hands on his hips and let Zach do all the work. This would make it much easier for her.</p>
<p>“Don’t touch me!” Hannah repeated.</p>
<p>And Zach grabbed her by the arm. Typical. She responded by jabbing him in the throat. A perfect strike that she delivered with all the force she could. In an instant, Zach was coughing and on the ground. Hannah took the offensive and kicked him across the face, drawing blood.</p>
<p>Justin freaked out. “Zach! You little bitch!”</p>
<p>“You think you’re so strong? Come and get me!” Hannah challenged, feeling better with just one weaker opponent.</p>
<p>Justin became angry and went after her. He was wary of Hannah, but obviously had no idea how to actually defend himself. Hannah waited for him to strike first. And he fell for it. Like all alpha males, or guys who want to be alpha male-types fighting someone they see as weaker, he tried to just punch her in the face. She easily avoided it with a slight gesture, leaning back slightly and counterattacked with an eye jab. She didn’t do it appropriately, using her whole palm to strike his eye instead of just her fingers. It was enough to stun him and open the way for a throat strike. She kicked him in the balls for good measure.</p>
<p>Both of them were on the ground, defeated and beaten, coughing and sputtering. In Zach’s case, he had some blood coming out of his nose.</p>
<p>“You guys can’t touch me. I’m fucking bulletproof,” she boasted.</p>
<p>Hannah glanced at Alex who was still in the car. He just watched them apathetically.</p>
<p>“I’ll take you home if you want,” he offered.</p>
<p>“I’m good.”</p>
<p>She walked away from this scene, her hands a little bit sore. She took out her Walkman and put the tape in for the song she and Clay danced to, <em>The Night We Met</em>. She listened to it as she walked away from the scene behind her. She wasn’t just a girl, she was a prospective mother, and she was not going to let anyone endanger her.</p>
<hr/>
<p>Matt Jensen was on the phone. “I understand. Thank you very much for letting us know.” He spoke to Lainie. “It’s officially going to trial.”</p>
<p>“I thought it might,” Lainie said. “Did they hire my old firm?”</p>
<p>“Yeah,” Matt said.</p>
<p>“They’re playing to win. We’ll do the same,” Lainie boasted.</p>
<p>“They’re gonna go after our boy,” Matt muttered.</p>
<p>Knocking on the door got their attention. Matt opened the door. “Hi. Come on in.” Hannah came into the house.</p>
<p>“Hi, Mr. Jensen. Mrs. Jensen,” she said.</p>
<p>“Hello.”</p>
<p>“Lainie, this is Hannah. She’s the girl I told you about. The one that came by last night,” Matt said.</p>
<p>“Oh. Of course. I’d say it’s nice to meet you, but given the circumstances…”</p>
<p>Hannah shrugged in agreement.</p>
<p>Matt asked, “Have you eaten anything? I can make something.”</p>
<p>“Actually…” she started. “There’s something I need to tell you. Can we sit down?”</p>
<p>Matt and Lainie brought her to the living room. They sat opposite of her.</p>
<p>Hannah sighed. She was really doing this. “Mr. Jensen. I lied to you yesterday.”</p>
<p>“About what?”</p>
<p>“Clay and I. We weren’t just acquaintances,” she began to confess. “We were very close.”</p>
<p>Matt looked at her suspicious.</p>
<p>“He never talked to me about what he was going through,” Hannah half-lied. “But. We were very close.”</p>
<p>“How close?” Lainie asked.</p>
<p>“Close enough, that I wanted to be his girlfriend. And…This is going to sound weird, but do you remember what happened on September 9?”</p>
<p>Lainie nodded. “Yeah. I remember.”</p>
<p>“Wait, what happened?” Matt asked.</p>
<p>“A car accident killed a student,” Hannah said. “But, before that, there was a back-to-school party and Jessica Davis’s house.”</p>
<p>“I remember that. Clay went there. He was really hurt after that night,” Matt admitted.</p>
<p>“Well, I went there too. And…things happened with us.” She smiled and remembering that moment, but she wasn’t comfortable with outright saying to the parents of Clay Jensen that she slept with their son…twice.</p>
<p>Thankfully, they got the message.</p>
<p>“Why are you telling us this?” Lainie asked.</p>
<p>Hannah sighed. She had come this far, and there was only one thing that she could do. She took out the sonogram and handed it to them. At first, they wondered why she was showing them this, but they very quickly put it together.</p>
<p>“What? No…” Matt mumbled.</p>
<p>“Yes. I’m pregnant…and it’s Clay’s,” Hannah finally admitted. She finally said those words out loud to the parents of Clay Jensen.</p>
<p>And now there was no going back.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Yep. There's Hannah's secret. The constant discomfort in her chest was a reference to tender breasts which can happen during pregnancy. I thought it would be less obvious than the clichéd, if realistic, morning sickness.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Tape 3, Side B</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Clay makes a new friend who turns out to have a dangerous secret. Hannah gets involved in a school fight and faces the honor board.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>“These last few tapes, I told each of you something you might have heard about me. Or seen about me. Maybe you didn’t hear the rumors. Maybe you didn’t see the picture. But this…I know all of you have heard of this.” </em>
</p><p>Matt and Lainie sat opposite each other in the dining room.</p><p>“How do we know she’s telling the truth?” Lainie asked her.</p><p>“Why would she lie?” Matt asked her.</p><p>“I don’t know. Maybe she’s hoping we’ll win the lawsuit and suddenly, she’ll have money.”</p><p>Matt glared at her. “You’re kidding me, Lainie. Who would do that? You saw the date on the sonogram!”</p><p>Lainie looked away. “I just…”</p><p>“You just what?” Matt jabbed. “Tell me. What is it that has you so skeptical?”</p><p>“Why did she wait so long to tell us? She hasn’t even told her own parents…” Lainie told him.</p><p>At this point, Matt was just fed up with his wife. “She’s a seventeen-year-old girl. She’s pregnant by our dead son. How the fuck is she supposed to handle that kind of thing? Tell me, Lainie. I’m no woman, so clearly, I’m missing something. Right?”</p><p>“I need to be sure, Matt. I’ve seen so many of these paternity cases…I just need to know for sure. Can you understand that?” Lainie pleaded. “I don’t believe she’s lying, but all that means is that she believes what she’s saying.”</p><p>Matt shook her head. “So…how does this work? This paternity test.”</p><p>“It’s called a non-invasive prenatal paternity test, NIPP. The baby’s DNA dissolves into the mother’s blood plasma, allowing them to do a paternity test. If she had twins, this wouldn’t work since they wouldn’t be able to separate the DNA of the separate babies. They’ll draw Hannah’s blood, and then compare it to the DNA of our son. Normally, they use a cheek swab.”</p><p>Matt scoffed. “Yeah, normally,” he mumbled sarcastically.</p><p>“That’s why they asked for his razor,” Lainie said.</p><p>“And when is this happening?” Matt asked.</p><p>“This weekend,” Lainie said.</p><p>“What was the due date?”</p><p>Lainie shrugged. “I think it said June 2. But she’s a teenager, and they’re more prone to preterm births.”</p>
<hr/><p>Another day, another new hell to endure at Liberty High School. Students came across the street on their way to another set of classes at this school. Among them was the slow-walking Hannah Baker. She wore her headphones to the school, once again listening to <em>The Night We Met</em>.</p><p>In the side pouch of her bag was a fresh bottle of the tablets she had been taking every day for weeks. This time, the wrapping was left on it. Prenatal vitamins.</p><p>Charlie, having arrived early to school, waited for Hannah outside the tennis courts. He stood there, knowing that she often came from this direction, as someone who preferred walking to school, among other places.</p><p>He met her around the corner of the courts. She was more than happy to see him. Hannah…felt safe with him. One of the few guys in the school who didn’t always make her feel like a piece of meat. Always spoke to her, and never ogled her, never treated her as a “pretty piece of ass” like every other guy. She felt…comfortable with him. And it kind of unnerved her to feel this again. She only felt this way with two other people. Sheri and Clay.</p><p>“Hey,” Hannah said to him happily.</p><p>“Hey. You’re a little later than usual. Are you listening to—” Hannah put her headphones over Charlie’s ears. He smiled. “It’s a beautiful song.”</p><p>Hannah nodded. “And sorry. I had a couple things to do this morning.”</p><p>Charlie noticed that she was openly carrying prenatal vitamins. “So…did you tell them?”</p><p>“You need to be a little more specific than that,” Hannah told him.</p><p>“Your parents. About the baby.”</p><p>Hannah nodded. “Yeah. And the Jensens too.”</p><p>“Really? How’d they take it?” Charlie asked nervously.</p><p>“Well, I told the Jensens first. Mr. Jensen seemed accepting, but Mrs. Jensen…the first thing she asked me to do was get a NIPP test. A paternity test for expecting mothers,” Hannah described.</p><p>“And your parents?”</p><p>“Well…I didn’t tell them who the father is, and they didn’t ask. My dad played hero. He told me to take the Jeep and go somewhere. Maybe go catch a movie or go to Monet’s and wait for a phone call,” Hannah described. “He said that he and my mom needed some time to discuss things. I don’t think it went well.”</p><p>“I’ll…take your word for it,” Charlie answered.</p><p>“When I got home, things were tense, but they reassured me that they’d support me,” Hannah said. “I think my mom had to really be convinced.”</p><p>Charlie winced.</p><p>“Thing is…I feel so much better now that it’s off my chest. I can’t even describe how good it feels not to worry about it anymore.”</p><p>Charlie nodded. “I know the feeling. It took me a while to admit to my dad that I’m bi. You want to know what happened when I did?”</p><p>Hannah looked at him worried.</p><p>“We got into an argument over Eli Manning’s skills as a quarterback. He said he knew something was up when he noticed that my phone’s wallpaper was of him…without a shirt.”</p><p>Hannah laughed. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t laugh.”</p><p>“No…I think it’s funny too,” Charlie told her.</p><p>And then they heard the screech of tires on the pavement. They saw Alex banging on the car angrily, provoking the driver.</p><p>“What the hell?” Hannah said.</p><p>“That’s Monty’s car,” Charlie mumbled. The two of them headed over as things quickly escalated, with Monty…and Justin stepping out of the car.</p><p>“Oh no…” Hannah muttered. The two of them ran to the scene as other students gathered in the area.</p><p>Alex shoved Monty back into the car. Monty returned fire with his own punch, drawing blood from Alex’s lip. The students all around found it funny and started filming this whole scene. Alex tackled Monty, or at least tried to. All it led to was Monty gaining the upper hand on Alex, overpowering him, tossing him around and locking him in an armlock.</p><p>The crowd circled around the scene, practically cheering. Among them were some of the tape subjects. Jessica wasn’t happy with this scene, and neither were the visibly bruised Justin and Zach.</p><p>Marcus didn’t like this either. “This is not good,” he mumbled.</p><p>
  <em>“Like I said before, people are assholes. And in this case, this was a person who is beyond nice and apparently a saint. Smartest kid in the school, or at least…one of them anyways. I shouldn’t even be surprised at this point, but I guess I always believed in the best in people.” </em>
</p><p>Monty gained the upper hand, straddling Alex and slamming him into the pavement, pinning him down and punching him over and over. Alex stood no chance.</p><p>Hannah wasn’t having any of this. She stepped into the makeshift ring of students and straight after Monty, much to the surprise of everyone in the vicinity…save for the tape subjects. A kick to the side of Monty’s face was enough to stop him from punching Alex any further, but not enough to keep him on the ground.</p><p>He stood up and defiantly glared at Hannah, arrogant. “Wow. Did you really just do that?”</p><p>“Yeah. What are you gonna do about it?” Hannah taunted. “Are you afraid to hit a girl?” She readied to protect herself from him. She studied his body language, knowing that the shoulders tend to shift when throwing a punch, and keeping enough distance between them that he won’t attempt a tackle on her.</p><p>Monty scoffed. “Normally, I wouldn’t. I’ll make an exception here.”</p><p>Hannah read him well. He stepped close enough to her to punch her. And that was the only opening she needed. She evaded the punch, and since he was untrained, he left himself open and defenseless. She pressed her advantage. Like with Zach and Justin, she jabbed him in the throat, instantly leaving him gasping for breath, and compounded it with a knee-strike to his junk. That second move alone was enough to disable him, but she took one extra step, and struck him in the eyes, an open finger style strike that is incapacitating but unlikely to do permanent damage unless sufficient force is applied. She pushed him away to the ground for good measure.</p><p>She went straight to Alex. “Are you okay, man?” she said.</p><p>All around her were eyes full of absolute shock. Zach and Justin looked at Monty almost with pity that he ended on the business end of Hannah Baker. Charlie was especially caught off guard. He had stepped in to help her, only to realize that she didn’t need it. He was also visibly afraid of her to some degree.</p><p>Mr. Porter came around here. “What the hell is going on?”</p><p>“Ask the asshole over there,” Hannah answered, pointing back to Monty.</p><p>“Monty was beating up Alex. Hannah protected him,” Charlie said honestly. Everyone around the circle universally supported him, some of them even yelling <em>Go, Hannah Baker!</em> Hannah wasn’t sure if she was happy with this attention.</p><p>“Alright, everybody go to class! Show is over!” Mr. Porter yelled. “You too, Hannah. I’ve got him.”</p><p>“You’re not even gonna question me about it?” Hannah asked him.</p><p>“Later. Go to class,” Mr. Porter repeated.</p><p>“Okay.” Hannah walked away. As she did, Justin came up around her and touched her shoulder. “Hello, Justin. What happened to you?”</p><p>Justin shook his head. “Who do you think you are?”</p><p>“I’m Hannah Baker. Who else would I be?” Hannah answered sarcastically.</p><p>“Very funny. It’s not gonna be so easy next time,” Justin warned.</p><p>“I like a challenge. Let’s see what you’re really made of,” Hannah challenged. A weight off her shoulders did little to assuage the angry beast she still had within her.</p><p>Charlie came over and stood next to Hannah. “Is everything alright? Jesus. What happened to you Justin?”</p><p>“I got in a fight,” Justin answered. He walked away, not happy with Charlie.</p><p>Hannah looked at Charlie.</p><p>“I know what you’re gonna say. You can handle yourself, and I saw that for myself just now—”</p><p>“Stop,” Hannah commanded. “Thank you.”</p><p>Charlie giggled nervously. “Of course.”</p><p>That nervous giggle. That little nervous dorky giggle made her smile.</p>
<hr/><p>In the front office, Mr. Porter and the Vice Principal Jane Childs met.</p><p>“Was it a fair fight, or did Monty beat the snot out of Alex and leave us open to charges of more bullying? Which is exactly what we don’t need right now,” she mumbled.</p><p>“Alex started it, got hurt really bad, and from what I saw, Hannah Baker stopped it,” Mr. Porter said.</p><p>“This happened right outside the library?”</p><p>Mr. Porter answered, “Down in the street by the tennis courts.”</p><p>“But in the street? That’s off school grounds.” She sat down relieved.</p><p>“They were on their way in,” Mr. Porter reminded Childs.</p><p>“We have no jurisdiction over town streets,” Childs truthfully told him.</p><p>“So what? We let them off? This is time for us to be giving them consequences and boundaries.”</p><p>Childs sighed. “We need to protect our ability to give them anything.”</p><p>“What about the Student Honor Board?” Mr. Porter suggested.</p><p>She thought about it. “The Honor Board generally deals with cheating and minor theft.”</p><p>“But they’re smart, good kids. And this way, the school’s not held responsible, and there’s closure for it all. No one loses,” Porter argued.</p><p>Childs nodded, compromising.</p>
<hr/><p>Hannah sat on a bench, writing things down in a notebook, getting some last-minute things done before classes. Her hands were still sore from what happened yesterday and what happened today only exaggerated it.</p><p>Charlie was sitting with her doing the same. Jeff joined them.</p><p>“You guys okay?” Jeff came over and sat with them.</p><p>“Did you see what happened?” Charlie asked.</p><p>“No. I wasn’t here for that. But I heard some things,” Jeff said.</p><p>Charlie scooted away a little bit when Jeff sat with them.</p><p>“That was badass, Hannah. Where’d you learn to do that?” Jeff asked.</p><p>“A friend taught me a few things,” Hannah answered vaguely. “I’d rather get into fights, too much though. Not worth the time.”</p><p>“So true,” Charlie added. “Too bad people can be fucking assholes.” He briefly glanced at Jeff. “I gotta go. See you guys.”</p><p>Hannah and Jeff waved at him as he left.</p><p>“You know, he’s right,” Hannah mentioned. “It’s a school full of fucking assholes.”</p><p>“Believe me, I know,” Jeff said. “You’re not a bad person.”</p><p>“You don’t know me well enough to say that,” Hannah reminded him.</p><p>“Well, maybe I see you as a nice person. You haven’t done anything to prove me wrong,” Jeff said with a smile.</p><p>“I appreciate the kindness,” Hannah said. “And you’re not so bad yourself.”</p><p>“Hannah, I wanna ask you, have you finished your paper for Miss Cusick’s? The whole thing about <em>All About the Pretty Horses</em>?” Jeff asked.</p><p>Hannah glanced at him. “Tell me you didn’t forget to do that. It’s due tomorrow.”</p><p>“Oh shit…I thought we had another week to do that.” Jeff picked up his bag panicking.</p><p>Hannah giggled. “Nope.”</p><p>“I need to get to the library. See you in History,” Jeff said.</p><p>Hannah stopped him. “Jeff. If you like, I could help you finish the paper if you’d like.”</p><p>“Really? Yeah, I’d love that. Thank you. That book is so hard. Those sentences are so long…and we only have 20 minutes before first bell,” Jeff mumbled.</p><p>“Look, come on over to Monet’s after school. I’ll help you more,” Hannah offered. It was something to distract herself for once from the tapes.</p><p>Jeff was happy, but also a bit sad. “You know, Clay used to be a peer tutor. He used to help me out all the time.”</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>Before</em>
</p><p>Clay ended up in the library for lunch. He had numerous books and notebooks in his backpack with him. He piled them up on an empty table and sat down.</p><p>
  <em>“After everything that happened at the Winter Formal, I was hoping for a nice rest from everything. Winter Break. A nice little reset button for the middle of the school year. Two weeks away from it all, nothing to worry about. Except for some projects or homework, but nothing major. There was just one obstacle to overcome to get there: midterms.”</em>
</p><p>He buried himself in the books, transcribing notes from the book, and digging around all the pages he had marked. For the entirety of lunch, he was here alone.</p><p>
  <em>“And then suddenly, I wasn’t alone.” </em>
</p><p>Marcus came to sit with him chuckling. “What are you doing, Clay? You know you don’t have to struggle so much, right?”</p><p>“Yeah, I do. If I want to make sure I’m all set for the back half of the year,” Clay commented.</p><p>“Well, I might just have a solution for that,” Marcus said.</p><p>“What? What chemical dissolved in water could possibly help me with the midterms?”</p><p>Marcus laughed. “That was good. Meet me at Monet’s after school. I’ll show you what I mean.”</p><p>“I have a shift at the Crestmont today until eight. After?”</p><p>Marcus nodded.</p><p>
  <em>“And I didn’t have any reason to think you were being anything other than just a good person, Marcus. They all seem like that at first, I guess. Marcus, welcome to your tape. Every day, I kept asking myself why you did it. Why did you do it? What is it that he did? You’ll find out. And who knows Marcus, with the tremendous fucking shit you are, you might not even remember what you did to me.”</em>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>After</em>
</p><p>Marcus came running into the library carrying some papers. He sat with the other members of the honor, which included Sheri and Charlie…and an empty seat on the far right of the table They sat in front of Monty, Alex, and Hannah. Monty was holding his crotch and his neck, still coughing. Alex’s face was completely messed up, bruised and battered, and one of his eyes nearly swollen shut. Hannah’s hands were outwardly unharmed, but she rubbed the webs of her hands to comfort them.</p><p>“Okay. This emergency meeting of the Honor Board is called to order. Marcus Cole presiding, Courtney Crimsen, recording secretary. All members present.”</p><p>The other members of the board looked in the direction of the empty chair, except for Marcus.</p><p>Vice Principal Childs and Mr. Porter were standing watch over this.</p><p>“Petitioners, state your names.”</p><p>“Hannah Baker.”</p><p>“Alex Standall.”</p><p>“Montgomery de la Cruz.”</p><p>All three names were said at the same time.</p><p>Marcus said, “Well, this case seems pretty straightforward. Alex, you instigated the incident in anger. Hannah, you intervened to stop the assault. But Montgomery, you were the one driving the car.”</p><p>“So?” Monty mumbled.</p><p>“So, the pedestrian has the right of way,” Marcus said.</p><p>“That is the law,” Courtney said.</p><p>“And you were walking when he almost hit you?” Marcus asked Alex.</p><p>“Wasn’t just me. Heroji Pratt, Jin-seo Yoon, Chase Parker.”</p><p>Marcus looked at Hannah. “Hannah, are you able to corroborate this?”</p><p>“I can’t. I wasn’t there for that. I just came in towards the end,” Hannah answered honestly.</p><p>“You were the one who acted like a fucking psycho, Standall,” Monty said.</p><p>“Hey. Watch the language,” Mr. Porter warned.</p><p>“You were reckless driving,” Courtney said. “You could have killed someone. It’s our job to protect the students at this school.”</p><p>Alex scoffed. “Protect the students at this school?”</p><p>“Yes, Alex,” Marcus answered. “The Honor Board is here for that reason. Settle disputes among students so they don’t spill out into the hallways.”</p><p>“Yeah, the Honor Board…you’re all so honorable,” Alex said dryly. Hannah glanced at him.</p><p>“Alex, this happened off-campus, so the alternative is the police,” Porter again warned.</p><p>Alex threw up his hands. “Okay. Great, let’s make a call then.”</p><p>“Alex,” Hannah finally said. “Calm down.”</p><p>“No one needs to make a call,” Marcus immediately decreed. “There’s no crime. We can deal with it here.”</p><p>“So anyone can get away with anything at this school and no one gives a fuck?” Alex rambled.</p><p>Childs finally spoke up. “Language, Alex. Please.”</p><p>“We’re just saying that it was no one’s fault. It just happened,” Marcus explained.</p><p>“It didn’t just happen. I mean, maybe—” he coughed, “I was driving a little too fast, but Alex lost his shit.”</p><p>Hannah was surprised that he didn’t mention her.</p><p>Alex made a gesture around his head. “Yeah, see? I lost my shit. It’s my fault.”</p><p>“Goddamn it, hey! Watch your language!” Mr. Porter wasn’t happy with them not listening.</p><p>“I’m taking some fucking responsibility!” Alex threw back. “Since you can’t.”</p><p>Hannah noticed that she was addressing Marcus directly, though it looked like the others attributed it to the whole board.</p><p>Courtney conceded. “Well, if Alex says it’s his fault—”</p><p>“It doesn’t matter what Alex says,” Marcus interrupted her.</p><p>And then Hannah started getting fed up with the childish blame game. She rubbed her hand through her hair.</p><p>“It’s all our faults,” she said. “Didn’t that occur to you?”</p><p>Just like Alex, she directly addressed Marcus. He got the message, and he wasn’t happy about it. Hannah couldn’t care less what was going through Marcus’s head. She dug through her backpack and found something that she had forgotten about: a crumpled paper with a weird bunny drawing.</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>Before</em>
</p><p>Clay and Hannah worked in the Crestmont. Clay was doodling these bunnies all over his notebook. Not cheap-looking bunnies, but fully detailed anime-esque bunnies with shiny eyes. One of them was a pirate with an eye-patch and a carrot-like sword.</p><p>Hannah peaked over his shoulder. “Well, hello, Picasso.”</p><p>“Thanks,” Clay said.</p><p>“Got any plans for winter break?” Hannah asked him.</p><p>“Not really,” Clay said. “I only leave this place every other summer. And right now, from the looks of things, I am marooned in this town for a whole year. Nowhere else to go.”</p><p>“That’s too bad. I don’t have any plans either,” Hannah said. “You got anything special on your wish list for Christmas?”</p><p>“Not really. My parents give me what I want throughout the year. I don’t have really that much left to want,” Clay claimed.</p><p>Hannah shrugged and looked away. And then she finally asked him, “What happened at the Winter Formal?”</p><p>“Huh?” Clay said uncomfortably.</p><p>“Just wondering why you took a rain check,” Hannah clarified.</p><p>“I don’t know. I just…” Clay didn’t even finish, but Hannah was patient. He sighed. “Look, Hannah. I like you. I do. But I have enough complications in my life.”</p><p>“What do you mean?”</p><p>“Right now, this is the only uncomplicated relationship I have. I don’t want to ruin it.”</p><p>“Well…we can still have some fun, you know.” Hannah smirked a little at him, internally torn apart that Clay told her these things. “Just as friends.”</p><p>Classic Clay was clueless. “What?”  </p><p>“My offer from the formal is still on the table. Hickman’s Bridge, where we can be alone,” Hannah said with a flirty smile.</p><p>“Hannah…No…” he said. “No.”</p><p>“Why not?”</p><p>“Hannah. I just told you, I don’t want this to be complicated. I like us as we are,” Clay affirmed. “Can we just drop it, please?”</p><p>Hannah conceded.</p><p>Clay looked away from her. He was just as pained as she was, ripped to pieces from doing that. All he wanted to do was say “yes”. He wanted to go with her, be something more with her. But…he was afraid of dragging her down with him. He had already sunk so far from everything. He didn’t deserve someone like her, at least in his mind.</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>After</em>
</p><p>Hannah’s eyes wandered as she finally realized all of those memories of Clay, including that little moment at the Crestmont, were all early warning signs. He was showing her that he felt worthless, like he didn’t belong, like he was a drag. That was what she suspected anyways.</p><p>Marcus gave the “verdict”. “Montgomery, it is the decision of the Honor Board that you are to be suspended from Liberty High School for three consecutive school days, starting tomorrow.”</p><p>Monty scoffed. “That is fucking bullshit.”</p><p>Alex agreed. “That <em>is</em> fucking bullshit.”</p><p>Mr. Porter had enough. “All right. That is enough or both of you are gone.”</p><p>“Alex, you are going to be let off with a warning, this time,” Marcus said.</p><p>“Fucking hypocrites.” Alex stood up and just walked out of the library.</p><p>Marcus was distracted, so Courtney spoke up. “Hannah. Nothing here indicates that you actively worsened the situation or incited it. In fact, they say you protected Alex and yourself. Therefore, it would be unjust for us to enact any degree of punishment to you. You’re free to go.”</p><p>Hannah nodded. “Okay.”</p><p>“Just…try to avoid physical confrontation,” Charlie added.</p><p>Hannah smirked. “I’ll try. But…trouble has a habit of following me around these days.” She looked right at Marcus.</p><p>She stood up and left the library. Marcus watched her. He stood up and went after her, stopping her before she left.</p><p>“What the hell was all that?” Marcus whispered to her.</p><p>Hannah answered, “What the fuck are you asking me for? Alex started all that shit.”</p><p>“This is not the time for us to be stirring any shit up,” Marcus said.</p><p>Hannah scoffed. “First Justin, now you. You just gonna go down the line and try to convince me to calm the fuck down? Not gonna happen.”</p><p>“This is beyond us. This is the whole school. There’s a lawsuit,” Marcus said. “If people ask questions, if those tapes get out—”</p><p>“I have just about had it with this bullshit Marcus. I know that you know about Tony, and I know that you know what I did to Justin and Zach,” Hannah declared. “Why don’t you cut the bullshit, and get right to the fucking chase?”</p><p>Marcus glared at her hatefully. “Lives could get ruined.”  </p><p>Hannah laughed. “You mean <em>your </em>meaningless life could be ruined. Let me tell you one thing. That’s exactly what I want to happen. Lives have already been ruined, mine included. You can go ahead and tell Tony that I’m not going to out him. I just said what I said because I knew it would hurt him. But you? You’re not gonna like what I have in store for you.”</p><p>Hannah walked off confidently, knowing that he was right there behind her, hateful of her. If she knew him well enough, he’d be foolish enough to play right into her hand.</p>
<hr/><p>Matt Jensen dug through more of his son’s things. The comics in his desk, some boxes of supplies, even the notebooks. He mumbled to himself, hoping to find something, anything. He grew more agitated as the moments passed.</p><p>Lainie came up in the room with a mug of coffee. “Any luck?”</p><p>“I don’t know how any of this could be possibly called luck,” Matt mumbled.</p><p>“Sorry. You’re right,” she conceded. She gave Matt the coffee.</p><p>“We’re missing something. I know it,” Matt said.</p><p>“We’ve been through this room a dozen times. Maybe there’s nothing more to find,” Lainie whispered.</p><p>“Our son was not this big a mystery to us,” Matt affirmed. “I have to keep looking.”</p><p>“For what?”</p><p>Matt glared at his wife. “Anything to help us win this case. You already know that we only have circumstantial evidence.”</p><p>“I told you that’s the usual case for these kinds of trials,” Lainie reminded him.</p><p>Matt stood up and held some of Clay’s clothes to his nose, inhaling their scent. It was basically the last thing they really had of Clay left, the original Clay. Not the phantom that he turned into when he died.</p><p>“Lane…” he said crying. “How did we not know? How did <em>I</em> not know? He was right here. He was in pain for all that time and we just kept pretending everything was okay…” He loudly sniffled and sunk to the floor.</p><p>Lainie sat next to him. “We should never have stopped having him see Dr. Ellmann. We should have kept up the prescription. Maybe he would still be here if… And how could we have known? How would we know to even look for signs everywhere? We can’t just blame ourselves.”</p><p>“Maybe we should be…” Matt mumbled.</p><p>He wiped tears away from his face. The knowledge that he had a grandchild served nothing to help him with the pain of the premature death of his son.</p>
<hr/><p>Vice Principal Childs was in her office when Miss Douglas knocked on the door. “Come in.”</p><p>She entered. “Hi. Hannah Baker is here. She wants to talk to you. She says it’s important.”</p><p>She sighed. “Send her in.”</p><p>Hannah came in, visibly distressed.</p><p>“Is everything okay?”</p><p>Hannah’s lip quivered, and she forced her voice to break as she said, “No. No it isn’t okay. Not at all.”</p><p>“Sit down, please Hannah,” Childs requested.</p><p>Hannah sat down and took a deep breath. Right now, Hannah Baker was acting, and she needed to draw every ounce of emotion from something real. It couldn’t be over the top. It couldn’t be too understated. She needed to give a nuanced emotional display in order to tell the story she needed. It became too real for Hannah…because her mind went straight to the night of the eclipse. Such a beautiful memory, losing her virginity to such a decent boy…only for it to be corrupted by the cursed knowledge that Tyler had been watching them. A true perverted voyeur. It still made her sick to think about it.</p><p>It seemed to be working. Childs said, “Hey, take a breath.”</p><p>Hannah sighed a few times.</p><p>“What’s wrong?”</p><p>Hannah finally said, “I think I know why Alex acted the way he did this morning.”</p><p>“What do you mean?”</p><p>Hannah leaned forward. “I was outside the tennis courts when I saw Alex. Monty was driving recklessly, but Alex was being aggressive. Very much so. And I think I know why.”</p><p>Childs leaned forward. “Tell me.”</p><p>“It’s gonna sound unbelievable,” Hannah claimed.</p><p>“Hannah. I’ve been doing this job for years. When you work with kids, you hear a lot of interesting things, and most of the time, they turn out to be true. The bar for unbelievable is pretty high,” Childs reassured Hannah. “Tell me.”</p><p>Hannah sighed. “Okay. It goes back to February. The dollar valentine thing.”</p><p>“What happened then?” Childs asked.</p><p>“I got a call from Marcus Cole. He said that he got me as a match, and that he wanted to take me on a date to Rosie’s Diner.”</p><p>Childs looked at her curiously.</p><p>“Everything seemed to be going fine…until he slid next to me and touched my thigh…” Her voice became genuinely pained. “And tried to slide his hand up my skirt.”</p><p>Childs, as a woman, immediately disliked hearing this. “I’m sorry about that Hannah. I don’t want to sound cruel—”</p><p>“But what does that have to do with what happened today?” Hannah guessed. Childs nodded. Hannah continued. “Well, on Halloween, Bryce invited me to a little party over at his place. And at the costume contest, Marcus apologized to me and asked me to do the same. So I went to Bryce’s place for this little get-together and maybe put what happened with me and Marcus in the past.”</p><p>Childs seemed to be concerned now, uncertain.</p><p>“I went over there.”</p><p>“What happened?” Childs asked worried.</p><p>“Outside around the pool, I saw like bongs and things for drugs. Bottles of liquor and everything like that. The backdoor to the house was open. I went inside, and I saw the guys all gathered around a table.”</p><p>“Who exactly?” Childs asked. She started writing down the things Hannah was telling her.</p><p>“Um, I saw Marcus Cole, Zach Dempsey, Justin Foley, and Alex Standall.”</p><p>Childs wrote down their names. “Okay. What happened next?”</p><p>“I overheard their conversation. It was something about trying to keep a secret from Bryce Walker or something.”</p><p>“Was Bryce in the room with them?” Childs asked.</p><p>“No. But he was at the house,” Hannah answered.</p><p>Childs nodded. “Keep going.”</p><p>“Well…that’s when things started getting freaky,” Hannah said. “Justin said…let’s see if I get this right… ‘This ends with Hannah, whatever we have to do.’”</p><p>Childs recoiled. “What? What ends with you?”</p><p>“I don’t know. But whatever secret they’re trying to keep from Bryce, they think I’m involved. But that’s not the worst part,” Hannah claimed, to Childs' alarmed. “Alex was freaked out by Justin saying that. When he spoke up, Justin pointed a knife at him.”</p><p>That visibly alarmed Childs. “Are you sure?”</p><p>“Yes. Justin picked up a knife and pointed it right at Alex. I freaked out, and I just left. I didn’t want them to know that I was there. I just went home and tried to forget about it. But…I shouldn’t have tried to forget…because…”</p><p>Childs patiently waited for Hannah to continued talking.</p><p>“Yesterday, I was walking just off Cemetery Road, and I always walk to the left of the road so no cars could sneak up on me. I guess you can say I watch too many movies,” Hannah joked flatly. “And a car cut me off. It crossed lanes to cut me off.”</p><p>Hannah pulled out her phone and showed Childs the picture of Justin and Zach coming at her. iPhone pictures always have a date and timestamp, and this one told Childs that it was taken late in the afternoon yesterday. The picture was consistent with what Hannah had said. This picture was taken on the left side of the road, and the car was angled in a way that it was clear that it had pulled in from the other side of the road. The driver’s silhouette was visible in the window.</p><p>“Who’s in this picture?” Childs asked.</p><p>“Zach Dempsey and Justin Foley,” Hannah said.</p><p>Childs gave Hannah her phone back. “What happened?”</p><p>Hannah hesitated and took shaky breaths to cement the act. “They tried to force me into the car. Like…Zach…he tried to force me into the car.”  </p><p>Childs looked at her skeptically. However, the picture was unmistakable. The two guys were coming at her, and the car was facing the wrong direction.  </p><p>“I know how it sounds, but it’s true. Alex was driving. He didn’t get out of the car. I don’t know, I thought maybe that had something to do with why Alex did that,” Hannah confessed. It was an outlandish story that sounded like something out of a movie, but it really did happen.</p><p>Childs asked, “Can you email me that picture?”</p><p>Hannah nodded. She took out her phone, retrieved Childs' email from the school website, and sent it to her.</p><p>“I got it,” she told Hannah.</p><p>“I…I’m still scared, Ms. Childs. I fought them off once, but I’m not sure if they’re gonna try again, or if they’re gonna hurt me, I don’t know. I don’t feel safe,” Hannah said.</p><p>Childs stood up. “I’ll let the other teachers know to keep an eye out for you. This kind of activity is off school grounds completely, and we have no jurisdiction over it. When school’s out, stay where there are people, or go straight home where you will be safe, okay?”</p><p>Hannah nodded. “You believe me?”</p><p>“Yes,” Childs answered, and for once, Hannah wasn’t sure if she was being lied to.</p><p>However, she trusted Childs and left the office, satisfied with her performance. At least now, she planted a seed that would disincline the higher-ups here to distrust anyone of the guys who’d been trying to hassle her.</p><p>Hannah wasn’t going to let people trample her. She knew what game she was playing, and she was playing the long game.</p><p>Spread the picture of Tyler from Justin’s phone, and deny when people accuse her of doing so. Discredit Justin, and place the eyes on him, so that only other tape members would know who really did it, and she had more than a legitimate reason to be at Bryce’s house.</p><p>Tell the female Principal Childs about the events that occurred at Bryce’s house. Justin did hold a knife to Alex, even if it was without intent, Hannah technically didn’t know that for sure. Tell Childs about that incident to plant seeds of doubt. Even if Childs didn’t believe it, she would now at least suspect something. Hannah specifically told Childs, because woman-to-woman, she’d be inclined to at least give Hannah’s words some merit.</p><p>There were some things that caught her off guard. She didn’t expect Zach, Justin, and Alex to try to kidnap her off the side of the road. And she certainly wasn’t expecting to get involved in a violent brawl between Alex and Monty. But she was more than willing to take advantage of both to her own ends.</p><p>As for Marcus…well, Hannah had her own plans for him. And she was very much looking forward to what she had planned for him.</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>Before</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I was always an optimist when I was a child. So shoot me if I still believed that humans were good, at least that not all humans were bad.”</em>
</p><p>Clay waited for Marcus at Monet’s, periodically checking his phone. He was up in the same table where he used to sit with Alex, Jessica, and Hannah. He kept on studying, burying himself in the books, getting ready for the last obstacle before winter break.</p><p>And then Marcus showed up and sat right across from Clay. “Hey, Clay.”</p><p>“Well, it’s about time,” Clay commented. “What kept you?”</p><p>“Clay, you know I got a busy schedule,” Marcus answered.</p><p>Clay chuckled. “Which is part of the reason I’m wondering why you’re wasting your time studying when you don’t actually need to.”</p><p>“Well, thanks for the compliment. And you’re right. We don’t actually need to study,” Marcus confirmed. He slid next to Clay in the chair and took something out of his bag.</p><p>They were the answer keys to some upcoming midterm exams. Including some from a couple of Clay’s own classes. Clay was not excited about this. In fact, quite the opposite, he was horrified about this.</p><p>“Where did you get those?” Clay asked quietly.</p><p>“That doesn’t matter,” Marcus said vaguely.</p><p>“Why are you showing me this?”</p><p>Marcus shrugged. “No reason you can’t enjoy the spoils.”</p><p>Clay immediately shook his head. “Hell no. Leave me out of this. I’d rather earn my grades, not take shortcuts.”</p><p>Clay scooted away from Marcus, disgusted. “And you know, what please just leave. Leave right now.”</p><p>“Okay.” Marcus put away the stolen midterm answers. “Call me if you change your mind.”</p><p>“I won’t,” Clay answered immediately.</p><p>
  <em>“You see, even I didn’t think you’d stoop that low. I had no idea what I should do after you showed me that. Should I tell someone, or should I just stay quiet? I chose the second one. I just wanted to forget that you ever showed me those Marcus. But I guess it didn’t matter in the end. Stick around, and you’ll see why.”</em>
</p>
<hr/><p>The next day Clay went to school, nothing unusual about today. Just like any other day at Liberty High School. At least until he noticed several Mr. Porter standing around Clay Jensen’s locker with Principal Childs.</p><p>“What’s going on?” Clay asked them.</p><p>“Mr. Jensen, I’m going to have to ask you to stand back,” Mr. Porter requested.</p><p>“Okay.”</p><p>
  <em>“I wasn’t worried. I had no reason to be. Locker searches weren’t anything new.”</em>
</p><p>And then Childs and Porter pulled out a stack of papers. They were the same stolen midterm answers that Marcus had shown Clay the previous day. Both administrators looked at Clay, both with resignation and a hint of “disappointment”.</p><p>What Clay failed to notice was that the students around him were outright surprised by this. Apparently, Clay stealing answers to midterms wasn’t something they thought he would do. None of the students shook their heads condescendingly, the way some people would when students get busted.</p><p>“Clay, we need you to come with us,” Porter said.</p><p>“Those aren’t mine,” Clay said. “I swear.”</p><p>For once, the students of Liberty High looked at Clay with pity rather than disgust. Because even they knew that Clay wouldn’t do something like that. Clay went to the office with the two of them.</p><p>
  <em>“I kept wondering why you did that Marcus. Why did you use me as a scapegoat? Why would you offer me those midterms? All I could ask myself were those questions. I knew you were shady. I mean, fuck, that’s why you had those midterms anyway. But I didn’t think you would go so low as to do that to me Marcus.”</em>
</p><p>In the office, Clay pleaded his case to Porter and Childs. Neither of them gave Clay’s word any merit or value, clearly believing the words of someone else over his. They shook their heads, not believing him.</p><p>Until they gave him his sentence for his supposed crime.</p><p>
  <em>“A week of suspension, and a mandatory retake of the midterms upon returning to class after winter break. Childs and Porter told me that because of my clean record, they’d give me a second chance. Like fuck that’s a second chance.”</em>
</p>
<hr/><p>Back at Clay’s home, after his parents came to pick him up, he sat in the living room while they were outraged with him…or more accurately, Lainie was outraged with him.</p><p>“Why would you do something like this?” Lainie asked him harshly.</p><p>“I didn’t fucking do it! I never have! Why are you acting like this is something I’d do?!” Clay begged his mother to listen.</p><p>“The school found them in <em>your</em> locker. Explain that,” Lainie demanded.</p><p>“Calm down, Lainie,” Matt demanded. “He says he didn’t do it.”</p><p>“Oh…are you kidding me?” Lainie jabbed at him. “Leave me to be the bad cop.”</p><p>“Marcus Cole. Yesterday, we went to Monet’s and he offered me to study some midterms he had in his backpack. I immediately said no,” Clay told them.</p><p>“Did you tell the school this?” Matt asked, his voice softer than his wife’s.</p><p>Clay scoffed. “Of course, I did. They didn’t believe me, because he’s the one who probably put them in my locker and lied to the school.”</p><p>Matt clearly was more inclined to believe his son. Lainie the lawyer believed the school.</p><p>“Clay. You know what this will do to your future, don’t you? Do you not grasp that this could affect your college applications? You could lose everything you’ve worked for!” Lainie lectured.</p><p>“I didn’t do this! What do you not fucking understand?”</p><p>“Clay, go to your room,” Matt told him.</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“Go to your room. Your mother and I need to have a discussion.”</p><p>He did as told. He went upstairs, leaving his very angry mother and his mellower father alone downstairs to argue about this whole thing. Clay went up to his bed and laid down, and just started crying.</p><p>
  <em>“You see, Marcus. Do you know what happens when students get accused and charged with things like this? It doesn’t just affect their school life. It also affects their home life. My parents fought for days after that. My dad believed me over the school, but my mother didn’t. You don’t know what it’s like when your own mother looks at you like you’re a monster. She never would say that, but it’s what I saw in her eyes. My dad did what he could, but I could see that he was skeptical too. You took away my relationship with my parents. You took away my good home life. You took away that Christmas from us.”</em>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>After</em>
</p><p>After school, Hannah walked to Justin’s neighborhood. On the corner, she found Seth waiting for her. He smiled upon seeing her.</p><p>“I was hoping to see you here,” he said to her.</p><p>“You got what I need?” Hannah asked.</p><p>“And then some.” Seth handed her a lunchbox. “I got a good deal, just for you.”</p><p>“Thank you.”</p><p>“And…my lips are sealed. As long as yours are,” Seth warned her.</p><p>“You’ve done nothing but help me. I have no reason to say anything,” Hannah reassured. “But I think…it might be better if this the last time we spoke.”</p><p>“Agreed. It was a pleasure doing business with you.” Seth left. And between the sadistic joy that she wanted to feel, there was a twinge of guilt that she held. A guilt that she had done business with someone like Seth, someone who was worth less than the dirt beneath his feet.</p><p>She had time to mull over that as she walked the distance back to Monet’s. She had time to decide if she could live with what she was doing, and what she had already done, and what she had planned to do.</p><p>And what did Hannah Baker decide?</p><p>She could live with it.</p><p>She hid the lunch box inside of her backpack and pushed it away as she arrived at Monet’s. She also spotted Sheri nearby with another girl. However, Sheri did not seem to know that Hannah was there, something that Hannah decided would be for the better.</p><p>Inside, Jeff was waiting for Hannah.</p><p>“Hey. What happened?” he said with a smile that lit up the room like the sun.</p><p>“Sorry, I had an errand to run. And…I know that this is abrupt, but maybe we can do this somewhere else. A little bit less crowded.”</p><p>“Okay. Where?”</p><p>“My house.”</p><p>Jeff was happy. “Well, lucky for you, I have my car. Let’s go.”  </p><p>Jeff was one of three people she’d allow to drive her anywhere, and the only other jock at school she would let do the same. Charlie was the other one. Sheri was the last. The three of them, a few of the only good people remaining in the dark realm called Liberty High.</p><p>The drive was rather nice. All the walking she had done for nearly a month now left her feet sore, and her heels with blisters. At least until she went and bought better shoes for walking around, and better socks that were made for physical activity.</p><p>They drove right past Sheri and the white girl she was with. Sheri got distracted when she noticed Hannah in the passenger window of Jeff’s car.</p><p>“Everything okay?” she asked Sheri.</p><p>“Yeah, I’m good, Mya,” Sheri answered. However, she was clearly not alright.</p><p>“Who was that?” Mya asked further.</p><p>Sheri sighed. “A friend of mine. Hannah. I’ve been worried about her.”</p><p>“Oh. Wait, is she the one that you text all the time?”</p><p>Sheri nodded. “Yeah. It’s nothing.”</p><p>“It isn’t? Looked like it,” Mya said.</p><p>Sheri glanced at her for a long moment, ambivalent and still worried.</p>
<hr/><p>It only took a few minutes to get to Hannah’s house. She saw her mother through a window.</p><p>“Oh, my mom’s home,” Hannah mumbled.</p><p>“Is that bad?” Jeff asked.</p><p>Hannah shook her head. “No, no. I’m just surprised. She’s usually at the drug store with my dad. Come on, let’s go.”</p><p>They entered the house.</p><p>“Hey, Hannah,” said her mother. “And who is this?”</p><p>“I’m Jeff Atkins,” he introduced himself. “Nice to meet you Mrs. Baker.”</p><p>Hannah immediately knew why her mother was looking at Jeff so weird. Hannah shook her head, telling her that this guy was <em>not</em> the one that got her pregnant. “He’s a friend, Mom. He asked me to help him with an assignment due tomorrow.”</p><p>“Yeah, writing’s not my strong suit. Clay used to help me out all the time,” Jeff said.</p><p>Olivia looked at Jeff and said, “Clay Jensen?”</p><p>“Yeah. I knew him for years,” Jeff said.</p><p>“Okay, this got too depressing for my taste. Let’s go work on this paper that you need,” Hannah interrupted.</p><p>“Keep your door open,” Olivia requested sternly.</p><p>Hannah scoffed. “Oh my…God…Okay, Mom…” She was surprised that her mother was so nonchalant about all of this. All the better for Hannah. The real reason she wanted to have Jeff here was so that she wouldn’t have to face whatever lecture her mother had for her. She was shocked that her mother was so…calm. In fact, that made her nervous.</p><p>Jeff and Hannah settled in her bedroom.</p><p>“Well, your mother’s nice,” Jeff said.</p><p>“You came on a good day. Believe me, it’s not all kittens and rainbows around here.”</p><p>“Well, you still have both parents in your life, and they’re still married, and they still seem to love each other. I’d call that a really lucky situation,” Jeff said. “My parents called it quits before I could remember them being together.”</p><p>“My parents are high school sweethearts,” Hannah added.</p><p>“Really?”</p><p>“Yeah. Makes me wonder. How can it just be over? If you love someone so much, how can it end just like that?” Hannah thought aloud.</p><p>“People fall in and out of love. At least they fell in love in the first place,” Jeff said.</p><p>Hannah smiled. But that did make her heart skip a beat, and not for a good reason. It made her wonder if she had more than just liked Clay. Hannah still wasn’t sure if it was a crush or if she had really fallen for him, something that went beyond being just hormonal horny high schoolers.</p><p>“I guess,” Hannah said forlornly. She looked at Jeff, and his beautiful smile made this room feel warmer. Very warm. Not as warm as the night she slept with Clay, but still there was a warmth that she had truly missed.</p><p>He stepped closer to her. “You know, I have most of my assignment done actually. I know about how John Grady gave up everything he ever wanted and had just for a girl he loved.”</p><p>Hannah giggled. “So then, why did you accept my help if it wasn’t needed.”</p><p>He moved to kiss her. Hannah was tempted, but right now couldn’t see past Clay, and what she had with him just yet. She recoiled from him.</p><p>“Whoa, whoa,” Hannah said.</p><p>“Is everything okay?” Jeff asked tenderly.</p><p>“Yeah, it’s fine. I just…” Hannah answered vaguely.</p><p>“You still love Clay, don’t you?” Jeff asked.</p><p>Hannah nodded.</p><p>“That’s fine,” Jeff said.</p><p>“Look, I like you Jeff. You’re a good friend to me. A friend. I’m not saying it’s impossible. After all, I like good guys—nice guys,” Hannah offered him the possibility. Which admittedly, Hannah knew could happen.</p><p>“You think I’m a good person. You shouldn’t,” Jeff said. He sat on her bed. His attitude and persona went from so warm and calming to cold and distant, sorrowful and numb. The massive swing of the pendulum caught Hannah off guard.</p><p>“Why are you saying this?”</p><p>“I thought…maybe…if you didn’t listen to my tape then you’d see that I’m not that person,” Jeff answered.</p><p>Hannah glared at him in surprise and anger. “You’re on the tapes?”</p><p>“You didn’t know that?” Jeff said shocked.</p><p>“No, but now I do,” Hannah answered, her fury coming back to the forefront. What she had hoped would be a respite from everything…and it just dragged her right back into the radioactive fallout of Clay’s suicide and the tapes left behind.</p><p>“Look…I did something. Me and Clay. I did it, and I’m not proud of it at all. It’s been killing me for a long time now, and I don’t want you to look at me like that,” Jeff said.</p><p>“Why do you care what I think about you?” Hannah asked harshly. “You hardly know me.”</p><p>“Because…I know what he meant to you. And if you heard what I did…I didn’t want you to think I’m like the others on the tapes.” Jeff rubbed his hands over his face. “The damage is done, Hannah. I wish that you—”</p><p>Hannah shook her head. “Give up the tapes? Pass them on, like Marcus? Like everyone?”</p><p>“Hannah…” Jeff stood up.</p><p>“Is that why you’ve been so nice to me? Why you tried to kiss me? Why you’re here even though you said it yourself that you don’t need to be? You’re just here to get the tapes from me. Who sent you? Marcus? Justin? Zach?”</p><p>“Hannah, I never—”</p><p>“Leave. Go out the fucking window. I don’t want my mom wondering why you came and then abruptly just left. And don’t come back here again. Understand?” Hannah opened the window just for Jeff to step out.</p><p>Outwardly, she was angry. Internally, she was broken apart. In the span of ten minutes, someone she had placed a considerable amount of trust in just turned around to reveal that they were a tape subject. This made her dread listening to her own tape, learning what she did to earn a dubiously honorable placement on Clay’s Greatest Hits.</p><p>Elsewhere in this town, in the more rundown poor section, Justin and Jessica were together at his house, and there was fighting. From outside his bedroom door, it was muffled and incoherent. Jessica was the one doing the yelling, vicious and angry. She was the one who stormed out of Justin’s bedroom…and on a whim pulled a bottle of liquor from the cabinet before leaving, taking a nice long swig of it as she left.</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>Before</em>
</p><p>Clay sat on the front steps of his home on the first day of his unjust suspension, his face despondent and without color as he sat outside in the cold. At least until someone came up to him.</p><p>
  <em>“But through everything bad that happens, you always want to believe that there are good people in this world. Sooner or later you’d find them. I believed I’d find them.”</em>
</p><p>The person who was there was Zach Dempsey.</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>After</em>
</p><p>That was something that Hannah wish she could believe. But, she knew there were still two nice people left in this world. So she picked up her phone and called one of them.</p><p>“Hey,” Hannah said. “I…I was just…I needed someone to talk to.”</p><p>The muffled voice on the phone said, “About what?”</p><p>“I just…want to talk.”</p><p>“Okay,” said the voice on the phone.</p><p>Hannah took a breath and spoke to one of the two people she believed, and genuinely knew that they were good.</p><p>Charlie St. George.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Tape 4, Side A</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>A student with whom Clay shares history severs a personal lifeline Clay has. Hannah's rage and fury over Clay's death boils over.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>“Loneliness. You’re gonna tell me this is no big deal. Let me tell you what it means to really be alone. We humans are a social species, and we rely on connections with others to survive. The most basic social interactions help us survive. And studies have determined a 26% increase in the likelihood of premature death in those who suffer the subjective feeling of loneliness. And let me tell you, there’s a lot of ways to feel lonely.” </em>
</p><p>Hannah knew that more than anybody. She called Charlie for that very reason. It was an impulsive call on her part. She had just did it just to hear his voice, to hear his voice comforting her. She just needed that little bit of support to get through the night. She barely registered exactly what they had exchanged with each other.</p><p>She lingered in her bedroom the next morning, staring out the window and into the lifeless street. She was completely dejected and despondent listening to Clay, listening to his voice narrate how she was feeling. If only they had one conversation with each other about how they were feeling, maybe things would be so different.</p><p>Her parents were in the kitchen making breakfast. Olivia was noticeably distracted and distant, with her husband doing most of the cooking.</p><p>“What’s on your mind?” he asked her.</p><p>Olivia shrugged. “I’m…thinking that maybe we should find a therapist.”</p><p>Andy was immediately concerned. “Is everything okay?”</p><p>“Not for me,” Olivia clarified.</p><p>Andy immediately knew where she was going. “For Hannah? Why?”</p><p>“Everything that’s been going on. The talk therapy was always helpful for me in stressful periods. I see no reason it wouldn’t be for Hannah. And we both know the issues she’s probably gonna get from my side of the family.”</p><p>“Hannah is pregnant, not crazy. And this sounds more like you’re thinking it’ll be more helpful for you,” Andy claimed.</p><p>Olivia shrugged. “It will be. It’ll be helpful to know that she’s talking to someone.”</p><p>“She told us the truth, Liv. She talks with us,” Andy reminded her.</p><p>She looked at him incredulously. “Are you kidding me? You sent her out of the house.”</p><p>“Because I knew how you’d react to that.”</p><p>“That’s my point, Andy. We can’t even have a conversation with our own daughter about a life-altering situation. We’ve never even sat down to discuss it! It’d be nice to know that she’s talking to someone that’s trained to be impartial,” Olivia claimed. “And don’t forget. She’s not just pregnant. She is in trouble.”</p><p>“We don’t know that!” Andy retorted. “She acted the way she did because she’s pregnant. How is she supposed to act?”</p><p>“There is a reason the school’s sending out so many emails. All about suicide clusters, contagion—”</p><p>Andy threw his hands up. “A boy died, Olivia. She says she barely knew him.”</p><p>Olivia looked to the ground and sighed. “Clay Jensen didn’t just die, Olivia. He cut his arms open and bled out in a bathtub.”</p><p>They both failed to notice Hannah standing right there in front of them. They were horrified to realize that she was right there listening to their conversation, not that they actually knew how much she heard. They assumed most of it, and knew she heard that last bit about Clay’s death.</p><p>“I gotta go,” she said quietly.</p><p>“Wait, Hannah. You need to eat,” Olivia said. She gave Hannah a plate. She and Hannah’s father remained in the kitchen as Hannah quickly ate her breakfast. It was bigger than usual. Hannah ate it fast and brought the plate to the kitchen, and left as soon as Olivia gave her lunch.</p><p>“Thanks, Mom.”</p><p>
  <em>“I’m not talking the archetypical ‘lonely in a crowd’. That’s everyone, every day, all the time. Not the ‘when will someone love me’ lonely. I’m also not talking about the whole bullshit about the ‘popular kids are mean’. At Liberty, the popular kids are always mean. That’s why they’re popular. Anywhere else, they wouldn’t be. But that’s Liberty for you.” </em>
</p><p>Hannah confidently walked through the front doors of Liberty High and straight through the halls. The first familiar face she found was Jeff, who quickly scurried away from the sullen Hannah. She headed to her locker, and straight past a scowling Justin Foley. Zach was with him, but noticeably not angry. He seemed…apathetic almost. Like he was conflicted.</p><p>Hannah ignored it and continued onwards, until she saw a girl banging on the locker that was once Clay’s, the now-undecorated locker. Hannah charged right at her.</p><p>“Hey!”</p><p>The girl was too upset already to notice Hannah’s instant hostility. “I’m sorry! I can’t get this thing open.”</p><p>“Why do you want to open it?” Hannah asked harshly.</p><p>Once again the girl didn’t notice Hannah’s visible contempt. “It’s my locker. I’m new. I can’t get the combination to work.”</p><p>Hannah softened. “Sorry. It’s just that this locker used to belong to a friend of mine. Let me help.” Hannah looked at the combo, and she successfully opened the locker.</p><p>“Thank you,” she said.</p><p>Hannah opened her own locker. For once, she didn’t bring her prenatal vitamins with her. All she could think about was how everything was just moving on. Clay’s death left little impact on the world. A brief memorial on his locker, then it gets replaced by another memorial, and then the locker is just somebody else’s. Just like that. The world never stopped moving.</p><p>
  <em>“The kind of loneliness I’m referring to, is the kind that leaves you numb, empty. There’s a void within you, and it can never be filled. A precipice without end. It leaves you feeling like there’s nothing left. No one. Like you’re drowning, and everyone is just walking by. No one’s pulling you out.”</em>
</p><p>“Hey.” The new girl tapped Hannah. “Thanks for helping me. That was really nice.”</p><p>“Of course,” Hannah said to her.</p><p>“Which way is the science wing?” she asked.</p><p>“Out the front doors. Straight to the left.”</p><p>The happy girl left. Hannah felt sorry for her. Such a vibrant girl didn’t deserve to be thrown in this snake pit of a school. Girls like her deserved better, students like her deserved better.</p><p>
  <em>“When the subject of this tape worked his magic, that’s how I felt. And when you’re that kind of lonely, you reach for anything no matter how silly it may seem.”</em>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>Before</em>
</p><p>A girl stood in front of communications class giving a long-winded, genuinely teary speech about being fat shamed. Which was a shame because said girl was hardly even fat, just thick. Like an actual healthy woman, not some stick-figure model. Something that others in the class didn’t really empathize with. Sheri was much more empathetic to the girl, even the hug. Even Hannah had to admit how cheesy it all seemed.</p><p>
  <em>“Communications class could be incredibly silly. I don’t think I need to spell it out.” </em>
</p><p>“Maybe she should try a diet,” said Pratters.</p><p>“Are you kidding me?” Hannah interjected.</p><p>“I’m just saying, if you’re being fat-shamed, then don’t be fat,” Pratters added.</p><p>“Mr. Pratters,” said Ms. Bradley.</p><p>“That’s like telling someone, ‘don’t be an idiot and a dickwad’. Can’t help it,” Zach said.</p><p>Pratters smiled. “Exactly, thank you.”</p><p>“Totally not on your side, dude.”</p><p>Clay turned to him. “Pratters. If that’s how you like to talk about girls who have body image issues, you and your hand are gonna have a very lasting relationship.”</p><p>Zach and the rest of the class giggled at Pratter’s expense. He was literally saved by the school bell ringing.</p><p>Ms. Bradley said, “Alright, people. Remember the compliment bags. It’s always better to give compliments face-to-face, but sometimes it’s easier to be anonymous. See you tomorrow.”</p><p>There were bags strung up on rotating frames, each with students’ names.</p><p>Hannah reached into hers. She pulled out a folded paper that had a bunny drawn on it, one of Clay’s classic bunnies that he loved to doodle. She left the room with a blush, and a twinge of sorrow that they never took the extra step after the night of the eclipse.</p><p>Zach reached into his bag and pulled out another paper. His was also from Clay, with a sword-fighting anime-like bunny. He left the room, and Clay was right there with him.</p><p>“I always feel stupid looking,” Zach said.</p><p>“In the bags?” Clay asked. “Yeah, they’re kind of stupid, and embarrassing, and I still check them every day for some reason, no matter what.”</p><p>“Right,” Zach agreed.</p><p>Clay opened his own little paper. His was of a moon with a shadow over part of it.</p><p>
  <em>HELLO ASTRONOMY BOY</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“The funny thing is, the little silly things can mean more than anyone knows. Not even the person themselves. Case in point, I had a dog until I was fourteen years old. And then, we had to put him down. I never thought I’d miss the sound of his panting, or his claws clacking on the hard floor…or just seeing him at the door when I came home. And yet, I missed those little things.”</em>
</p><p>“You get something good?” Zach asked Clay.</p><p>“Yeah. You?”</p><p>“Nothing aside from your little artwork,” Zach said. “It’s kind of soul-crushing, you know?”</p><p>“What, one person isn’t enough?” Clay said jovially.</p><p>“Well…maybe I was hoping I meant something to more than just one person,” Zach said.</p><p>“Yeah, well, I don’t think anyone understands us like we do,” Clay said.</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>After</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“We all need human contact. And communications class as crazy as it was human contact for me. At least, until someone cut my lifeline. Someone who I considered a friend. Someone who understood me, that knew me. Someone known for being nice and sweet. Someone who I thought I could turn to when I really needed it.”</em>
</p><p>Hannah immediately took off her headphones, distressed and visibly agitated. Sheri walked up to her.</p><p>“You don’t look so good,” Sheri pointed out.</p><p>“Today is a <em>good</em> day so far. That’s not saying much.”</p><p>Sheri leaned on the lockers.</p><p>“For a moment, I thought this was my tape,” Hannah said.</p><p>“How do you know it’s not? Have you listened?” Sheri asked.</p><p>“Don’t need to,” Hannah answered. “There are nine people who I know are on and have heard the tapes including me. That means I’m probably tape number nine.”  </p><p>“What tape are you on?” Sheri asked.</p><p>“Seven. It’s either Zach Dempsey or Jeff Atkins. I’m not anywhere near my tape,” Hannah said resigned. “You know…part of me hoped that this one was my tape. Just so that I could finally know what I did. Or…I guess one more thing I did.”</p><p>“Let me know if you need to talk. Any time,” Sheri said.</p><p>“Of course.”</p><p>Hannah put her headphones back on.</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>Before</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I’m going to play mind games with you like you played with me. We need to go back. Way back to the beginning, where all this began. It was right after Justin sent that inappropriate video from my phone.”</em>
</p><p>Clay sat alone in Monet’s hiding in the corner. He wanted to avoid all the prying eyes and the stares. At least until Zach slipped into the seat in front of him.</p><p>“There’s a reason I’m over here. I want to be left alone,” Clay said without looking up from his book.</p><p>“Well that makes two of us.” Clay looked up and saw Zach. “Hi.”</p><p>“Hey,” Clay responded.</p><p>“I…uh…I want you to know that I’m telling everyone who will listen that you did not send that video. But not many of them are listening,” Zach told Clay.</p><p>“Well, thanks for the effort anyways. Are you sure you should be seen around me? Given the circumstances,” Clay mumbled.</p><p>“Well, maybe if they see that I am not upset with you, but with Justin, maybe they will believe me. At least, that’s what I’m hoping for,” Zach said. He pulled out a textbook. “We have English together. Maybe we can at least be homework buddies?”</p><p>Clay stared at him for a long moment, at Zach and that wide awkward smile on his face. It was contagious. Clay couldn’t help but find humor in this.</p><p>“Okay,” Clay said laughing. “But just stop smiling so…creepily.”</p><p>Zach nodded.</p><p>The two of them shared smiles and laughs over the story they needed to read for their English course. Whatever story they needed to read, both of them thought it was absolutely pointless and stupid.</p><p>
  <em>“You were kind to me after that. After everything, you could have just weathered the bad rumors and the stares, and left me alone to fend for myself, but you stayed with me. You stayed by my side, even if it was only ever over homework at Monet’s. Kat put it best. You’re the sweet kind. So, Zach Dempsey. This one’s yours.” </em>
</p><p>Days turned to weeks at Liberty. Zach and Clay retained a loose friendship, walking each other down the halls, always talking about their homework and how each other was doing. Zach took time away from Bryce and Justin to spend with Clay at Monet’s, such was their growing companionship.</p><p>
  <em>“Now, let’s fast forward again. To right before Christmas break, right when Marcus got me suspended from school. When you put your trust in the wrong person, and you feel like you’ve been torn apart, that’s a whole new level of lonely. And when that happens, you struggle to hold on to the belief that there are good people. And you were, Zach. To me, you were.” </em>
</p><p>Clay sat alone on the stairs leading up to his front door, sulking the day away, completely empty on the inside, barely even blinking. And then Zach pulled up in front of Clay’s house in his car. He walked up to Clay. He refused to look Zach in the eyes.</p><p>
  <em>“You went out of your way to be nice to me.”</em>
</p><p>“Hey, man,” Zach muttered. “You okay?”</p><p>“You really need me to answer that?”</p><p>“Not really.” Zach sat next to him. “Just seeing how you’re holding up.”</p><p>“Not very well.”</p><p>“I know you didn’t do what everyone’s saying. I know you’re not that kind of person,” Zach said.</p><p>“Well, I appreciate the belief. Too bad belief isn’t gonna get us anywhere,” Clay mumbled. He didn’t look at Zach.</p><p>“I guess. But, uh…my point is that I’m here if you ever, like, need someone to talk to…or ignore if that’s what you prefer,” Zach said.</p><p>He stood up and walked towards his car.</p><p>“Zach?” Clay finally looked at Zach. He stopped. “Thank you.”</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>After</em>
</p><p>Hannah sat with her headphones on at lunch, continuing to listen to Clay’s voice. She still wished to see him with her. She wanted him right there. Hearing his voice over headphones made it seem like he was all around her, everywhere at once, and nowhere to be seen. She loathed that she couldn’t just speak to him directly.</p><p>She was also watching Zach as he sat with his buddies. She didn’t bother hiding the fact that she was staring at him with a stoic and unrelenting glare. Zach was visibly uncomfortable with it, but attempted to pass things off to his buddies whenever he got distracted by Hannah.</p><p>
  <em>“Zach, I don’t even have to ask you. I know you know what it is to feel lonely. I know that seems odd when you’re one of the most popular athletes in Liberty. You never sit alone in the cafeteria. You don’t hide behind books. But I know you’re lonely. After all, I saw the look on your face. It’s the same I see—saw in the mirror every day.” </em>
</p><p>Suddenly, Hannah wasn’t alone. Charlie was sitting across from her, and he was very clearly concerned for her. Hannah removed her headphones and pulled out her lunch. For a long moment, they were just sitting apart from each other awkwardly quiet.</p><p>“So…are you okay?” Charlie finally asked.</p><p>“Been better,” Hannah answered.</p><p>“You know you can talk to me, right?” Charlie reassured her gently. “Please, just talk. I’ll just sit here and listen. Just talk to me.”</p><p>Hannah sighed and acquiesced. “Jeff Atkins tried to kiss me yesterday.”</p><p>Charlie looked at her shocked. “What?”</p><p>“Yep.”</p><p>He was at a loss for words. “Whoa. I never knew that he liked you.”</p><p>“Neither did I. But, when I turned down his attempt to kiss me, he thought it was because I heard his tape. Which, I haven’t,” Hannah said.</p><p>“Well…shit…”</p><p>“Yeah. Shit,” Hannah repeated. “You know, I let him into my house because I thought he was going to be a brief rest from all this. I thought for a moment, helping him with an assignment could be a welcome distraction from the tapes. Instead, I just discovered that even one of the few people I considered nice actually isn’t. Yeah, so I’ve had better days.”</p><p>“Uh…are you planning on doing anything?” Charlie asked. “To Zach.”</p><p>Hannah nodded. “Have been for a while.”</p><p>“Tell me you’re not gonna do anything bad,” Charlie asked.</p><p>“I’m not gonna do anything bad. But I am gonna do something,” Hannah warned.</p><p>“What?”</p><p>No answer.</p><p>“What are you gonna do, Hannah?”</p><p>“Something fun,” Hannah answered vaguely.</p><p>Charlie looked at her. He dreaded it. Seriously dreaded whatever Hannah had planned. He ran his fingers through his hair.</p><p>“Hey. I’ll be at the game tonight if you want to see it for yourself,” Hannah offered.</p><p>“Oh no…”</p><p>“I already told you. Nothing serious,” Hannah reassured him.</p><p>“I’ll believe that when I see it,” Charlie mumbled. He walked away from her…and Hannah realized that she was in pain seeing him leave her. The attitude he had towards her, that clear hopelessness, and that clear…resignation. Like he was giving up on her, it hurt her.</p><p>She felt happier, safer in his presence. He and Sheri were the only two people she could feel like that around. But with Sheri, it was different. Sheri’s apparent resignation, that appearance of her losing faith didn’t hurt Hannah this much. It was like…magnified. Like she knew she was losing not just Sheri, but both of her emotional lifelines in this hellish high school.</p><p>And it made her hurt.</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>Before</em>
</p><p>After winter break, Clay finally entered Liberty High School weeks after the incident with the midterms. To his delight, there weren’t any eyes on him. Instead, everyone just went about their business. Most people probably forgot…maybe. Clay had the vain hope for it.</p><p>At lunch he sat alone with his book, eating and reading. At least, until Zach came up to him.</p><p>“What are you reading?” Zach asked.</p><p>“A book,” Clay answered vaguely.</p><p>Zach had a clearly forced smile on his face.</p><p>“Is something wrong?”</p><p>“I’m….” Zach sat down next to Clay. “It’s about the whole thing from before the break.”</p><p>“It’s fine,” Clay said. “I’m kind of over it now. I can’t dwell on that forever, can I?”</p><p>“Well…” Zach started. “Look…I just want you to know that Marcus offered me those exam answers, too. Right after he offered them to you.”</p><p>Clay was confused. “Wait a minute. What?”</p><p>“He offered me those exam answers. It’s why I knew that you didn’t do it.”</p><p>Clay froze right where he was.</p><p>
  <em>“I couldn’t even think for a moment after you said that. I really had to process what you said. It took me a long time to realize exactly what you were admitting to me.” </em>
</p><p>“So let me get this straight, Zach Dempsey. You knew that I was being suspended for something I didn’t do, because you knew who the real culprit was,” Clay said.</p><p>Zach nodded. “Yeah. I needed to tell you that.”</p><p>Clay looked away from Zach, viciously infuriated. His breathing turned heavy and his fists clenched.</p><p>“Are you okay?” Zach asked.</p><p>“Are you fucking kidding me?” Clay jabbed. “You’re really asking me that fucking question?”</p><p>“I’m just worried about you, sorry,” Zach said.</p><p>“Sorry?” Clay started raising his voice. “You’re sorry. You’re such a fucking idiot.”</p><p>“What’d I say?” Zach asked.</p><p>“And the fact that you don’t even know.”</p><p>“I just…I wanted you to know that.”</p><p>Clay cut him off. “Know what? That you stood by knowing who was responsible for getting me suspended? That you knew who had stolen those exams and didn’t tell anyone? Didn’t help me when I actually fucking needed you? Or that you waited three fucking weeks to tell me this?”</p><p>“Come on, Clay—”</p><p>“Zach. Fucking walk away, right now before I lose my mind,” Clay said, raising his voice.</p><p>“Clay, I’m sorry—” He tried to touch Clay to comfort him.</p><p>Clay immediately slapped his hand away, blinded by fury. “Don’t fucking touch me!” he screamed. “Don’t touch me.”</p><p>All eyes turned to Clay and Zach. Mostly towards Zach, because Clay was the one visibly recoiling from Zach. And he was very much not happy with this entire situation, much like Clay was extremely angry from Zach’s confession.</p><p>“Yeah. Okay,” Zach mumbled. “Sorry.”</p><p>“You don’t get to be sorry,” Clay quipped.</p><p>“You know, some of the shit that happens to you. I think some of it you bring on yourself,” Zach said in anger.</p><p>Clay had the last laugh. “Says the dumbfuck who thought it’d be a good idea to strip naked in the middle of a fucking suburb.”</p><p>That struck a nerve in Zach. “I was…I was trying to empathetic.”</p><p>“Mission failed,” Clay jabbed. “Now just fucking go.”</p><p>“Fuck you,” Zach said.</p><p>“Not in this lifetime. You’re way below my standard,” Clay sarcastically retorted.</p><p>Zach angrily walked away.</p><p>Zach stormed back to his own table, where Bryce, Justin and Marcus were all waiting for him to come back to them.</p><p>“Clay Jensen,” Justin said. “What was that all about? He’s bad news.”</p><p>“Yeah, been there,” Marcus said. “Asshole tried to rope me into the whole exams thing.”</p><p>Bryce stepped in. “Guys, leave him alone. He just wanted to make sure that Clay Jensen wasn’t going to leak another nude tape of his, right?”</p><p>Zach took his lunch and left, humiliated and angry, very much ignoring the others as they all kept saying “poor Zachy” as he left.</p><p>
  <em>“I had every reason to be angry with you. I know that you know that. I mean, how did you think I would react when you said that? You thought I’d just brush it off? No, Zach. You stood by and let me take the fall for something you knew that I didn’t do. You let me take the blame so that you could protect your friend Marcus. You made your allegiances clear, and you weren’t happy that I yelled at you in front of everyone in the lunchroom, were you?”</em>
</p><p>Clay watched him leave with a look of pity.</p><p>
  <em>“I want you to know something, Zach. Before that moment, I considered you a friend. I mean, we went through something together. So I thought I could trust you to be at least an ally to me. But instead, you turned your back to me to protect someone else. You chose a manipulative asshole over someone you knew you could truly trust. You made that decision, Zach, and I held you responsible for it, I made you take responsibility. You weren’t happy about that, were you? You didn’t like that someone called you out for your actions. And through all of that…I still wanted to see you as a friend. I regretted what I did the moment I did it. I was angry, and I had a right to be, but I overreacted. I know that. We both should have talked about it and moved forward like mature people would have. But that’s not happened. Right, Zach?”</em>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>After</em>
</p><p>Hannah walked home. She was surprised to find her mother sitting down on the front porch waiting for her.</p><p>“Hannah, baby? Sit with me,” she requested.</p><p>Hannah obliged. “Are we gonna talk about the elephant room?”</p><p>“Depends on which elephant you’re referring to,” Olivia joked. “But in all seriousness, Hannah. I will support whatever decision you make about this baby. And I don’t know personally, but I know how much this is weighing on you, and my behavior didn’t help any. So, I want to apologize for it.”</p><p>Hannah said, “Well I forgive you.” She hugged her mother. “What’s the other elephant in the room?”</p><p>“Well, about what you might have heard this morning…” Olivia started.</p><p>“Nothing I didn’t already know,” Hannah said.</p><p>“Well…in that case. I want you to know that we found someone here. If you ever want to talk to them, if it’s easier than speaking to us, you can just say it,” Olivia said.</p><p>Hannah stared at her for a long time. “You mean…a therapist?”</p><p>“Yeah. You do know about the anxiety issues on my side, right?”</p><p>“And that you’ve seen a therapist on and off over the years. You’ve told me before,” Hannah reminded her.</p><p>“I’m just saying. With everything going on…I know that it can’t be easy. Talking, it can help. I know it,” Olivia said. “And we both know that whether or not you need or want a therapist, having something positive to hold onto is what you need most right now. Do you have something to hold onto?”</p><p>“My friends Sheri and Charlie,” Hannah answered. “They’ve been the biggest support for me for a while now.”</p><p>“Good.”</p><p>“I was actually planning on going to the basketball game tonight with them,” Hannah said.</p><p>Olivia was visibly relieved to hear that from her daughter. She took that as a sign that she wasn’t withdrawing from people.</p><p>“Okay,” she said to Hannah.</p><p>“Mom? This therapist. Do you, like, have his card or something?” Hannah asked.</p><p>Olivia paused, shocked that Hannah was receptive to the idea. She handed Hannah the therapist’s business card.</p><p>Doctor Robert Ellman.</p><p>“Hannah, baby. Why don’t I pack you some snacks? If there’s one thing I remember when I was pregnant with you, it’s that I really needed to keep eating,” Olivia joked.</p><p>Hannah laughed. She actually felt quite happy in that moment right there. The opposite of how she’d been feeling for nearly a month.</p>
<hr/><p>As Hannah had told her mother, she went to the basketball game wearing her backpack. It was a home game right here in Liberty’s gymnasium. She hadn’t done anything like this in a while. She didn’t feel anything. No excitement, no nothing as she approached the school. The only thing she felt was a twinge of annoyance and contempt when she walked past Zach’s car, with its tacky license plate.</p><p>
  <em>“I can’t say that I hope to understand what was going through your mind. I don’t know much about you to be honest. We were nothing more than just some homework buddies, bonded through what Justin Foley did to us. And, I was fine with that. The thing is, that was part of the problem. You never realized what it’s like being on the sidelines, like most of us are.”</em>
</p><p>Inside the gym, everything was chaotic, as things typically are in high school sporting events. Lots of incoherent screaming and jeering, along with the sounds of multiple basketballs bouncing all over the place. Among them were Zach and Justin practicing. They both glared at her as soon as they saw her.</p><p>“Hannah!”</p><p>Courtney was working, as she usually did, given her position in student council. However, that also meant Marcus was here, too. She ran up to Hannah and hugged her.</p><p>“I knew you’d come!” she boasted.</p><p>“How? I didn’t,” Hannah joked.</p><p>“Oh come on! Don’t play coy with me, Hannah. I know a good romance when I see one,” Courtney said, clicking her tongue playfully.</p><p>“And what romance is that?”</p><p>Courtney stood behind Hannah. She positioned Hannah’s head until she was looking right at Charlie.</p><p>“I’ve seen how you two look at each other. So smitten, yet you guys can’t even admit it,” Courtney said in singsong voice.</p><p>“He’s just my friend,” Hannah claimed.</p><p>“Really?” Courtney stood in front of Hannah and made Hannah look at her. “Look me in my eyes and tell me that you don’t at least feel a little something for him. Tall, strong and cute, and he wears a varsity jacket and is <em>sweet</em>! Tell me that he’s not a catch!”</p><p>Hannah couldn’t. Because Courtney had just described everything about him that endeared him to her. In fact…Courtney just accidentally forced Hannah to acknowledge what she had been feeling. She felt herself being drawn to the nice guy in an ocean of assholes.</p><p>And that was why it hurt her so much. Losing Sheri was already bad enough, but losing Charlie, the only man in this entire place that made her feel comfortable, at the same time was almost unbearable to Hannah. Hannah realized just how desperate she truly was not just to deliver payback against the subjects of Clay’s tapes, but to hold on to the good she still had in her life, the good that she could still see. Because the kind of person, let alone the kind of guy she liked was the rarest of all: the nice guys.</p><p>“I knew it!” Courtney boasted. “I totally knew it!”</p><p>Hannah laughed. “Yeah, you did.” She also felt an intense conflict. Like…she was betraying a part of herself, the part of her that still loved Clay. The boy she tried so hard to have a relationship with, only for it to end with his premature death, so premature that she never even had the opportunity to tell him he was a father.</p><p>And yet, barely a month later, and Hannah…was already being pulled to someone else. Hannah knew that she was projecting everything she liked about Clay onto Charlie…and that was wrong. In her heart, that was wrong. Nobody could replace someone. A lover, a parent, a child. No one.</p><p>Hannah ignored the angry Marcus and sat in the bleachers. Charlie noticed her…and she impulsively smiled when he smiled at her. It just came to her. A real genuine smile.</p><p>“Hey, Hannah.” Sheri came up to her. “Are you smiling?”</p><p>“Yeah,” Hannah admitted. “It’s weird.”</p><p>Sheri looked at Hannah with a knowing grin. Her suspicions were confirmed when Hannah gave a glance to the smiling Charlie.</p><p>“I figured that would probably happen,” Sheri said. “He’s your type, after all.”</p><p>“My type?”</p><p>“Tall, nice, gentlemanly, dorky, a little bit awkward,” Sheri described.</p><p>“Sheri, I want everything you got from Tyler. I want to see it for myself,” Hannah requested.</p><p>Sheri’s smile faded. “I’ll bring them to you in the morning. Hannah…Charlie told me that you had something planned. You can’t keep going down this path.”</p><p>“I’ve already come too far as it is. I’ve already set everything in place. I can’t stop it now. All I can do is just keep going to the end,” Hannah said, her voice sounded resigned, like she couldn’t see any other way to go. What could she do? Let the ones she hadn’t heard get away with what they did? Or force them to face what they did?</p><p>“And what’s it gonna cost you? When the dust settles? What are you gonna have left? I know this isn’t making you feel any better,” Sheri said. She’d been saying that more than once to Hannah.</p><p>“It’s not. But someone has to pay. Sheri, look me in the eyes and tell me that you don’t want them to pay.”</p><p>“I get it, Hannah. I really get it. Part of me wants you to keep going, but…I don’t know if I could live with myself if any of this ends badly,” Sheri said.</p><p>“For them or for me?” Hannah asked.</p><p>“Hannah…I can see how this is tearing you apart. Why do insist on continuing with it? You can stop. Just—”</p><p>The buzzer went off, signaling the start of the game. Hannah quickly went to find a seat in the bleachers, once again feeling torn apart. Why did Hannah feel the need to keep going? Because she felt guilty. Immense guilt that dragged her into the depths of an abyss from which there was no escape. All she could was tear at everything around her, destroy everything, because there was nothing left for her to do.</p><p>Hannah spotted Jeff Atkins among the players. She averted her eyes from him.</p><p>The cheer coach pulled Sheri aside.</p><p>“Where the hell is Jessica?”</p><p>Sheri shrugged. “She texted me. She had to babysit her bothers, and had to wait till her mom got home to leave.”</p><p>“We can’t wait for her,” said the coach.</p><p>
  <em>“You’re the center of attention. You always hear the crowd cheering your name. Not like us, who just disappear into that crowd. And you know what, Zach? I’m not holding that against you. We’re different.”</em>
</p><p>Hannah sat alone in the bleachers. At least until Tyler slid in next to her.</p><p>“Hey, Hannah.”</p><p>“Hey, Hannah?” she repeated. “Are you fucking kidding me? Get away from me.”</p><p>“I’ve been getting that a lot, especially now. But this time, I’m on yearbook business.” Tyler pulled out his little pass that said he was.</p><p>Hannah looked away from him. “Why are you here? Talking to me?”</p><p>“I wanna see what you’re gonna do next. You really fucked up Tony, not as much as you did to me. But still. The cemetery? That’s cold.”</p><p>“I don’t care what you have to say, Tyler. You’re lucky I didn’t kill you in the dark room after what you told me,” Hannah mumbled.</p><p>Tyler glared at her. Hannah ignored him, distracting herself by playing tetris on her phone, at least until she noticed Jessica come running in late in the quarter. She looked…glazed. Like she was tired.</p><p>The coach was absolutely miffed with Jessica. Whatever happened, Jessica was clearly not happy. She and Justin exchanged a weird glance with each other, until Bryce waltzed up to her and they sat together. Hannah found it odd, and especially when she saw Justin’s reaction. Hannah didn’t really give two shits either way what was happening between that trifecta.</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>Before</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“But that also means you can’t imagine why a little piece of paper could mean so much.” </em>
</p><p>During happier times, Sheri watched Clay go through his compliment bag in Ms. Bradley’s class.</p><p>She announced, “Alright everybody, before you leave, we’ve added an anonymous class discussion bag to the racks. We’re gonna check it every Friday and talk it over.”</p><p>Clay opened his bag to find another drawing of a moon. This time it was a full moon, and actually quite detailed. Hannah was becoming more skilled at drawing, doing more shading to add texture to the moon’s surface.</p><p>
  <em>Hope to see the moon again with you.</em>
</p><p>“Another moon?” Sheri asked. “I wish I would get one. You still don’t know who they’re from?”</p><p>Clay glanced at Hannah, who smiled at him.</p><p>“No,” he lied. He saw the number of papers in Sheri’s hand. “You got six compliments? This the only thing I got. Aside from Courtney’s campaign poster.”</p><p>Sheri had one too. As did Skye.</p><p>Skye had no filter. She outright told Courtney, “You do realize that shilling for votes is not a compliment, right Courtney?”</p><p>“I’m sorry you feel that way, Skye. But I’m proud of my efforts, and I wanted to share that with the class,” Courtney claimed.</p><p>Clay shook his head. As he left, Hannah watched him. They both smiled at each other. Hannah even bit her lip, much to Clay’s awkward appreciation. Sheri looked at them…and she easily read the situation.</p><p>
  <em>“Maybe you don’t even know what it’s like to need a lifeline. Because the day after I called you out on leaving me to the wolves with Marcus, my compliment bag was empty.”</em>
</p><p>Clay dug through his compliment bag on another day. And sure enough, there was nothing in there. It was like that day after day.</p><p>
  <em>“There wasn’t even a cute drawing of the moon. And by the end of the second week, I knew there was something going on.”</em>
</p><p>How did Clay know? Because when he checked his compliment bag, he saw Zach watching him.</p><p>
  <em>“I thought that maybe we needed to talk. You were in no mood to do so. So I wrote you a letter, Zach. I poured everything. How hard life was getting. I told you things that I hadn’t told anyone, not even my parents. And I told you how much those compliments meant to me. And then I set my trap.”</em>
</p><p>Clay brought the letter to the classroom early. He snuck into the room before class had begun and placed the letter in his own compliment bag. When that class was over that day, Clay waited at the door and watched Zach take out the letter from his compliment bag. He waited and watched as he opened the letter in the hallway, and read it for a brief moment.</p><p>
  <em>“I hoped that you’d read it, and that you’d realize how much I needed those silly little things you were stealing from me. But I wasn’t even worth a reaction.”</em>
</p><p>What was Clay’s letter worth? Being crumpled up and thrown onto the floor. Clay stared at Zach as he walked away from the crumpled paper on the floor. He closed his eyes, trying to keep from crying in the middle of the halls. But he couldn’t. He fled to the bathroom and went straight into a stall, and started openly sobbing.</p><p>
  <em>“I was really just worth garbage to you. I needed someone. Anyone. So I contacted someone who I thought was once a friend. Someone who I thought would at least be there if I needed him. Tony. I asked you to meet me at Monet’s.”</em>
</p><p>The person Clay contacted was Tony. Even after what happened at the Winter Formal, Clay thought he could turn to him. He waited at Monet’s with a hot chocolate in front of him. He was all alone at a table for two.</p><p>
  <em>“You never showed. You owed me that much, considering how you only helped to pile shit on me. All I wanted was someone to listen to me. I just wanted one person who I thought could understand. So…I guess I didn’t have any friends. And the few people I still cared for…I started thinking they’d be better off without me. I wasn’t worth anything to anyone.”</em>
</p><p>Skye came to his table. “Hey, Clay. Want me to clear this?”</p><p>“Uh, no. I’m waiting for someone,” Clay answered. “You know, Skye, maybe we can hang out at school? I don’t know, maybe at lunch.”</p><p>Skye looked at him shocked.</p><p>“I—we were friends once. I was just hoping that maybe we could—I don’t know—be friends again,” Clay stuttered.</p><p>“We were friends. <em>Were</em>. Past tense,” Skye said.</p><p>“And I still don’t understand. What happened? I didn’t—I don’t understand it,” Clay said.</p><p>Skye shrugged. “Welcome to the world.”</p><p>“I hate it.”</p><p>“You’re not the only one.” Skye walked away from Clay’s table. He took out a pen and wrote on the napkin he had with him. Despite her words, Skye eyed him concerned.</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>After</em>
</p><p>Hannah couldn’t stay in the gym for the game. It was too chaotic for her. She needed to get out. She couldn’t deal with pretending things were okay when it was far from it. Outside the gym, in the cold air, she felt herself become alert again. She wished she could stay there to support Sheri and Charlie but pretending was too much. She could support the two of them, but she wouldn’t support the rest of those athletic teams along with them. There were too many vipers among the golden teams of Liberty.</p><p>That being said, she still very much didn’t like leaving them in there. She felt she was letting them down somehow, like she was a bitch for going against her own wish to be there for her own friends.</p><p>She saw Zach’s car. She pulled out a spray can from her backpack and went right over to Zach’s car and started spray-painting the car. She sprayed every side of the car. She wanted to make sure Zach got her message. She smiled at her handiwork and left just as halftime began.</p><p>Hannah went straight home and into her bedroom. She held the box of tapes close to her chest.</p><p>“One thing…If I had just done one thing…you’d still be here,” she whispered. “I hope you can forgive me, Clay. One day. Wherever you are.”</p><p>She started getting messages on her phone. They were from Sheri and Charlie. She didn’t actually know this, but by now, someone had probably noticed what Hannah did to Zach’s car. If Zach was smart, he’d realize that it looked worse than it really was and try the obvious solution. Clean off the spray job.</p><p>She lay down in her bed and closed her eyes. Her dreamless sleep passed by in what felt like an instant. It was almost instantaneous, such was the speed with which the morning came. She was awakened by her father knocking on her bedroom door.</p><p>“Hannah?” his voice was stern. “Hannah, wake up. You need to come outside.”</p><p>More knocking.</p><p>“Hannah?”</p><p>Hannah groaned. “I’m coming. I’m coming. Hold your horses. Give me a chance to wake up,” she said groggily. She grabbed a hair tie from her nightstand and tied back her messy hair.</p><p>She walked outside. Her mother was waiting…with Zach and his mother.</p><p>“Mrs. Dempsey stopped by,” Olivia said. “Apparently, something happened to Zach’s car during the game last night, and she wants to ask you if you know anything about it.”</p><p>Hannah sprayed <em>Why me? </em>all over the car. Zach was too busy looking at the ground to be upset. His mother was doing that for him. Seething at Hannah, all dressed up and formal, showing off that she has money. Hannah didn’t even bother giving her a respectful glance.</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>Before</em>
</p><p>Mrs. Bradley grabbed the class discussion bag. “Okay, it’s time for us to look at our anonymous class discussion bag and see what we have this week.”</p><p>
  <em>Mrs. Bradley has nice ankles. </em>
</p><p>Bradley smiled and several students chuckled. “Well, I’m not sure it’s appropriate to objectify anyone in this way, and certainly not a teacher, but insofar as this was meant as a compliment, thank you.”</p><p>“Real nice ankles, Mrs. B,” said a jock.</p><p>“Moving on,” Mrs. Bradley said. She pulled out a napkin from Monet’s, the note that Clay had written.</p><p>
  <em>What if the only way not to feel pain is to stop feeling anything at all forever? What if the only way to keep the people I love from suffering because of me is to cut myself out of their lives?</em>
</p><p>For a long moment, Mrs. Bradley was silent, as was the whole class. Clay sat there, just waiting to see people’s reactions. One reaction he didn’t see was Skye looking at him in horror. She remembered seeing Clay writing on a napkin. He only noticed Zach looking at him.</p><p>A disturbed Mrs. Bradley said, “Wow…okay… This is serious. This is a person who is in a great deal of pain. Would anyone like to open our discussion?”</p><p>
  <em>“You knew I wrote that note, Zach. You kept looking at me. The first time you looked at me, I chalked it up to just being resentful of what I did. But no, you knew that note was mine, and you didn’t even say anything.” </em>
</p><p>“I think whoever wrote this is just looking for attention,” said Marcus.</p><p>“Or it could be a cry for help,” Hannah said.</p><p>“It sounds like that to me,” Sheri added.</p><p>“Then why not sign their name?” Marcus said.</p><p>“Cause it’s anonymous,” said Pratters.</p><p>“Maybe it’s a joke. Like someone’s just fucking—sorry, messing with us or something,” Justin said.</p><p>“That’s idiotic. Who would joke about that?” Skye asked.</p><p>Pratters shrugged. “Why don’t you tell us, Skye.  You see what it was written on? Don’t you work at Monet’s?”</p><p>“I don’t have a monopoly on the napkins there, asshole,” Skye jabbed.</p><p>“Okay, enough. No more swearing,” Bradley ordered.</p><p>Skye said, “Whoever wrote it was in pain.”</p><p>“So what?” Pratters interjected. “They’re in pain, I’m in pain. High school’s painful. Get over it.”</p><p>“Enough,” Bradley demanded, this time specifically against Pratters.</p><p>This whole time, Clay was shrinking into himself, leaning against his arm, his face despondent that nobody even bothered to take this seriously.</p><p>
  <em>“They were all the same. All condescending, all dismissive. And those were most of the ones who spoke up. And you let everyone think it was Skye who wrote that note. You never said anything to me. Not before, not after. Why didn’t you say anything?”</em>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>After</em>
</p><p>“I’m sorry,” Olivia said to Mrs. Dempsey, “what makes you think our daughter had anything to do with this?”</p><p>“She was at the game acting strangely,” Mrs. Dempsey claimed.</p><p>“Acting strangely how?” Andy asked.</p><p>“People said she was clearly angry. Heard something from Tyler Down that she ‘planned to do something’,” Mrs. Dempsey claimed.</p><p>“But did you see the person who spray-painted the car?” Olivia asked.</p><p>Hannah went inside. “I’ll be right back.”</p><p>“Don’t think I don’t know you did this, Hannah!” Mrs. Dempsey yelled.</p><p>“Did you see our daughter spray-paint the car?” Andy asked.</p><p>“Kids get jealous,” Mrs. Dempsey answered.</p><p>“I don’t think she was jealous,” Zach said to his mom.</p><p>“You hush!” demanded his mother.</p><p>Hannah came out with a spray can.</p><p>“I knew you did it!” Mrs. Dempsey screamed.</p><p>“Yeah. I sprayed the car. Now why don’t you read the can?” Hannah jabbed. She tossed the can at her.</p><p>She read the label. “Spray chalk?”</p><p>Zach walked over and grabbed a bottle of water from inside his car. He poured it against the spray, and it started running. It wasn’t paint, it really was chalk.</p><p>“Yeah. It’s spray chalk. It comes off with water. Don’t even need a car wash. Saw it on a YouTube video,” Hannah said. “You really think I’d be stupid enough to spray paint an Audi as a prank? I’m not that idiotic.”</p><p>“Well…I guess that mitigates some things. But you still sprayed my son’s car. Prank or no,” Mrs. Dempsey said. “I was tempted to call the police, but I came here as a courtesy. Now I’m glad I did.”</p><p>“I’ll get the hose and we can wash off the car,” Andy said.</p><p>“Mrs. Dempsey, why don’t you come inside? I’ll get you a drink,” Olivia offered.</p><p>“That would be nice.”</p><p>“If it’s all the same to you, I’d like to talk to Zach for a minute,” Hannah requested.</p><p>“No,” said Zach’s mother.</p><p>“Mom, please?”</p><p>She sighed. “Five minutes.”</p><p>As Andy started spraying the chalk off Zach’s car, Zach got closer to Hannah.</p><p>“Look…I wanted to apologize for the whole road thing,” Zach said. “And, I told her I wanted to leave it alone. I didn’t want to come here or anything like that.”</p><p>“I’m glad you did. Let’s go inside and explain why,” Hannah teased.</p><p>“No, please. Don’t.”</p><p>“Why not?” Hannah said.</p><p>“Because…Do your folks know? About you and Clay?” Zach deflected.</p><p>“Not mine. But Clay’s parents know about us,” Hannah said.</p><p>Zach looked at her horrified. “You told them?”</p><p>“Not about the tapes. Something else,” Hannah vaguely answered. She punctuated her statement by holding her stomach with both her hands.</p><p>“What the hell’s that supposed to mean?” he asked her confused. He still didn’t get it after a moment, so Hannah continued.</p><p>“Why did you do what you did?” she asked softly, once again adopting her friendly façade.</p><p>“I didn’t think he’d react like that,” Zach said. “I mean, come on, Hannah. You knew him as well as anybody else. That guy was too much.”</p><p>“That guy? ‘That guy’ is Clay Jensen. He has a name, you know that right?” Hannah quipped.</p><p>Zach nodded.</p><p>“You knew he was in pain. You knew he needed help. When Mrs. Bradley read that note—”</p><p>“I freaked,” he interrupted her. “That letter. It was heavy shit. I didn’t know what to do.”</p><p>“So you threw it away,” Hannah mumbled.</p><p>“No. He lied about that,” Zach said.</p><p>“He watched you crumple it up and leave it on the hallways floor,” Hannah reminded him.</p><p>“That wasn’t his note. Maybe that’s what he saw. I freaked out when I read it,” Zach said. He pulled out his wallet and handed her a folded paper with his name written on it. “I kept it.”</p><p>Hannah was surprised. “Well…shit…”</p><p>“Sorry, Hannah. I always will be,” Zach said. “Do you want to read it?”</p><p>Hannah’s façade crumbled like a sandcastle being struck by ocean waves. Her quivering lip and eyes betrayed the sheer amount of agony through which she suffered. She wanted nothing more than to read it.</p><p>“It wasn’t for me to read. You keep it,” Hannah said. “Wait here.”</p><p>She went inside. Ten long seconds later she came out with a folded paper. She handed it to Zach. He unfolded it to find Hannah’s sonogram. He stared at it for several seconds as the realization set in.</p><p>“What… You’re…”</p><p>“Yeah,” Hannah preemptively answered. “Look at the date.”</p><p>“October 7, 2017,” Zach read.</p><p>“That was the Saturday right before he died,” Hannah said. “I never got the chance to tell him.”</p><p>Zach was still processing this. He shook his head, breathing heavily.</p><p>“Jesus, from your reaction, people might think you’re the father,” Hannah commented.</p><p>Zach looked at her horrified.</p><p>“Zach…seriously? It’s not yours,” Hannah said.</p><p>That didn’t do much to relent his horror. He was thinking back to the incident off cemetery road. Now that made sense to him. The aggressive defense. He now realized she was protecting herself and the baby she carried inside of her.</p><p>“The only reason I left you and Justin alive out there was because you didn’t know about this. And now that you do, if you try to do anything to me, you better kill me. Cause if you don’t, I <em>will</em> kill you, and anyone that threatens me or my baby. Understand?”</p><p>Zach stared at her…genuinely horrified.</p><p>Hannah left him alone outside with that copy of her sonogram.</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>Before</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“So Zach. I have a theory. I think you’re lonely, too. Is that even possible? What kind of lonely could the great Zach Dempsey possibly suffer?”</em>
</p><p>Clay packed up his stuff from the class. He spotted a distant and distracted Zach nearby. He wasn’t even looking at anything, just staring off into space.</p><p>At least until Justin finally waved his hand in front of Zach’s face. “Dempsey, what the fuck? Are we gonna take a long lunch or what?”</p><p>Zach stood up. “Oh, yeah. I don’t know.”</p><p>“Come on man we need you. And your wheels,” said the guy who commented on Mrs. Bradley’s ankles.</p><p>“I gotta go to bio,” Zach said.</p><p>“Why, so you can cry about a frog again, you fucking pussy?” Justin jabbed.</p><p>“I didn’t cry! Fuck you, man.”</p><p>
  <em>“Maybe you suffer the kind of lonely where no one truly sees you. I know that kind of lonely. I wonder if you do.” </em>
</p><p>Clay watched Zach leave. They held a stern gaze between them for several seconds. Until Zach finally left.</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>After</em>
</p><p>Jessica drove down the road with Justin.</p><p>“You disappeared last night,” he said to her.</p><p>“Yeah. That game got fucking sad. Zack’s good. Yee-haw! Whoo hoo!” she sarcastically mumbled. “Who cares? We left early.”</p><p>“We?”</p><p>Jessica shrugged. “Me and Bryce. And some other guys.”</p><p>“Why didn’t you text me?” Justin asked.</p><p>“Bryce said he texted you,” Jessica said.</p><p>Justin pulled out his phone. “To come over, not that you were there. I texted you four times. You couldn’t have hit me back?”</p><p>Jessica stopped the car and stared at him. “You of all people are not one to ask that, by the way. I was in the hot tub. I didn’t have my phone. What’s the big deal? You can live at Bryce’s, but I can’t hang out there?”</p><p>“I don’t live there now,” Justin defended.</p><p>Jessica wasn’t receptive. She moved the car again, annoyed with Justin.</p>
<hr/><p>Sheri was busy cleaning off her car when Charlie came.</p><p>“Hey. What’s up?” Sheri said.</p><p>“Hannah texted me. She said she was coming here,” Charlie claimed. He showed Sheri the evidence in his text that he received from her.</p><p>Hannah came up behind Charlie. “Speak of the devil, and she shall appear.”</p><p>“Hannah. What the hell?! Why would you do that to Zach’s car?!” Sheri said angrily.</p><p>“Do what? It’s spray chalk,” Hannah told them.</p><p>“What?” Sheri said.</p><p>“Spray chalk. It comes off with a hose. Five minutes of using a hose, Zach’s car is as good as new. You don’t even need to go to a car wash,” Hannah said. “You really think I’d implicate myself in felony vandalism?”</p><p>“So that’s what you meant by it wasn’t bad,” Charlie commented. “You had us both freaked out when we saw Zach’s car.”</p><p>“You know, he didn’t throw away the letter, right?” Hannah asked them.</p><p>They were both visibly surprised. They also shook their heads.</p><p>“Yeah. He offered it to me. Asked if I wanted to read it. I couldn’t. The tapes are hard enough,” Hannah admitted.</p><p>“I know,” Sheri said.</p><p>“I told Zach. That I’m pregnant,” Hannah said.</p><p>“Why?” Charlie asked.</p><p>“Because I wanted him to know exactly why I beat the shit out of him and Justin when they tried to pull me off the side of the road,” Hannah said.</p><p>“Did he believe you?” Sheri asked.</p><p>“When I gave him a copy of my sonogram, he did.” Hannah sighed. “Sheri, I’m here for the stuff you got from Tyler. Can I please have it?”</p><p>“Yeah, of course. I’ll go get it real quick.” Sheri disappeared into her house.</p><p>Hannah and Charlie sat on the pavement together.</p><p>“You know, Courtney thinks we’re dating,” Hannah told him.</p><p>Charlie looked at her surprised. “Really?”</p><p>Hannah gently nodded. “According to her, everyone can see that there’s more to us than meets the eye.”</p><p>Charlie smiled. Hannah had no idea just how right Courtney was, going even beyond the whole tape situation.</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>Before</em>
</p><p>In the lunchroom, Charlie sat alone by his own choice. He wasn’t with the other athletes, something that people took notice of. He was stealing glances at the equally alone Hannah Baker, glancing at her and biting his lip nervously.</p><p>Sheri sat across from him. “Why aren’t you with the other team members?”</p><p>“They are far too toxically masculine for my taste,” Charlie admitted.</p><p>“Ain’t that the truth? I actually don’t know what ‘real’ ‘nontoxic’ masculinity looks like,” Sheri commented.</p><p>“Watch <em>The Lord of the Rings</em>,” Charlie said.</p><p>Sheri stared at him for a long moment. “What?”</p><p>“Haven’t you seen those movies?” Charlie asked.</p><p>“Of course. But what the hell does that have to do with anything?”</p><p>Charlie laughed. “Aragorn in those movies. One hell of a gentleman and a badass. I mean, he decapitates orcs and fights with a broadsword, and writes poetry, is kind to women, openly expresses emotions, and has no problem expressing intimacy and empathy with other men. He’s like a fucking paragon of what real life men should be like.”</p><p>Sheri looked around, like she was coming to a profound realization. “Well, shit. I never thought of it like that. Perfect, now I gotta go and watch all twelve-and-a-half hours of those movies.”</p><p>“Yeah. My dad always said ‘if you want to be like a real man, be like Aragorn’,” Charlie said.</p><p>Sheri nodded. “Now, for the real reason I’m here.” She stared at Charlie with an intent knowing smile.</p><p>“What?”</p><p>No response.</p><p>“What?!”</p><p>No response.</p><p>“What?!!”</p><p>Sheri laughed. “You see how uncomfortable it is to have someone staring at you?”</p><p>“Uh…yeah…”</p><p>Sheri kept giggling. “So tell me. How the hell do you think you’re ever gonna be able to just talk to Hannah, if all she sees is you staring at her?”</p><p>“Well…isn’t she with…what’s his name? Clay?” Charlie said with sorrow.</p><p>“She’s not with him. She <em>likes </em>him. But how the fuck are you ever gonna know if you have a chance with her if you don’t try?” Sheri said.</p><p>Charlie looked at Hannah again. He was clearly nervous, and as tempted as he was to stand up and go for her, he was too afraid and nervous.</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>After</em>
</p><p>Charlie asked Hannah, “Well…there kind of is. Isn’t there?”</p><p>Hannah looked at him for a long moment.</p><p>“I mean, what we’ve gone through is more than what typical friends usually go through, right?” Charlie added.</p><p>She nodded. She allowed him to have his “save”, but she was aware that he was essentially confessing to having a crush on her. In all honesty with herself, Hannah didn’t really mind it. People had done worse to her than have a crush on her. And there were far worse people in the world to have pining after you. But then she gave it more thought, and realized that it was not healthy for Charlie to like Hannah.</p><p>“I’m not a good person, Charlie.”</p><p>“Yeah, you are,” Charlie said.</p><p>“What? How can you think I’m a good person?” Hannah said.</p><p>“Well…I didn’t say ‘nice’ for a reason,” he pointed out. “Yes, you’ve done some shitty things, but they’re understandable. I mean, the Tyler thing was a dick move, but after what he did not just to Clay but to you, I’d say that he deserved worse. Marcus…I have no idea what you’re gonna do to him, but he’s got it coming.”</p><p>“So you think I’m doing the right thing,” Hannah said confused.</p><p>“No. We don’t like what you’re doing. But that doesn’t mean we don’t think they deserve every last bit of what you’re doing,” Charlie admitted. “And that also doesn’t mean that we can’t understand why. I mean, if you ask me, it looks like you’re the one suffering more than anyone else through all this.”</p><p>Hannah glanced at him curiously.</p><p>“Clay was good for you. The boring kind of guy you spend the rest of your life with. Nothing shocking. No surprises,” Charlie said.</p><p>“How eloquent,” Hannah commented. “Makes it sound like you’ve been through something like that with someone.”</p><p>“Maybe I have,” Charlie said.</p><p>Sheri came out with a manila envelope. Hannah immediately stood up.</p><p>“This is everything. I hope you don’t take this the wrong way, but I looked through the pictures, and the flash drive, and the negatives. This is it because I made sure he deleted all the other copies on his computer. And not just delete, but empty the trash bin too,” Sheri reassured Hannah.</p><p>“Thank you, Sheri.” Hannah took the envelope and stuffed it in her backpack. “I’ll see you guys at school.”</p><p>“Wait…” Charlie said. “Do you have anything planned for Marcus?”</p><p>“Yeah,” Hannah confessed. “And…nowhere near as benign as what happened to Zach.”</p><p>“Worse than Tyler?” Sheri said.</p><p>Hannah didn’t answer. She just walked away, and they let her. Sheri shared glances with Charlie. Both of them dreaded what she had in store for Marcus.</p><p>“What are we gonna do?” Sheri asked.</p><p>“We keep fighting for her,” Charlie answered.</p><p>“How can we? She clearly…she clearly wants to be doing this. None of this is impulsive. She is doing this on purpose. She might cross a line she can never come back from,” Sheri said.</p><p>“Like everyone else on those fucking tapes hasn’t already?”</p><p>“I’m not worried about them. Hannah is a good person. Maybe not right now, but she is. Yes, she’s blinded by anger and grief, and rightfully so. What she’s doing may feel good right now, but eventually she’s gonna do something she’ll have to live with for the rest of her life. And I don’t want her to have to,” Sheri said. “Yes, what she’s doing is understandable…in her eyes. But don’t you remember what Clay said?”</p><p>Charlie did.</p><p>
  <em>“Nobody really knows what’s going on in another person’s life. And you never know how what you do will affect someone else. That’s how it was for me. That’s how it is for everyone. Cheerleaders. Athletes. Scholars. Even the ones who disappear into the crowds.”</em>
</p><p>And that applied to everyone Hannah was hurting. She had no idea what was or wasn’t happening in the others’ lives. She had no idea what she might actually be doing.</p><p>And Hannah <em>knew</em> this. She had listened to Clay saying that, and still she chose to go on the path of revenge and payback. Understandable…but deliberately disregarding anything under the surface. Her actions could have had consequences far down the line, and still Hannah was choosing this path.</p><p>“Except we know what they did,” Charlie pointed out. “She’s making them pay for it. Is that such a bad thing?”</p><p>Sheri answered, “No. But there are other ways to do it. Ways that aren’t so…illegal.”</p><p>“You have other ideas? Cause if you do, we should run them by her,” Charlie asked.</p><p>Sheri had no other ways to list. She shook her head. Charlie didn’t rub it in her face.</p><p>“Come on. Let’s just go to school. We can agree to disagree for now.”</p><p>Sheri nodded.</p>
<hr/><p>“We’ve got foreign exchange students coming, remember?” he asked her when they arrived.</p><p>“I guess it’s a good thing we volunteered to do it,” Sheri joked. “Cause I sure as fuck am not about to let anyone else be condemned to this school if I can help it.”</p><p>“We definitely are on the same wavelength with that.”</p><p>The two stepped out of Sheri’s car and went inside the school. They went straight to the front office where Miss Douglass was waiting for them.</p><p>“Charlie, Sheri, so good to see you two. The exchange students will be here later on. You can go to your first classes, okay? Mr. Porter will come get you when the students get here,” she told them.</p><p>“Thanks, Miss Douglass,” Charlie said.</p><p>Sheri went to communications class. Hannah was in the room, sullen and sorrowful at her desk. She stared distantly at the seat that used to be Clay’s, still empty. Respectful for the person who once sat there. But eventually, that seat would be filled again. And after this year, there would be no such thing as “Clay’s seat”.</p><p>They all received a test. It was something of a personality test, one that Pratters wasn’t happy about. Not that he was ever happy about anything. In Bradley’s words, it was a character questionnaire to determine strengths and weaknesses. Sheri looked through and began doing the test.</p><p>“Mrs. Bradley?” Hannah said.</p><p>“Yes, Hannah?”</p><p>“Remember the note you got in your class discussion bag last year?” Hannah asked, mumbling. “The one about not feeling bad by not feeling anything forever?”</p><p>Mrs. Bradley was uncomfortable about the topic. “Yes.”</p><p>“It was from Clay,” Hannah said.</p><p>Mrs. Bradley took a breath. “Okay…why do you think that is?”</p><p>The conversation ended when Mr. Porter knocked on the door. “Sorry to interrupt, but I need Ms. Holland.”</p><p>Sheri immediately packed up her stuff. As she left the room, she glanced concerned at Hannah, who only returned the glance with a distant somber expression. Sheri didn’t want to do anything but bring Hannah home and tuck her in bed to sleep off the stress. Sheri started wondering if this had anything to do with the stuff that she gave Hannah, all the pictures and negatives and the flash drive. It had to have something to do with all of this.</p><p>Sheri left with Mr. Porter. Charlie was already there with the foreign exchange students. There were four of them, and all of them had bright smiles, clearly excited for this. If only they knew the truth, they wouldn’t even be here at all.</p><p>Alas, it was up to Sheri and Charlie to fully explain to them just how vital it was that they didn’t go to this school.</p>
<hr/><p>Between classes, Hannah retrieved a book from her locker. Her expression grew angry upon hearing Zach and Justin’s voices behind her. She redirected her attention to Charlie and Sheri’s tour as they came in from outside. Seeing them provided a welcome distraction…at least until Justin started speaking to her.  </p><p>“Hello,” he said to her.</p><p>“Get the fuck away from me before I beat your ass again,” Hannah warned. She complemented her threat with a single deadly glance.</p><p>“Everything okay?” Charlie came over to check on things.</p><p>“Everything’s fine Charlie,” said Justin. “We were just talking.”</p><p>“No, we weren’t, Justin,” Hannah said loudly.</p><p>Justin glared at her with a <em>be quiet </em>expression. Hannah was beyond that. She looked at the foreign exchange students touring the school. “So. Say hello to Justin Foley and Zach Dempsey. Resident star athletes of Liberty High…and people who aren’t above trying to pull a girl off the side of the road to do God knows what to her.”</p><p>Justin and Zach both freaked. “Shut up, Hannah,” Justin said quickly.</p><p>“Oh. You’re not even denying it, Justin. Yeah, everyone!” Hannah stepped out into the middle of the hall, much to the shock of Sheri and Charlie, and everyone else in the immediate vicinity. “Anybody wanna know who kicked Zach and Justin’s asses? Well, it was yours truly. The one and only class slut, Hannah Baker!”  </p><p>Anyone who was listening expressed complete and utter shock at Hannah’s overt confession. She turned around to face the foreign exchange students, who went from smiles to looks of worry. Jessica, Tony, and Jeff ended up walking up to this whole scene.</p><p>“You see all these posters all over the place? All the signs about suicide? Well, they only put these up because a boy who used to come to this very school slit open his wrists and bled out in a bathtub,” Hannah told them, her face stern and furious. “And why would he do that? Because people at this school treated him like fucking shit!”</p><p>“That’s enough, Hannah,” Justin said.</p><p>“No, no, no, Justin. No it isn’t,” Hannah deflected. She waved her arms around pointing at the walls. “Nobody here at this school wants to admit it, so they just cover it up. They put posters up, they paint over the bathroom walls full of insulting graffiti about people, and put up a memorial, because that’s the kind of fucking school that this is!”</p><p>Sheri and Charlie were most shocked with her sudden outburst.</p><p>“EVERYONE IS JUST SO FUCKING NICE UNTIL THEY DRIVE YOU TO KILL YOURSELF!” Hannah screamed. She waited a long moment as the tape subjects stared at her. She smiled as she warned them, “And sooner or later, the truth will come out.”</p><p>“Hannah.” Mr. Porter came up. “I think you need to come with me. Right now. Everyone else get to class.”</p><p>Hannah turned back to Justin.</p><p>“Okay, Hannah. New game,” Justin threatened.</p><p>Hannah grinned. “You’re all pawns on my chessboard. And you’re all right where I want you to be.”</p><p>She turned around and left with Mr. Porter, satisfied with all of the horrified expressions left behind in her wake.</p><p>Zach Dempsey. Jeff Atkins. Justin Foley. Jessica Davis. Tony Padilla. Five people who were utterly horrified by all of this.</p><p>Sheri and Charlie. They never even knew just how far Hannah had fallen. As much as they despised several of the people standing with them, they didn’t like that Hannah was going down this destructive path.</p><p>They knew the further she stepped down that path, the harder it would be to pull her back. They needed to do something now. More than just talking. They needed to save her.</p><p>From herself.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Tape 4, Side B</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Clay pours his heart out at a poetry reading. Charlie and Sheri comfort Hannah in some of her darkest moments, and confide in him about a secret they have about Clay's death.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>“Some friends know all the lyrics to all their favorite songs. They find harmony in their laughter. Their voices echo in tune. But what if I can’t sing on key? What if the melodies I hear, nobody else can?”</em>
</p><p>Mr. Porter’s office. Not a place Hannah wanted to be. But she came here anyways.</p><p>“What happened out there in the hallway?” he asked her.</p><p>“What happened? I got angry, that’s what happened,” Hannah answered in mumbles.</p><p>“Angry about Clay? This school?”</p><p>Hannah nodded. “Yes, and yes. Aren’t you?”</p><p>“Yeah. About another needless death. I’m sad for Clay and for all of us who cared about him,” Mr. Porter.</p><p>“Well. That’s comforting,” Hannah sarcastically said. “I’m sure you’re very sad for us.”</p><p>“You cared about him?”</p><p>Hannah glanced up. “Cared about him? Yeah. I cared about him enough that this happened.” Hannah took the folded up sonogram out of her backpack and gave it to Mr. Porter.</p><p>He unfolded the paper and his flat expression turned to utter surprise. “Wait. You’re pregnant?”</p><p>Hannah nodded.</p><p>“And it’s Clay Jensen’s?” Mr. Porter said in disbelief. He took heavy breaths…and he looked…guilty. He folded the paper up and gave it back to her.</p><p>“Yeah. What are the odds?” Hannah sarcastically remarked. “Now, I’m going to ask you why you brought me here.”</p><p>Mr. Porter sighed. “Because I thought you were hurting. I guess I was right.”</p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p>“Hannah.” Porter leaned towards her. “I’d like to think I can be helpful in a situation like this. When people are in pain and have to make decisions people my age have a hard time handling.”</p><p>“How? What could you possibly say that could help me through this? What could you possibly say that’ll bring Clay back to me so that I can tell him that he got me pregnant? Tell me. Can you do that?” Hannah asked.</p><p>Mr. Porter looked at his desk.</p><p>“Yeah. I didn’t think so.”</p><p>“I’m not going to say that I understand what you’re going through. But if you talk to me, I’ll be there for you,” Mr. Porter said.</p><p>“Everyone wants to talk. Nobody wants to do anything,” Hannah said.</p><p>“What is it that you want to do?” Porter asked.</p><p>“I want…to leave,” Hannah answered. She stood up and left without a protest from Mr. Porter. He might have still been a little bit surprised from Hannah’s revelation.</p><p>
  <em>“This started when I was looking for purpose. I was feeling lost. I needed direction. Any direction.” </em>
</p><p>Hannah chose her direction. She chose to leave out the front doors to the school…and found Charlie and Sheri right there waiting for her right outside of Sheri’s car.</p><p>“You gotta be kidding me,” Hannah whispered.</p><p>“Get in. We’ve got something to show you,” Sheri said.</p><p>“I’d rather not. I’ll see you guys around, maybe,” Hannah said. She started walking away down the street.</p><p>Sheri jumped into the car, and Charlie into the backseat. Sheri drove up next to Hannah. “Hannah, get in the car!”</p><p>She stopped. “No, thank you.”</p><p>“Hannah, I know you like walking, but please just come with us,” Charlie pleaded. “Look…why do you insist on doing this alone? We’re here for you, we know how much pain you’re in, Hannah. Just let us help you.”</p><p>“How?” Hannah said. “How can you help me? You can’t give me what I want.”</p><p>“No,” Sheri said. “Nobody can, Hannah. But we can at least be there for you. Hannah…we can’t help you unless you let us. Just please…come with us. We have something we want to tell you.”</p><p>Hannah looked at them for a long moment. She turned to see Mr. Porter outside. He spotted her right as she made her choice.</p><p>
  <em>“Sometimes, you take whatever way out you can find.” </em>
</p><p>Hannah got in the car. “Drive. Drive!”</p><p>Sheri did just that.</p><p>“Where are we going?” Hannah asked.</p><p>“You’ll see,” Sheri said.</p>
<hr/><p>“She’s out of her fucking mind,” Justin said. He, Jessica, Tony, Alex and Zach all met up in the empty gymnasium. He was the one most furious of the attendees to this impromptu meeting.</p><p>Tony was just as irked. “We played by Clay’s rules. It’s not fair if the tapes get out because Hannah went postal.”</p><p>“She’s not gonna go public,” Zach reassured them.</p><p>“It feels like she might,” Jessica said.</p><p>“She’s sad. Okay? Let her be—” Alex suddenly held his stomach.</p><p>Jessica was immediately worried. “Are you getting your stomach things again, Alex? Come sit down a minute.”</p><p>Justin was annoyed. “What stomach things?”</p><p>“She loved him. And he died. She’s going crazy, just give her a second,” Alex said to everyone.</p><p>Tony scoffed. “She’s not sad, okay? She’s getting revenge.”</p><p>“It’s not like we don’t deserve it,” Alex said. He was in more pain, holding his abdomen. His face, as well as Justin’s and Zach’s were still nicely bruised.</p><p>“Alex, come sit down,” Jessica insisted.</p><p>And then in came Marcus.</p><p>Justin, ever the sourpuss, had something to say about it. “Dude! You’re late!”</p><p>“Look, I talked with Sheri and Charlie. They’re gonna take care of it,” he reassured them.</p><p>Tony threw his hands in the air. “And what the fuck does that mean, exactly?”</p><p>“Sheri and Charlie? They’re fucking dicks,” Justin said.</p><p>“They’re not dicks,” Zach said.</p><p>“They’re pricks, they’re dicks, <em>and</em> they’re cocks.”</p><p>Zach shrugged. “Those are all the same things.”</p><p>Justin blew him off. “No, they’re nuances of meaning.”</p><p>Zach shook his head. “Right.”</p><p>Justin addressed everyone. “Those two aren’t gonna do shit! We have to take care of this. End that little bitch once and for all.”</p><p>“That’s fucking crazy!” Jessica yelled.</p><p>Justin sighed and ran his hands across his hair. “I don’t know. What if we make it look like a suicide?”</p><p>None of the others took him seriously.</p><p>He became defensive. “Well, how tragic is that? Two star-crossed lovers or some fucking shit like that.”</p><p>“Grow up, Justin,” Zach said.</p><p>Justin glared at him. “Are you really telling <em>me</em> to grow up little mama’s boy?”</p><p>“Yeah, I am.”</p><p>Alex grunted in pain, holding his stomach. Jessica held his shoulder to comfort him.</p><p>Justin still wasn’t fond of sympathizing. “Dude, go see a fucking doctor!”</p><p>“I’ve seen a dozen doctors, dude,” Alex snarked.</p><p>Zach sighed. “Look…Hannah’s not crazy. And if anything…she’s worse than crazy.”</p><p>“And what does that mean?” Tony asked.</p><p>Zach took the folded sonogram copy out of his back pocket. “When we went over to her house this morning, and as it turns out it was just spray chalk she tagged my car with, she gave me this. And she said the only reason Justin and I are still alive is because none of us knew about this.”</p><p>Tony was the first to take the sonogram. He took one look at this. “No. She’s lying to you.”</p><p>“How do you know?” Zach said.</p><p>“Lying about what?” Jessica asked.</p><p>Tony showed her the sonogram.</p><p>“She’s pregnant,” Zach said.</p><p>Jessica looked around as if she underwent a profound realization.</p><p>“She’s lying to get sympathy from you,” Marcus said.</p><p>“No…” Jessica said. “She’s pregnant.”</p><p>“How do you know she didn’t just photoshop this?” Tony asked her.</p><p>“Because at Bryce’s pool party, she said she was feeling a little sick, and she told me that her boobs were sore,” Jessica said. “I thought she was on her period. I think I may have helped her realize her period was late.”</p><p>“Periods? Sore boobs? What the fuck?” Justin said.</p><p>“Justin, sometimes us girls get sore boobs before our period. But women get them when they’re pregnant, too.”</p><p>“I’ve seen her rubbing her chest a lot. She always seems uncomfortable,” Alex pointed out.</p><p>“Exactly,” Jessica said.</p><p>Nobody protested Jessica’s reasoning. For a long moment, everyone was silent.</p><p>Zach was the one to break the silence. “One thing. If one thing had gone differently down the line, maybe none of this would have happened.”</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>Before</em>
</p><p>In this very same gym, Clay alongside numerous other Liberty High students gathered to tour around and get a feel for some colleges. Clay wasn’t particularly excited about all this. His face was more…resigned.</p><p>
  <em>“They say dream big. Shoot for the stars. Have great goals. And then they lock us up for 40 hours a week for 12 years, and tell us what to do, when to use the bathroom, and what to think. And then suddenly, when we’re 18 years old, even though we’ve never been allowed to think or do anything for ourselves, we’re told to make the biggest decision of our lives.”</em>
</p><p>Clay walked between the booths. He looked between them all, passing some familiar faces. Zach and Justin were too busy fawning over a school where they only needed to maintain a C+ average to play the sport team. Marcus and Courtney were most invested in how they could get into a school, and Courtney commented on “only” having a 4.0 GPA.</p><p>Clay stopped by the booth for Hudson University.</p><p>“Ready to begin your future?” asked the female attendant.</p><p>“I don’t really have much of a choice in that,” Clay joked. “How’s your financial aid?”</p><p>“How’s your GPA?”</p><p>Clay shrugged. “Could be better.”</p><p>“PSAT? ACT?” the attendant asked.</p><p>Clay shook his head.</p><p>“You haven’t taken your PSAT yet?” she asked.</p><p>“I’m scheduled to take it later this year. I didn’t want to take it my freshmen year,” Clay said. “A friend of mine who graduated a while back said he took his in his sophomore year, and that was enough for him.”</p><p>“Well, it all depends on your results,” said the attendant. “I can tell you that our financial aid goes to students at the top of their class. SATs above the 90<sup>th</sup> percentile.”</p><p>Clay shook his head. “Thanks…”</p><p>The attendant looked at him sympathetically. She was clearly not happy to tell him that either, but…who could blame this woman for doing her job? At least she didn’t give him false hope.</p><p>
  <em>“If you don’t have the grades or the money, most of the decisions are made for you.” </em>
</p><p>Clay wandered again. This time, he found a guy sitting alone reading a book. An oddity that he, who was visibly only his twenties or thirties at the very latest, wasn’t on his phone. The myriad of books on display got Clay’s attention.</p><p>“What future are you representing?” Clay asked.</p><p>“I’ll let you take the first guess,” said the man.</p><p>“Hoarder?”</p><p>The man smiled. “Close. Librarian.”</p><p>Clay laughed. “No way.”</p><p>“I know. When most people hear ‘librarian’, they think 60-year-old white woman with cankles. We’re rebranding,” he boasted.</p><p>“Isn’t it a dying industry like travel agencies and cupcake stores?” Clay asked. “I don’t mean any offense.”</p><p>“You own a Kindle?” joked the librarian.</p><p>“Not that I ever used it,” Clay answered. “I’m a paperback guy.”</p><p>“Kindred spirit,” commented the stranger.</p><p>“So aside from the Dewey Decimal system, what else does the library have?” Clay asked out of curiosity.</p><p>“We’re a place where people can come together. Find their tribe. Do you write? You look like it.”</p><p>Clay shrugged. “Well, yeah. But I don’t show anyone.”</p><p>The man handed Clay a flier. “We’ve got a safe space for you. We keep secrets. And we have an all-you-can-eat cookie platter.</p><p>“I probably won’t go to this but thank you.”</p><p>The man nodded. “Sure thing.”</p><p>“I already told you, I don’t need one of these,” Sheri said to Ryan.</p><p>“Just look at it,” Ryan insisted to Sheri.</p><p>“No. I have practical skills that I can put to good use right out of the gate. Why should I waste four years of my life learning something I already know?” Sheri asked. “I already have what I need for my future. And don’t even talk about business school. I’m not interested in suddenly being a billionaire and having assholes following me around because of it.”</p><p>“Yeah, I know what it’s like when inappropriate pictures get out,” Clay told Sheri.</p><p>“Thank you, Clay,” Sheri said. Clay smiled at her, and she smiled back to him.</p><p>“Well, I mean, it can’t hurt to at least go and give it a whirl.” Charlie walked up to them. “I mean, why not just give it a shot? What have you got to lose?”</p><p>“Aside from money? Time,” Clay defended Sheri. “Hi. I’m Clay.”</p><p>“Charlie. Nice to meet you Clay.”</p><p>He and Clay exchanged an extended glance of curiosity. Charlie was sure he recognized Clay, and Clay…he thought he sensed something in Charlie, something different than others around the school.</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>“I wanted—I needed a purpose. A reason for being on this planet.”</em>
</p><p>Clay attended the poetry group to which he was invited by the man from the school. Everyone was older than Clay by at least 25 years.</p><p>
  <em>“That poetry group looked more like a support group, or an AA meeting. And I was the only high schooler…In fact, I was the only person who was younger than 40 there. Until I saw you there. You were the only other high schooler in the room.”</em>
</p><p>Ryan Shaver.</p><p><em>“Ryan Shaver. Liberty High’s resident intellectual, founder and editor of </em>Lost and Found<em>, and completely selfish snob.”</em></p><p>The man from the school, Robert, stood at the podium and gave a little speech to everyone. Clay had no time to pay attention to it. Ryan slid into the chair behind him.</p><p>“Nice to see a friendly face,” she said to him.</p><p>Clay glared at her. “Friendly?”</p><p>“Familiar?”</p><p>“Don’t get used to it,” Clay warned her. “It’s gonna be my first and last time if you’re gonna be here.”</p><p>“What? Why?” Ryan asked confused.</p><p>“Your zine? Remember? Best lips?”</p><p>Ryan defensively shrugged. “That list was already going around. Everyone was talking about it. It was news.”</p><p>“It was wrong,” Clay insisted.</p><p>Clay paid enough attention to register Robert saying, “Now, before we begin, Clay. Would you like to introduce yourself?”</p><p>Clay sighed as all eyes turned to him. “Hi. I’m Clay.”</p><p>“Hello Clay,” everyone said to him.</p><p>
  <em>“In that moment, I really felt like I was in a support group.” </em>
</p><p>“I’m not very well-versed in poetry…no pun intended, but I’m happy to be here,” Clay said with a smile.</p><p>Robert grinned. “Pleasure to have you here, Clay. Now, I believe Linda is first on the sign-up list.”</p><p>A woman stepped up to the podium and started to recite a poem.</p><p>
  <em>O! A woman scorned, Mother Earth. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>O! May they feel your wrath. Majesty of Mother Earth.</em>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>After</em>
</p><p>The still-bruised Alex sat alone in the gym until Jessica came looking for him and sat down with him.</p><p>“Alex? Are you okay?”</p><p>Alex shrugged. “Yeah, I guess.”</p><p>“It’s all the shit with the tapes, isn’t it?” she guessed. “If it all went away, you’d be fine.”</p><p>“How does all that just go away?” Alex said.</p><p>Justin interrupted them. “What the hell, Jess? You coming or not?”</p><p>“In a minute,” Jess answered. “I’m talking to Alex.”</p><p>“About what?” Justin said with suspicion.</p><p>Alex said, “About how much she misses me. About how much better of a boyfriend I am than you. How she wishes she never broke up with me. How you smell bad.”</p><p>Jessica snorted a laugh from that last one. “Oh my God, Alex…”</p><p>“Fuck you, Alex,” Justin said unamused.</p><p>Alex shrugged. “What? It’s true. Jess was like ‘He smells bad,’ and I was like ‘Yeah, I know’.”</p><p>Jessica shook her head. “I did not say that.”</p><p>Justin sarcastically remarked, “You’re a funny guy.”</p><p>“No, you’re funny. That whole ‘Let’s end the little bitch’ thing? What the fuck was that?” Alex retorted.</p><p>“It’s about protecting ourselves,” Justin answered.</p><p>“From what?”</p><p>“Clay’s lies!” Justin yelled.</p><p>Alex stood up. “Did he lie? Cause I’m not sure. I mean, he told the truth about me.”</p><p>Alex left him and Jessica in the gym. He immediately sat down with her.</p><p>“You know he’s full of shit, right? He’s a fucking liar,” Justin said to her.</p><p>“He’s not a liar,” Jessica insisted. “He can be a pain in the ass, but he’s not a liar. He’s never lied to me.”</p><p>Justin scowled. “Good for him.”</p>
<hr/><p>“Are you guys kidnapping me?” Hannah jokingly asked.</p><p>“No worse. We’re planning on taking you to hell’s chamber and torturing you both with kinky sex toys and whips,” Sheri joked back. “Maybe shove some dildos up Charlie’s ass.”</p><p>Hannah winced, and Charlie groaned in disgust.</p><p>“Jesus, Sheri…what the fuck?” Charlie said. “Why would you even say that?”</p><p>Sheri just smiled cockishly, proud of making her two passengers squeamish like that.</p><p>“How does anyone find that hot? It’s just creepy,” Hannah commented. “And ass stuff…I mean, what the fuck? That’s disgusting.”</p><p>“Hannah, I’m a bisexual and <em>I</em> don’t like the idea of ass stuff either,” Charlie said.</p><p>“Look who’s talking. The girl who’s seen <em>50 Shades of Grey</em>,” Sheri threw back.</p><p>“I’ve seen the movie. That doesn’t fucking mean I wanna try any of that stuff!”</p><p>Sheri laughed at their expense. Hannah covered her eyes trying to unsee that image of Sheri as a dominatrix in a sex dungeon. Sheri was beyond happy. She was ecstatic to see Hannah genuinely enjoying herself. It had been a long time since she was blessed with seeing Hannah’s gorgeous smile.</p><p>They eventually pulled up to their destination.</p><p>“What are we doing at the mall?” Hannah asked exasperated.</p><p>“We are going to <em>Dave &amp; Busters</em>, and you my dear are going to let loose and have a little bit of fun,” Sheri said firmly. “Understand?”</p><p>Hannah looked between her and Charlie. And she knew she had no choice but to concede. “Fine, fine. I’ll try to have fun. But first…I gotta fucking eat something cause I am starving.”</p><p>“Fair enough,” Sheri said.</p><p>Inside the three teenagers went, heading straight to the food court. Sheri picked up some pizza for the whole group. When she came back, Charlie was sitting alone.</p><p>“Where’s Hannah?”</p><p>Charlie said, “Getting some French fries. Said she was craving them.”</p><p>“French fries? That’s her pickles and ice cream?”</p><p>Charlie looked at her confused. “Her what?”</p><p>Sheri laughed. “‘Pickles and ice cream’ is an expression that means pregnancy cravings. A pregnant woman’s hormones affect her taste and smell, often making her crave weird things.”</p><p>He looked at her nervous. A few minutes later as they were enjoying pizza, Hannah came back with a large serving of French fries, and a few containers of ketchup. “Oooh, pizza. Yes!”</p><p>Hannah sat down with them. She took a small container of peanut butter out of her backpack and opened it up. She started dipping her fries in it, and in the ketchup, and ate them. She moaned with absolute delight and glorious flavor of ketchup and peanut butter mixed together. The salty taste of the fries was just the frosting on the cake.</p><p>“Oh my God…I haven’t been able to have this in forever,” Hannah said with her mouth full. She opened her eyes…and Charlie and Sheri were staring at her in disgust and horror.</p><p>“Jesus Christ…” Charlie mumbled.</p><p>Sheri looked away, unable to look. “I’m getting sick just looking at that. I mean…ketchup and peanut butter? What the hell, Hannah?”</p><p>“What? It tastes amazing. Why don’t you try it?” Hannah handed them a peanut butter and ketchup fry. They both looked like they were getting sick just in its presence.</p><p>“Well…I guess we know what your pickles and ice cream are,” Charlie joked.</p><p>Sheri weakly laughed. They squeamishly ate some of their pizza while trying to resist glancing at Hannah’s incredibly weird craving for that strange combination of food.</p><p>“How the hell did you even discover that you like that?” Charlie asked her.</p><p>Hannah giggled. “I just…felt it. Like, my brain was saying ‘peanut butter and ketchup’. I’m not even joking.”</p><p>Charlie shook his head and hummed in disapproval. Hannah just found their reaction absolutely hilarious. It made her excited to see her parents’ reaction to this. That is, if they didn’t kill her for ditching school first.</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>Before</em>
</p><p>Clay sat at the dining room table reading, and talking with his father about the nature of the poetry club. Matt was on his laptop. “O! Mother Earth! Something like that, she kept saying. A whole bunch of nonsense is what it sounded like to me. Probably not going back.”</p><p>“Well, I think it’s fine if you don’t want to, but maybe you should give it a chance. I mean, look at my career as a writer,” Matt said to Clay.</p><p>“Yeah, but I haven’t heard of anyone today who has a career as a poet,” Clay said.</p><p>“Dammit! The internet’s going again.”</p><p>Clay stood up and went to the router and unplugged it.</p><p>“What about a poetry teacher?” Matt asked Clay.</p><p>“Why would I want to work with kids? Kids are assholes,” Clay claimed.</p><p>“Not all of them. What about a journalist?”</p><p>Clay peeked around the corner. “Those are still a legitimate thing? I thought they were just tabloids by any other name.” He plugged the router back in. “Hey, see if it works now.”</p><p>Matt tested his internet. “Well, it’s better now. Maybe we need a new fucking router.”</p><p>“And Dad, aren’t you supposed to say things like ‘Be practical. Be a doctor, be an engineer’. Stuff like that?” Clay said.</p><p>“I will never say those words to you.” Matt closed his laptop to look at Clay directly. “You know, your mother used to work long hours, and often went out of town on cases. So, I would write her love stories. They were very dramatic…and sexy.”</p><p>Clay was a little uncomfortable. “Fifty Shades of my dad?”</p><p>Matt laughed. “I thought they were pretty good, you know…I think I might still have a few of them on this laptop.”</p><p>“Oh my—Dad—no! Just no!” Clay yelled.</p><p>“Okay, but seriously. I want you to allow yourself to just dream a little. Dream big, for that matter. About everything. Never just settle for anything.”</p><p>Someone knocked on the door. Clay answered it to find Ryan at the front door. He was unhappy with this.</p><p>“What the hell are you doing here?”</p><p>Ryan stepped in. “I have something for you. A truce, peace offering, whatever you want to call it.” She handed Clay a blue journal. “I thought you’d like this color best, considering that hoodie you’re always wearing.”</p><p>Clay stared at her.</p><p>“Take it. Your thoughts deserve a safe place to live.”</p><p>Clay still did nothing.</p><p>“Come on. I know you’re a journal guy.”</p><p>Clay took it. “You really are good at facsimileing the appearance of an empathetic, heartfelt human being.”</p><p>Ryan sighed. “Look, Clay. I’m sorry. I’m genuinely sorry. I didn’t mean to make you feel embarrassed or humiliated. I of all people know what that’s like.”</p><p>“Oh really. Do you?”</p><p>Ryan scoffed. “I’m a butch dyke who has short hair, hates dresses and likes poetry and art. Just ask me what happened any year of my life after ten years old, and I can tell you a horrible story about people on both sides.”</p><p>“I thought people weren’t supposed to use that specific word beginning with the letter d,” Clay commented.</p><p>“I can use it. You can’t. Besides, we’ve reclaimed that word for ourselves. What was once used as an insult is now not as much.”</p><p>Clay looked at her surprised.</p><p>“Yeah. That’s something that a lot of people aren’t aware of. Including many girls who haven’t come out of the closet yet,” Ryan said. “Come on, Clay. Come back to the library. To Poets Anonymous.”</p><p>Clay shook his head. “Maybe.”</p><p>“I can take maybe.” She left the house.</p><p>“Thank you for the journal,” Clay said to her.</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>After</em>
</p><p>Matt stared ahead, looking at nothing specific. He didn’t even notice that Lainie walked into the room.</p><p>“Matt?”</p><p>Still nothing.</p><p>“Matt?”</p><p>He looked at her.</p><p>“You okay?”</p><p>“I was just thinking… I knocked on the bedroom door upstairs and thought I was gonna hear him say ‘What?’ annoyed.”</p><p>Lainie stared at him. And then there was a knock on the door. Lainie answered the door. Mrs. Dempsey was there.</p><p>“Hello, Lainie.” She embraced Lainie. “I’m so sorry I didn’t visit sooner. How are you holding up?”</p><p>Lainie shook her head. “We’re…managing.”</p><p>“You look great,” Mrs. Dempsey said. “Clay was such a special boy. Zach told me so many good things about him.”</p><p>Lainie smiled weakly. “How is Zach?”</p><p>“He’s great. Every college is looking at him for basketball, but he wants to be a marine biologist. Can you believe it? A marine biologist,” she said proudly.</p><p>“A marine biologist…” Lainie repeated, averting her eyes from Mrs. Dempsey.</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>Before</em>
</p><p>“Have you been thinking about your future?” Mr. Porter asked Clay.</p><p>The day after Ryan gave Clay the journal, he met with Mr. Porter about his potential future college aspirations.</p><p>“You know, your grades have been slipping,” he said to Clay. “You started out strong in your freshman year. Same at the beginning of this year. But your grades have steadily dropped. I recommend ending the year strong if you have your eyes on a good four-year college.”</p><p>Clay shrugged. “I’ve been thinking of Columbia. Maybe Rutgers.”</p><p>“Wow. Those are some highly competitive schools. If that’s where you want to go, you either need to make some changes next year, or think something smaller. Maybe a state school.”</p><p>Clay glared at him, hurt and damaged, and deeply insulted that Mr. Porter essentially said he wasn’t going to make it to either of those schools, or any of those highly regarded schools for that matter.</p><p>He left the office feeling no better than he did when he came here. If anything, it was only worse.</p><p>Clay attended the next poets’ meeting at the library. Ryan was reading her poem.</p><p>
  <em>The drag of your hand across my face</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Sparks a blaze my lips cannot extinguish,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>You, your stubborn inferno is stubborn like you,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>You drive fast and damn the red lights for slowing you down,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>You see my lips tremble at your first touch,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The power to move my blood on your own accord,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The definition of heart.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And after the stick shift jerks, I beg my skin to do tricks. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I forget how good it feels to lose control</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Between the burning house of your flaming hands. </em>
</p><p>And that ended Ryan’s poem. It received thunderous applause from all in the audience, including Clay himself. He cheered her for her open heart and soul. Ryan stepped away from the podium, and the attendees stood up to get some snacks. Clay stayed sitting, and Ryan went straight to him.</p><p>“That was…intense.” Clay felt awkward using that word. His mind went straight to the night of the eclipse, because the only word he attached to that night was “intense”.</p><p>“Thank you?” Ryan said hesitant.</p><p>“Yes. Thank you. Think you can teach me how to write like that?” Clay asked her.</p><p>“Says the boy who tutors Jeff Atkins in English,” Ryan commented.</p><p>“I teach them prose. You’re like an actual artist. Will you please teach me?”</p><p>Ryan looked at him flatly…but the slowly growing smile gave her away.</p><p>“A couple hours a couple nights. Salsa on me,” Clay offered.</p><p>
  <em>“It must be possible to swim in the waters of the one you love without drowning. It must be possible to swim without becoming water yourself. I keep finding stones tied to my feet. And I reach up through the water, begging for anyone to pull me out. They all just watch. And the only ones who reach for me are the ones I don’t want to. Because I know I’ll drag them down with me.”</em>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>After</em>
</p><p>Jessica and Justin had sex on the couch in her empty house. At least, until Justin suddenly stopped and pulled away from her.</p><p>“Jess…I…” he started.</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“I can’t do this,” he said to her.</p><p>“No, it’s okay,” Jessica said. “Maybe if I help a little?” She reached down to stroke him.</p><p>“Jess. Come on. I just—Maybe later. I don’t want to right now.” He pulled up and away from her.</p><p>Jessica looked at him, covering her body in shame. “It’s me isn’t it? I don’t do it for you anymore.”</p><p>“That’s not it,” Justin said.</p><p>“What else is there?” Jessica asked him.</p><p>No answer.</p><p>“You don’t think I’m pretty anymore,” she accused him.</p><p>“Jessica. God no. You’re so gorgeous.” He stroked her neck.</p><p>“What’s happening to us?” Jess said.</p><p>“It’s gonna be okay. Once these stupid fucking tapes are done.”</p><p>Jessica relaxed into his hand. “Can we at least get high?” She grabbed a bong and a lighter.</p><p>“You don’t smoke,” Justin said.</p><p>“Yes I do.” And she did exactly that. “Lighting it up and taking a breath.”</p><p>“Okay,” Justin said laughing. “Bryce’s shit is even stronger. I don’t know what’s in it, but it’s good.”</p><p>“Can’t wait to try it.”</p>
<hr/><p>At <em>Dave &amp; Buster’s</em>, Sheri, Charlie, and Hannah thoroughly enjoyed themselves on all the various games. A particular favorite of Hannah’s was <em>The Walking Dead</em> and skee ball. With the former, Hannah played with Sheri. Hannah was the only one of the two girls who didn’t die while playing the game. In the meantime, Sheri had to use a couple of more tokens to get through to the end.</p><p>With skee ball, all three of the teens played around. This time, Charlie emerged the victor, consistently having the skill and aim and proper strength of throw to get the ball in the corner holes more times than either Hannah or Sheri could even reach them. He emerged with close to 200000 points, as the ten-point slot was 100 points in this version of skee ball. That was more than double than Sheri, and three times Hannah’s paltry score.</p><p>“I hate you,” Hannah said to Charlie. “I hate you.”</p><p>“Eh, all it takes is skill and strength,” Charlie boasted.</p><p>“Oh, yeah, just stay smug why don’t you?” Sheri warned. “We’re gonna beat you. Don’t even worry.”</p><p>“I’ll believe it when I see it,” Charlie said with a cocky smile.</p><p>They all sat at a booth together. Hannah was still smiling, still so vibrant and practically glowing. It was a major contrast to Charlie, who had rarely ever seen anything but grim concentration on her face, a sullen expression of pain and grief, combined with the stress of the tapes.</p><p>“Thank you for this,” Hannah said to them. “Seriously, this is the most fucking fun I’ve had in a while.”</p><p>“Well, it’s good to just let loose once in a while,” Sheri said.</p><p>“Yeah, and this is my first time ever coming here,” Hannah confessed. “Thank you for showing me just how much fun <em>Dave &amp; Buster’s</em> is.”</p><p>“Well, no problem,” Charlie said.</p><p>Once the euphoria of the fun disappeared, Hannah immediately turned serious. “You said you had something you wanted to tell me?”</p><p>Sheri and Charlie both knew that was coming. “Not here,” said the former.</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>Before</em>
</p><p>At the poetry club, Clay stood at the podium. “I…don’t know why I’m so scared of this.” He laughed it off. He took a breath and read his own poem.</p><p>
  <em>Today, I stood in front of the mirror naked.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Naked and unprotected. Just to see what I looked like. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I had forgotten. I forgot what I looked like with nothing to protect me. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>What did I see?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Skin. Miles and miles of skin;</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I’ve got skin to cover my thoughts and secrets,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Some secrets I didn’t know I had. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I’ve got skin like saran wrap that you can see through</em>
</p><p>
  <em>to what leftovers are inside from the night before. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>The opposite of your belief, my skin is not rough, not bulletproof. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>My skin is soft, and smooth, and easily scarred. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>None of that matters, right?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>You never cared about how soft my skin is.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>You all want to hear about what my hands do in the dark. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>But what if all they do is pull open curtains?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>So I can see the shadow of Earth cover the moon on a special night.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>What if all they crave is the touch of the person I love?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>What if all they reach for are the hands of a person with whom I shared my most precious experience?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>No. That’s not the story you want.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>…</em>
</p><p>Throughout all of Clay’s reading of his poem, Ryan was watching him proudly.</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>After</em>
</p><p>The drive down the road away from the mall, and <em>Dave &amp; Buster’s</em> was quiet. Hannah was still curious about what they wanted to tell her, but she didn’t pry. They’d tell her eventually. She held her stomach, wondering about her child.</p><p>“Have you ever thought about it? Having children?” she impulsively said to the others.</p><p>“I’d like to have a few,” Charlie said.</p><p>“No. Not really. I mean, I got nothing against kids, but I just don’t want to have any,” Sheri said.</p><p>Hannah shrugged. “I thought about it. I just…never thought it’d happen so soon.”</p><p>“You know, you have options,” Sheri reminded her.</p><p>Hannah glanced at her from the passenger seat.</p><p>“I know you don’t want an abortion, Hannah. But…I just really want you to think this through. This is not like a keepsake watch or a pair of glasses. This is a major life-changing event, no matter what happens,” Sheri explained.</p><p>“I’m well-aware.” Hannah looked out the window. “And honestly, an abortion <em>is</em> the right choice…for me.”</p><p>“Then why not have one?” Charlie asked. “I—I know you told us at the cemetery. But I still need to wonder because it’s your body, Hannah. No pregnant woman has any obligation to the father.”</p><p>“You’re absolutely right,” Hannah said. “And if Clay were an abusive asshole, I would have had the abortion weeks ago. It wouldn’t have been a decision I made lightly, but I would have. But…Clay…he was a good person. And I decided that even though it is my choice and mine alone, he would have a say in what we would do. This was something we would have figured out together. But…we never got that chance.”</p><p>“What do you think he would have said?” Charlie asked.</p><p>“I don’t know. We never talked about anything related to pregnancy or abortion,” Hannah admitted.</p><p>“He’d be uncomfortable with an abortion,” Sheri said.</p><p>Hannah and Charlie looked at her, both of them surprised.</p><p>“Clay’s not—Clay wasn’t someone who would have gone around screaming that abortion is murder or anything like that. He just really didn’t like it. He subscribed to Ronald Reagan’s quote, ‘I've noticed that everyone who is for abortion has already been born.’”</p><p>Hannah was a little surprised…and taken aback.</p><p>“Clay respected that it’s a woman’s decision, Hannah. If you wanted an abortion, he’d be uncomfortable, but he would support you in your choice,” Sheri reassured Hannah. “He was different than other pro-lifers.”</p><p>“How so?” Charlie asked.</p><p>“For starters, his form of protesting abortion was to advocate birth control, condoms, surgical sterilization, and proper sexual education. He said, if you want to stop women from having abortions, make it easy for women to avoid having unintended pregnancies.”</p><p>Charlie nodded as he heard this. “I consider myself pro-choice, but damn that’s someone I could actually get behind.”</p><p>“Yeah. Clay wasn’t a fan of other pro-lifers. He said most people who called themselves pro-life aren’t pro-life, they’re anti-choice,” Sheri said. “To him, a real pro-life person is someone who supports everything that gives a baby the best chance to have a good life. That includes prenatal and postnatal healthcare, decent education, and an effective foster care and adoption system.”</p><p>Hannah looked at Sheri. “Everything you just said…is that what Clay would have said to me if we had this discussion?”</p><p>Sheri nodded. “Yeah, probably.”</p><p>“It’s still your choice, Hannah,” Charlie said.</p><p>“I know. And I’ve made my choice,” Hannah declared. “But…I’m glad that you guys are so concerned for me. And thank you, Sheri for telling me what he probably would have said to me.”</p><p>For a long stretch of the drive, they remained silent yet again. The silence was borderline painful, considering the heaviness of what they just discussed hanging over them.</p><p>“You know, I never really thought about it. Having kids, not really until this year. Come to think of it, I never really thought of dying,” Hannah said.</p><p>Charlie leaned forward. “Have you ever seen a dead body?”</p><p>“I’ve been to a couple funerals,” Hannah answered.</p><p>“What about one at a crime scene?” Sheri asked.</p><p>“Not in real life,” Hannah said. “Why? Have you?”</p><p>“Once,” Sheri said.</p><p>Hannah was immediately suspicious as to why they brought the subject up rather suddenly. “What…what was it like?”</p><p>“Quiet,” Sheri said. “Just cops walking around doing their job like it’s any other day. I guess, for them, it kind of is.”</p><p>“How long ago was this?”</p><p>“About a month ago,” Sheri answered.</p><p>“What was the crime?”</p><p>Charlie said, “Suicide.”</p><p>Hannah immediately looked right back at him. She instantly realized that they had seen this crime scene…Clay’s crime scene.</p><p>“What?” she muttered. “You saw him?”</p><p>No answer from either Charlie or Sheri. Hannah leaned back in her chair, feeling a sense of dread and agony from hearing this. She wasn’t sure if she wanted to hear about this or not. In fact, part of her didn’t. The other part of her needed to know everything.</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>Before</em>
</p><p>Ryan and Clay met at the latter’s house They sat in his bedroom, with her reading his long poem.</p><p>“You should publish this,” Ryan said to him.</p><p>“No way. Not happening. That is not going to leave my safe space,” Clay said.</p><p>“People need to see this. It will change them,” Ryan claimed.</p><p>“No, they don’t.”</p><p>Ryan scooted closer. “The entire point of expression in creativity is holding up a mirror to the world and so these god-awful assholes can see themselves. Maybe make some connections to help them survive their fucking dreary lives. Your pain is important to other people.”</p><p>Clay still looked at him with a disapproving.</p><p>
  <em>“You said that, Ryan. But you didn’t actually mean it. That’s not why you did it, is it? You didn’t do it to help me touch one person like you said.”</em>
</p><p>He walked into school the next day, with everyone fawning over the latest edition of Ryan’s magazine, <em>Lost and Found</em>. Everyone was laughing over something in it. A couple of the students glanced at him as he went to his locker.</p><p>
  <em>“No. Assholes like you don’t do selfless things.” </em>
</p><p>And then Clay heard Marcus reciting the first line of his poem.</p><p>“Today, I stood in front of the mirror naked. Naked and unprotected. Just to see what I looked like,” Marcus read. “I wonder who’s the skank who wrote this!”</p><p>Clay hid in a bathroom stall. He dug through his bag and found his journal of poems, finding a page ripped out.</p><p>
  <em>“You knew the shit I shared was personal. You knew where it came from, and that it would get people’s attention. I was desperate for someone to listen. You listened, and then you took my private thoughts and made them public.”</em>
</p><p>He sulked into English class, which he shared with Jessica and Marcus and Courtney.</p><p>“It’s his writing. I totally recognize it,” she said to Courtney.</p><p>Courtney noticed a very uncomfortable Clay coming in. “No, I doubt it. The writing looks like a girl’s.” She glanced back at Clay and turned away from Jessica.</p><p>“No, it’s his,” Marcus said.</p><p>“It’s not his,” Courtney repeated.</p><p>Clay realized that Courtney was trying to do some damage control for him. He had no idea why.</p><p>The teacher was holding a copy of the magazine at the front of the classroom. “It has come to my attention that Ryan’s publication now includes poetry. And since we’re doing sonnets this semester, and you’re all going to be distracted by it today, anyway, I thought we would take a minute to parse the work of this anonymous poet.”</p><p>Marcus fake coughed, “Clay.” Everyone but Courtney giggled.</p><p>“There’s a naked vulnerability to it that I like. It’s intimate,” the teacher said.</p><p>Every virgin in the room awkwardly laughed.</p><p>“Well, now I know who the virgins are in this room,” the teacher snarked. “Grow up. Intimate is not a dirty word.”</p><p>The teacher started reading the poem.</p><p>
  <em>“I let myself be vulnerable. I bore my heart to one person, and everybody ends up laughing.”</em>
</p><p>As the teacher read the poem, Jessica was laughing at Clay, much to Courtney’s annoyance. He was grateful for Courtney’s unsuccessful attempt to help him. She was the only one who recognized that this was a very distressing experience for him.</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>After</em>
</p><p>Sheri’s car was parked near the beach. Hannah sat between Charlie and Sheri.</p><p>“We both had practice that day,” Sheri said.</p><p>“It was nothing unique. The only thing unique was that the coach let us go home earlier than normal,” Charlie added. “And I don’t have a license yet, so Sheri was my ride. And we had precalculus homework we wanted to work on together, so we just went straight to her house.”</p><p>His voice and Sheri’s were starting to crack.</p><p>“Not even twenty minutes later, Clay showed up. We saw him through the window. He walks up, leaves this box and just leaves. Didn’t knock or ring the doorbell, so we didn’t think it was so important,” Sheri said.</p><p>“We should’ve gone out there and talked to him,” Charlie said. “But we were so busy with what we were doing that we just let him walk away.”</p><p>“We finished our work like a half-hour later. I go out there, I get the box, bring it inside, and there’s these tapes, and a letter. ‘Please take care of these. Listen, and you’ll know how’.” Sheri was starting to shed tears, as was Charlie. “So I grab a boombox and we listen to the first tape. We freaked out. I called the Bakers, no answer. Charlie calls the police, and we speed over to her house.”</p><p>“I learned on the phone that someone had already called about the incident at Clay’s address,” Charlie said. “I knew what that meant, but I couldn’t say it.”</p><p>“We got there…and the ambulance was already there. The front doors are open. cops are there. We run inside…his parents are there. And—” Sheri buried her face in her hands.</p><p>“His parents were there. And they were putting him in a body bag. It had no handles on it. So I thought ‘How are they gonna carry him?’ They just grabbed that bag and threw him in the ambulance. No fuss, no muss,” Charlie said, tearing up. “The only reason I’m involved in any of this is cause I went with Sheri that day.”</p><p>“The others…they don’t know, do they?” Hannah asked after a few minutes.</p><p>They both shook their heads. Hannah…she eventually broke down with them. All three of them, just breaking down on this bench. Just the three young souls trying to cope with a major traumatic event in their lives. Nothing but the sound of the ocean waves on the sand. No other person around to see their tears dripping down their faces.</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>Before</em>
</p><p>Ryan sat apathetically at a table in Monet’s. And then Clay, dressed in his Crestmont uniform barged in.</p><p>“What the fuck, Ryan?!”</p><p>“Clay,” she said flatly. “What’s so secret you couldn’t speak to me at school?”</p><p>“You know damn well. Why the fuck would you do that?” Clay jabbed.</p><p>“The poem? I did you a favor, Clay. You’re a beautiful poet. Your work deserved to be heard,” Ryan defended herself.</p><p>“You fucking narcissistic fucking asshole.”</p><p>“Clay,” Ryan laughed. “One day, you’re gonna thank me. You’ll know that I was right. What you wrote, you can’t just teach that. You have to live it.”</p><p>“It’s my fucking life, Ryan. Get your own,” Clay said. He stormed out in an absolute fury.</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>After</em>
</p><p>The Jensens went out to dinner by some boats near a dock. They enjoyed some nice seafood, and enjoyed a nice night away from things.</p><p>“This is all amazing. This was a good idea,” Matt said to Lainie.</p><p>His eyes drifted to a little boy watching them, giggling in response to Matt’s smile. The little boy reached back to Lainie’s hair and gently pulled. The little boy enjoyed herself while Lainie kept her hair from being yanked too hard.</p><p>“Honey, you can’t do that,” said the boy’s mother. “I’m so sorry.”</p><p>“It’s totally fine,” Lainie said.</p><p>“She needed to get her hair done anyway,” Matt joked. “What’s your name?”</p><p>“You can tell him, sweetie,” said the mother.</p><p>“Mason,” said the boy.</p><p>“That’s a nice name, Mason.”</p><p>“Say thank you,” whispered the mother.</p><p>“No,” said a comically defiant Mason.</p><p>“That’s not nice.”</p><p>Matt waved it off. “It’s fine. I have a son, too.”</p><p>The mother of Mason looked right at Matt. “No wonder you’re so good at this. How old is he?”</p><p>“17,” Matt answered.</p><p>“Wow,” said Mason’s mom.</p><p>“Yeah. It goes by just like that. Before you know it, he will be applying for colleges. Clay’s already looking,” said Matt, much to Lainie’s discomfort.</p><p>“Clay. That’s a nice name,” complimented Mason’s mother.</p><p>“Thank you. Clay’s thinking of New Jersey,” Matt said.</p><p>Mason’s parents both chuckled. “Good luck,” said Mason’s mother.</p><p>The other family turned their attention back to their food. Matt was more than happy with this, but Lainie was very much not happy with this. Not one bit. She practically scowled at Matt.</p><p>Sometime later, they returned home. When they walked in the door, Lainie was still scowling.</p><p>“You didn’t say much on the way home,” Matt commented.</p><p>“There wasn’t much to say,” Lainie mumbled.</p><p>“I didn’t lie. I mean, I’m still a father. And not to be the father of a dead boy for a few minutes!” Matt said.</p><p>Lainie sat down on the couch. “Should we move?”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“Let’s just go. Move. Start somewhere new,” Lainie suggested. “Give up the house, and everything, if I have you.”</p><p>“You do have me. And what about our to-be-born grandchild? What about Clay’s room? We just take that apart and forget it every happened in a new house?” Matt said with hostility.</p><p>“Okay,” Lainie said.</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>Before</em>
</p><p>In a happier time, Lainie was the one at the dining room table, buried in the latest case assigned to her. Papers were all over the table, with Lainie examining each of them. And not just these physical papers, there were also the documents exclusively on her laptop.</p><p>And this went nowhere, because her emails were inaccessible as a result of lack of internet.</p><p>“Fuck!” she yelled.</p><p>“What is it?” Matt asked from another room.</p><p>“The damn internet went out again. I have important emails for my case, and I need to see them now. I’ve been telling you we need a new router. That old thing’s obsolete,” Lainie told him.</p><p>Clay came in the door.</p><p>“Hey, sweetie. I thought you had poetry workshop tonight,” Lainie said to him.</p><p>“I didn’t go. And I’m never going back there again,” Clay said. He walked right past her and up the stairs. “And we need to move.”</p><p>Lainie watched her son go upstairs, worried. But she didn’t have a chance to inquire when Matt came in the room.</p><p>Clay was in his room listening to his parents as they discussed prices for a new router. Which presented a problem, as they were in some financial difficulties. Apparently the prices of a new router would strain them a bit, and they were already struggling with Lainie’s recent relative lack of work.</p><p>
  <em>“Sometimes, the future doesn’t unfold the way you believe. Shit happens, and people are horrible. Maybe that’s why I stopped writing and started making tapes.”</em>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>After</em>
</p><p>Hannah finished listening to Clay’s eight tape. She remembered that poem. She remembered reading it…and how she quietly pondered to herself how the words reflected how she felt. She just never discussed it with Clay, partly because it was too painful for her to talk about it, considering how it eerily reflected some of her own feelings.</p><p>Hannah realized the main difference between herself and Clay. Things got better for her. She found a way to get through it, mostly with Sheri.</p><p>Clay didn’t have anyone. Not in life.</p><p>She left her house with the magazine and went straight to the Jensen residence. The car was there, so she knocked on the front door. Matt answered the door.</p><p>“Hannah, hi,” he said.</p><p>“Hello Mr. Jensen. Um. I’m sorry to come over so late and unannounced,” Hannah said.</p><p>“No. It’s okay. Come on in,” Matt offered.</p><p>“Oh no, I can’t stay. I just…I found something. I wanted to give it to you.” Hannah showed him the magazine. “There’s a poem in here, that Clay wrote. Our English teacher thought it was really good.”</p><p>Matt took the magazine.</p><p>“Page seven.”</p><p>He opened it to the page. He nearly started crying. “That’s his handwriting.”</p><p>“Yeah. I know that now,” Hannah said.</p><p>Hannah left him there with a weak smile. He looked at her, once again grateful to Hannah for something. The first time was her decision to choose to carry Clay’s child, his grandchild to term. And now for giving them something more to use against the school. </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Tape 5, Side A</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Clay witnesses a traumatic event at a party. Hannah learns of something horrifying. Charlie and Sheri are forced to choose a side in her crusade.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I see that somebody put my work up on TV Tropes. For any of you who know that website, I have been a huge user and editor of it since I was a teenager, and to see one of my works on that page is amazing. Whoever did it, I'd like to thank you for doing so.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>Before</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Hey Justin. I have a question for you. Not the one you think. Not just yet. What’s the best part of high school? The magnificent friends? The steamy romance? No. We both know the best part of high school…”</em>
</p><p>The bell rang all around Liberty High School. Students came flooding out of the school in droves. They were throwing papers all over the place, screaming and cheering loudly, celebrating the end of the school year. Clay was among them, looking around dejected and somberly.</p><p>
  <em>“Is summer break. The great reset button. And after everything that happened in sophomore year, I couldn’t wait for a fresh start.”</em>
</p><p>Clay looked to the sky with a hopeful smile growing on his face.</p><p>
  <em>“I spent the first few weeks with my grandparents. Usually, I’d spend the whole summer there, but this time, they had their own plans for the latter half of the summer. But I thought those few weeks away from it all would be more than enough.”</em>
</p><p>A longer-haired Clay came back to his hometown. Right back to work at the Crestmont, and his face was just as dejected as it was when he left the town.</p><p>
  <em>“It wasn’t meant to be. I took two steps forward and ten steps back when I came back from my grandparents’ place.” </em>
</p><p>He swept popcorn off the floor at the theater, just like always. Hannah wasn’t there with him.</p><p>
  <em>“My usual partner in crime at work was spending some time with her parents traveling. Her replacement was nothing short of a good person, but…it wasn’t quite the same. That being said, I am more than happy that he was the one I was working with.”</em>
</p><p>It was Charlie St. George who was working there now. He and Clay exchanged genuine smiles. But those glances were intertwined with all the strange glances from people like Tony, Justin, and so many other teenagers from Liberty High.</p><p>
  <em>“And I couldn’t escape my past. I needed to make a change. I needed to become a new person. Have you ever felt like that? I decided I wasn’t going to hide. I wasn’t going to be invisible any longer. I was going to change myself, so that I could live with myself. I was going to start brand new.” </em>
</p><p>Clay walked to a local barber shop. He messed with his scruffier grown-out hair in the reflection of the glass before he stepped in. He came out with a buzzcut.</p><p>
  <em>“I cut away the past to leave it all behind. I was going to work harder, be smarter, and be stronger. I couldn’t change other people, but I could change myself.” </em>
</p><p>Clay looked at himself in the same window. He smiled at the person he saw. He stroked his head, not used to feeling just short stubs of hair. It’d been a long time since he had such short hair. It was kind of refreshing to have it.</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>After</em>
</p><p>Hannah walked into school. Right outside the gym, Hannah heard Jessica’s voice. She spotted her hanging around Sheri, Justin, Zach, Jeff, and Bryce, talking about the coach not being happy with her, and giving Jessica’s stunts to a freshman as punishment.</p><p>Even from this distance, Hannah could see that she seemed tipsy. Sheri didn’t seem too bothered. Hannah was jealous of how easily she segued into her part as a regular high school cheerleader, and caretaker of Clay’s tapes.</p><p>“You know, coach is pretty cool as long as people show up to practice,” Sheri commented.</p><p>Bryce laughed at her.</p><p>“It’s cheerleading. Not saving the world,” Jessica said. She pulled out her bottle and started drinking from it. “Anyone want a pick-me-up?”</p><p>Sheri smelled it and groaned in disgust. Justin smelled it, too.</p><p>His smile vanished when he smelled what it was. “Is this vodka? Since when do you drink at school?”</p><p>Bryce shoved his shoulder. “And since when do you turn down a drink?” He eagerly took a gulp from Jessica’s bottle.</p><p>Bryce offered it to Zach.</p><p>“I got a test in bio.”</p><p>Bryce offered it to Jeff.</p><p>“No thanks.”</p><p>Bryce offered it to Justin. “Don’t be a bitch, Justy.”</p><p>Justin played along and drank…and hated it. “Oh, that’s nasty…”</p><p>Hannah watched this all, with her eyes set solely on Jessica. She looked at her with nothing but worry, nothing but concern for a girl she once considered a friend.</p><p>From behind, Charlie surprised her. He grabbed her upper arms and pulled her back a bit.</p><p>“Jesus, Charlie,” Hannah said annoyed. She jabbed his shoulder playfully. “Don’t give me a heart attack!”</p><p>“Sorry, I couldn’t help myself,” Charlie said with a gleaming grin. Hannah instinctively felt more at peace with his smile. Her heart rate slowed. She felt relaxed and calmer with him around.</p><p>It was odd. She was a being of fire and destruction, and he was the calming breeze to soothe her. Even when he seemed to almost condone her quest for payback, he still stood by her, still encouraged her to find more peaceful methods of doing so. Unfortunately, she had already set the next phase of her plan in motion.</p><p>It tore her apart to realize that she could lose him because of her own crusade. However, she ultimately decided that it was a price she was willing to pay to ensure that they who harmed Clay paid for their transgressions.</p><p>Hannah believed it’d be better to ask for forgiveness from them than to let people get off scot-free for such horrendous actions. Especially in light of the most recent tape to which she listened.</p><p>There was one thing she needed to be sure of before anything. “Charlie…I…”</p><p>He looked at her expectantly.</p><p>“I want you to kiss me.”</p><p>He was floored. “What?”</p><p>“You said it yourself. We’ve been through way more than what most people have. I care about you more than just as a friend…but I still don’t really know how I feel,” Hannah admitted. “I’ve been in pain and anger for what feels like forever. I just want to know for sure how I feel about you.”</p><p>“Well…how did you feel with Clay?” Charlie asked.</p><p>Hannah was discomforted. “I’m not talking about him.”</p><p>Charlie touched Hannah’s face gently. “Hannah. He was the first person you felt anything for. You’re always gonna miss him. And there’s nothing wrong with that. You never had a chance to fall out of it with him. No matter what, you’ll always think of what could have been. You just need to find someone who can live with that.”</p><p>“Nice little speech,” Hannah complimented, nearly crying because of how much emotion she felt coming from him. “Did you just come up with it?”</p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p>They stared at each other for a long awkward minute. And then her lips met his. The first was just a little smack of their lips, one that Hannah retreated from. And they looked at each other for another moment, before kissing again. This time…things were more passionate. They kissed more deeply, with Hannah feeling a spark that she hadn’t felt since Clay was still alive.</p><p>Hannah retreated from the kiss because that was part of the problem.</p><p>“I’m sorry,” Charlie quickly said. “I didn’t mean—”</p><p>“No. It’s not you. I’m afraid,” Hannah said.</p><p>“Of what?”</p><p>“Because…I…actually felt something there,” Hannah said tenderly. “And…I don’t know if it’s because I’m desperate to feel something, or if I’m just looking for some rebound or something…And that’s not fair to you. I can’t do that to you.”</p><p>Charlie understood what she meant. “It’s okay.” He was clearly in pain, because he felt some sparks of his own.</p><p>“I’m sorry, and it’s not okay.”</p><p>Charlie shook his head. He was in as much pain as she was.</p><p>Because yes. Hannah was desperate for something. So desperate for something good and decent in her life again that she couldn’t tell if she really liked Charlie, or was just using him as a substitute for Clay. She only knew that she cared about him, in a manner not so different from how she cared about Sheri. But she was still clinging to Clay. She was still holding on to a ghost, a phantom from the very recent past with consequences reverberating now.</p><p>“Well, well, when did this start?” Bryce came over and tapped on Charlie’s shoulder. Both of them were extremely uncomfortable with all of this. Charlie in particular was very much disliking of Bryce touching him. </p><p>Hannah turned around to see none of the people around Jessica were very happy with what they saw happening with Hannah and Charlie, even Sheri.</p><p>Jessica said, “I got Spanish homework to copy before the bell rings. Adios, losers.”</p><p>The whole group scattered. Hannah went after Jessica in the school.</p>
<hr/><p>Hannah caught up to Jess in the hall.</p><p>“Jessica. I heard the tape. I know what happened at the party,” Hannah said to her.</p><p>Jessica was beyond annoyed. “Seriously? You haven’t figured it out? Those tapes are bullshit!”</p><p>“Are they?” Hannah asked.</p><p>“You need to move on,” Jessica said to her.</p><p>“Move on? Are you fucking kidding me?”</p><p>“Move on,” Jess repeated.</p><p>“Not happening,” Hannah said firmly.</p><p>“Alright fine. Get in here!” Jess pulled her into the classroom. “Seriously? Get over it, Hannah.”</p><p>“I know Clay was talking about you. And we need to do something. We need to tell someone about this. We can’t just sweep this under the rug.”</p><p>“That night did not happen the way Clay said it did,” Jessica claimed.</p><p>“Then tell me. How did it happen?” Hannah asked.</p><p>“I hooked up with my boyfriend.”</p><p>“Really? You remember that?” Hannah asked.</p><p>“Yes!”</p><p>Hannah crossed her arms. “Do you? Or did Justin just tell you that you hooked up with him?”</p><p>“If something happened, I’d remember it,” Jessica claimed.</p><p>“No. No you wouldn’t. Not with how out of it you were,” Hannah said.</p><p>“We were both drunk, so we just passed out after,” Jessica said.</p><p>“And you remember that?”</p><p>Jessica nodded. “Okay? So back off.”</p><p>Hannah realized this was going nowhere. So she left, shoving Justin aside and ignoring his threats as she left. All he was doing was digging himself a hole, as threatening a girl in the middle of class wasn’t exactly something that made him look good. Even if said girl was Hannah Baker, the supposed class slut.</p><p>She went to Communications, her first period of the day.</p><p>“Morning, Ms. Bradley,” Hannah said.</p><p>“Morning, Hannah,” she replied.</p><p>“Ms. Bradley, about what I said yesterday, I’m sorry I was so crass. You didn’t deserve that,” Hannah said.</p><p>“Well that’s very nice,” Ms. Bradley complimented.</p><p>“That being said, people do need to take responsibility for their actions. And in this case, I think all of us need to be held responsible for not taking something so obviously painful seriously,” Hannah remarked. She glanced around the room at Marcus and Jeff. This was her message to them.</p><p>Hannah sat down and got ready for class. She spotted a girl sticking gum under her table. Which brought back certain memories.</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>Before</em>
</p><p>Hannah was digging around a chair with a putty knife picking gum off the chair. She noticed Clay coming in.</p><p>“Hey, Helmet,” she said.</p><p>“Hey. Sorry I’m late on gum-scraping day of all days,” he said. “Tell me that you saved me some good ones.”</p><p>“Snooze you lose,” Hannah commented. She turned around and was shocked to find Clay with a buzzcut. It left her speechless and staring at him.</p><p>“What? Is there a spider crawling on my head or something?” Clay joked.</p><p>“No. I…I saved you a gnarly piece of gum with some hair in it,” Hannah said.</p><p>“Oh, beautiful,” Clay said sarcastically.</p><p>“Why can’t people swallow their gum like when we were kids?” Hannah commented.</p><p>Clay looked at her surprised. “I never swallowed my gum.</p><p>“Of course, you didn’t. I meant the rest of us.” Hannah bit her lip. “Anyways, there is a party tonight at Jessica’s house. And I know that there is a little bit of bad blood between us three, but…I’m hoping you’ll come along.”</p><p>Clay sighed. “I’m not really one for parties.”</p><p>“The party could be the highlight of your high school career. Sheri and Jeff said it’d be the highlight of mine,” Hannah said.</p><p>“No thanks. Parties were never really my thing. And part of my fresh start for the new school year is no more parties or slacking off,” Clay said.</p><p>“Like you ever slacked off,” Hannah whispered.</p><p>Clay said nothing. He twisted his head and scoffed in concession.</p><p>“Anyways, I was really hoping we’d get another chance to hang out. Maybe have a little fun…and not when we’re covered in chewing gum and butter-product splatter.” Hannah bit her lip. “Or…anything for that matter.”</p><p>“Thanks for the encouragement…but I don’t think I’ll be going,” Clay said. He clearly completely missed that Hannah was subtly propositioning him. She should have known he would probably miss that. Even after losing his virginity, he still missed those blindingly obvious flirtations.</p><p>“That’s too bad,” Hannah commented.</p><p>Clay looked at her with nothing but indecision and conflict in his face.</p><p>
  <em>“I knew I shouldn’t have gone to the party that night. I never really liked those anyway. But another part of me couldn’t help but wonder what I might have missed out on.”</em>
</p>
<hr/><p>That night, Hannah and Clay both got ready in their own homes.</p><p>The former brushed out her hair and put on her typical skirt, the kind she always liked wearing. The free spirit she was preferred the freedom of a skirt, and the feeling of air flowing around her thighs. She took pride in her appearance, hoping to attract attention from one person who she hoped beyond hope would show up.</p><p>Clay got ready too. Where he once preferred button-down shirts and khakis for events like this, he settled for much more casual wear. A simple sweater with a pair of jeans was enough for tonight. Complete with casual sneakers. A whole new look for a whole new Clay Jensen.</p><p>He came downstairs, finding his parents sitting at the dining room table.</p><p>“Hi,” he said.</p><p>They both looked at him for a long moment, both visibly shocked with Clay’s haircut.</p><p>“Uh, hi,” Matt said. “I almost didn’t recognize you.”</p><p>He stood up and rubbed his son’s head.</p><p>“You haven’t had your hair that short in years,” Lainie commented. “Reminds me of when you were a little toddler running around.”</p><p>“Well, kiddo it is a fend for ourselves night. Plenty of leftovers to heat up,” Matt said.</p><p>They both went right back to their prior activities, both of which involved little communication between anyone.</p><p>“I’m not really hungry,” Clay said. “But, there’s this back to school party happening at Jessica Davis’s house. I don’t have to go if you don’t want.”</p><p>“No, it’s Saturday night. Go have some fun,” said Matt.</p><p>“I do have some homework due on Monday, and I was hoping to get ahead on the syllabus,” Clay mumbled.</p><p>“Oh, Clay. Go, don’t go, it’s up to you,” Lainie said. “Matt, what’s the password for the new internet router? My computer’s disconnected again.”</p><p>“Hang on, let me go find it.” Matt stood up and left the room.</p><p>Clay was a little bit hurt at being ignored.</p><p>
  <em>“Here I was, brand new me. And here I was, going to start a new life. A more social Clay Jensen, more active in student life, maybe.”</em>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>After</em>
</p><p>Hannah walked through the cafeteria. Marcus, Zach, and Justin were watching her. Marcus stood up and followed her.</p><p>“Hey, Hannah. What’s up? How you doing today?” Marcus said with a false smile.</p><p>Hannah didn’t even pay him any mind. She kept walking, and he followed right beside her.</p><p>“Did you talk with Sheri and Charlie yesterday?” Marcus asked.</p><p>“Didn’t you hear the big news from Bryce?” Hannah snarked.</p><p>“Yeah. That’s something. You and Charlie,” Marcus said.</p><p>“Yeah, it’s complicated,” Hannah admitted.</p><p>“And you’re just doing your own thing.”</p><p>Hannah got in line for lunch. “More than ever Marcus.” She flashed him a malicious hateful smile. Of all the ones she had history with, Marcus was the one she personally hated most.</p><p>“Okay. You’re just going through your own thing, but I’m worried about you,” Marcus lied.</p><p>“Don’t you mean you’re worried about what I’ll do?” Hannah corrected.</p><p>“I don’t want to see you get hurt,” Marcus said. He glanced over at Justin and Zach.</p><p>Hannah’s only response was to laugh at their healing bruises.</p><p>“Don’t you know who gave them those bruises?” Hannah reminded him.</p><p>“I’m trying to protect you, okay?” Marcus again lied. “I can’t do that if you keep running your mouth.”</p><p>“You’re not as good a liar as you think,” Hannah told him outright. “And I’m not about to shut my mouth anytime soon.”</p><p>“What’s your play?” he said to her annoyed. He pulled her away from the line.  </p><p>“What’s my play?”</p><p>Marcus rubbed his hands over his head.</p><p>“You know, I love your hypocrisy, Marcus,” Hannah commented. “You threw rocks through Tyler’s window, but you didn’t do shit for Jessica. This is the second tape where somebody committed a genuine crime, and yet you stand around and do nothing but let her believe Justin’s lies. There is a criminal walking around our school.”</p><p>Marcus started to really freak out and trying to get Hannah to be quiet. “Wait a minute, shut up.”</p><p>“No,” Hannah affirmed. “As a woman who went on a date with you, I of all people know why Jessica wants to believe nothing happened, but something did. And if she’s not gonna do anything about it, then I will.”</p><p>“Listen, Hannah. No one knows if those tapes are telling the truth. And Jessica said nothing happened,” Marcus claimed. “No court of law is gonna listen to a case where—”</p><p>“Then I’ll start with the school,” Hannah said.</p><p>“You don’t what the f—” Marcus cut his curse short. “You don’t know what you’re doing. You haven’t listened to your tape. The worst is yet to come.”</p><p>“You’re absolutely right,” Hannah confirmed. “Now, let me answer your question a little more thoroughly. My play is that I already went to Childs and told her everything about what happened between us at Rosie’s Diner.”</p><p>Marcus’s face went pale, which was saying a lot considering that Marcus was a black boy.</p><p>“My play is that I told Childs that I was hoping to let bygones be bygones when you invited me to Bryce’s house. My play is that I told her about the marijuana shit I saw at Bryce’s house, and that I saw Justin threatening Alex Standall with a knife, and that you guys said that something was going to end with me. Not long after, Justin and Zach tried to kidnap me off the side of the road with Alex as the reluctant driver.”</p><p>Marcus was freaking out. “She wouldn’t believe you.”</p><p>“Oh no?” Hannah pulled out her phone and showed him the picture from that day. “That car is pulled over on the left side of the road, and Zach and Justin are coming right at me. I showed Childs this photo.”</p><p>Marcus glared over at Justin and Zach horrified.</p><p>“Here’s the icing on the cake, Marcus. She did believe me. You know why? Because I told her all of that right after Alex and Monty had their fight. I used it as a possible explanation for Alex’s erratic behavior. Even if my facts are far-fetched, I planted a seed that’s been growing for a long time.”</p><p>Marcus looked at her like she was insane.  </p><p>In that moment, Alex walked by Zach and Justin and ignored, despite the latter getting up to try and get his attention.</p><p>“Alex,” Justin said. “Hang back a second. We need to talk about Hannah.”</p><p>“Didn’t we already talk about her?” Alex slurred. He threw out his unmolested lunch.</p><p>Alex walked away from Justin, who said, “I said hang back.”</p><p>“Just leave her alone, okay?” Alex said.</p><p>“You’re a part of this,” Justin said, grabbing Alex’s arm, “even if you are the pussy that Clay said.”</p><p>“Oh, fuck you, I’m the pussy? After what you did, or more accurately didn’t do?” Alex jabbed.</p><p>Justin shoved Alex, and they both ended up in a tussle that would have become violent had Zach not gotten between them.</p><p>“Whatever happens to us happens to you too,” Justin claimed.</p><p>“So if I kill myself, you die too?” Alex retorted.</p><p>“Guys,” Zach said loudly. He whispered to Justin, “Seriously man?”</p><p>Hannah watched the whole spectacle with curiosity carrying her own lunch to her own table where she could be alone, and overtly watch the trio of assholes plotting to take her down. Marcus returned to the seating place.</p><p>“What’s with him now?”</p><p>Justin shrugged. “Don’t worry about it. What did Hannah say?”</p><p>“She’s out of control. She’s freaking out about Jessica, says she’s gonna do something, maybe here at school,” Marcus claimed.</p><p>“If she tells Mr. Porter or Childs…” Zach started.</p><p>“She already got to Childs,” Marcus said. “She told them about the whole thing at Bryce’s, the knife thing, the thing off Cemetery Road, all of it.”</p><p>“She didn’t,” Justin said horrified.</p><p>“She said she did. She has a picture on her phone of you two coming after her with the car pulled over to the left side of the road. You can’t explain that easily,” Marcus said. “We’re all fucked.”</p><p>“We need to get to Bolan before she does,” Justin declared.</p><p>The others agreed. They looked back at Hannah who gave them an eerie smile, like the kind a slasher gives their victims in horror movies.</p><p>In that moment, she was joined up by Sheri and Charlie.</p><p>“I know that look on your face, Hannah. You’re planning something, aren’t you?” Sheri said firmly.</p><p>“Yes,” Hannah admitted.</p><p>“Hannah…” Sheri said. “I get it. But what are you planning on doing?”</p><p>Hannah gestured for them to get closer to her. “I planted some drugs on him a few days ago.”</p><p>“You did what?!” Sheri said.</p><p>“I planted drugs on him, just like he planted those stolen midterms on Clay,” Hannah confirmed.</p><p>“Hannah…I want him to suffer as much as you do, but this is wrong. We can’t be like him,” Sheri said. “We need to wait until he does something we can legitimately get him disciplined for.”</p><p>“So we wait until he ruins someone else’s life? Like mine? Yours? Charlie’s? Some innocent person?” Hannah asked.</p><p>Sheri shook her head. “I don’t like it any more than you do. Yes, it’s fucked up to wait until someone’s life is ruined, but that’s how the system works. It’s reactive and we need to wait until there’s something to react to. And what if your plan backfires, did you ever think of that?”</p><p>Hannah shook her head.</p><p>“I didn’t think so,” Sheri said. “Besides, what were you planning to do?”</p><p>“I already told Childs about the thing that happened at Rosie’s Diner with me and Marcus. I told her some things that happened, enough that she’d be suspicious of Marcus. I was planning on telling her later today that I suspected he brought drugs to campus,” Hannah said.</p><p>“Hannah, that doesn’t sound very smart. Marcus has a good reputation around here, and they’ll believe him over you,” Charlie warned. “Look…I get it. You want to take him down, but stooping to his level? You won’t be any better than he is.”</p><p>Hannah sighed. Her anger and hatred for Marcus was powerful, but their voices, their reasoning was equally so. She still had enough of her own mind to listen. “Okay. Okay, I won’t go to Childs. But you both know assholes like him don’t change. What he did to Clay, he probably did it before, he’ll do it again. What am I supposed to do? Let him get away with everything?”</p><p>“No. We just need to do some digging around in his life. Maybe we’ll find something we can use,” Sheri suggested.</p><p>“Good luck with trying to get into his cloud accounts, cause I have no hacking skills,” Hannah joked.</p><p>“Neither do I,” Sheri said.</p><p>Both girls looked at Charlie.</p><p>“Why are you looking at me? I’m no Penelope Garcia,” Charlie said.</p><p>“Okay, <em>Criminal Minds</em>,” Hannah said.</p><p>“Thanks, baby-girl,” Charlie joked.</p><p>“Speaking of which. So…this morning? Care to explain?” Sheri said, trying to keep up the lighter mood.</p><p>Hannah bit her lip awkwardly, and Charlie visibly blushed. This was going to be fun to explain.</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>Before</em>
</p><p>Clay walked to Jessica’s house through the rain.</p><p>
  <em>“I thought that starting over didn’t mean I had to cut myself off entirely. Maybe I was just hanging with the wrong people. I could start over with the right person. But I had known what was going to happen, I’d have never walked through that door.” </em>
</p><p>Clay spotted Hannah in the doorway. He briefly smiled, and went to the house.</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>After</em>
</p><p>Charlie changed in the men’s locker room, and this time, it wasn’t so easy to get away from Bryce and his infinite teasing.</p><p>“Well, St. George,” he said.</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“Gimme all the details. Hannah Baker, come on,” Bryce said.</p><p>“There’s nothing to tell,” Charlie said. “We just kissed. That’s it.”</p><p>“Dude. It’s Hannah Baker. I want to know everything.”</p><p>Charlie stood up. “There’s nothing to tell. We just kissed. We’re not even an actual thing.”</p><p>“Seriously? The girl that puts out for any guy? I want to hear all about it!” Bryce repeated.</p><p>Charlie’s tone turned serious. “She doesn’t ‘put out’ for anyone. We just kissed, and that’s it. There’s nothing else to say.”</p><p>“Okay,” Bryce conceded.</p><p>Charlie cringed when he turned away from Bryce. He was very disgusted with him for more reasons than one, including how Bryce was prying for info on Charlie and Hannah’s nonexistent sex life. He wasn’t happy with anyone prying in on that. It was very invasive and violating. That part of life is private, and not something to just expose to the world, unless you want to. And right now, Charlie was not willing to expose any details, nonexistent or otherwise.</p><p>Bryce was right behind Charlie, just across one single pair of locker stands. They were both changing into their gym clothes when Marcus came in and knocked on the lockers to get Bryce’s attention.</p><p>“Hey,” he said. Charlie instantly recognized Marcus’s voice, and he listened intently, slowing down how fast he was changing to eavesdrop.</p><p>“Hey,” Bryce responded.</p><p>“Justin said you might have a little herb on you?” Marcus asked.</p><p>Bryce laughed. “What are you? <em>22 Jump Street</em>? Since when do you smoke at school?”</p><p>“It’s for a friend,” Marcus said in a joking tone.</p><p>“OK. Come to my house after school,” Bryce said.</p><p>“No, I need it now,” Marcus said firmly.</p><p>“Well, I can hook you up with my guy here,” Bryce offered.</p><p>Marcus sighed. “Bryce, come on. I can’t buy on campus. I’m the student body president.”</p><p>“I’m captain of the football team,” Bryce threw back.</p><p>“The rules are very different for us, in so many ways. You know it,” Marcus said.</p><p>“Yeah,” Bryce said.</p><p>“Come on,” Marcus begged.</p><p>“Alright. Come see me after fifth,” Bryce conceded.</p><p>“Thank you,” Marcus said. He left without another word. Apparently the guy was so unaware of his surroundings that he didn’t notice Charlie right there, a person he knew was Hannah’s ally, and not his or anyone else on the tapes.</p><p>He got out his phone and texted Sheri.</p><p>
  <em>911. In locker room. Marcus wants weed from Bryce. Wants to plant it on Hannah. Happening after fifth. </em>
  <em>Forget about everything we said, I’m going straight to Childs.</em>
</p><p>The message was delivered. He put his phone screen down.</p><p>And that was when Justin came to him, too.</p><p>“Hey, Charlie.”</p><p>“What do you want, Justin?” Charlie asked sternly.</p><p>“So. You and Hannah?”</p><p>“Oh for fuck’s sake,” Charlie muttered. “I’m getting tired of hearing it.”</p><p>“You should’ve thought of that before you kissed her in broad daylight,” Justin snarked.</p><p>“We just kissed. That’s all we did. And…that was our first time kissing, actually,” Charlie said.</p><p>Justin shrugged. “I’m just worried about you. She’s not good for you, man.”</p><p>“Why?” Charlie asked, pretending to give Justin’s words any merit.</p><p>“She’s using you. She’s a manipulative drama queen. Just ask Marcus or me. The girl will throw you to the wolves the moment things get bad, and will say anything to bring you down,” Justin falsely warned him.</p><p>“I’ll take it under advisement,” Charlie replied. Justin seemed satisfied with that answer and left.</p><p>He checked his phone. Sheri answered his text.</p><p>
  <em>Oh no…Okay. Then there’s only one thing to do. We gotta get to admin first. Let’s go. </em>
</p><p>Charlie smirked. Part of him looked forward to seeing Marcus get his comeuppance at their hands.</p>
<hr/><p>At the front office, someone was already there. Hannah. She was with Mr. Porter, again.</p><p>“Hey, Hannah. How are things?” he asked her.</p><p>“Better,” Hannah admitted.</p><p>“Good.”</p><p>“Actually, let’s not linger on formalities. I’m here about something else,” Hannah said.</p><p>“What about?”</p><p>As it turned out, Hannah had another copy of the magazine. Clay had actually given his to her, which she had briefly forgotten until she accidentally found it in her bookshelf. She opened the magazine to the poem.</p><p>“You know who publishes this, right?” Hannah asked him.</p><p>“Yeah. Ryan Shaver,” Mr. Porter answered correctly.</p><p>“Well, there’s a poem in this edition…one that Clay wrote,” Hannah told him. “Everyone read it, even the teachers in our classrooms. And it says exactly how he was feeling.”</p><p>“Hannah. That’s not a school-sanctioned publication,” Mr. Porter said. “You know that this is an independent art project…by Ryan Shaver.”</p><p>“Yeah. And we were reading it in class instead of getting help for the person who wrote it.”</p><p>Mr. Porter took the magazine and read the poem. “This doesn’t seem to be talking about suicide.”</p><p>“Are you fucking kidding me? Clay Jensen wrote that he felt like he was drowning, with stones tied to his feet, with him reaching up for anyone to help him, and everyone just stood and watched. I don’t know how much more fucking overt you can be,” Hannah said loudly.</p><p>“Hannah, students talk about feeling lost all the time,” Mr. Porter commented.</p><p>“Well…I’m happy to know that you’re not the one to talk to if I’m lost,” Hannah jabbed. She promptly left.</p><p>“Hannah!”</p><p>She ignored him and left the office. Right as she left, Sheri and Charlie arrived. For a brief moment they all glanced at each other, wondering the reason all three of them were here. And no one had the time to discuss it either.</p><p>Hannah left for her class.</p><p>Sheri went to the desk. “Miss Douglass, hi. We’re here to talk to Vice Principal Childs. It’s very urgent.”</p><p>“Hello Sheri. You too, Charlie. Please take a seat. She’ll be with you in a moment.” Miss Douglass looked worried.  </p><p>They both sat next to each other. Charlie was the one more visibly nervous with all of this happening. He was still in his gym clothes. He was shaking his leg aggressively until Sheri touched him.</p><p>“I can’t believe we’re doing this,” Sheri mumbled.</p><p>“Hannah was right about him. Come to think of it…she hasn’t been wrong all that often,” Charlie commented.</p><p>“I guess she learned a lot since last year. She always liked to believe in the best in people. As did I,” Sheri said.</p><p>“My dad says 90% of people are good, 5% don’t know, and 5% don’t care. And…I choose to hold onto that,” Charlie said.</p><p>Sheri glanced at him. “That seems dangerously idealistic.”</p><p>“Maybe it is. But I don’t want to let assholes like Marcus change the way I see people. I still want to believe that people are just good for no real reason,” Charlie described. “What’s so bad about that?”</p><p>Sheri shrugged. “Really? Nothing.”</p><p>And then Vice Principal Childs stepped out of her office. “Sheri? Charlie? You needed to see me?”</p><p>Sheri and Charlie gave one last supportive glance to each other. They still had trouble coming to terms with the fact that they were about to fulfill the latter half of Hannah’s plan to punish Marcus. They at least took comfort knowing that this was not like spreading child pornography around the school, so much as giving Marcus a real taste of his own medicine.</p>
<hr/><p>Marcus sat in his class with a smug smile on his face. He had everything figured out to specifically destroy Hannah’s reputation completely, render her entirely without any faith in the eyes of the admin. He paid much attention to the teacher and took notes of everything.</p><p>Jeff was sitting next to him. He was much more distant and despondent. Barely a few minutes later, a security guard, Vice Principal Childs, and Mr. Porter came in the room and spoke with the teacher. Jeff quickly and discretely took something out of his bag and stuck it in the back of his pants.</p><p>“What are you doing?” Marcus whispered to him.</p><p>“Hiding my contraband. They’re doing a bag check,” Jeff said quietly.</p><p>This didn’t concern Marcus any. He shrugged and went back to his notes. He failed to notice that Mr. Porter was intently watching him, such was his obliviousness.</p><p>“Okay, people. Vice Principal Childs needs to check everyone’s backpacks. Stay seated, hands on the table,” announced the teacher.</p><p>They started with Jeff. They picked up his bag and checked it. “Do you even have probable cause?”</p><p>“Warrants and probable cause are unnecessary on school property. It’s for everyone’s safety,” Childs said.</p><p>They didn’t find anything in Jeff’s bag. So they moved on to Marcus. He didn’t even pay attention when the security guard picked up his backpack and started digging through it, lifting out some books, and a small Ziploc bag of drugs. It was not marijuana, but a powder. He had <em>heroin</em> in his bag. That was what Hannah put there for the school to find, and he never found it after it was in his bag for days.</p><p>“Here it is,” said the guard.</p><p>It was only then that Marcus looked at them. The entire class was staring at him.</p><p>“That’s not mine,” Marcus truthfully protested.</p><p>“I need you to come to the office with me, Marcus. We can talk there,” Childs said.</p><p>“But it’s not mine!”</p><p>Marcus couldn’t do anything to profess his innocence. It was there in his bag. So he had no choice but to go with Childs to the front office.</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>Before</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“If I knew what was going to happen, what that night had in store, I never would have walked through that door. But parties have a weird magic. It’s like a different universe. It seems like anything is possible.” </em>
</p><p>Clay walked through the door himself with his blue hoodie on. He kept it on, though he unzipped it since it was already warm in this house. He found Hannah speaking with Alex on the other side of the house. They seemed to find each other’s friendship again.</p><p>“Hey! Clay Jensen’s here!” Bryce loudly announced.</p><p>“JEN-SEN! JEN-SEN! JEN-SEN! JEN-SEN!” several people chanted.</p><p>“I like the hair, by the way. Looking good,” Bryce complimented him.</p><p>“Thanks,” Clay said.</p><p>“Keg’s out back. You better catch up. And don’t you fucking say ‘duly noted’,” Bryce teased.</p><p>Clay laughed. “Cute.”</p><p>
  <em>“Maybe you do fit in after all.” </em>
</p><p>Justin happened upon Clay. They both uncomfortably exchanged glances. When Jessica saw him, she immediately ditched the girl she was talking to and went straight over to him. Clay was a little surprised, and also found it…a little disgusting considering Justin’s prior history of inappropriately taking videos and pictures of people.</p><p>“Fashionably late doesn’t fly when it’s your girlfriend’s party,” Jessica said.</p><p>“Maybe I can make it up to you,” Justin said, kissing her neck.</p><p>“If you’re lucky,” Jess teased.</p><p>“I had to stop somewhere after realizing what today is,” Justin said.</p><p>“Saturday?” Jessica guessed. “The day of the first fucking party of junior year!”</p><p>Everyone cheered with her on that one.</p><p>“No. It’s officially two months since we’ve been going out,” Justin told her. He gave her a rose.</p><p>Clay was officially uncomfortable with this. As was Hannah when she noticed it. She left the room, not liking this one bit. Hannah wasn’t exactly keen on letting Jessica risk her reputation on Justin. She’d already been through that once.</p><p>Clay stayed behind just long enough to speak with Jessica.</p><p>“So…when did that start?” Clay asked her.</p><p>“Summer school. Do I need your permission?” Jess said.</p><p>“Do you remember what he did to me last year? And not just to me?” Clay said.</p><p>“Yes, the whole Zach thing was fucked up, but…I think that’s water under the bridge now. Ancient history. And Bryce was the one that sent the picture around,” Jessica said.</p><p>“I know,” Clay said. “But Justin took both the photo and the video. Ancient history or no…be careful.”</p><p>“You’re really sweet Clay. And you’re a catch to be honest. But I know what I’m doing,” Jessica claimed.</p><p>
  <em>“No. She didn’t. Did she, Justin? People don’t really change. Welcome to your second tape, Justin Foley. I’m going to be completely candid with you, Justin. This really isn’t your tape. I should be sending it to someone, your friend actually, but if he knew what we knew, he’d probably skip town. So I’m giving it to you, so that we both can go to our graves knowing what we did.”</em>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>After</em>
</p><p>Marcus was brought to Childs’ office where the bag of drugs was put on the desk.</p><p>“It’s an automatic five-day suspension, Marcus. And with this particular substance, it could easily become an expulsion,” Childs warned him. “Please sit.”</p><p>“I already told you it’s not mine! Someone put it in my bag,” Marcus claimed.</p><p>“Do you have any idea who would do that?” Childs asked.</p><p>“Whoever told you to check my bag. Why don’t you start with them?” Marcus retorted in anger.</p><p>Mr. Porter stepped in. “Marcus, your classmates are concerned about you. We need to make sure you’re alright, too.”</p><p>“Concerned about me? You should be concerned about Hannah Baker. She’s probably the one who did this. I bet she was the one who told you to check my bag, right?” Marcus said. “I mean, I don’t have any history of this.”</p><p>“No you don’t. But you say that Hannah Baker is the one who would do this to you? Why?” Childs asked.</p><p>Marcus leaned back and sighed. “Look. During the dollar valentine, I got her as my top match, and I asked her out. I thought we were having a good time, but then she tried to get frisky with me. I turned her down, and she got upset and pushed me off of her, and acted like I was harassing her.”</p><p>Childs and Mr. Porter nodded. The latter said, “Where did you guys go out?”</p><p>“Rosie’s Diner,” Marcus said.</p><p>Childs and Porter exchanged a glance. And then her phone rang.</p><p>“Principal Bolan. Hello,” she said. She nodded and said, “Okay. I understand.”</p><p>She hung up the phone. “Marcus. Principal Bolan feels given your spotless record, and your role in the school community that a four-day suspension will suffice. As long as you sign up for the drug deferral program at the police station.”</p><p>“Are you kidding me?!” he shouted. “I already told you, Hannah Baker is the one who did this! She planted the drugs on me!”</p><p>“Do you have any evidence of that?” Mr. Porter asked him.</p><p>“You don’t believe me?” Marcus asked.</p><p>“What we believe is irrelevant. The facts are clear. You were in possession of illicit drugs on school grounds,” Childs said to Marcus.</p><p>“You have no idea why this is happening,” Marcus said.</p><p>“Okay, Marcus. Tell me. Why is this happening?” Porter asked.</p><p>Marcus couldn’t answer. He couldn’t risk mentioning the tapes. So he settled on, “Who told you to check my bag? Hannah?”</p><p>“Do you have something you want to tell us, Marcus?” Childs asked. “Like who sold you the drugs?”</p><p>Marcus realized that he was screwed on all sides. He had to settle for the lesser of two punishments in this situation.</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>Before</em>
</p><p>Hannah sat alone until Clay found her, carrying two cups.</p><p>“So…are you a beer person or a beer person?”</p><p>Hannah leaned forward, tapping her cheeks in faux thought. “Such a hard decision. I’ll…take…beer!”</p><p>“Good choice, madam,” Clay said. “Today’s specialty is lukewarm flavorless beer in questionably clean plastic cups.”</p><p>“Oh, so perfect,” Hannah said. “Cheers.”</p><p>They both drank this flavorless beverage…and watched as teens were playing suck-and-blow with a playing card. It was this long chain of teens.</p><p>“You know, when I was saving you seat, I had to fight off three teenagers drunkenly playing suck-and-blow,” Hannah said.</p><p>Clay did a fake dramatic gasp. “Call their parents and notified the authorities.”</p><p>“Oh fuck, definitely I will,” Hannah joked. “Fun isn’t a word in my dictionary.”</p><p>“Yeah, I’m pretty sure fun at parties is like completely illegal,” Clay joked.</p><p>Hannah bit her lip. “You look really nice, by the way. I think I like the hoodie-sweater look more than the button-down shirt look.”</p><p>“I just threw this on,” Clay said.</p><p>“Well, you still look good,” Hannah complimented. She ran her fingertips across his buzzed short hair.</p><p>The sickeningly affectionate lovebirds Justin and Jess plopped on the couch next to Clay and Hannah.</p><p>“Guys! I wanna play!” she shouted drunkenly. “Clay, Hannah, are you guys playing?”</p><p>“Uh, no,” Clay said.</p><p>“So you guys just like to watch?” Jess asked.</p><p>“You know what? Fuck it! I’m in!” Hannah announced. She crawled over to Clay’s other side, forcing him to squeeze between her and the armrest. “Let’s do this!”</p><p>“You guys are playing?” Charlie was among the players of this game of suck and blow.</p><p>Justin, Jess, and Hannah all answered yes. Clay did not.</p><p>Sheri passed the card to Charlie. He passed it to Jeff, who passed it to Hannah. Next up was Jessica, who promptly discarded the card to kiss her new boyfriend.</p><p>“Damn, Justin! Get in there!” Bryce yelled. And everyone else was enjoying the show, except for Hannah who fell victim to their lack of personal space. They were practically on top of her instead of each other.</p><p>“Hey! No threesomes! Get off me!” Hannah said laughing. She had to sit on Clay to get away from them.</p><p>“I guess I lost!” Jessica shouted.</p><p>“Yeah, you fucking lost!” Bryce yelled back.</p><p>“You okay?” Hannah asked Clay.</p><p>“I’m fine,” Clay said with a bright grin, one that made Hannah blush.</p><p>
  <em>“That night was the first time in a long time that I didn’t feel invisible. But I was nervous because I felt so good. I didn’t want to fuck it up. I was trying to act normal, but I didn’t know how anymore.” </em>
</p><p>The two abandoned the couch as the two lovebirds became way too frisky for their liking.</p><p>“Alright. This is getting annoying. Let’s go get something stronger,” Hannah said. She got off of Clay and went outside with him right behind her.</p><p>
  <em>“There are three stories to tell about that night. This one will come first.”</em>
</p>
<hr/><p>Justin and Jessica barged into her bedroom, laughing and kissing and unable to keep their hands off each other. But Clay was in the room, too. He didn’t have his hoodie on. Just the sweater he was wearing beneath it.</p><p>
  <em>“How did I end up in that bedroom? That’s another story. But for now, Justin, you’d been with the same girl all night. I won’t name her, but you already know who she is.”</em>
</p><p>The two teens on the bed right next to Clay were unable to stop saying corny unsexy words that went right over Clay’s head. The only thing they could do other than that was to kiss and growl at each other, also something he didn’t find very hot.</p><p>
  <em>“I realized two things. One, I was drunk. Two, so was this girl.”</em>
</p><p>Jessica said, “Wait, hold on.”</p><p>“What’s wrong? You need water?” Justin asked.</p><p>
  <em>“I figured you’d give up and leave her alone.”</em>
</p><p>“I just need to close my eyes for a minute,” Jessica said.</p><p>Justin felt the blue balls coming. “Well, come on, don’t you want to mess around for a little while?”</p><p>Jessica was already passed out.</p><p>
  <em>“Or at least I hoped you would. But I know exactly what you’re thinking. Maybe if this girl hadn’t had so much to drink, what happened next wouldn’t have happened. I never thought about it that way. I always thought about it in the sense that if there were no predators willing to prey on vulnerable people, what happened next wouldn’t have happened. Besides, how can you blame someone for something that happens to them when they’re unconscious.”</em>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>After</em>
</p><p>Hannah found Sheri and Charlie after the last class let otu. She was freaked out.</p><p>“Look, guys. I didn’t do it. I don’t know what happened. Marcus got busted, but I need you to know it wasn’t me,” Hannah rambled.</p><p>“Hannah, slow down,” Sheri said. “We know it wasn’t you.”</p><p>“Oh, thank God.”</p><p>“We did it,” Charlie admitted.</p><p>She looked at them stunned. “What? After everything you said to me in the cafeteria?”</p><p>“Believe me, we weren’t happy to do it, but Marcus was up to hid old tricks. He was trying to get drugs off Bryce to plant on you, and then report you for it. We thought we could sleep better at night if he was the one that fell victim to that scheme instead of you,” Charlie said.</p><p>Hannah wasn’t even surprised. “When did you hear all this?”</p><p>“During third,” Sheri said.</p><p>“Well, he’s gonna know I had something to do with it,” Hannah pointed out. “Wait…what exactly did you tell admin?”</p><p>“That Charlie overheard Marcus asking someone in the locker room if he wanted to buy drugs. I mean…you’ve heard tape 9, right? We didn’t think it was a good idea to bring Bryce’s name into all this,” Sheri said.</p><p>Hannah nodded. “Probably for the best. But I think we have a bigger problem. Jessica’s in denial about what happened that night.”</p><p>“I don’t blame her. I wouldn’t want to remember that,” Charlie said.</p><p>“So…how can we help her if she doesn’t want to be helped?” Hannah said.</p><p>Sheri said, “Well, she’s got vodka at school…and she doesn’t do that. I think she’s starting to remember, if not she does remember, and she’s trying to push it away.”</p><p>Hannah shrugged. “We can’t prod her. She nearly went off on me when I tried to talk to her.”</p><p>“Then maybe we should talk to Justin,” Charlie suggested.</p><p>“No, I will talk to Justin. No one can know what you two know about all this. It’s better if they don’t know, not yet anyway. I’ll talk to Justin at his house,” Hannah said.</p><p>A few seconds later, Tony found them. “Hey, Hannah. Can we talk?”</p><p>“I’ll catch up with you guys outside,” Hannah said to Charlie and Sheri. She left and walked with Tony down the hall.</p><p>“What the fuck did you do, Hannah?” Tony asked harshly. “Drugs? Are you out of your mind?”</p><p>“Oh, you of all people don’t get to act all holier than thou,” Hannah jabbed. “You should just be grateful I didn’t force you out of the closet like I said I would.”</p><p>“Hannah. You are destroying lives,” Tony said.</p><p>“I know. And if you keep this up, I might not be so merciful on you anymore. You might be one of them,” Hannah threatened. “I might just live up to what I said at Clay’s grave. I’m not a good person, Tony, but neither are you. None of you are. Knowing what you know, and you still let Jessica believe that nothing happened.”</p><p>Tony glared at him. “You don’t know what happened for sure. You can’t believe anything that Clay says.”</p><p>“You know exactly what happened. You’re just willing to do whatever it takes, including allowing a girl to go on living with what happened, and not even giving her any help or justice,” Hannah said. “You’re all fucking monsters, and I don’t want to hear another word about how <em>I </em>am the one destroying lives when you’ve all been doing that since you’ve heard the tapes.”</p><p>Hannah left Tony alone and went back the way she came, meeting up with Charlie and Sheri who walked outside with her. Tony glared at her as she walked off with them, going with them in the direction of the gym.</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>Before</em>
</p><p>Clay was still hiding away from the lovebirds in the bedroom. He did everything to avoid being seen. Clay was beyond relieved when Justin left the passed-out Jessica alone without any problem. Justin left the bedroom and Clay got up and checked on Jessica. She didn’t look that bad, and he went straight for the door.</p><p>And then he heard Bryce’s voice on the other side of the door. The conversation outside went on for a few moments, and Clay could barely hear anything aside from Bryce asking if Jessica was inside the room.</p><p>When Clay heard banging around outside, he quickly hid in Jessica’s closet. He clearly could see someone who wasn’t Justin come into the room. Bryce was in here, standing over Jessica.</p><p>
  <em>“At first, I was wondering why he was in there. When I realized why, I knew I had to do something. I had to make him stop.” </em>
</p><p>The door opened, and Bryce immediately charged at the person, his penis out and all, to throw whoever did that out.</p><p>
  <em>“But I couldn’t move. I just froze. I saw everything. I saw his face. I saw what he did. I knew who it was clear as day. You all would know too.”</em>
</p><p>Bryce dropped his pants…and he pulled off Jessica’s underwear. He crawled over her…and penetrated her while she was unconscious. He was raping her. And Clay was frozen in the closet, completely shocked and helpless. Clay held his mouth shut.</p><p>And just as quickly as this started, it ended, and Bryce left the room. Clay was still frozen in the closet.</p><p>
  <em>“This tape isn’t about him. It’s about you, me, and this girl. Justin, your girlfriend needed you.”</em>
</p><p>Clay left the closet and threw up in Jessica’s trash bin, left in utter tears of guilt. He sobbed in the bedroom, tenderly going over to check on her. She was still passed out, and it didn’t sound like she woke up during this.</p><p>
  <em>“I know this girl is listening. And…I just want to say I’m sorry. I’m sorry I didn’t do anything to help you. I’m sorry I didn’t try to stop him. Maybe one day you can forgive me for my failure to help you. I hope you’re okay. I tried to talk to you about it, but you didn’t seem to remember anything. You didn’t remember, Justin never said anything, and we all know what that this guy is untouchable if you have nothing but words. But if you do remember, if you remember what he did to you…I pray you can find the strength to turn him in. I hope you can find the strength to do what I couldn’t. I know what it’s like to feel that your body isn’t your own. That you don’t see your body as your own. I hope you’re stronger than I was.” </em>
</p><p>Clay pulled a blanket over Jessica. He tucked her in and made sure that her back was the to the wall, and the blanket was nice and snug around her.</p><p>“I’m so sorry,” Clay whispered in tears. His tears dropped onto her sheets.</p><p>
  <em>“You had two chances that night. Me and Justin. And we both failed you. We both let you down. And I don’t understand how you can live with that, Justin.”</em>
</p><p>Clay came downstairs, not even realizing that he didn’t have his hoodie, and spotted Justin. He was sitting down, and he looked like he had a lot on his mind. Clay glared at him and walked off.</p><p>
  <em>“How is she supposed to live with that? Even if she doesn’t remember now, she will eventually. And she’ll have to live with what we all did to her for the rest of her life.”</em>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>After</em>
</p><p>Justin was at home. He checked his phone, finding numerous messages from Jessica. He didn’t have a chance to respond when there was insistent knocking on the door. He answered the door to find Hannah right there.</p><p>“You know, for a long time, I was wondering why exactly you were so determined to stop me. Now I get it,” Hannah said to him flatly.</p><p>“What the fuck are you doing here?” Justin said.</p><p>“Do I have to spell it out? Fine. I know that Bryce raped Jessica,” Hannah said.</p><p>“Shhh!” Justin pulled her inside and shut the door. “What the fuck?”</p><p>“Justin. You need to tell her.”</p><p>He threw his hands in the air. “When the fuck are you gonna give up?”</p><p>“When the fuck are you gonna tell Jessica the truth?!” she threw back at him. “I honestly cannot believe that you’d do that. I mean, I knew you were a fucking asshole, but that’s a whole new low for you.”</p><p>“You shut up, Hannah!” Justin yelled. “Nothing happened that night. She knows that.”</p><p>“No. She doesn’t. You’re not a woman, and you never will understand what it means to be assaulted by a man. She knows exactly what happened to her. I mean, fuck, that’s why she’s getting drunk at school,” Hannah reminded him.</p><p>“She’s fine,” Justin said. He went to the kitchen when the microwave went off.</p><p>“You little bitch boy,” Hannah taunted. “Can’t stand the thought of losing your guardian angel at school, so you let him trample all over you. If anything, you are just as bad as Bryce is.”</p><p>“I am nothing like Bryce!” Justin yelled.</p><p>Hannah smiled. “There it is.”</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>Before</em>
</p><p>Justin was right outside of Jessica’s door when Bryce came up the stairs.  </p><p>“Hey, we’re playing beer pong out back. Want to come?” he said, clearly drunk out of his mind.</p><p>“No, I’m alright,” Justin said. He made sure that Jessica’s door was closed. “I’m sticking around for Jessica. She’s really wasted!”</p><p>Bryce laughed. “Oh yeah! I bet you had some fun with her, didn’t you? Let me see.”</p><p>“Dude.” Justin didn’t let him in. “She’s my girlfriend.”</p><p>“She’s your summer hookup,” Bryce said. “And what’s mine is yours, right?”</p><p>Justin looked at Bryce with a fearful expression.</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>After</em>
</p><p>Justin glared at her hatefully.</p><p>“You need to tell her the truth. I hate to admit it, but she won’t believe it unless you tell her,” Hannah said.</p><p>“It didn’t happen the way Clay said it did,” Justin claimed. He walked past her and sat in the living room with his heated meal.</p><p>“Yeah, I’ve heard that before. We both know the truth, and you need to tell her,” Hannah repeated.</p><p>“I told her the truth,” Justin again said. “We hooked up. That’s what happened. She wanted it, and we hooked up. There was no other guy. There’s no other story, you hear me? So whatever Clay thought he saw, he lied about it on those tapes because he’s a crazy fucking drama queen who just killed himself for attention!”</p><p>Hannah viciously glared at him. And for once, Justin actually looked…remorseful for what he said.</p><p>“I’m sorry,” he said. “I know he meant a lot to you.”</p><p>“Meant a lot to me? Understatement of the year,” Hannah said.</p><p>“I…if I had known that you were pregnant. That whole thing on the road never would’ve happened,” Justin claimed.</p><p>“Bullshit,” Hannah jabbed.</p><p>“Hannah. I’m not a fucking asshole. You really think I’d do anything to hurt your baby? Clay’s baby?” Justin claimed.</p><p>And here it was again, a moment where Hannah didn’t know if she was being lied to or not. So she reoriented the subject. “This isn’t about me. This is about Jessica.”</p><p>“Whatever happened, or whatever Clay thought happened, how does it help Jess now?” Justin asked. “What she needs, what we <em>all</em> need is for this to be fucking done with.”</p><p>“How do you know what Jessica needs? And how can she be done with <em>this</em> if she doesn’t know what <em>this</em> is?”</p><p>Justin’s expression…she could see the guilt growing in him like a cancer.</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>Before</em>
</p><p>And that very same guilt was all over his face as he stood outside of Jessica’s door, knowing what Bryce intended to do inside of that bedroom. He looked like he was ready to throw up…but he instead threw the door open.</p><p>“Dude, come on! Leave her alone! Get off her!” Justin yelled.</p><p>Bryce became aggressive and shoved Justin out of the room. “Get the fuck out of here!” He shoved Justin to the floor outside and locked the door, leaving Justin in tears and guilt on the floor outside.</p><p>He was left a helpless on the floor, unable to do anything to stop what was happening on the other side of that door.</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>After</em>
</p><p>Hannah shook her head at him. “You can feel guilty all you want, just like Clay did. But it doesn’t change what you did. You had a chance to help. You knew what Bryce was going to do the moment he went through those doors. And you still let it happen. But hey, at least take comfort knowing the responsibility isn’t entirely yours. Clay was wrong not to help her, I can concede that. But at least he had no idea what Bryce was going to do. You did.”</p><p>Justin didn’t deny it.</p><p>“People will find out eventually,” Hannah told him.</p><p>“People are <em>not</em> going to find out,” Justin said, pointing his fork at her.</p><p>“You can convince yourself you’re protecting her all you want. I just hope she doesn’t remember what happens…and do the same thing Clay did,” Hannah said. She left Justin’s home and went right out the door.</p><p>Those last words struck a nervous ring in Justin. He was incredibly shaken as Hannah left.</p><p>He wasn’t the only one who was shaken up. Jessica was in her bedroom, with a bottle of vodka, and stared at her bed. Because she was remembering. She had images in her head of Bryce on top of her. Not just on top of her, but ripping her underwear away, and jamming something inside of her. It was like her organs were being torn apart, like he was pushing inside of her so rough and hard that she was burning inside. It was like he was tearing her apart with every motion.</p><p>And she was begging him to stop every second of it. And it was all coming back to her, no matter how much she tried to fight it. And that was what made it so much worse. She was being forced to live the truth that she refused to believe.</p><p>The knocking on her window jolted her from her memory. It was Justin. A nod of Jessica’s head signaled him to enter. She jumped into his arms, feeling once again warm and safe…from the memory of what Bryce had done to her.</p>
<hr/><p>Sheri was working in the garage when she heard Hannah come in.</p><p>“Hello,” she said sternly to Sheri.</p><p>“Hey. What’s wrong?”</p><p>“What’s wrong?” Hannah repeated demeaning. “What’s wrong, is that something’s been bothering me all day. You and Charlie heard the tape. You heard what happened, and you didn’t do anything.”</p><p>Sheri shook her head. “You think we didn’t want to?”</p><p>“Then why didn’t you?” Hannah asked.</p><p>“The same reason as Clay. After Jess got the tapes and passed them on, we watched her closely. We saw what was going on. She didn’t want to believe it, and I don’t blame her. It doesn’t help that Justin is lying to her about it. So what could we do?” Sheri asked. “It’s Bryce’s word against a dead boy’s. And Bryce is rich. We both know how that will turn out.”</p><p>“Then we need to get someone to talk. Justin or Jessica, one of them. We need to do something about it. Anything,” Hannah said.</p><p>Sheri nodded and held Hannah’s hand. “I am on your side here. But…before we do anything…you need to hear what’s left. You need to hear the rest of the story. And I’m telling you…it doesn’t get better from here on out.”</p><p>And Hannah immediately dreaded listening to her tape. But she was willing to go through with it if it meant bringing down the school’s worst monster.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Tape 5, Side B</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>A traumatized Clay gets a ride home from the party. Jessica's behavior grows increasingly unstable, and Hannah learns a truth about another student's death.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>Before</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Sometimes, things just happen to you. They just happen, you can’t help it, but it’s what you do next that counts. Not what happens. What you decide to do about it.” </em>
</p>
<p>The night of the party, the night Jessica was raped, there was a car accident at an intersection. A sign was knocked down, there were skid marks across the road, and one car was almost totaled. The paramedics took an elderly man away in ambulance while the others tried to help the driver of the other car.</p>
<p>And in this area was Hannah Baker speaking with officers on the scene.</p>
<p>
  <em>“And I’ve made some real shit decisions in my life. I’m not going to deny it. You already know it.”</em>
</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <em>After</em>
</p>
<p>In the present, Hannah wore her headphones, standing on the corner of this same intersection. There was a new stop sign with a metal pole. There was a stump where the old sign used to be. Hannah looked at the sign, spooked and weirded out over something.</p>
<p>She looked back in the direction of the house, Jessica’s house, where this all started at.</p>
<p>And there in Jessica’s bedroom, she and Justin lay on the bed, mostly unclothed. He was in his underwear, and she only had a top without any pants. They lay together in comfort, and Jessica was truly happy and safe at least for now. Justin looked to the ceiling distracted.</p>
<p>“What’s on your mind?” Jessica asked.</p>
<p>“Nothing. It’s just been a while since we hung out at your place,” Justin said.</p>
<p>Jess grinned. “Yeah. The night of my party, right?”</p>
<p>“I think so. A long time,” Justin commented.</p>
<p>“You could come over any time,” she pointed out.</p>
<p>Justin looked at her. “Your father hates me.”</p>
<p>“He doesn’t,” Jess reassured.</p>
<p>“Last summer, he told me I was trouble, and that I’d better toe the line.”</p>
<p>Jess laughed. “He says that to every guy. You got it way easier than Alex. With the hair, and all.”</p>
<p>“Oh. So he didn’t like Alex?”</p>
<p>“He kind of did. Only because Alex was all ‘yes, sir’, ‘no, sir’, blah blah blah.”</p>
<p>Justin chuckled and sat up. He got dressed to leave.</p>
<p>“Where are you going? Stay here with me. More cuddles. It’s cold out tonight, you always warm me up,” Jessica begged.</p>
<p>Justin picked up a teddy bear. “How about you cuddle with widdle Justin?”</p>
<p>“Little Justin! You won him for me. Best boyfriend ever,” Jess said in baby pet talk.</p>
<p>“You get some sleep,” Justin said. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” He noticed a bottle underneath the desk. “Sweet dreams. Only sweet dreams.”</p>
<p>“You can go out the front door. No windows,” Jess said, not realizing he saw the bottle.</p>
<p>Justin nodded and left, his smile vanishing as soon as he stepped out of Jessica’s line of sight. It was replaced with an expression of complete and total guilt.</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <em>Before</em>
</p>
<p>The same expression of guilt and horror was rife all over Clay’s face as he stepped downstairs. He was practically trembling. He found a visibly dejected Justin on the couch downstairs, seemingly being ignored by everyone at the party.</p>
<p>
  <em>“I told you there were more stories about the night of Jessica’s party. Here’s the second one, my other mistake of the night.”</em>
</p>
<p>Hannah walked outside with a smile on her face. She sat on the sidewalk in front of Jessica’s house and touched her neck and hair, pushing her hair over her neck to hide small marks on her neck.</p>
<p>And suddenly she was joined by…Skye Miller of all people. The girl didn’t have any of her trademark Goth-style makeup, none of her fake piercings which Hannah now saw were fake given the lack of holes, and her hair was down and dyed a simple brown.</p>
<p>“Skye?” Hannah said. “What are you doing here?”</p>
<p>“Believe it or not, Jessica Davis invited me,” Skye admitted. “And by that, I mean she insisted that I come to the party so that hopefully this upcoming year will be a lot easier for me.”</p>
<p>“I didn’t realize she was so altruistic,” Hannah commented.</p>
<p>“Don’t ask me. I was surprised that she even asked…and that I said yes,” Skye said.</p>
<p>Hannah shrugged. “Why did you say yes?”</p>
<p>“I told my mom about it. She suggested that I come here, and have fun…even though this is not my definition of fun,” Skye said, taking a drink.</p>
<p>Hannah looked at her concerned.</p>
<p>Skye put the cup in Hannah’s face. “It’s just coke. Don’t worry. I’m not a fan of the alcoholic shit. Besides, I’m actually here to talk to you about something important.”</p>
<p>“And what’s that?” Hannah asked.</p>
<p>“Whose hoodie is that?” Skye asked.</p>
<p>“Uh—It’s—”</p>
<p>Skye cut Hannah off. “I don’t need you to answer that. I know whose it is.”</p>
<p>Hannah couldn’t tell if she was angry or what. “Ummm…”</p>
<p>“We were friends when we were little kids. And last year…I discovered that I still really cared about him. I’m here to ask you to watch out for him,” Skye said. “He’s been through a hell of a lot. And let’s admit it. I’m not gonna be of any help for him, but you can.”</p>
<p>“Me? How can I be any good for him in that sense?” Hannah asked.</p>
<p>“The rumors have subsided,” Skye said.</p>
<p>“They have?”</p>
<p>Skye nodded. “They have for you. They never will for me. Anyways, I’m just saying, keep an eye out for him. If he seems like he’s in trouble…please help him.”</p>
<p>“I still don’t understand. We barely know each other. Why are you asking me to do this?” Hannah asked.</p>
<p>“Because he likes you. Me and Jeff, we can see it all over his face. And…seeing you two tonight just made it that much more obvious,” Skye said. “He cares about you, and you care about him. For however long this thing between you two lasts…please. Take care of him for me.”</p>
<p>Hannah nodded. She and Skye leaned into each other.</p>
<p>“I think I’m gonna head home. I’m tired as shit,” Hannah said.</p>
<p>“You go on ahead. I’m marooned here. They want me to go on a provision run…I’ve been putting it off,” Skye said.</p>
<p>“See you Monday, Skye,” Hannah said. She walked away. The hoodie was too big on her, covering her arms almost completely up to and past her hands. Hannah sat alone on the curb, smiling and holding her arms around herself, like she was trying to hold onto the joy, and tracing her fingers down her own neck.</p>
<p>Clay was sitting down inside the house. But the look on his face was flat, and seething with absolute trauma, so much that he had no emotions to express. He sat at a piano, tapping various keys without any specific tune, no specific melody, just a jumbled collection of sounds, just like the thoughts in his head.</p>
<p>Skye came into the house and saw him sitting there. She looked concerned for him.</p>
<p>“Uh…Jeff? I gotta make a drink run, but you’re blocking me in,” Skye said.</p>
<p>“Oh. I’ll be right out,” Jeff said.</p>
<p>“Thanks.” But Skye didn’t leave yet. She stayed, wondering why Clay was so dejected looking. She hadn’t seem like this, at least not this bad. It did bring to her mind the note.</p>
<p>
  <em>“I needed to leave. I had to get away. I had to wake up from this horrible nightmare. But I was awake, and my only option was to get away. I was too weak to walk. I was too weak to even try, but then a savior came my way.” </em>
</p>
<p>“Clay?” Jeff knelt down next to Clay. “Are you okay?”</p>
<p>“No,” Clay answered.</p>
<p>“You need a ride home?” Jeff asked. He glanced at Skye.</p>
<p>“Yeah. That’d be nice,” Clay slurred. “Wait…are you sure? I mean—”</p>
<p>“Clay, I had two beers like three hours ago. I’m fine,” Jeff reassured. “I mean, dude, come on, you know I’m not like that.”</p>
<p>
  <em>“I do wonder if we would have both been better off staying at the party the whole time. Or…if we had just chosen a different moment to leave. So…Jeff…my friend for years this one’s yours.”</em>
</p>
<p>Skye watched as Jeff brought Clay to his car. He helped Clay into the passenger’s seat, noticing just how out of it Clay seemed.</p>
<p>“Do you want me to get you a water or something?” Jeff offered. “I mean…you really don’t look so good.”</p>
<p>“I’m…fine,” Clay lied.</p>
<p>Jeff accepted Clay’s answer and drove off with him down the road.</p>
<hr/>
<p>Along the way, Jeff tried to lighten the mood. “I was expecting more from this. I mean, the first party of the year, shit should be going down, right? Every time Zach and Bryce get together…”</p>
<p>Clay was completely distant from all of this. His mind drifted to two things…one good thing, one horrible thing.</p>
<p>What was the good thing? That was Hannah. The feeling of her nails all over him, the feeling of her soft lips against his, the feel of her breasts in his hands, the glide of her hair against his arms as he held her close. Most of all, the feeling of her on top of him, pressing him down by his chest.</p>
<p>And then…Bryce. Specifically, it was one thing that he said to Jessica.</p>
<p>“Take it easy. We’re just having fun.”</p>
<p>He wasn’t looking out the window. Clay was seeing that whole event happening again and again. It was like his body was on autopilot, and he was stuck in a Groundhog Day time loop, being forced to relive the event over and over. It was like…the universe wanted him to intervene, to save her. Except he wasn’t living it again. He was just witnessing his memory playing it over. It was the worst kind of torture.</p>
<p>“Jeff,” Clay said impulsively.</p>
<p>“Yeah?” Jeff asked.</p>
<p>“I have to tell you…”</p>
<p>Jeff waited.</p>
<p>“Something happened tonight,” Clay added.</p>
<p>“What happened?” Jeff asked worried. He kept looking at Clay. “You can tell me.”</p>
<p>Clay hesitated for what felt like forever. “I got wasted,” he said. “My parents are gonna kill me.”</p>
<p>
  <em>“I don’t know why I didn’t just tell you what actually happened.” </em>
</p>
<p>Jeff believed Clay without a question. “Not if you tell your parents you’re staying at my house tonight.”</p>
<p>“Mmm. Clay Jensen likes this plan,” Clay said.</p>
<p>“Sleep it off at my place. Your parents will never know,” Jeff said laughing.</p>
<p>Clay got out his phone. “Shit. My phone’s dead. You have one in here?”</p>
<p>“Mi cell phone es su cell phone,” Jeff joked. He started digging around the console of his car for his phone. He took his eyes off the road, and that was just enough time for him to fail to notice that there was a loose dog on a leash wandering onto the road.</p>
<p>He looked up in time to spot the dog. Jeff immediately swerved to the right…and right into a stop sign, much to the horror of himself and Clay.</p>
<p>“Oh, Jesus Christ!” Jeff yelled. “You okay, Clay?”</p>
<p>“Yeah,” Clay said, adrenaline clearing his mind. “What the fuck was that?”</p>
<p>“I saw a dog. I didn’t know what to do,” Jeff said.</p>
<p>“But what did you hit?”</p>
<p>They both got out to find the stop sign down. The wood was completely broken, and the sign was on the ground.  </p>
<p>“Oh fuck,” Jeff mumbled. “Dammit. My parents are gonna kill me.”</p>
<p>“The car is fine. But we need to call someone about the sign. Someone could get hurt,” Clay said.</p>
<p>“No, we gotta get out of here,” Jeff said firmly. “I can’t let my parents find out about this, especially not this year of all years.”</p>
<p>“Jeff, this is not something you can sweep under the rug. We need to call the police, now.”</p>
<p>“No way,” Jeff said.</p>
<p>“Jeff! When you do something wrong, you can’t just ignore it!” Clay yelled.</p>
<p>“Get in the car, Clay!”</p>
<p>Clay shook his head. So Jeff got in the car and drove off, leaving Clay alone on the corner with the knocked over stop sign.</p>
<p>
  <em>“I needed to find a working phone. I guess, you could say this was what it was like before cell phones were everywhere. People had to travel to find phones. But I didn’t find it in time.” </em>
</p>
<p>Not far away, Hannah was walking down the road very slowly. The sound of car brakes squealing and car horns honking jolted her up. She didn’t hesitate, and was grateful to be wearing good footwear for this.</p>
<p>This was at the same exact time that Clay found the Blue Spot liquor store. Without hesitation, he went inside.</p>
<p>“I need help, my phone’s dead,” Clay said to the clerk.</p>
<p>“Charger’s over by the jerky,” said the clerk.</p>
<p>“No, there’s been an accident. I need to make a call right now,” Clay insisted.</p>
<p>“We don’t have a pay phone.”</p>
<p>Clay shrugged. “Then give me yours.”</p>
<p>The clerk glanced up.</p>
<p>“Right fucking now!” Clay screamed.</p>
<p>He gave it up. “Okay! Okay!”</p>
<p>Clay immediately dialed the police.</p>
<p>“How long—”</p>
<p>“Shut up!” Clay demanded.</p>
<p>The operator answered. “9-1-1, what is your emergency?”</p>
<p>“Hello. I need to report an accident.”</p>
<p>“Where?” asked the operator.</p>
<p>“The corner of Tanglewood and Bay Street.”</p>
<p>“Yes sir, we’ve got it. It’s gonna be okay. We already have this call. Units are responding to the scene.”</p>
<p>Clay was relieved. “You already got a call about this?”</p>
<p>“Yes.”</p>
<p>“Was it a boy who called?” Clay asked.</p>
<p>“I can’t give you that information, sir. We have units responding to the scene now.”</p>
<p>Clay sighed. “Okay. Thank you.”</p>
<p>“Is there anything else?”</p>
<p>Clay shook his head. “Uh, no. No. Thanks.” He returned the phone to the clerk. “And thank you.”</p>
<p>“Do you still want that charger?” the clerk asked Clay.</p>
<p>Clay shook his head and left the liquor store.</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <em>After</em>
</p>
<p>In the early morning, Matt sat on the living room couch with a coffee. His wife came in the room with her phone at her ear, just hanging it up as she came in.</p>
<p>“Let me guess. The district lawyers asked for a meeting,” Matt said.</p>
<p>Lainie nodded. “Yes. They probably want to offer a settlement.”</p>
<p>“Of fucking course they do. They want this to just go away,” Matt said.</p>
<p>“It’s more than that, Matt. Settlements save a lot of time and a lot of agony for the parties involved. That’s why plea deals, and settlements are the typical route trials tend to end in,” Lainie said. “It’s not all about making things go away.”</p>
<p>Matt stared at her. “Tell me you’re not considering settling.”</p>
<p>Lainie had no answer.</p>
<p>“I’m not about to fucking let the school cover up what happened to our son,” Matt declared.</p>
<p>“Matt. I’ve played this game for years. Settlements usually include a statement and remedial measures,” Lainie told Matt.</p>
<p>“Oh really? And who’s that gonna help?” Matt asked. He stood up.</p>
<p>“It could help the next kid,” Lainie said.</p>
<p>“Oh. But our son wasn’t good enough to have that help available? Clay is dead, Lainie. He’s dead, and a settlement and a statement will not do him any justice. The school needs to pay for what they did, or more accurately, failed to do. And we agreed we were going to fight this till the end.”</p>
<p>Lainie maintained an empathetic voice. “We could until this bankrupts us. And even then, there is no guarantee that we will win.”</p>
<p>“We’re not going to settle,” Matt said.</p>
<p>“I’m not saying we should. We should think this through. What if we lose this lawsuit? Then the school walks away without any need to acknowledge anything, or change the way they do things,” Lainie said.</p>
<p>“We owe it to Clay. We owe it to him to fight this,” Matt said softly.</p>
<p>“And we owe it to the next kid to make sure that this doesn’t happen again.”</p>
<p>Matt scoffed and shook his head. “No. We don’t. We don’t owe that school or any of those other kids any-fucking-thing. Who knows how many of them were part of breaking our son so bad he thought dying was the only escape?”</p>
<p>Matt left the living room angrily. Lainie was left there, tears streaming from her red eyes.</p>
<hr/>
<p>Alex, Tony, and Zach met up at the cafeteria before first, right outside.</p>
<p>“Wait…Hannah did what?” Alex said shocked.</p>
<p>“Yeah. She planted drugs on him and got him kicked out of school,” Zach said. “She even told them about the thing right off Cemetery Road.”</p>
<p>“What? How a knocked-up girl half your size kicked the ever-living shit outta you?” Tony taunted.</p>
<p>“Well, the fucking asshole had it coming,” Alex commented. He stood up and walked away.</p>
<p>“So…What the fuck are we gonna do about this?” Tony asked. “We need to do something.”</p>
<p>“What can we do?” Zach asked. “I’m open to suggestions, cause everything we’ve done, she turns it against us. Even the shit she doesn’t know about, she uses against us. She’s like A from <em>Pretty Little Liars</em>, minus the threatening texts.”</p>
<p>“Marcus is gone. We can’t rely on him for anything. We can’t just do nothing,” Tony repeated firmly.</p>
<p>Ryan arrived.</p>
<p>“How’d it go with Sheri?” Tony asked her.</p>
<p>“Nowhere. She’s got the tapes hidden somewhere, and an unflappable moral code. She’s never gonna budge,” Ryan said.</p>
<p>“So it’s back to Hannah,” Tony said. “If she’s talking to Jessica about her party, it may be too late.”</p>
<p>“Why are we defending Bryce?” Ryan asked. “Someone please tell me, because he’s a fucking rapist.”</p>
<p>Zach and Tony both gestured for her to be quiet.</p>
<p>“Keep your voice down,” Zach told her.</p>
<p>“I published a poem that I stole from someone’s journal. He is a rapist,” Ryan said.</p>
<p>“Stop using that word,” Zach said.</p>
<p>Alex by now had returned. “Why? What other word would you use?”</p>
<p>“That’s if Clay told the truth. Jessica says he’s not,” Tony said.</p>
<p>“Are you fucking kidding me? That’s your position? Clay was lying? Come out, come out, little boy,” Ryan taunted him.</p>
<p>“Shut up, Ryan!” Tony said through his teeth.</p>
<p>“Guys, stop,” Zach said, taking charge. “The tapes go out, we all go down, no matter what we did or didn’t do. Think people are gonna sort that out?”</p>
<p>“Maybe not, but maybe Bryce goes to jail,” Ryan said happily.</p>
<p>“Do you really think he would? You seriously think that would happen?” Zach asked her.</p>
<p>“Maybe we should find out,” Alex suggested.</p>
<p>“I don’t want to. No,” Zach said.</p>
<p>“We cannot let Hannah pass on those tapes. Period,” Tony declared.</p>
<p>Unknown to them, Hannah was right outside at a nearby table, writing down notes of everything that the people behind her were a saying. How did she hide? She wore Clay’s hoodie to school, using the hood to hide her head and hair from the others.</p>
<p>She didn’t get everything, but she knew enough about what they likely planned to do. However, she also had another demon to confront. She took her stuff and walked away to find said demon. She knew where his first period was, so she went there to intercept him. She found him with a couple of the jocks.</p>
<p>“Jeff!” Hannah shouted.</p>
<p>Jeff turned and looked at her. Without hesitation, he dismissed himself from his buddies and approached her.</p>
<p>“Hey, Hannah,” Jeff said with a fake smile.</p>
<p>“Drop the fake smile. I have no time for anyone’s bullshit right now,” Hannah said firmly.</p>
<p>Right on cue, Bryce and Justin came outside. Both Jeff and Hannah were not happy to see him out here. The went somewhere else to avoid them. They found they could be alone in the stadium seating.  </p>
<p>“I know why you’re here. Are you gonna tell anyone?” Jeff asked her.</p>
<p>“After this weekend, yeah,” Hannah answered.</p>
<p>“But it’s over now,” Jeff defended.</p>
<p>“No. It isn’t. Not for her family,” Hannah said. “They still don’t know what actually happened to their daughter.”</p>
<p>“They know what happened. She was driving drunk,” Jeff insisted. “We don’t know that the sign caused the problem.”</p>
<p>“No. We do know what happened. Because I spoke with her right before she died. She had no alcohol on her breath, unless she drank several bottles in ten minutes, she was sober when she left that house. That and the news said that there was no alcohol in her system at the time of the accident…so they think she fell asleep at the wheel instead.”</p>
<p>Jeff shook his head. “This is why I didn’t want you to listen to my tape. I didn’t…I didn’t want you to see me like the others. Because she was my friend. Clay was too.”</p>
<p>“Do not throw that bullshit in my face!” Hannah yelled. “If you actually gave two fucks about either of them, you’d have immediately called the police to tell them that you had knocked the stop sign over, but you didn’t.”</p>
<p>Jeff looked at her in pain. “Other people know my secret. You’re different. I didn’t want you to judge me for the worst thing I’ve ever done.”</p>
<p>“How am I any different from anyone? Aside from your crush on me that I had no idea about?” Hannah asked with a demeaning, condescending tone. “You know what? Don’t even fucking answer that. I’ll just say this: a lot of people suffered because of what you did. And they deserve to know the truth.”</p>
<p>Jeff shook his head. “I made the biggest mistake of my life that night, Hannah. I don’t want it to ruin the rest of my life. Do you get that?”</p>
<p>“Because it’s all about you,” Hannah said without sympathy. She stood up and walked away from Jeff with a confident pep in her step. She was beyond trying to play favorites with who did and didn’t receive a thrashing from her.</p>
<p>“Wait, Hannah!” Jeff said, chasing her. “I’m trying to make up for it. Can you please meet me after school?”</p>
<p>“Why?” Hannah asked.</p>
<p>“I want to show you, before you reveal it to the world. Let me show you that I’m not like the other assholes on the tapes,” Jeff pleaded.</p>
<p>Hannah paused before she nodded. “Text me the address.”</p>
<p>Hannah left him alone.</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <em>Before</em>
</p>
<p>Hannah looked in Clay’s direction. She wanted to say something to him, to try and comfort him in any way possible. But she couldn’t…because she didn’t know what to say. She didn’t know how to help someone through this. She needed to be there, but she didn’t want to make it worse so soon after. So…she decided to wait until he was ready to talk to her, if he ever wanted to talk with her.</p>
<p>Clay buried his head in his locker, crying for the loss. And not just the loss, but the fact that his own friend, his old friend Jeff, was the one who hit the sign, and caused the accident in the first place. Few people gave him a second glance as he shed tears in the locker. He dried off his face and snot and closed his locker.</p>
<p>All around him were signs against drinking and driving. He hated them so much because he knew that wasn’t how the accident happened. He stepped out and found Jeff…who looked apathetic to everything.</p>
<p>Clay caught up with him. “Jeff, stop.”</p>
<p>“I don’t want to talk about it,” Jeff whispered.</p>
<p>“That accident was at the same intersection where we knocked over the sign,” Clay reminded him.</p>
<p>Jeff pulled Clay aside. “Be quiet. We don’t know that’s what caused it.”</p>
<p>“We don’t know that it didn’t!” Clay retorted. “How are you not even affected by this? Skye is dead because of this! You fucking sociopath. And I thought you were better than other people around this school.”</p>
<p>“Don’t call me that,” Jeff immediately said.</p>
<p>Mr. Porter walked up. “Hey guys. You two okay?”</p>
<p>“As good as we can be, considering,” Jeff said.</p>
<p>“What about you, Clay?”</p>
<p>Clay shrugged. “I’ve been better. But I’ll be fine.”</p>
<p>“Okay. If anything changes, or if you need anyone to talk to, I’m here,” Mr. Porter said.</p>
<p>Clay and Jeff very slightly nodded as Mr. Porter walked off.</p>
<p>“Keep your mouth shut,” Jeff demanded. “And I think it’s better if we don’t see each other again.”</p>
<p>
  <em>“And that’s what hurt the most, Jeff. That you just me away, like I was a tumor. I thought I was your friend. After that I was alone. I went through a lot in sophomore year, but what happened that night…that was more than I could live with.”</em>
</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <em>After</em>
</p>
<p>Hidden behind the curtains of the theater, Justin and Jessica were busy kissing and getting ready to have sex.</p>
<p>“What about—drama?” Justin said.</p>
<p>“No more. All good,” Jess said.</p>
<p>Justin laughed. “No. Drama class. If they walk in during first period, it’s gonna be awkward, no?”</p>
<p>Jessica rubbed down Justin’s stomach until she reached his crotch. “Let’s tell them we’re rehearsing a love scene. All those nerds could use a little lesson in what actual sex looks like.”</p>
<p>Jess kept on kissing an uncomfortable Justin. He stopped her. “Okay, that’s enough. I should at least show my face in first.”</p>
<p>“You’re just afraid we’ll be caught,” Jess said.</p>
<p>“No.”</p>
<p>Jess smirked. “Yeah you are. But if they can’t see us, we can’t be caught.” Jess stepped down to deal with the only light source on the stage, a single light bulb.</p>
<p>“Where’s the switch?” Justin said.</p>
<p>“Here’s one!” Jess started throwing bolts and screws.</p>
<p>“Whoa! What the fuck, Jess?”</p>
<p>“Come on! Let’s see who can break it first,” Jess said playfully.</p>
<p>“Break it? What are you, six?”</p>
<p>Jess lost her smile. “It’s a fucking light bulb.” She kept on throwing metal at it.</p>
<p>“What the fuck’s wrong with you?” Justin said, now angry. “Why are you acting so crazy?”</p>
<p>“Why aren’t you?” Jess threw pieces at him.</p>
<p>“Jess, cut it the fuck out.”</p>
<p>Jess kept on throwing things. “Throw it back.”</p>
<p>“Jess! What is happening with you?!”</p>
<p>“Nothing’s happening, right?!” Jess screamed.</p>
<p>Justin stormed out of the room. When she was alone, she started throwing everything around the stage and ended up knocking the light bulb down and breaking it, leaving her alone in the pitch-black.</p>
<p>“Shit…”</p>
<hr/>
<p>Jeff walked down to his next class, where Tyler found him.</p>
<p>“I saw you talking with Hannah,” Tyler whispered.</p>
<p>“What? How did you even see that?” Jeff asked.</p>
<p>“Long lenses,” Tyler explained. “Is she gonna turn you in?”</p>
<p>“We shouldn’t be talking about this.”</p>
<p>“But is she gonna turn you in?”</p>
<p>“I think so,” Jeff answered.</p>
<p>“You like her, don’t you?” Tyler asked.</p>
<p>Jeff shrugged. “She’s a beautiful girl, and before all this, she was a nice, if a bit abrasive to some assholes around here. Yeah, I kinda like her.”</p>
<p>“She was so nice to me,” Tyler commented.</p>
<p>“Okay, Tyler. Enough with this, what do you want?”</p>
<p>“Let’s talk to her, you and me,” Tyler suggested. “The other kids are trying to bring her down, and failing miserably, but you and I could talk to her. She might listen.”</p>
<p>“Hey, Jeff, is this asshole bothering you?” Monty. He finally came back after his suspension.</p>
<p>“No, he’s not,” Jeff answered sternly, very much disgusted with Monty.</p>
<p>“Look, just think about it, please?” Tyler begged Jeff.</p>
<p>“I gotta get to class,” Jeff said, and walked away.</p>
<p>“Jeff—”</p>
<p>“Leave him the fuck alone, creep!” Monty said loudly. He pushed Tyler against a wall. “Fucking leave him alone.”</p>
<p>Alex walked up to this. “Jesus Christ, Montgomery, leave him alone.”</p>
<p>“Or what? You want to go again? Your bodyguard isn’t here to protect you,” Monty threatened.</p>
<p>“Didn’t you just get back from suspension?”</p>
<p>Monty laughed. “Fuck you, Alex.”</p>
<p>“No, I’d rather not. You’re not man enough,” Alex taunted.</p>
<p>Tyler found that funny. Monty said goodbye to Tyler by softly slapping his cheek. Tyler found it…weird. A bit invasive.</p>
<p>“I suppose you expect me to thank you,” Tyler said.</p>
<p>“Actually, I’d like it if you never spoke to me again,” Alex mumbled.</p>
<p>Hannah was watching this from around the corner.</p>
<p>Hours later when school let out, Jessica ambushed Bryce in his car right after a marijuana dealer left his car, a dealer that was only around thirteen or fourteen years old.</p>
<p>“Fuck! Jess! You can’t sneak up on a guy like that,” he laughed.</p>
<p>“I didn’t know that kid was a dealer,” Jess said.</p>
<p>“My usual guy does house calls, but I gave my last bag to Marcus right before he got busted,” Bryce said.</p>
<p>“Is that bag for now or later?” Jess asked.</p>
<p>“Shit. You’re a stoner, too? What is it with the best and the brightest,” Bryce commented.</p>
<p>“Are you looking for some fun or what?” Jess asked with a flirty tone.</p>
<p>“Where’s your boyfriend?”</p>
<p>Jess shrugged. “Practice.”</p>
<p>“And why aren’t you?” Bryce asked.</p>
<p>“I’m still benched.”</p>
<p>“You kidding me? That’s fucked up,” Bryce mumbled.</p>
<p>“Yeah. So, are we gonna smoke or what?” Jess asked with an unnatural grin.</p>
<p>“Not here in the parking lot, are you crazy?”</p>
<p>Jess shrugged with wide eyes. “A little.”</p>
<p>“My parents won’t be back for a few hours. We can go back to my place,” Bryce offered.</p>
<p>“Or we can back to my place. My folks won’t be back for a couple of days,” Jess said.</p>
<p>“Are you gonna get me in trouble?”</p>
<p>Jess gave him a coy smirk. “Maybe.”</p>
<p>Bryce started the car and left the parking lot.</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <em>Before</em>
</p>
<p>Hannah frantically knocked on a door of a house that wasn’t hers. An elderly woman answered the door, finding Hannah in front of them, panicking.</p>
<p>“Were you just on the phone with your husband?” Hannah said quickly.</p>
<p>“Who are you?”</p>
<p>“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you. My name is Hannah.”</p>
<p>The old lady didn’t seem afraid. “What happened?”</p>
<p>“Your husband’s been in a car accident. He’s alive. The paramedics are with him, they’re taking care of him. They said an officer would come tell you, but he needed you to know right away, so here I am,” Hannah said.</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <em>After</em>
</p>
<p>Hannah stood outside of this place shocked. “No way.”</p>
<p>She knocked on the door, and the old woman answered the door.</p>
<p>“Hi, Mrs. Cantrell,” Hannah said. “I don’t know if you remember me.”</p>
<p>“Of course, I remember you, Hannah,” said Mrs. Cantrell with a beaming smile. “Jeff said a Hannah would be dropping by.”</p>
<p>Her husband came down the stairs.</p>
<p>“Hey, look who’s here!” Mrs. Cantrell announced to him. “She knows Jeff, did you know that?”</p>
<p>Jeff was right behind the old man, helping him carry things down the stairs.</p>
<p>“Hannah! Hello, how are you?” asked the old man.</p>
<p>Hannah gave them a grin. “Hello, Jeff, Mr. Cantrell.”</p>
<p>“Hey, Hannah,” Jeff said quietly.</p>
<p>“I’m so happy you two know each other. Please come on in,” Mrs. Cantrell requested, and Hannah acquiesced.</p>
<p>Not long after, Hannah and Jeff used walking the dog as an excuse to talk without them in the vicinity.</p>
<p>“The first time I cam here, I tried to tell them,” Jeff admitted. “I stood on the front porch, I just couldn’t get a word out. Mrs. Cantrell invited me in. The next time was dinner, and then I just started helping around the house.”</p>
<p>“They like you,” Hannah pointed out.</p>
<p>“They remind me of my grandparents,” Jeff said.</p>
<p>“I guess I misjudged you a little bit. I can admit that. But that doesn’t change that you didn’t tell them the truth,” Hannah said.</p>
<p>“It wouldn’t do any good. Mrs. Cantrell says he still has nightmares about it. I can’t put him through that again.”</p>
<p>“You mean you don’t want them to look at you like you’re a monster. You don’t want them to blame you for this,” Hannah corrected. “And what about Skye’s family? They deserve to know the truth.”</p>
<p>“I can’t face them,” Jeff said. “But I will tell them someday.”</p>
<p>“Someday? You need to tell them now,” Hannah insisted.</p>
<p>“Why?”</p>
<p>Hannah threw her arms in the air. “Every day they spend not knowing is painful. Every single day.”</p>
<p>“How do you know that?”</p>
<p>Hannah stared at him shocked as his stupid question. “Right now, they only know two things: one, their daughter is dead, and two, she had alcohol in the car. Everyone assumed, and a lot of people still incorrectly assume that Skye was drunk. Her parents already know that isn’t true. That also means they’re living with the pain of not knowing how their daughter died. They need this.”</p>
<p>“They need this? Or you need this?” Jeff replied.</p>
<p>“I barely knew her. Don’t even try that,” Hannah said. “You can’t keep this secret anymore.”</p>
<p>“It’s my secret. Not yours,” Jeff defended.</p>
<p>Hannah laughed. “It’s not a secret anymore. Twelve other people know about this, and one of us is dead. If you want to keep this secret, you’ll have to kill the other ten.”</p>
<p>She walked away, leaving Jeff a little bit shaken.</p>
<hr/>
<p>Jessica and Bryce returned to her home, and she brought him to a room with a safe.</p>
<p>“Am I high?” Jessica said with a slur.</p>
<p>“What? Jess you had two hits,” Bryce responded laughing.</p>
<p>“Two is a lot.”</p>
<p>Bryce shrugged. “Well, it’s more than one.”</p>
<p>Jess went straight to a safe and worked to open it.</p>
<p>“What’s in the safe?” Bryce asked.</p>
<p>“My dad would kill me if hew knew I could get into this thing,” Jess said. She opened it up to reveal several firearms, much to Bryce’s horror.</p>
<p>“Shit!”</p>
<p>Jess laughed. “Yeah. Dad’s packing.” She took out a gun.</p>
<p>“Fuck, Jess is that thing loaded?” he said, backing away, frightened.</p>
<p>“Of course not.” She instantly proved herself wrong when she unloaded the clip, and saw the bullets in it. “Well, fuck. Guess it was loaded. My bad.”</p>
<p>“Jess, you should not be handling a gun,” Bryce said, genuinely scared of this situation.</p>
<p>“Relax.” Jess knew enough to clear the bullet in the chamber. “It’s a Glock 19, up to 15 rounds, single action. Perfect for self-defense.”</p>
<p>Bryce didn’t notice the twinge of disgust in her voice, and the hint of a threat behind it, instinctive reactions born from her growing but still suppressed anger towards Bryce.</p>
<p>“I’ll take your word for it,” Bryce said.</p>
<p>“What? You don’t like a Glock?” Jess said softly.</p>
<p>“I’m not really from a gun family. We ski.”</p>
<p>Jess scoffed. “Is there a KFC around here? I smell chicken.”</p>
<p>Bryce blushed. “Fuck you.” He still didn’t take the gun, at least until Jess reassured him it was unloaded.</p>
<p>“Okay.” He held the fun and pointed it, holding it at a 90-degree angle.</p>
<p>“Only actors in Hollywood hold it that way,” Jess said.</p>
<p>He guided his hands to the right position. And throughout this whole time, her smile carried a hint of anger, a hint of spite and disgust. This was as close as she could get to fulfilling a desire to make him pay for what he did, a desire she didn’t realize she had.</p>
<hr/>
<p>She walked straight to another home, straight to Skye’s home.</p>
<p>Her mother answered the door. “Hi.”</p>
<p>“Hello, Mrs. Miller. I’m Hannah Baker. I knew your daughter,” Hannah said.</p>
<p>“You did? Well, come on in.” She brought Hannah inside to meet her husband. “Honey? One of Skye’s friends is here.”</p>
<p>“Who?”</p>
<p>“Hannah Baker.”</p>
<p>“Baker?” said her husband. “As in Baker’s Drug Store?”</p>
<p>Hannah laughed. “Very same.”</p>
<p>Skye’s parents looked worn and torn, just like Clay’s parents. It was an ominous sight.</p>
<p>“How well did you know her?” Mrs. Miller asked.</p>
<p>“Actually, I didn’t know her that well. We had a few classes together, but we didn’t talk much. Not until…that night,” Hannah admitted. She sat down with them at the table. “She asked me to keep an eye on an old friend of hers.”</p>
<p>“Who?” asked Mr. Miller.</p>
<p>“Uh…Clay Jensen,” Hannah said.</p>
<p>Mr. Miller smiled. “Those two were close when they were kids. I heard from Matt that Clay took it really hard. I guess no one realized just how hard.”</p>
<p>“Actually…that’s why I’m here,” Hannah said. “There’s something you need to know. I was hoping another friend of hers would be here with me…but alas…he didn’t want to come.”</p>
<p>“Okay,” Mrs. Miller said.</p>
<p>“I was the first person that made it there,” Hannah said.</p>
<p>The two adults perked up.</p>
<p>“I was on my way home, and I heard the crash.”</p>
<p>Mrs. Miller and Mr. Miller both became tense, with the latter holding the former’s hand.</p>
<p>“Keep going,” he asked, his voice shaking.</p>
<p>“I found Skye in the car. I tried to get her out of the car. I thought maybe I could try to do something,” Hannah described, her voice in pain. “I was the one who called 9-1-1.”</p>
<p>“Wait, you said you saw her at the party?” Mr. Miller asked.</p>
<p>“Yes,” Hannah confirmed. “I had a conversation with her right before I left. She barely left a few minutes after I did. I knew she wasn’t drunk, even though all alcohol in her car might have implied otherwise. I know the police already probably told you that.”</p>
<p>“They did,” Mr. Miller said. “They’re still trying to figure out what happened.”</p>
<p>“That’s why I’m here. Because I know what happened. The stop sign on the corner had already been knocked down earlier in the night. It was already down before the accident happened,” Clay described.</p>
<p>“How do you know this about the stop sign?” Mrs. Miller asked. “Did you knock it down?”</p>
<p>“No. I didn’t even take a car that night. I was walking,” Hannah said.</p>
<p>The Miller parents took a long moment to process this, at least until a crying Mrs. Miller politely escorted Hannah to the front door. She was in such agony, and Hannah felt beyond guilty for doing this. Maybe Jeff was right.</p>
<p>“Mrs. Miller? I’m sorry,” Hannah said.</p>
<p>“Why are you sorry?”</p>
<p>“Because I just came here and opened a wound,” Hannah said.</p>
<p>Mrs. Miller shook her head. “You don’t have anything to be sorry about. Thank you for telling us this.”</p>
<p>Mrs. Miller closed the door behind Hannah. She put on her Walkman’s headphones and walked down the street with no destination in mind, listening to Clay’s voice on this tape as she did. The sun was setting in the sky, and the cold was setting in.</p>
<hr/>
<p>As night set in, Hannah sat in Eisenhower Park. It was the park where the inappropriate picture of her was taken. Where her life spiraled down in sophomore year, and the first reason for which she didn’t notice Clay’s own agony.</p>
<p>
  <em>“I went to their house three times the week after Skye died. I still had their phone number and called. But I didn’t leave any message. I wanted…I needed to tell them, but I couldn’t. I just couldn’t…I know it was guilt that I was feeling. A whole lot of anger. Anger at Justin, anger at Jeff, anger at the whole fucking world and the way it works. But mostly at myself, for what I could have done, and didn’t do. That was mistake two. But there’s one more story to tell. One more mistake. A sad, stupid story. There’s so much wrong with the world, and I couldn’t take knowing that I only made it worse, and I couldn’t take knowing that it wouldn’t get any better…as long as I was around.” </em>
</p>
<p>Hannah removed the headphones. She noticed headlights pulling up. She wasn’t even surprised at this point when Sheri and Charlie stepped out of the car and approaching her, sitting on the swings to either side of her.</p>
<p>“Hey,” Hannah said quietly.</p>
<p>“Hey,” Sheri and Charlie said at the same time to her.</p>
<p>“You know…I was the one who called in the car accident. I was there to see Skye all mangled up in that car, dead,” Hannah told them. “I just thought I should tell you that.”</p>
<p>“Jesus,” Charlie said. Nobody else knew about that.</p>
<p>“I’m still wondering why he didn’t tell anyone about the stop sign,” Hannah said.</p>
<p>“I think he was afraid,” Sheri said.</p>
<p>Hannah pulled the tape out of the Walkman. Her hands trembled, and she started hyperventilating. She even dropped the tape. “It’s mine. Isn’t it? It’s my tape up next. That’s why you’re here.”</p>
<p>Charlie and Sheri nodded.</p>
<p>“We saw you talking with Jeff at school this morning. It only made sense,” Charlie said. “That’s why we wanted to be here with you.”</p>
<p>Hannah’s lips started trembling. And she started crying. “Clay…I’m sorry.” She held her stomach, and slid to the ground, curling into a ball, terrified. All her anger, all her barriers shattered upon the realization of what she was about to face.</p>
<p>Sheri came to her aid first, pushing Hannah’s hair out of her face and wiping away her tear, softly caressing her face with a tender look. Charlie came to her second, kneeling next to her and wrapping his arm around her shoulder.</p>
<p>“Rape…death…what did I do that was worse?” Hannah asked. She didn’t address either of them particularly.</p>
<p>Hannah picked up the tape and held it.</p>
<p>Tape 11.</p>
<p>Tape 6, Side A.</p>
<p>The tape of Hannah Baker.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Tape 6, Side A</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Clay and Hannah grow closer. Jessica's and Justin's erratic behavior reaches a boiling point at Bryce's house. Hannah spends a painful night listening to her tape.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Hannah walked off towards the car, but stopped abruptly. “I don’t know if I can do this…”</p><p>“Just get in the car, Hannah. We’ll just drive…anywhere. Anywhere you want. I got a full tank of gas,” Sheri said.</p><p>Hannah breathed shakily, much to the worry of the two people behind her. She took very slow, deliberate steps towards Sheri’s car. It was so stupid. It was just a car, just a tape…and yet…she was so afraid of both. The car was a prison, and the tape was a condemnation waiting to happen.</p><p>But she willed herself to move and make it into the car. She owed it to Clay to hear him out. She owed it to their child to see this through. She slid into the middle of the backseats and buckled herself in. Sheri slid into the driver’s seat and Charlie in the front passenger’s seat.</p><p>
  <em>“I’ve told you about the two worst decisions I ever made, and the damage left behind in their wake, the people who got hurt. But there’s one more story, one more bad decision I almost made. This one…this one’s on me. And it wasn’t the decision to go to the party. But it was that night, that same night.” </em>
</p><p>Hannah heard the change in his voice. His voice was so contemptuous and perpetually angry and spiteful. But now…it was almost musical. It was like he was trying to soothe her.</p><p>
  <em>“Do you remember that story I was saving for later? Well…here it is. Truly, this is my tape. This one is mine, but obviously I can’t get it back. So I’m giving this tape to the other person. That person is you. Hannah. This one…This tape is for you.” </em>
</p><p>Hannah held her headphones. Sheri looked at her in the rearview mirror, devastated to see Hannah breaking down. Charlie was equally so. They both felt her pain. They knew exactly what she was going through.</p><hr/><p>
  <em>Before</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Hannah? I know you’re asking yourself what you did? Or what you could have possibly done. What else could have happened on the night of Jessica’s party.”</em>
</p><p>That day, right after Clay got his haircut, he and Hannah got ready to leave the Crestmont.</p><p>“Good luck with your fresh start,” Hannah complimented. “I’m kind of envious. I wish I could just make a change like that.”</p><p>“Well…you do have a lot of hair to cut,” Clay joked.</p><p>“Nah, I like it long. It’s easier,” Hannah said. “Consistent.”</p><p>“Really? I wouldn’t have thought so.”</p><p>“Oh believe me. This shit growing off my head gets fucking tangled. But it’s worth it. I like it,” Hannah said. “Not as much as I like other things.” She gave Clay an appreciative glance, one that Clay immediately read for all it meant.</p><p>
  <em>“Part of me was hoping you’d ask me again. And another part of me was saying not to go, not even for you, Hannah. I should have listened.”</em>
</p><p>Hannah walked away. Before he rode off, Clay looked at her. He bit his lip and touched his own neck, remembering the feel of her lips on his neck, and the touch of her hands across his skin. All he wanted was to feel something like that again. Feel loved and seen again, like he meant something to someone. He wanted to be there for her.</p><p>
  <em>“And my mind went back to the night I showed you the moon. I remembered just how peaceful and happy we were. And I thought…maybe we could have something like that again. Because…I always liked you Hannah. You are who you are. You got a lot of shit for it, but you got through it. You inspired me. You made me believe that I could do the same.”</em>
</p><p>Later on in the night, Hannah got bored in her own house. She was already ready for the party, which was said to be starting at seven, which was code for it happening at nine. But she had literally nothing else to do so she left her house. Her parents were too busy mulling over their financial problems to notice when she left.</p><p>She went over to Jessica’s house on foot. She wasn’t used to walking that distance and her feet were a little sore. She could only imagine how it would have felt if she wore nice heels instead of practical walking shoes.</p><p>
  <em>“I wonder if you regret going to Jessica’s.” </em>
</p><p>Hannah rang the doorbell.</p><p>Jess opened the door. “Hannah? You’re early.”</p><p>“I got bored,” Hannah said. “Anything I can do to help?”</p><p>“Sure, come on in. I hope you’re not against the physical stuff,” Jess said.</p><p>Hannah laughed. And for a moment, it seemed like everything that happened between them was forgotten, like they were the close friends they were at the start of sophomore year. Hannah came in to find Monty and Zach moving a keg full of beer.</p><p>Jess handed Hannah two bags full of snacks. “You do the snacks.”</p><p>“Any special order? Mixed. Some mixed. None mixed. Special mixture,” Hannah said.</p><p>Jess smirked. “Be bold. You make the choice.”</p><p>Hannah nervously bit her lip. What did she decide? She decided to be a troll. She got a bunch of big bowls and mixed all the snacks together, knowing that some people were not going to be fond of it. But she couldn’t help herself but indulge in a little bit of “mischief”. She was still putting the snacks together when others started arriving.</p><p>Jeff found her. “Hey, Hannah. You’re here.”</p><p>“Hey, Jeff. Where’s Sheri? She said she’d be here,” Hannah said.</p><p>“She’ll be around. I’m hoping Clay will come here,” Jeff said. “I’ve been hoping our work together will get him to be a little better…at…people. Does that make sense?”</p><p>Hannah nodded. “Yeah.”</p><p>Jeff leaned a little bit close to Hannah’s ear. “He really likes you.”</p><p>“I know,” Hannah said, blushing.</p><p>Jeff laughed and wandered off into the party. It was not even five seconds later that Alex found Hannah. “Hey, Hannah.”</p><p>“Hello, Alex. What’s up?”</p><p>Alex shrugged. “It’s a party. I’m pretending to have fun.”</p><p>“Yeah?”</p><p>Alex shook his head. “Not really. It’s part of my ongoing plan to hang around Jessica enough that she gets annoyed and falls back in love with me.”</p><p>“That’s your big plan? I think you’d be better off just giving Jess her favorite flower or something. Most of us girls prefer those smaller gifts to stares,” Hannah said with sincerity.</p><p>Alex looked like he had an epiphany.</p><p>“JEN-SEN! JEN-SEN! JEN-SEN! JEN-SEN!” the crowd chanted, dramatically announcing his entrance, him and his new hairstyle.</p><p>“Cool! Clay came! Let’s annoy Jessica together, all three of us!” Alex said.</p><p>But her eyes were completely glued to Clay. All she saw was him for several seconds. He was the most gorgeous human in the room, bar none. He was the only one for her, the only one here who could make her heart palpitate. It was enough that she had to retreat outside for the moment.</p><p>Clay was still inside, where he found a familiar face playing the piano.</p><p>“Skye? Is that you?” Clay knelt next to her. “Wow. I almost didn’t recognize you.”</p><p>“Nice to see you too, Clay. Nice haircut.”</p><p>“Thanks. I’m glad that you’re here,” Clay said with a smile. He touched her hair. “And nice dye job.”</p><p>“Thank you, Clay.” Skye looked at him. “You know, she was just here staring at you, right?”</p><p>“Who?”</p><p>Skye looked at Clay like he was an idiot. “Do I really need to spell it out? She’s here. Go get her.” Skye had nothing but a smile, which Clay found astoundingly beautiful. It had been a long time since Skye Miller had smiled.</p><p>Clay went outside. He got nervous when he spotted Hannah inside the house on the couch.</p><p>“Clay…”</p><p>“Hello, Jeff…what are you and Skye tag-teaming me again?” Clay said.</p><p>“Wait, Skye actually came? Where is she?” Jeff asked. “Anyways, you know who else is here? Hannah.”</p><p>“She is? That’s cool. I hope she has a nice time,” Clay said.</p><p>“You just got here, and you’re leaving?” Jeff said shocked. “Hannah’s in there. You need to go in there and talk to her.”</p><p>“She’s talking to someone else. She’s busy,” Clay claimed.</p><p>“Well, then that’s your cue. Take a swing,” Jeff encouraged. “You’ve got a fat slider in your sweet spot. Swing the bat through the strike zone, and hit it out of the park.”</p><p>“I’m aware those are all baseball terms. And the last time I hit it out of the park, it didn’t go so well.” And Clay immediately regretted saying that.</p><p>Jeff looked at him shocked. “Wait…What did you just say? You and Hannah…did you guys?”</p><p>Clay’s sheepish expression told Jeff everything he needed.</p><p>“Oh my God…Clay, dude? Are you serious? But…why aren’t you two a thing? What happened?” Jeff said in a ramble.</p><p>“The fucking Hot-or-Not List. We kind of just got lost in all the fucking shit,” Clay described.</p><p>“Well…fuck me, Jensen. Get the hell in there, man!” Jeff said. “Cause she’s a beautiful girl, and…someone else might try to swoop in and snatch her up.”</p><p>Clay glared at Jeff. “That someone being you?”</p><p>“Maybe. Or maybe I’ll just settle for kicking your ass,” Jeff said with a grin.</p><p>“You’d never kick my ass.”</p><p>“Don’t tempt me,” Jeff warned. “Go talk to her! Now! Go, go, go! I mean, you came here because of her right? Don’t pussy out now!”</p><p>Jeff pulled Clay and pushed him into the house. Clay glared at him, but it was a playful glare as he was pushed around inside the house. He looked around for Hannah. He found her sitting nearby, obliviously looking out the window.</p><p>
  <em>“I had talked with you a million times before. And this wasn’t even the first time we went a little further than that. Tonight was different. I was nervous, because I was trying to be different. I didn’t know if I could still…break the ice as they say.” </em>
</p><p>Clay approached her. “Hey.”</p><p>Hannah turned around and almost jumped on him. “Clay! You came! I was afraid you wouldn’t!”</p><p>“I felt a little rebellious,” Clay joked.</p><p>“Oh really?” Hannah gasped. “You slacked off today, didn’t you?”</p><p>Clay looked at her extremely guilty. “Maybe.”</p><p>Hannah giggled.</p><p>“Do you want a drink?” Clay offered.</p><p>She nodded. Clay got up and started to leave. Hannah followed behind him.</p><p>
  <em>“It’s so strange. I don’t understand why I was nervous. It was like I was trying to learn what I liked, because I spent so long around people who were unhealthy that I forgot what it felt like to have something healthy. You made it seem easy. It’s like around you, Hannah, I remembered myself. Who I was.”</em>
</p><hr/><p>
  <em>After</em>
</p><p>Hannah took the headphones off. “I was fucking petrified that night. I didn’t want to screw it up again.”</p><p>“Again?” Charlie asked. “What do you mean?”</p><p>“Long story,” Hannah deflected. “But he’s not saying like how it really happened.”</p><p>“No,” Sheri said. “But he’s telling you how he saw it. It’s his truth. He thought you made it easy. You didn’t think so. Nothing malicious behind that, just…different perspectives.”</p><p>“I guess you would know. Both of you,” Hannah commented. “I guess…that’s why you’re here. You don’t my truth.”</p><p>“Precisely,” Charlie said. “And…we don’t know what’s gonna happen when you find out his.”</p><p>“Thank you. Again…I guess I’ve been saying that to you a lot,” Hannah said.</p><p>“Okay. Time for a subject change,” Sheri announced. “Can you tell me what the fuck you guys were doing yesterday morning?”</p><p>Charlie laughed. “It was nothing.”</p><p>“Didn’t look like nothing.”</p><p>Hannah laughed with them. “It was just a little…test.”</p><p>“Yeah. This guy’s had a crush on you since you first moved here,” Sheri said.</p><p>“Sheri!” Charlie shouted. He blushed, and buried his face in his shirt. Hannah was appreciative of the levity they brought to the atmosphere.</p><p>Hannah got a call. She was surprised to see who it was.</p><p>“Mrs. Jensen. Hi,” Hannah said.</p><p>“Hello, Hannah. And call me Lainie. Are you okay?”</p><p>“Yeah, I’m okay…aside from grossing out my friends with some of my dietary preferences now,” Hannah joked.</p><p>Sheri winced in disgust, and Charlie made sounds like he was gonna throw up just from remembering the ketchup and peanut butter situation.</p><p>“When I was pregnant, it was mustard and pickles. My husband couldn’t stand seeing me eat those things,” Lainie said with a laugh.</p><p>“Mine are French fries covered in ketchup and peanut butter,” Hannah said.</p><p>Long moment of silence.</p><p>“Everything okay?” Hannah said.</p><p>“Yeah…I’ve…That’s a new one,” Lainie admitted. “Anyways, Matt and I were talking, and we were hoping that we could have dinner together. You and your parents.”</p><p>“You’re inviting us over to dinner?” Hannah asked.</p><p>“Yes.”</p><p>“I’m not actually home right now. And I haven’t told them…” Hannah whispered.</p><p>“You haven’t told them you’re pregnant?” Lainie asked surprised.</p><p>“No, no, no. I have. I just didn’t tell them who got me pregnant. They never asked me.”</p><p>Lainie sighed.</p><p>“You know what? I’ll be over for dinner. You know where I live, right?” Hannah asked.</p><p>Lainie said, “Yeah. Why?”</p><p>“I don’t know what time I’ll be in. I think you should go over to their house and talk with them,” Hannah said.</p><p>“What? You want us to tell them? Isn’t that something you want to do?” Lainie asked with concern in her voice.</p><p>“Yeah. I think I should’ve told them, but I’m busy doing an important project with friends. You have my permission to talk with my parents. I’ll be there as soon as I can. But can I ask you something?”</p><p>“Of course,” Lainie said softly.</p><p>“Are you allowed to tell me anything about the case?” Hannah asked.</p><p>Lainie sighed. “I’ll talk to you about it after what I can tell you. Okay?”</p><p>“Alright.”</p><p>Hannah hung up the phone.</p><p>“Did she tell you anything?” Charlie asked.</p><p>“No.”</p><p>“You don’t think they’ll just settle, do you?” Sheri asked the other two.</p><p>Both of them only shrugged at this. They couldn’t answer it.</p><hr/><p>Mr. Porter and Principal Bolan were meeting in the latter’s office.</p><p>“The Jensens turned down our settlement offer,” Bolan told him. “They want to move forward with the trial.”</p><p>“What? Was it the money? It wasn’t enough,” Porter asked.</p><p>“Sonya thinks it’s this Lainie and this lawyer they got with them. They’re hungry, and they think they can win.”</p><p>Porter looked at him worried. “Based on what? What do they have?”</p><p>“Hell if I know,” Bolan mumbled. “Have we found a smoking gun?”</p><p>“There’s the school magazine. The graffiti.”</p><p>Bolan scoffed. “Yeah. Sonya’s concerned that we painted over it. It could be construed as destroying evidence. And I’m not about to let this school go down at the hands of whatever disturbed sophomore latched onto the term ‘cum dumpster’. And I’m not gonna let them pin this on our staff or on you and Jane and me.”</p><p>“Do you think they’re headed for that?” Porter said.</p><p>“Apparently, they’ve already sent out the subpoenas. Students and us. We both knew this was coming.”</p><p>“Yeah,” Porter admitted. “I just didn’t want it to get this far. These kids have been through so much already.”</p><p>Bolan shook his head, very much not happy with this. “They’re about to go through so much more.”</p><hr/><p>One kid that was going through a lot was Justin Foley. His neighbors were alerted to something going on in their house, with a lot of tumbling noises and yelling. It was clearly between Justin and Amber Foley’s newest boyfriend Seth, the very same Seth from whom Hannah bought drugs to plant on Marcus. Not a stable household.</p><p>So unstable that Justin stormed out with nothing but some clothes in his athletic bag.</p><p>He called Jessica. “Hey. It’s me. I can’t stay at my house tonight. Call me back when you get this.”</p><p>The phone was right in front of Jessica. She quickly saw that she had a voicemail from him.</p><p>“Who’s on the phone?” Bryce asked.</p><p>“Nothing. Just some cheerleading bullshit,” she lied. “What are we gonna do next?”</p><p>“You tell me. You’re the one with a taste for danger,” Bryce joked.</p><p>Jessica thought about it. “How’s the hot tub at your place?”</p><p>“Hot…and this beer is cold,” Bryce said.</p><p>“Well…let’s go.”</p><p>She and Bryce left her house to go to his.</p><hr/><p>
  <em>Before</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Let’s start with the part of the party I left out.”</em>
</p><p>Hannah and Clay found a little spot in the kitchen where they could be. And Clay, as usual, had his nerd talk for her.</p><p>“So…the idea is you can have a superpower, but it has a drawback. Like the triple-take. You can freeze everyone for as long as you want, but when they unfreeze, you’re frozen for three times as long,” Clay described.</p><p>“You read this in a book?” Hannah asked.</p><p>“No, I made it up for those real-life situations where you wish had a superpower to get you out of,” Clay said.</p><p>“What superpower would you want? What would you use it for?” Hannah asked.</p><p>“Well, right now, I’m not in a situation I want to get out of,” Clay said.</p><p>“What kind of situation are you in?”</p><p>He shrugged. “A party situation.”</p><p>“But if you had a superpower…what would you want it to do?” Hannah asked. She leaned closer to him.</p><p>“What would you want yours to do?” Clay said.</p><p>Hannah thought about it. “I’d…make everyone else disappear.”</p><p>“And then what?”</p><p>Hannah smirked. “Maybe we would—” Beer squirting on her cut her off. “Get the fuck out of this building.”</p><p>“Say no more. You okay?”</p><p>Hannah nodded. And they left and sat down outside on a couple of chairs outside. Hannah immediately noticed that Jeff was watching them.</p><p>“Why is he watching us?” Hannah asked Clay with a funny expression.</p><p>“He takes interest in my social life,” Clay answered.</p><p>Hannah didn’t believe him. “So…you tutor him academically, and he tutors you in?”</p><p>“Girls. Or…more accurately one specific girl…who he just means a lot to…” Clay said.</p><p>“Does he know that this specific girl…had a really fun night with you?” Hannah said with a suggestive lip bite.</p><p>Clay’s blush was all she needed to see. And Hannah wasn’t upset with him for it. What did make her upset was some random boy coming between them.</p><p>“Hannah! Clay!”</p><p>Clay didn’t like this either. “Hey, Troy.”</p><p>“You two are gonna come over there and play beer bong,” Troy declared.</p><p>“I’m not big into sports with balls,” Clay said.</p><p>Hannah giggled.</p><p>“All sports have balls,” Troy claimed.</p><p>“Badminton. Swimming. Track and field. Rowing. Figure skating. Those are all sports that don’t use balls,” Hannah said in support of Clay.</p><p>“Oh, well…I guess you’re right.”</p><p>And then came a savior in Jeff. “Hey, Troy. We’re gonna let these kids be for the night. And you’re beer ponging.”</p><p>Hannah gestured inside and shrugged. Clay accepted her wish. They held hands and went inside the house and up the stairs.</p><p> “It’s, like, easier to talk at work,” Clay said.</p><p>“Not for everyone who wants to watch a movie,” Hannah said.</p><p>“Or eat popcorn. So annoying, they should do that somewhere else. I’m gonna start a petition. Contact my Congressperson about this problem.” Clay complemented all his words with massive bombastic gestures.</p><p>Clay lost his smile. “I think I’m gonna have to stop working at the Crestmont.”</p><p>“Why?” Hannah said devastated.</p><p>“I want to devote all my time to classes. My mother says that I don’t need to work, as much as I love to. It’s give me more time to do what I want during the day.” Clay gave her a once-over with a smirk.</p><p>“If it’s any consolation, I won’t be working there for much longer. Maybe up to October, but that’s about it,” Hannah said. “My parents want me to help out around the drug store more. And if I’m being honest, I’d rather stay at the Crestmont. After all, when else am I ever gonna get to see an eclipse with you? I…would love to do it again,” Hannah said. She punctuated her words by touching Clay’s hand.</p><p>“Jesus, your hand’s freezing.”</p><p>Hannah retreated. “Sorry.”</p><p>“But…I would love to help you warm up a little,” Clay said.</p><p>The moment was cut short by a random couple coming out of Jessica’s room.</p><hr/><p>
  <em>After</em>
</p><p>Hannah took off her headphones. “Stop the car.”</p><p>“Okay.”</p><p>“So everyone else. They heard about this, too?” Hannah asked them.</p><p>“Yeah,” Charlie said.</p><p>“Of course, they do. I guess I’m like everyone else,” Hannah mumbled. She stared out the window, waiting for the car to come to a stop. She shed a tear, holding her stomach as she thought back to that night. Really, that was the night that he gave her their child. A night she did not regret, and one that she wanted to relive…at least she did before she realized that this night was the subject of the tape. It ruined the memory, thinking about what she did without even knowing.</p><hr/><p>That night, Zach was enjoying dinner with his mother and sister, May.</p><p>“You have more points and more rebounds than Justin. I don’t know why you’re not captain,” said his mother.</p><p>“That’s not how they choose captain, Mom. I don’t even want to be captain,” Zach said.</p><p>“You are the best player,” May complimented her brother.</p><p>“That’s right. That’s what matters,” said their mother.</p><p>Zach noticed several texts from Justin, all of them short and brief, a desperate cry for help. “Justin’s just going through some stuff. He’ll be back.” Zach put down his phone and ignored Justin’s desperation.</p><p>Elsewhere, the Standall family was putting away the leftovers of their dinner. The elder Standall son, Peter, spoke with his and Alex’s father, Deputy Bill Standall.</p><p>“So, like always, you go outside to work things out. The bouncer gets between us, and this kid pops him in the face,” said Peter.</p><p>“No,” said Bill.</p><p>“He did. So my job is basically done. I let the bouncer do his work. I go back inside to my beer.”</p><p>Deputy Standall smile in approval. “Good job. Alex got into something the other day.”</p><p>“Really?”</p><p>Alex shrugged. “It was nothing. It was stupid.”</p><p>“Didn’t look like nothing,” Peter said with a laugh, admiring the remnants of his brother’s bruises.</p><p>“A family of brawlers. That’s what I got here,” he said with absolute pride. “I gotta keep you two on the right side of the law.” </p><p>The doorbell rang. Alex answered it, and it was Justin.</p><p>“Hey. I’m…sorry. Is it alright if I crash here tonight?” Justin asked.</p><p>“Seriously?”</p><p>Justin shrugged, with a flicker of guilt in his eyes. “Yeah, I know. But Jessica and Zach, they won’t answer my texts, my calls, nothing. I don’t have anywhere else to go.”</p><p>“Why don’t you just stay at Bryce’s?” Alex asked.</p><p>“You know why.”</p><p>Alex certainly did.</p><p>“Look, I can sleep in the garage.”</p><p>“Not happening. You’re not a hobo,” Alex reassured Justin.</p><p>“I can climb through the window. Your parents don’t have to know.”</p><p>Bill yelled, “Alex. Who is it?”</p><p>“It’s Justin.” Alex’s father came to see for himself. “Is it alright if he spends the night? We have some homework.”</p><p>“That’s fine. How you doing, kiddo?” Bill asked.</p><p>“I’m good, sir.”</p><p>Bill smiled. “Good. How’s the team this year?”</p><p>“Uh good. I think we have a shot this year,” Justin told Bill with a fake smile.</p><p>“Excellent. Have you eaten?”</p><p>Justin shook his head.</p><p>“Come on in. We’ve got leftovers, steak, everything.”</p><p>Justin came into the house, with Bill treating him like a third son, a nice pat on the back, and nothing but encouragement. A better father in just a few seconds than anyone else had been to him in his life.</p><hr/><p>There were several people still burning the hours away at Liberty High. Among them were Kevin Porter and Pamela Bradley. The latter stopped by Kevin’s office.</p><p>“Pam,” Kevin said. “Working late.”</p><p>“You too. I got Gary’s email about the lawsuit. We might be deposed?” Pamela asked.</p><p>Kevin nodded. “Yeah. The lawyers think that it’s likely.”</p><p>“Likely? Wow…”</p><p>Kevin leaned forward. “Are you worried about something in particular?”</p><p>Pamela closed the door. “Look. It might be nothing. But last year, at the end of the year, we had an anonymous note. For me and the class. It didn’t specifically mention suicide, but it was someone who was despondent. Now…I’m wondering if it was written by Clay.”</p><p>“Do you have reason to believe it was?” Kevin asked.</p><p>Pam nodded. “Hannah Baker said it was.”</p><p>“Hannah Baker. When did she say this?”</p><p>“Just a few days ago. She didn’t say why she thought so,” Pam said.</p><p>“Did you ask her?”</p><p>“I intend to. I just haven’t had the opportunity. I’ll pull her aside and talk to her privately,” Pamela said.</p><p>“We should see what we can find out, or if you hear anything else from the other kids.”</p><p>“For the lawsuit?” Pam asked.</p><p>“For that. For the kids. And…unless someone asks, I don’t think we should share this,” Kevin suggested.</p><p>“Uh…uh…Yeah. Of course,” Pam said, stammering.</p><p>Kevin’s phone went off. “My wife. I’m late.”</p><p>Pam smiled, but she was noticeably uncomfortable.</p><hr/><p>Justin scarfed down steak that was cooked rare. He practically inhaled the food, such was his hunger.</p><p>“Dude, you could choke. Just…don’t choke, please,” Alex said.</p><p>“This steak is the shit!” Justin said, thoroughly enjoying himself. “It’s so fucking good! Your dad cooks?”</p><p>“My mom cooks. My dad grills,” Alex said.</p><p>Justin nodded, moaning as he ate. “Where is your mom?”</p><p>“At the hospital. She does four days on, four days off. 12-hour shifts.”</p><p>Justin’s phone started ringing. It was Jessica. He immediately answered.</p><p>“Jessica, what took you so long?”</p><p>She scoffed on the other end of the phone. “Seriously, Justin? Now you’re all concerned about what I’m doing?”</p><p>“I’m sorry about today,” Justin said.</p><p>“Is that Justy?” said Bryce’s distant voice.</p><p>Justin freaked. “Are you with Bryce? What the hell are you doing?”</p><p>“We’re hanging out at his place,” Jessica said.</p><p>“Tell him to get his ass over here!” Bryce yelled.</p><p>“Who else is over there? Is anyone else there with you guys?” Justin asked.</p><p>“Who are you? My dad?” Jessica asked annoyed. “Whatever. I gotta go.”</p><p>“Don’t hang up!”</p><p>She did exactly that, much to the fright of Justin.</p><p>“What the hell was that?” Alex asked, surprised by Justin’s reaction.</p><p>“I need to go to Bryce’s. Can you drive?” Justin said.</p><p>Alex nodded. "Let's go."</p><hr/><p>Late into the night, Hannah’s parents worked at the drug store.</p><p>“Any word from Hannah?” Olivia asked.</p><p>“No.”</p><p>Olivia glared at Andy and his lack of a concerned voice. “You’re not worried?”</p><p>“Sweetheart, she’s probably with Sheri,” Andy said.</p><p>“I just…I’ve messaged her a few times and she hasn’t responded,” Olivia said worried.</p><p>“Baby, she’s a teenager. Let her enjoy herself while she still can. It won’t be long before she has to grow up way faster than she should,” Andy said.</p><p>“I just—with everything that’s happened. The traffic accident, the boy…I think I have a right to be worried. I mean, the emails have all said that suicides occur in clusters. Basically, one inspires another,” Olivia told him.</p><p>“Honey. Hannah hasn’t made a drastic change in her appearance. She’s not withdrawing from people. And her grades may have slipped just a little, but I don’t think that’s enough to think the worst.”</p><p>“Right now, I’d rather be paranoid and be wrong, than ignore the signs and something bad happens,” Olivia said.</p><p>Andy accepted it. Right as this discussion ended, there was knocking on the door.</p><p>“Oh. Sorry we’re—” Andy cut himself off when he saw who was knocking on the door.</p><p>“What is it?” Olivia asked.</p><p>“Uh, it’s the Jensens,” Andy said.</p><p>“What?”</p><p>Andy approached the door and unlocked it.</p><p>“Hi,” said Matt. “Can we talk?”</p><p>“Uh…” Andy hesitated. “Sure, why not?”</p><p>He allowed Lainie and Matt into the store. Olivia gave them nothing but a warm smile.  </p><p>“Matt. Lainie. It’s so good to see you. How are you holding up?” Olivia asked them.</p><p>“We’re…hanging on,” Lainie answered.</p><p>“Actually, we came here to talk to you two. About your daughter,” Matt stated plainly.</p><p>“Hannah. Why?” Olivia said in confusion.</p><p>Matt and Lainie glanced at each other, not knowing exactly how to say this.</p><p>“Well,” Lainie started. “Hannah came to visit us about a week ago. She told us that she was pregnant.”</p><p>Andy looked at them surprised. “Why—why would she do that?”</p><p>“She said that…our son was the one who got her pregnant.”</p><p>They looked at them like they were insane. “Are you sure?” Andy asked.</p><p>“Yes,” Lainie answered, to her husband’s surprise.</p><p>Olivia rubbed her head stressed. “I don’t understand…why wouldn’t she tell us this?”</p><p>“Actually, that’s part of the reason we came here,” Lainie said.</p><p>“What do you mean?” Andy asked worried.</p><p>“I called Hannah earlier. I was hoping that we could all sit down together for dinner and talk about this situation,” Lainie explained.</p><p>“You mean her baby?” Olivia asked her.</p><p>Lainie nodded. “When I called her…I could hear it in her voice. It sounded like she was crying, and she gave us permission to tell you. She had a really flimsy excuse for why she wouldn’t be here.”</p><p>Olivia immediately started to freak out. “What do you mean? What did she say?”</p><p>“She said she was doing a project with some friends. The last thing Clay said he was doing was a project…I think it was his excuse to be left alone,” Lainie said fearfully.</p><p>Olivia almost had a panic attack right there. She got out her phone and immediately called Hannah.</p><p>“Come on, baby please pick up,” Olivia quietly pleaded.</p><p>After several long seconds, Hannah answered. “Hi, Mom.”</p><p>Olivia breathed a sigh of relief. “Hannah, baby. Where are you?”</p><p>“Whoa, Mom. Calm down. I’m with Sheri,” Hannah said.</p><p>“Yeah, but where are you?”</p><p>“We’re on the road, just driving around,” Hannah said.</p><p>“Hi Mrs. Baker!” Sheri shouted.</p><p>Olivia sighed with relief.</p><p>“Mom? What’s wrong?”</p><p>“Nothing sweetie. Nothing. I just got worried,” Olivia said, still sighing with relief.</p><p>“No need to worry, Mom. I’m good. Where’s Dad?”</p><p>“I’m right here sweetie,” Andy said. He was standing right next to Olivia.</p><p>“You both sounded terrified. What’s going on?”</p><p>“Uh…” Olivia said. For a long moment, she didn’t know what to say. She looked at Matt and Lainie. “The Jensens stopped by.”</p><p>“Yeah, they called me earlier. They were asking me if they wanted to have a dinner. All…five of us,” Hannah said.</p><p>“They told us something interesting,” Andy said.</p><p>“Yeah. I said they could tell you.”</p><p>“Why didn’t you tell us sweetie?” Olivia asked.</p><p>Hannah sighed. “I was planning to tonight, actually. Lainie just caught me off guard with the dinner call. I said they could tell you.”</p><p>“Sweetheart. Please come home. I think this would be better if we all spoke in person,” Olivia requested.</p><p>“Of course. I’ll be back as soon as I can, okay?” Hannah reassured.</p><p>“Okay. We love you, sweetie,” Olivia said.</p><p>“I love you too.”</p><hr/><p>Hannah hung up the phone.</p><p>“Do you want to talk about it?” Charlie asked.</p><p>“Later,” Hannah said. She looked out the driver’s side window. They were going up the small mountain nearby with a great view of the city. “Where are we going?”</p><p>“A good place I know. I sometimes come up here when I need to be alone, or I need to decompress after a fight with my mom,” Sheri said.</p><p>She parked on the side of the road near the rail. She turned off the car. “You want to stay in here?”</p><p>Hannah nodded.</p><p>“We’ll be right outside if you need us,” Sheri said. She and Charlie left the car and sat along the edge of the precarious cliff to overlook the city. Charlie looked back at the car, not just concerned, but with a look of pain. Personal pain. He remembered Hannah’s kiss…and yet now they just seemed to ignore it.</p><p>Inside the car, Hannah put her headphones back on. It took her several long seconds to finally press play.</p><hr/><p>
  <em>Before</em>
</p><p>Hannah and Clay were alone upstairs. They seized the chance to be alone in Jessica’s familiar bedroom, the place where they had their first kiss.</p><p>“Oh look at that. She still has that rock collection,” Hannah said.</p><p> “Didn’t she say that she used to treat them like pets?” Clay asked. He closed the door behind them.</p><p>“Yeah. I never understood the concept of pet rocks,” Hannah commented.</p><p>“Well…they don’t die,” Clay said. “Or eat too much or crap on the floor.”</p><p>Hannah started messing with the rocks.</p><p>“Stop it! You’re killing her pets,” Clay joked.</p><p>“What did she name this one?” Hannah asked.</p><p>“I think…Stone Stone…Same first, same last name.”</p><p>“I think we should rename him…Clay…I always liked that name,” Hannah said.</p><p>“And I like the name Hannah.”</p><p>Hannah was done with this wordy foreplay. She opted to take charge, just like she did before. She stood up and kissed him. He kissed her back. There wasn’t as much awkwardness, no teeth hitting each other. It was like they were picking up where they left off from the night of the eclipse.</p><p>
  <em>“At that moment…everything was perfect. For the first time in a long time, I could imagine a future where I was happy. How good life could be. I know you felt it too.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>In that new world, that better world, filled with warmth and hope, Hannah and Clay were shameless. They had no problem showing affection in public. They didn’t care about the glances, the implied belief of other students that Hannah was nothing more than Clay’s beard. Or for others who still saw Hannah as the class slut, that Clay was just the latest in a long line of guys. And Matt would be nothing but appreciative of Hannah being in Clay’s life. </em>
</p><p>Hannah broke off the kiss with Clay to ask him, “Can I lead it this time?”</p><p>Clay laughed. “Yeah.”</p><p>Clay took of his hoodie and his sweater. Hannah playfully pushed him onto the bed and straddled him, still wearing her skirt and her shoes. She kept on kissing as they both tried to get her clothes off.</p><p>
  <em>“I wanted you to do everything you were doing. I don’t have a fucking clue why my mind took me everywhere else.” </em>
</p><p>Hannah touched and massaged his body, lifting him up so that he could kiss her. She was more than eager to have him again. He was a drug to her. He was her own personal street drug, the only one that could bring her to cloud nine.</p><p>
  <em>“I thought of everyone else. All the people that turned on me, the people who destroyed my life, and the people who made me feel like a piece of meat. They all became you.” </em>
</p><p>Clay’s heart raced as the images of these people, all the assholes who had hurt him, came flooding back. As happy as he wanted to be, he couldn’t. Marcus pinning an exam theft on him. Justin sending an inappropriate video from Clay's phone, and then acting nice to him. Bryce forcing Clay to kiss him. And so many more.</p><p>“Stop! Get off me!” Clay demanded. He pushed her away.</p><p>“Whoa! Whoa!” Hannah said, freaked out. “Did I hurt you?”</p><p>“No. Just stop it!” Clay repeated.</p><p>Hannah stood up off the bed and back away from Clay. He scooted down to the foot of the bed. Hannah looked at him, devastated. “What happened? I thought it was okay. Clay…I’m sorry.”</p><p>“Leave me alone, Hannah,” he said with his bare back to her. “Just go.”</p><p>A horrified Hannah picked up her light jacket that was tossed to the floor. “Are you okay?”</p><p>“I don’t want you in here. Get out,” Clay said harshly, finally turning to face her.</p><p>“Clay…”</p><p>“GET THE FUCK OUT!” Clay screamed in tears.</p><p>
  <em>“And the whole time, I hated myself. Because I saw what I was doing to you. I saw how much what I said hurt you. I hated that I did that to you. And…I never said it, but part of me was begging for you not to leave.”</em>
</p><p>Hannah walked out the door and shut it behind her.</p><p>
  <em>“But you did as I asked…but I guess somehow you heard me begging.” </em>
</p><p>Not a minute later, she came right back in through the door. She locked it behind her.</p><p>“I’m not leaving until you tell me why.”</p><p>“Hannah…” Clay said weakly.</p><p>“The night you spent at my house. The Winter Formal. I know what happened then. I know why you pulled away from me. I’ll leave, but…not until you tell me why. Just tell me,” Hannah begged.</p><p>Clay opened his mouth to speak. He couldn’t say a word. All he could do was cry and sniffle on the edge of the bed. Hannah didn’t let him suffer alone. She knew what that was like. And she was there for him. She held him close, sitting on her knees behind him, and cuddling him. She was the rock that kept him from being swept away by a rough river.</p><p>“I’m sorry,” Clay said. “I’m so sorry. I don’t know what happened. I…I can’t even explain it.”</p><p>Hannah shook her head. “You don’t have to.” She massaged his shoulders, and she really felt just how tense he was.</p><p>
  <em>“It was a rollercoaster that night. Highest high, lowest low, and just when I thought it was gonna get worse, before it got really bad, you were there to pull me back. You saved me, at least for the moment right there.” </em>
</p><p>Clay stood up. He embraced Hannah outright, sighing with relief. “I’m sorry.”</p><p>“You don’t need to apologize, Clay,” she reassured him.</p><p>They pulled apart to look at each other. He stroked her face and her hair…and then to her surprise, he kissed her.</p><p>“Whoa, Clay…I don’t know if—” She cut herself off…and decided that she would let this happen. Let Clay’s outburst be forgotten for a little bit, and maybe expect an explanation in the coming days.</p><p>She kissed him back.</p><p>“Is this okay?” Hannah asked him.</p><p>“Shouldn’t I be asking you that?”</p><p>Hannah chuckled. “Consent goes both ways.”</p><p>
  <em>“Hannah. You gave me the most memorable time in my life. And not just that night. You were always the brightest light in a dark room. You were always the one to make me smile when I thought it was impossible.” </em>
</p><p>Clay kissed her again. They kissed each other deeply, hungry to pick up where they had left off, before Clay’s mind took him everywhere else except this happy moment. But now there was nothing to rip him out of this moment.</p><p>Hannah stripped herself of her skirt single-piece top, and her bra. Clay stripped himself of his pants and everything in one motion. In seconds, Hannah was just as naked as he was. There was no shyness between them now. There was nothing here that neither of them hadn’t seen before. Clay confidently touched Hannah’s skin, knowing about a special spot on her hip, and another one in the crux between her neck and shoulder. He pushed her hair out of the way and sucked her right on that spot, instantly sending her into a euphoric high she hadn’t felt for a long time.</p><p>She responded in kind. She was more direct. She grabbed Clay by his hard cock. She stroked him slowly, wanting him as hard as she remembered he could get. There was nothing gentle about it this time. They wanted each other, and they weren’t about to waste another moment.</p><p>Clay pulled Hannah to the bed. He got on his back and lay across it. And she once again straddled him. This time, there was nothing between them except the cold air. And she was more than eager to get going with this.</p><p>With much more confidence than the night of the eclipse, Clay held Hannah by her hips, and aligned himself so that she could slide down on him. And she didn’t hesitate to do that. This familiar feeling, this ecstasy, this euphoria that would never fade came back to him like a powerful wave.</p><p>Hannah leaned forward on him, her hair hanging towards his face. He rubbed her stomach and back, digging his large fingers into her soft skin. He pushed up against her, but that was pretty much all he could do. Last time was his control. This time was all about her.</p><p>And for Hannah, she hadn’t felt like this in a long time. She hadn’t felt powerful, or in control of anything. But here was the most intoxicating, invigorating event in her life, and she was the one who was controlling it.</p><p>And she was too far gone in her pleasure to think of trying to draw out this moment. She went all the way there fast. She brought Clay with her as she rode him. His hands travelled all over her. Up her stomach and chest, all up to her boobs. She held his hands there for a while, goading him into massaging them. He gave her just what she wanted, just like before.</p><p>And it wasn’t long before they broke through the roof, and enjoyed an enormous surge inside of both of them. In her case, it rippled all through her body, like waves of a tingling and pulsing sensation, almost out of this world. It was fantastical, something that wasn’t from the real world, something that people spent their life chasing. And here it was, just for her, and more real than anything else.</p><p>For Clay, it was a powerful shockwave reverberating inside of him. With every pulse of his cock inside of her, it was an instant pressure wave that made him groan and gasp for air. It robbed him of anything else. All that existed was the high, the euphoria of this moment that could not be captured or imitated by anything else.</p><p>He stayed inside of her for several seconds, until she rolled off of him, and laid down next to him, snuggling with him.</p><p>“So…how was that?” Clay asked, catching his breath.</p><p>“That…was fucking amazing,” Hannah said.</p><p>Hannah snuggled with him. The emotional and physical highs and lows from what just happened took their toll on her and she fell asleep on him. No more than a few minutes when her phone started ringing, waking her up. Any other call would’ve been ignored, but this was her mother’s ringtone. She didn’t get up in time to answer her phone. She saw that it was past ten. Hannah didn’t have a curfew, but her mother definitely didn’t like her staying out so late.</p><p>“Shit…” she mumbled. She turned around to find Clay still nude and asleep. Hannah quietly got dressed. She gave the sleeping Clay a kiss and left the room. On impulse, she playfully stole and wore Clay’s hoodie outside. She made sure the door was locked behind her so that nobody would go into the room while he was still asleep.</p><p>Hannah sent him a text.</p><p>
  <em>Hey. Sorry that I left. Mom called. I stayed out way later than I was supposed to.</em>
</p><p>Not long after, Clay woke up alone.</p><p>
  <em>“I woke up, you were gone. I didn’t see the text you sent me until a couple days later. But I wasn’t upset then. I figured you had your reasons. That night was one of the best of my life. Or rather…it would have been had everything not gotten so much worse afterwards.”</em>
</p><p>Clay got dressed and went out the door. However, before he could even leave the room, he spotted figures coming up to the door, a couple of kids making out. Clay quickly ran back, and in his haste, hid just out of view of the bed.</p><p>And thus set forth the events that led to Jessica’s rape and Skye’s death.</p><hr/><p>
  <em>After</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Hannah…”</em>
</p><p>Clay’s voice was breaking on the tape, like he was close to outright breaking down and sobbing.</p><p>She was in tears, listening to Clay’s soft voice. This was the Clay she remembered. A nice guy who treated her like a human instead of a piece of meat. A boy who tried to be nothing but a friend to everyone around him.</p><p>
  <em>“Your name does not belong on this list. But as I was making these, I realized something. I knew that I couldn’t leave you out of it. You’re the best part of my story. The only thing unequivocally good. Because you’re different. You’re not like everyone else. You’re good, kind, and decent. And I didn’t deserve to be with someone like you.” </em>
</p><p>“No…” Hannah mumbled.</p><p>
  <em>“I never would. And you didn’t deserve to be with someone like me, someone who would just drag you down with him. You deserved better.”</em>
</p><p>“No, Clay…”</p><p>
  <em>“And you deserved to know what happened. I wish I would have thought of that before all this. Because…then I would have just made these for you, so that you’d know. I am so sorry, because I know this couldn’t have been easy for you. Listening to me sounding so angry, and thinking that you did something when you didn’t. I put you through so much, and now I realize it. It’s too late to go back now.”</em>
</p><p>Hannah was completely shattering to pieces, because…she didn’t feel like any of what he was saying was real. She still saw herself as the one who did the worst. And not just because of the fact that she lost him, but because she felt that she was not the good person Clay knew, not anymore. She felt like that part of her had been lost.</p><p>
  <em>“Hannah. These tapes are yours. You do what you want with them. I love you, Hannah. I know you loved me. But you’ll find someone else. I know you will. I hope you have a good life.” </em>
</p><p>And then the tape ended. Hannah sat in the car for several agonizing minutes, the pain in her heart tearing her body to pieces. She felt like she was made of glass that was already broken, ready to collapse into tiny pieces at the slightest touch.</p><p>“FUCK!”</p><p>She punched the dashboard…hurting her own hand. She stepped out of the car, feeling sick. Charlie and Sheri quickly jumped and went to her as she collapsed onto the ground.</p><p>“I just left him…I left him there…” Hannah said, loudly sobbing. “This is all my fault!”</p><p>“Hannah, none of this is your fault,” Charlie said.</p><p>“No…I…” She wiped away snot dripping from her nose. “I left him there. I just left him. I should’ve known.”</p><p>Sheri held Hannah’s shoulders. “You couldn’t have known.”</p><p>“He freaked out on me. And then…I left him there. Why didn’t I stay with him? I left him…and then he saw Bryce rape Jessica, the stop sign, then Skye got killed…and it all started with me…”</p><p>“You think you could have changed anything?” Sheri asked firmly. “You really think you could’ve changed any of this?”</p><p>“I could’ve told him how I felt,” Hannah said. “If I had just stayed, it would’ve been different.”</p><p>Charlie knelt down. “Hannah. He knew that you loved him. He knew that already. Even if you didn’t tell him. And you couldn’t have known what was gonna happen. None of this is your fault. You. Me. Sheri. We all know whose fault this is. We know who did all of this. And where it all started.”</p><p>Hannah calmed down a little. “Bryce…”</p><p>“He chose to rape a girl. And Jeff chose not to say anything about the stop sign. They did that. Not you,” Charlie said softly. He held her hands in his.</p><p>She pulled them both closer to her. Hannah needed their warmth. She needed them with her, she needed the close. She needed to feel like she was alive, and right now, only they could keep her alive. Because right now, there was the temptation to jump down off the cliff, to end her and her baby’s life, so that in her mind they could be with Clay forever. The family that they could have been in life, they would be in death.</p><hr/><p>Elsewhere in the darkened city, there was quite a bit of action at the Walker residence. Yet another party at his residence, of which there were numerous, even within a few weeks. And here was Jessica Davis, playing cards with Bryce and Zach, and she was winning all the money. She made sure to rub this in their faces.</p><p>However, two new arrivals, Justin and Alex, were not happy with her being here.  </p><p>“Justy! Alex! It’s about fucking time! Come on, these cards are getting stale,” Bryce said.</p><p>“Actually, Jess and I have something planned,” Justin claimed.</p><p>Jessica scoffed. “No, we don’t.”</p><p>“We were gonna get late dinner. Let’s go.”</p><p>Jessica laughed. “When did we ever talk about dinner? Before or after you walked out on me today?”</p><p>Bryce had to resist trying to laugh at Justin’s expense, not that Justin noticed or cared.</p><p>“Justy? Sounds like you’d better make it up to her by losing a few hands. Sit,” Bryce demanded.</p><p>A very uncomfortable Justin sat down at the poker table. It took some physical force from Jessica to get the equally uncomfortable Alex to sit down with them. And then a spiteful Jessica sat on Bryce’s lap to piss off Justin. And it worked…</p><p>“Jess? What the fuck?!”</p><p>She pushed the deck to him. “Your deal.”</p><p>“I don’t want to fucking play cards right now,” Justin mumbled.</p><p>“I said your deal!” Jessica shouted. She threw some cards at Justin’s face, with one of them nearly catching his eye.</p><p>“Jess!” Zach said shocked.</p><p>“Shit…” Bryce mumbled.</p><p>“Of fuck this! Let’s go,” Justin said to Jessica. When she didn’t stand up, he pulled her off Bryce and out of the pool house. “We’re leaving now. I don’t want you hanging out here again.”</p><p>Jess furiously pulled herself from Justin’s grip. “Don’t touch me like that! Don’t you ever touch me like that!”</p><p>“Buddy. Calm down,” Bryce said.</p><p>“You stay the fuck away from her!” Justin yelled at Bryce.</p><p>“What is your problem?” Jessica said.</p><p>“Guys, this doesn’t need to happen,” Zach said, attempting to deescalate this.</p><p>“Maybe it does,” Alex said.</p><p>“What are you doing here with <em>him</em>?” Justin said, his voice hurt and strained.</p><p>“We’re just having fun. Why do you care?” Jessica sounded like she was drunk.</p><p>“Why the fuck are you here with Bryce?”</p><p>Jessica’s smile disappeared. “Why do you care?” she repeated. “Tell me!”</p><p>No answer from Justin.</p><p>“Tell her,” Alex encouraged him.</p><p>Justin shook his head. “Let’s go, Jess.”</p><p>“Tell me why you fucking care!” she screamed.</p><p>“Because he fucking raped you!”</p><p>Jessica stared at him, hurt and devastated to realize that her memories were real…and that Justin had really been lying to her this entire time.</p><p>Bryce put on his charm and tried to approach Justin. “Look, brother—”</p><p>“I’m not your fucking brother!” Justin screamed. He charged at Bryce, intending to beat him up, if not kill him. Zach intervened, holding Justin back. The rest of the guys held back Bryce.</p><p>The whole time, Justin was screaming for Zach to let him go and let him kill Bryce for what he did. Zach didn’t let him go for even a split-second, not wanting that to happen. Eventually, Justin calmed down enough to give up on that.</p><p>However, Jessica was not so calm. She glared at Justin with nothing but fury in her eyes, fury so powerful that it rivalled the fury Hannah felt towards Tyler when he confessed to spying on them the night of the eclipse.</p><p>“I HATE YOU!”</p><p>She slapped Justin and left.</p><p>Bryce and the other boys were all glaring at Justin.</p><p>“What the fuck did you just do?” Bryce said to him.</p><p>Justin had just as much hate for Bryce as Jessica did for Justin. And every other boy looked around, barely able to process what had just happened here.</p><hr/><p>Matt looked through various boxes in his son’s closet, all his son’s old shoes. He nearly broke down when he found the shoes his son wore to the Winter Formal. He held them close to his heart and put the box back. And then he opened another…and found a cassette. It had “ballad mix” written on it. There was case of unused cassettes in here too.</p><p>And then there was a paper. There were names written all over it. Some were scratched off, and others were circled. The names were:</p><p>SHERI?</p><p>TYLER</p><p>TONY</p><p>MARCUS</p><p>ALEX</p><p>RYAN</p><p>MR. PORTER</p><p>JEFF</p><p>HANNAH (a bunny was drawn next to it)</p><p>JESSICA</p><p>JUSTIN</p><p>ZACH</p><p>BRYCE (circled several times with a wolf drawn next to it)</p><p>The only name that wasn’t circled or crossed out was:</p><p>CHARLIE</p><p>All of these names, save for Sheri and Charlie, were all connected with arrows. Matt had no idea what to make of this.</p><p>Downstairs, his wife was with the Bakers.</p><p>Olivia texted Hannah.</p><p>
  <em>Change of plans, honey. We’re at Matt and Lainie’s house.</em>
</p><hr/><p>Hannah saw the message…right as they arrived at Hannah’s house.</p><p>“Well…my parents are with the Jensens,” Hannah said to the other two.</p><p>“Nice timing,” Charlie mumbled.</p><p>“Well, at least you noticed if before you got out of the car…and before I’d end up driving off,” Sheri said.</p><p>Hannah chuckled. She received another text. “Oh, that’s why…”</p><p>Charlie turned to look back at her. “What?”</p><p>“The Jensens turned down the district’s last settlement offer. I’m apparently on the list for the depositions,” Hannah said.</p><p>“Like…you’re gonna testify?”</p><p>“No, a deposition is just an interview. Several of them are done to get a feel for the overall story. They gather everyone’s versions of events and use them to establish a general idea for what happened,” Sheri said. “I’m willing to bet you and I are on that list, too.”</p><p>“Good to know,” Charlie commented.</p><p>Hannah had a thought. “Sheri?”</p><p>“Yeah?”</p><p>“Clay made a copy of these tapes, right?”</p><p>Sheri pulled a cassette out from the console and showed it to her. “I was the one that gave him the tape recorder, and the copier. I never would have thought it would have been for something like this.”</p><p>“I want the tape copier,” Hannah said. “Clay said these tapes are mine. I want to keep these.”</p><p>Sheri nodded. “Okay.”</p><p>Charlie looked at her worried. However, Hannah’s smile when he turned to face her put him at ease.</p><p>But not everyone in the town was at ease. One such soul was Jessica Davis. She lay in her bed in tears, finally facing the truth of what happened to her. What Bryce did to her.</p><p>And it only got worse when Bryce texted her.</p><p>
  <em>Hey. You okay?</em>
</p><p>Evermore acting like he did nothing wrong. Such was the monster he was.</p><p>And such pain did he cause Jessica, who threw her phone against the wall when she saw the message, and buried her face in her pillow, stifling her loud cries.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Tape 6, Side B</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Clay finds himself at another party after a stressful fight with his parents. Various students are served with subpoenas. Hannah goes through her most reckless action yet.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>BEWARE! Rape scene ahead, as you already figured out.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Hannah awakened in her bed. She was still wearing her clothes from the day before. After showering and changing, she came out for some breakfast.</p>
<p>“Good morning,” Andy said.</p>
<p>“It’s not good. I’m tired as hell,” Hannah slurred.</p>
<p>“Yeah, welcome to the club,” Olivia said. “So…how does this paternity test work?”</p>
<p>“They just draw some blood. That’s pretty much it. Then they separate my DNA from the baby’s. And that’s that,” Hannah said. She slid into a chair.</p>
<p>“You have any weird cravings? Your mother’s was pickles and ketchup,” Andy said.</p>
<p>Olivia glared at him, sucking in her lips.</p>
<p>“Well…I’m craving ketchup too,” Hannah said.</p>
<p>Her parents stared at her.</p>
<p>“And?” Olivia said.</p>
<p>Hannah smirked. “Ketchup, French fries…and peanut butter.”</p>
<p>Andy dramatically dropped his fork. “What?”</p>
<p>Olivia moved like she was gonna throw up.</p>
<p>Hannah sniggered. “The looks on your faces…that’s exactly how Sheri and Charlie looked at me when I started eating that in front of them.”</p>
<p>“Yeah…that’s a new one,” Olivia said. “I’ve never heard of that before.”</p>
<p>Hannah had an enormous epiphany. “Well…an episode of Dragon Tales had Ord giving everyone hot dogs…and then saying that he didn’t have any ketchup because he used it on his peanut butter sandwiches.”</p>
<p>Andy shook his head. “Please tell that a childhood show did not inspire you to try that.”</p>
<p>“It didn’t, Dad. Believe me, my brain is telling me how that’s so freaking disgusting…but…it just tastes good…right now,” Hannah said guiltily.</p>
<p>And then the doorbell rang. Everyone’s smiles vanished. They knew what this meant.</p>
<p>“I’ll get it,” Andy said.</p>
<p>He answered the door, finding a cop. “Are you the legal guardian of Hannah Baker?”</p>
<p>“I am,” Andy confirmed.</p>
<p>The cop handed Andy a manila folder. It was the subpoena for the deposition. Hannah was being called to speak about what happened to Clay, and about Liberty High School in general. And Hannah knew she wasn’t the only one.</p>
<hr/>
<p>Tony was among them. He was walking through the halls while speaking to Marcus on his phone.</p>
<p>“Marcus. Did you get one?” Tony asked.</p>
<p>“Yeah,” Marcus answered.</p>
<p>“Bolan, Childs, and Porter. I overheard them in the office. They all got one,” Tony said.</p>
<p>“Same with Ryan and Zach,” Marcus said.</p>
<p>Tony covered his mouth and whispered. “It’s gotta be Hannah. How else did they get our names? She must have given them the tapes.”</p>
<p>“We don’t know that for sure. It could’ve been Clay’s texts.”</p>
<p>Tony sighed. “We need to make a plan.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, and we need to stop texting. If they get our text records, we’re fucking done,” Marcus said. “I’m barely holding on as it is. We gotta meet in person.”</p>
<p>Tyler approached Tony. “Did you get a subpoena too?”</p>
<p>Tony glared at him.</p>
<p>“Who is that?” Marcus asked.</p>
<p>“I’ll call you back.” Tony hung up. “Be quiet, Tyler.”</p>
<p>“Why? Subpoenas are public record. Everyone knows,” Tyler said.</p>
<p>“Nobody knows about anything. You’re gonna keep it that way,” Tony whispered harshly, his hate for Tyler standing out firmly.</p>
<p>“I want in on whatever you’re all doing,” Tyler said. “I know more than anyone. I know a lot more than is on those tapes, and I have proof.”</p>
<p>“Proof of what?” Tony asked.</p>
<p>“What do you think? What have you done around here that you don’t want anyone to find out about?” Tyler asked.</p>
<p>“Shut up, you fucking creep!” Tony demanded.</p>
<p>“Oh, Tony. Is that any way to speak around a delicate lady like me?” Sheri said sarcastically. She snuck up on both of them.</p>
<p>Tony looked at Sheri with complete shock on his face.</p>
<p>“What happened to Marcus was nothing. Back the fuck off,” Sheri threatened.</p>
<p>Tony back away. Sheri made sure to add a little bit of cred to her implied threat by stepping closer to him. Tony then hurried away from her and Tyler.</p>
<p>Sheri turned around to a very surprised Tyler. Neither of them had a chance to say anything. Monty came down the stairs from nowhere and shoved Tyler to the ground before running off. Tyler wasn’t having any of it, running after him and pushing Monty back.</p>
<p>He was very quickly overpowered by Monty. He shoved Tyler against the wall.</p>
<p>“Get your fucking hands off me!” Tyler yelled.</p>
<p>Bryce got there first, trying to calm things down. “Come on, Monty. Back off.”</p>
<p>Monty didn’t. “You touch me again, I’ll kill you.”</p>
<p>And a second later, Monty was on the ground, holding his crotch in agony. He was coughing and gasping for breath. Sheri had come to Tyler’s rescue, kicking Monty right in the balls from behind. She stared at him contemptuously.</p>
<p>“Montgomery de la Cruz. Fucked in the ass by a girl…twice now,” she taunted with a flat voice. That was more than enough to put everyone around her into an uproar of laughter and snickering.</p>
<p>As Bryce laughed, he asked Tyler, “You okay, man?”</p>
<p>“No!” Tyler yelled, pushing Bryce away. “I’m sick of this shit.”</p>
<p>“Bryce. Leave. Go take your boyfriend to class or something, and give him ice for whatever’s left of his tiny testicles,” Sheri said. “Tyler, walk with me.”</p>
<p>It took Bryce and Tyler a long while to comprehend this whole scenario. Tyler was the first to move, and he was incredibly confused.</p>
<p>“You were in on the Marcus thing?” Tyler asked her.</p>
<p>“Yeah,” Sheri confirmed.</p>
<p>“Good. Fucking high and mighty asshole had it coming,” Tyler commented. “But…why did you help me?”</p>
<p>Sheri didn’t answer.</p>
<hr/>
<p>Jessica was not at school. She came into her room…where Justin had already snuck in.</p>
<p>“Jesus! Justin!”</p>
<p>He had a look of pure remorse and guilt all over his face. “I’m sorry. I just needed to see you.”</p>
<p>“I’m gonna fucking scream. No…I’m calling the police,” Jessica said, speaking so quickly that she almost mixed all the words into one word.</p>
<p>“Jess, I’m sorry. I was trying to protect you.</p>
<p>She stared at him, dumbfounded. “Protect me? Are you serious?”</p>
<p>“I thought that if you didn’t know, if no one found out—”</p>
<p>“What?” Jess yelled. “That I would be okay? I’d just go one with my life? We’d get married and live happily ever fucking after?!”</p>
<p>“That’s what I wanted. For us to be together forever,” Justin claimed.</p>
<p>Jess shook her head, still furious. “You let him!”</p>
<p>“I was drunk, and I was scared,” Justin claimed.</p>
<p>“So was I!”</p>
<p>“Bryce was—”</p>
<p>“Don’t say that name!”</p>
<p>“I’m sorry!” Justin yelled back. “It’s just—It’s just that—”</p>
<p>“It’s just nothing!” Jessica screamed. “I don’t care what your excuses are. I don’t want to hear anything you have to say to me. I want you out of my fucking house! Right now! Or I will call the police and report you for this.”</p>
<p>The doorbell rang.</p>
<p>Jessica said, with tears streaming down her face, “I’m going to get that. And you’re going to leave out through the window. And you will never come back here again. And I just have one last thing to say…I hope you never understand what it’s like to be raped.”</p>
<p>She left Justin alone and in tears in her bedroom. He punched a wall in his anger. “I’m so sorry…”</p>
<hr/>
<p>Hannah stopped by Monet’s with her headphones, her Walkman, and the twelfth tape. She pressed play.</p>
<p>
  <em>“Here we are. Tape 12. If you’ve listened this far, and you haven’t heard your name, you already know exactly what’s coming. And you know exactly what you did.”</em>
</p>
<p>The contempt and anger in Clay’s voice returned.</p>
<p>
  <em>“Or maybe you’re so fucking clueless that you have no idea. Could a person be that sick? Well…we’re gonna find out. But first, we have to go back to the worst day of my life. The beginning of it.”</em>
</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <em>Before</em>
</p>
<p>Clay was sitting on the stairs, writing down things in his notebook for some homework. He was listening to his mother and father in the dining room.</p>
<p>“This damn client. I haven’t someone so prone to idiocy,” Lainie said. “I mean, I’m sitting right there with him, and he just keeps on talking and talking over me.”</p>
<p>“Not all clients will have a decent IQ,” Matt said.</p>
<p>“Yeah…but…it’s just fucking annoying.”</p>
<p>“As annoying as I was when I was a baby?” Clay shouted.</p>
<p>“No. This guy’s worse than a baby, Clay,” Lainie shouted back.</p>
<p>Clay came to see them.</p>
<p>“And what about the payments on the house?” Lainie asked Matt.</p>
<p>“Well, we’re gonna need some help. That fucking renovation in the damn shed took a good chunk of our money, right as you hit this little snag,” Matt said, without a</p>
<p>“Dammit…and these fucking cases have been dragging. The firm has decided that I get all the shit cases for a little bit,” Lainie said. “Perfect timing.”</p>
<p>Matt laughed. “Well, maybe they think you’re just that good.”</p>
<p>“No matter. If I don’t start winning some of these cases, I’m not sure how much longer we can avoid foreclosure,” Lainie said.</p>
<p>“Why don’t you just use my college savings?” Clay asked.</p>
<p>“What?” Lainie said shocked. She looked at Clay like he was crazy, finally ignoring all the paperwork strewn about the table.</p>
<p>“If we’re having financial difficulties, I wanna help.”</p>
<p>“They’re not your money problems. They’re ours,” Matt said. “And besides. This ain’t our first snag. We’ll get through it.”</p>
<p>“Use it now. I can take out a loan, and take a gap year,” Clay suggested.</p>
<p>“It’s not such a bad idea. I mean, hell <em>I </em>took a gap year,” Matt said.</p>
<p>“We. Are. Not. Considering. This,” Lainie said.</p>
<p>“Thanks for punctuating your sentence for emphasis, Mom,” Clay dryly remarked.</p>
<p>“We are not jeopardizing your future,” Lainie decreed.</p>
<p>“It’s my future. I get a say in it, don’t I?” Clay asked.</p>
<p>Lainie stood up. “That money stays in the bank. We’ll just figure this out like we always have.”</p>
<p>Clay laughed.</p>
<p>“Shit,” Matt interjected. “I was supposed to take the bank deposit in today. It’s due this afternoon.”</p>
<p>“I can do it,” Clay said.</p>
<p>“That would be a huge help,” Matt said. “Lainie, you good with that?”</p>
<p>Lainie threw her hands up. “No opposition from me. Clay, you can take my car.”</p>
<p>Matt gave Clay the bag of the money.</p>
<p>“Love you!” Clay shouted as he left the house. He went to his mother’s car, and his phone started ringing. He was carrying all of his stuff with one arm, so he put some things on the roof of the car, including the bag with the deposit for the bank.</p>
<p>He answered the phone.</p>
<p>“Hannah?”</p>
<p>“Helmet,” Hannah said.</p>
<p>“What’s up?”</p>
<p>“Well, first, I am here to tell you that I am at the Crestmont. And I was also wondering if you’d be up for another party,” Hannah asked.</p>
<p>Clay shivered. “No thanks. Not after the last one.”</p>
<p>“Look. Clay…” Hannah started. “I know it’s been hard for you since that night. And I really get it. But…I also just…want to make sure you’re okay.”</p>
<p>“Well, I’m fine, Hannah. Really, I am,” Clay reassured her.</p>
<p>“I’m also hoping that we can pick up where we left off. Maybe…finally do something about this unspoken thing.”</p>
<p>Clay laughed. “Okay, Gamora.”</p>
<p>“Star-Lord,” Hannah said with a giggle. “If you change your mind, it’s at Bryce Walker’s house. Make sure you bring a swimsuit.”</p>
<p>Clay shivered again, far more strongly.</p>
<p>“Shit, I gotta go. I got a bunch of errands to run. If I don’t see you at the party, see you on Monday, Helmet!”</p>
<p>“Wait, Hannah!”</p>
<p>Hannah already hung up. Clay sighed. He grabbed his things off the roof of his mother’s car and got in. However, he forgot the bag of money on the roof of the car. As he drove away, forgetting the bag, it flew off the roof of the car onto the road.</p>
<p>He went straight to the Crestmont. He found Hannah in the booth.</p>
<p>“Helmet. Hey. You know I could have brought this to your house after my shift,” Hannah said.</p>
<p>“I was going to the bank anyway. And…I wanted to come see you. I mean…we haven’t really spoken in a while. Even at school,” Clay said.</p>
<p>Hannah blushed. “I just wanted to give you as much time as you needed.”</p>
<p>“How long are you still here for?” Clay asked.</p>
<p>“Two more weeks. After that, we’re both gone, and the new guard will officially be inducted into the mythical Crestmont theater,” Hannah said with incredible drama.</p>
<p>Clay smelled something. “It smells like part of this new guard burned the popcorn last night.”</p>
<p>Hannah snickered. “You can thank the new guy for that. He’s sweet, but God Almighty he’s…really struggling with the simple things here.”</p>
<p>“I guess they already found my replacement,” Clay mumbled.</p>
<p>“There’s no replacement for the one and only Clay Jensen.”</p>
<p>Clay grinned. He opened his mouth to speak.</p>
<p>
  <em>“I wanted to tell Hannah everything that happened the night of Jessica’s party. How could I tell her anything about it? What could I say to her?” </em>
</p>
<p>“I gotta go. I have some toilets to plunge,” Hannah said.</p>
<p>“Why don’t you get the new guy to do it?” Clay asked her.</p>
<p>Hannah closed her eyes in guilt. “I <em>am</em> the new guy…”</p>
<p>Clay chuckled.</p>
<p>“And I am also supposed to ask you to turn in your uniform.”</p>
<p>“Seriously? They want that back?” Clay asked.</p>
<p>Hannah nodded.</p>
<p>“Well…see you around,” Clay said to her. Hannah left the booth to plunge the toilets.</p>
<p>Clay was about to open his check when he remembered the bag of money. He dug around the car, everywhere looking for it. He did everything to find it, and even got out his phone to see if he could retrace his steps…and then he looked at the roof of the car and realized that he never took it off the roof the car.</p>
<p>“Oh…fuck me…fuck me…” Clay muttered. He got in the car and sped away.</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <em>After</em>
</p>
<p>Hannah found Sheri in the library.</p>
<p>“Hey,” Hannah said. “Did you bring it?”</p>
<p>Sheri pulled her big clunky tape copier out of her bag and gave it to Hannah. “Are you sure you want this thing?”</p>
<p>Hannah nodded. She stuffed it into her bag. “And…I’m also gonna need your Walkman recorder…whatever it’s called.”</p>
<p>“Why?” Sheri asked suspiciously.</p>
<p>“I have a plan, Sheri.”</p>
<p>“What plan?”</p>
<p>“It’s better if no one else knows,” Hannah said. “Do you trust me?”</p>
<p>“Yes.”</p>
<p>“Good,” Hannah said. She left the library with the tape copier. It was extremely heavy in her bag. Far heavier than she was used to.</p>
<p>Elsewhere in the school, Jeff stopped by Mr. Porter’s office.</p>
<p>“Jeff? Hey,” Mr. Porter said.</p>
<p>“Hi, Mr. Porter. Do you have a minute?”</p>
<p>“Yeah, come on in.”</p>
<p>Jeff sat down. “I heard about people getting subpoenas today for court. I wanted to talk to you about…”</p>
<p>“Clay Jensen?” Mr. Porter guessed.</p>
<p>“Uh…yeah. I don’t really know anything about what happened to him. I’m a little worried.”</p>
<p>Mr. Porter said, “Well, if you get one, all that you need to do is tell the truth.”</p>
<p>“Right…” Jeff mumbled. He stood up to leave.</p>
<p>“Jeff?”</p>
<p>He stopped.</p>
<p>“If you remember anything, you come to us first, okay?” Mr. Porter asked.</p>
<p>Jeff didn’t like the implications of that. “Sure, yeah. Okay. Thanks.” He left the office, very uncomfortable with this.</p>
<hr/>
<p>Hours later, after school had let out for the day, Tyler met with a stranger in the seedier part of town. He handed the stranger some money, and the stranger gave him something wrapped in a towel.</p>
<p>“You gotta use the right grip. That thing’s got kick,” said the stranger.</p>
<p>“Thanks, I’ll google that,” Tyler said. He walked away.</p>
<hr/>
<p>Marcus, Zach, Alex, Tony, Ryan met at Monet’s. There were a few strangers around minding their own business, and a person in an oversized hoodie sitting close by that they didn’t pay any mind to. Too bad that said figure was Hannah, wearing Clay’s hoodie, and a scarf to cover her mouth so that they wouldn’t realize who she is. And she was so excited to hear what they had to say. She had anticipated that they’d likely meet here after school. Not exactly a smart place to discuss things. Anyone could listen in without their permission. After all, one cannot expect privacy in a public place.</p>
<p>“The first thing we need to do is found out what they know,” Marcus said.</p>
<p>“Or the first thing we need to do is tell the truth,” Alex said.</p>
<p>“I’m with Alex,” Zach added.</p>
<p>“It’s more complicated than that. What exactly is the truth?” Marcus said with a shrug.</p>
<p>“Very profound, Marcus. So profound,” Ryan commented.</p>
<p>Zach scoffed. “And bullshit.”</p>
<p>And then Tyler came in.</p>
<p>“How did you find us?” Tony asked him harshly.</p>
<p>“I deserve to be here,” Tyler claimed.</p>
<p>Tony shook his head “No. You don’t.”</p>
<p>“Why? Because you don’t like me? Cause I embarrassed you? I’m getting it worse than any of you,” Tyler said.</p>
<p>“Oh, really?” Marcus said.</p>
<p>“Let him stay,” Alex commanded.</p>
<p>“Yeah, Tony. How did you get to run this meeting?” Zach asked.</p>
<p>“I sit, or I start taking pictures,” Tyler threatened.</p>
<p>“Sit down,” Ryan said.</p>
<p>“And calm down,” Marcus softly demanded.</p>
<p>Ryan spoke first. “I think it’s clear what they know. Look around. What do we all have in common?”</p>
<p>“We don’t know who get the subpoenas. Jeff didn’t,” Marcus said.</p>
<p>“Yet.”</p>
<p>“I told him to come anyway. He’s hoping he’ll avoid the whole thing.”</p>
<p>Tony leaned forward. “Your father must know something from the other deputies, right?”</p>
<p>“He doesn’t give a shit about any of you. He’ll sweep it under the rug only for me,” Alex said.</p>
<p>A waitress delivered some drinks to their table.</p>
<p>Outside of Monet’s, Jeff stood watching them through the window. But as he stood and watched, he was overcome with guilt…so he took out his phone and made a call.</p>
<p>“9-1-1, what is your emergency?”</p>
<p>Jeff hesitated. “Hello…I…I would like to report…well…it’s something I did a few weeks ago.”</p>
<p>Back inside, they kept on discussing.</p>
<p>“If we don’t get our stories straight before these depositions, it’s bad for all of us,” Tony said.</p>
<p>Alex scoffed. “What is the story exactly?”</p>
<p>“Clay was a liar. He was a needy, jealous, unstable guy in the closet. He thought everyone was out to get him,” Tony said.</p>
<p>“Sounds like you’re describing yourself,” Ryan commented.</p>
<p>“We tried to be his friends. He blamed us when things went wrong. But he was the one with problems. I know it for a fact. He used to be on medication. He had a history of anxiety.”</p>
<p>“Works for me,” Marcus said.</p>
<p>“Oh really? That’s your play? That’s your story?” Zach asked.</p>
<p>“What would you say it is?” Marcus asked him.</p>
<p>“It doesn’t matter what ‘your story’ is. There are three people not in this room who are likely to say whatever they want,” Zach said.</p>
<p>“Where are Jessica and Justin?” Marcus asked everyone.</p>
<p>“They weren’t at school,” Tyler said. “Neither of them.”</p>
<p>Zach and Alex glanced at each other.</p>
<p>“What?” Tony said.</p>
<p>Zach hesitated. “Justin…went over to Bryce’s. He freaked because Jess was flirting with Bryce. So…he called Bryce a rapist, and told Jessica that everything on the tapes was true.”</p>
<p>Marcus softly punched the table. “No fucking way.”</p>
<p>“Monty, Jamie, and a few other guys heard everything,” Zach finished.</p>
<p>Tony panicked. “What? They know about the tapes?”</p>
<p>“Justin didn’t go into fucking detail about the tapes. But they all heard him call Bryce a rapist and that Hannah was telling the truth,” Zach explained.</p>
<p>“Good for Justin. And Bryce <em>is</em> a rapist,” Ryan said with a grin.</p>
<p>“If you believe Clay,” Tony said.</p>
<p>“Seriously? You are still taking that position?” Ryan asked with a condescending tone.</p>
<p>“Clay lied. We know this,” Tony repeated.</p>
<p>“He told the truth about me, sprinkled with some of his understandable opinions of me,” Ryan said.</p>
<p>“We can contain this,” Marcus reassured the others. “We have to control the narrative.”</p>
<p>“You’re fucking crazy,” Ryan cut him off. She stood up. “The narrative is, Jessica knows Bryce raped her.”</p>
<p>“You guys would make shitty chess players. We’re two moves away from being checkmated,” Alex said.</p>
<p>“Not quite. Not if we bring Bryce into this,” Marcus suggested.</p>
<p>“Bryce…the rapist,” Ryan said.</p>
<p>“Alleged rapist,” Tony said.</p>
<p>“Fuck off! Tony!”</p>
<p>Tyler suggested, “We could turn him in. Bryce is dangerous. I don’t get why you’re still protecting him.”</p>
<p>“We’re not. We’re protecting ourselves,” Marcus claimed. “I applied early admit to Columbia, Zach’s got scholarships. Ryan, you’ve got big plans. Alex? Courtney?”</p>
<p>“I’ve got no plans. I’m good to tell the truth,” Alex said.</p>
<p>Zach touched his shoulder. “Just cause Clay fucked up his life doesn’t mean he has to fuck up ours.”</p>
<p>“Listen,” Tyler said. “If Hannah gave them our names, and Justin is running around saying everything on the tapes is true, then it’s only a matter of time until we’re screwed. But we can get ahead of it. We can confirm Clay’s stories about Bryce. Give the school their scapegoat. Give the Jensens someone to charge with a crime. Then whatever we did doesn’t matter nearly as much.”</p>
<p>“You want to sacrifice Bryce to save your own ass?” Marcus asked.</p>
<p>“Yeah, of course,” Tyler confirmed.</p>
<p>For a long moment, there was nothing.</p>
<p>“Bryce’s family has the money to make this all go away, right?” Ryan asked.</p>
<p>“Nothing we did compares to what he did,” Tony said.</p>
<p>“You’re fucking joking, right?” Alex jabbed.</p>
<p>“What are you gonna do, defend Bryce?” Zach asked him.</p>
<p>“No. That’s what you’ve been doing for weeks now,” Alex retorted.</p>
<p>Zach flinches. “Fuck you. No, I haven’t. I just didn’t want this to blow up.”</p>
<p>“Well, boom,” Ryan mumbled.</p>
<p>“Justin let Bryce do it, then lied. He’ll probably go to jail too,” Alex said. “Accessory.”</p>
<p>“Doesn’t Jessica get a say in any of this?” Ryan asked the others.</p>
<p>“She should have answered when I called,” Tony said.</p>
<p>“Shut the fuck up, Tony,” Ryan said.</p>
<p>Hannah laughed to herself under the cover of the scarf on her face. She was thoroughly enjoying letting her chess pawns play themselves to death, let them destroy themselves. This would all come in handy later on.</p>
<p>“I can’t imagine Jess won’t want Bryce in jail for life,” Tyler commented.</p>
<p>Alex took complete control of this whole thing. “You know what’s worse than being a rapist? Fucking justifying a rapist is even worse. We all know the narrative. Everything Clay said was true. Tony, you’re gay, so what? Tyler, you’re a stalker. Ryan is a fucking arrogant prick. Zach, you’re just an entitled stupid idiot who does things without thinking even though you have a good heart. And Jeff’s a coward who got a kid killed.”</p>
<p>“That’s enough,” Marcus said to Alex.</p>
<p>“No, Marcus. You’ll do anything to keep up your perfect reputation. Too bad for you, Hannah destroyed it,” Alex commented. “And I’m a fucking weak pathetic loser who ruined the one good thing I ever had because I wanted a fucking rapist to think I was like him. Clay was my friend. And we should tell the truth about him. If I, if any of us were still his friend, he’d be alive today.”  </p>
<p>For several long seconds, there was silence. Hannah was genuinely moved by Alex’s speech. She hadn’t realized just how much this was tearing him apart. It seemed that someone who was friends with Clay briefly was more a friend than someone who was a lifelong friend. Hannah was deeply disturbed by Tony’s behavior.</p>
<p>“So we tell the truth,” Zach said.</p>
<p>“The truth doesn’t just land on Bryce,” Marcus said.</p>
<p>Ryan shrugged. “Let the truth land on us. I published a good meaningful poem.”</p>
<p>“I didn’t mean tell them about everything,” Tyler said.</p>
<p>“Why? You got more secrets to hide?” Zach asked with pure disgust.</p>
<p>“You can do whatever you want Tyler. No one will believe you. They’ll just laugh at you like they always do,” Tony said with hate. “Clay’s truth is not my truth. No way.”</p>
<p>Hannah laughed to herself beneath the scarf. She was dumbfounded by how so unobservant these idiots were that they didn’t even recognize the jacket she was wearing, and the fact that she conspicuously had her face covered. No matter. Their idiocy served her well.</p>
<hr/>
<p>Matt was asleep at the dining room table. He was awakened by Sheri knocking on the door. Matt jolted awake, fixed up his messy hair and glasses and answered the door. Sheri wasn’t alone. Charlie and Mya were with her.</p>
<p>“Hi, Mr. Jensen,” Sheri said.</p>
<p>“Hey, Sheri.” He glanced at her companions.</p>
<p>“This is my friend, Charlie, and this is my girlfriend Mya.” Mya was more outwardly tomboyish than Sheri, with her short hair and tattoos, but conversely her outfit was more overtly feminine than the athletic Sheri.</p>
<p>“Come on in.” Matt brought them all inside. “Nice to meet you guys.”</p>
<p>“Is everything okay?” Sheri asked him.</p>
<p>“Yeah. I wanted to talk to you about something. Or…show you something more accurately,” Matt said quietly. “Uh, there’s an Apple TV in the living room if you guys want to put something on.”</p>
<p>“Thanks,” Mya said.</p>
<p>Charlie smiled.</p>
<p>“You said his name is Charlie?” Matt asked Sheri.</p>
<p>She nodded. Matt pulled out the notebook paper from his pocket. “I found this in Clay’s closet. It was hidden. I thought maybe you could help me understand what it means.”</p>
<p>Sheri hadn’t seen this before. For once, she was caught off guard.</p>
<p>“Do you recognize these names?” Matt asked her.</p>
<p>“Most of them are kids at school,” Sheri answered.</p>
<p>“Yeah…like…Hannah. That’s Hannah Baker. Some of these other names I recognize from Clay’s phone, and his Facebook page. They’re gonna be subpoenaed for deposition. The lawyer said the papers went out this morning.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, I heard about that,” Sheri said.</p>
<p>“Why are they all connected? Why is ‘Bryce’ circled so many times? And why are you on here?” Sheri asked. “And…wait…is that Charlie kid the Charlie on this paper? Why is he on here?”</p>
<p>“I don’t know,” Sheri said.</p>
<p>“Bullshit, Sheri. You’re not telling us the whole truth, and you need to. Now.”</p>
<p>She looked up at him. “Clay had secrets, Mr. Jensen.”</p>
<p>Matt glared at her. “Clay’s secrets are what killed him. And I’m not gonna let them stay secrets. Understand? Clearly he was figuring out something. I mean all these names crossed out. Kat. An old friend of his that I knew for years. Ms. Bradley. And then you. Why are you on here? Why is this Charlie on here? Why do you think?”</p>
<p>“I don’t know,” Sheri repeated.</p>
<p>“Your name’s the only one with a question mark. Why?” Matt asked more firmly.</p>
<p>Sheri sighed. “I don’t know why my or Charlie’s names are on that sheet.”</p>
<p>Matt looked at her and shook his head. “I think you do. And if you won’t tell me…maybe you’ll tell the lawyers.”</p>
<p>Sheri looked to the ground. Matt walked away from her. She was torn between her loyalty to Clay’s wishes, her wish to bring him justice, and her genuine uncertainty as to what Clay was considering when he wrote her name and Charlie’s on that paper.</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <em>Before</em>
</p>
<p>Clay stood before his parents in the dining room. Lainie…was upset. And Clay was breathing heavily, crying in front of his parents.</p>
<p>“You lost it?!” she said loudly.</p>
<p>“Are you sure you didn’t drop it?” Matt asked more softly.</p>
<p>“I looked everywhere. I retraced my steps. Someone must have taken it,” Clay told them.</p>
<p>“Well, Clay, that’s what people do when they find a bag of cash just lying on the road!” Lainie yelled.</p>
<p>“Lainie calm down,” Matt said.</p>
<p>“I’m so sorry!” Clay said.</p>
<p>“I thought you were more responsible than this! We trusted you!” Lainie yelled.</p>
<p>“Lainie, enough. It’s a few hundred dollars,” Matt said.</p>
<p>“$789, Matt.”</p>
<p>Clay wiped away some tears and snot running out of his nose. “You can have my last check from the Crestmont. I have $200 in the bank. I can start babysitting on the weekend—”</p>
<p>“Clay!” Lainie cut him off. “It’s okay…It’s fine.”</p>
<p>Clay retreated to his room. He lay in his bed that night, looking up to the galaxy poster on the ceiling.</p>
<p>
  <em>“And once again, I was just making everything worse. I let everyone down. Everything I did to try and make things better only made things even worse. It kept proving to me that everyone’s lives would be better without me. And I couldn’t escape it. And…what does that feel like? It’s a blank, deep, infinite nothing, like nothing has or ever will exist.” </em>
</p>
<p>He stood up, slipped on some trunks under his pants, and walked down the stairs. His parents were asleep on the couch together.</p>
<p>
  <em>“I know you’re all gonna be looking for signs everywhere. What does it really look like?” </em>
</p>
<p>Matt was still awake. “Clay? You’re still up?”</p>
<p>“Yeah, I couldn’t sleep.”</p>
<p>“Oh, son.”</p>
<p>Clay shrugged. “I’m taking a little walk.”</p>
<p>“Okay. Don’t be out too late.”</p>
<p>And then Clay left the house.</p>
<p>
  <em>“It looks like nothing. Like there’s nothing wrong.”</em>
</p>
<p>He walked and walked.</p>
<p>
  <em>“I remembered the invitation. I decided to try again for a chance to have some happy moments. I still don’t understand why I would chance it. The funny thing is, as I was taking my long walk, I forgot why I stepped out in the first place. It wasn’t a short walk. I walked forever that night. Though the poorest neighborhood, all the way up to the hill where the rich people live. Where you live. I heard the music. I remembered the invitation again. In that split instance, I made an impulsive decision. I decided to try and find some happiness again. I tried to hope for something better. And this was still when I was unsure of what you did the night of Jessica’s party, what Justin allowed you to do.” </em>
</p>
<p>Clay looked at Bryce’s enormous house. More like a mansion than a house. Clay walked up the driveway, still unsure and hesitant. He opted against going through the house, and instead walked around.</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <em>After</em>
</p>
<p>Hannah waited down by the dock that night. She had her bag, and was wearing the same scarf she was wearing at Monet’s, along with Clay’s hoodie. She checked her phone. She had exchanged texts with Bryce.</p>
<p>
  <em>Bryce. We need to talk. </em>
</p>
<p><em>About what? </em>Bryce responded.</p>
<p>
  <em>Not over text. Meet me at the dock tonight. Alone. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Umm. Okay. Why? </em>
</p>
<p>The last text from Hannah read, <em>Can’t explain. Better if we talk in person. It’s important.</em></p>
<p>This message was marked as seen. The sun was already gone, though it wasn’t actually that late. It was barely eight in the evening. And thankfully for Hannah, Bryce indeed showed up. His headlights marked his arrival.</p>
<p>He stepped out of his car and headed straight for Hannah. “Hannah. What’s so important that we couldn’t discuss this at my house?”</p>
<p>“I needed to ask you about the party at your house a couple months ago,” Hannah said.</p>
<p>Bryce looked at her confused. “Seriously? You brought me out here to talk about that?”</p>
<p>“Yeah.”</p>
<p>“Well…you’re gonna have to be a little more specific. I mean, fuck. I’ve had like ten parties in the last two weeks,” Bryce said with a bright smile that disgusted Hannah. It was the same smile he wore when Hannah first met him…the same one that he used when he was sleazily hitting on her.</p>
<p>“Maybe this might jog your memory. It’s the last party Clay went to,” Hannah said.</p>
<p>Bryce still shook his head like he had no idea what Hannah was talking about, a fact that made Hannah furious, a fact that she didn’t bother to hide from Bryce. The sight of the furious Hannah Baker unnerved Bryce, making him step back a little.</p>
<p>“Actually…I remember him being there,” he said nervously.</p>
<p>Hannah didn’t know or care if he was telling the truth.</p>
<p>“Look, I know he was your boyfriend and all. And I’m sorry…but you gotta move on, Hannah.”</p>
<p>She shook her head. “Move on? How can I do that, Bryce?” She realized that his apparent lack of memory was likely genuine.</p>
<p>And her fury began giving way to her raw grief. It manifested itself with a tear welling in her eye. Bryce noticed the shine of the welling liquid, and he looked at her with an incredibly imitation of what could be called empathy.</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <em>Before</em>
</p>
<p>Clay wandered into the grounds of the Walker mansion. He did not go inside the building, opting to walk around and avoid any place where he couldn’t just run if he needed. The music here was surprisingly quiet. In fact, this entire place was quiet, save for a girl’s loud obnoxious screaming. A few people recognized him, and properly said hello to him as he walked by.</p>
<p>The girl screaming was Jessica. She, Justin, Hannah, Zach and another girl were lingering around in the hot tub. Jessica couldn’t keep her hands off the shirtless Justin, something that annoyed Hannah a little. However, the sight of Clay coming put her at ease.</p>
<p>When Clay walked by Bryce, he completely ignored Bryce, not even responding to Bryce saying his name. Not that Bryce cared about that. And then he spotted Jessica in the hot tub.</p>
<p>
  <em>“The girl from before, the one who I failed to help…she was at this party. I shouldn’t have been surprised, but I was.”</em>
</p>
<p>“I’m starving!” Jessica shouted to Justin. “Can you please grab me a slice of pizza?”</p>
<p>“I’ll get you a slice of pepperoni pizza, your majesty,” Hannah said. She got out of the water.</p>
<p>“Hannah Baker! You are a lifesaver!” Jessica cheered.</p>
<p>“Me too,” Zach said. “Like, two slices.”</p>
<p>Hannah giggled. Her hair was pinned up when she got out. She pulled out her hair tie and let her hair down her back, over her shoulders. She met up with Clay right where the box of pizza was. She bit her lip playfully.</p>
<p>“Glad to see you here,” Hannah said happily. She picked up the box. “Now get those clothes off and get in.”</p>
<p>She walked back towards the hot tub. Clay followed.</p>
<p>“Hannah Baker to save the day!” Jessica yelled.</p>
<p>“Thank you for choosing Baker Pizza,” Hannah said, handing off the box to Jess.</p>
<p>
  <em>“I had tried to talk to her about what happened, subtly bringing up the topic whenever I spoke to her. She had no recollection of it. It made me think for a while that maybe whatever I drank was spiked, and I had hallucinated the whole thing. I would learn that night…that it was very fucking real.”</em>
</p>
<p>“Thank you,” Justin said to her.</p>
<p>“You’re gonna get pizza grease in the water,” Clay said.</p>
<p>“Think of it as a moisturizing spa treatment,” Hannah jokingly added.</p>
<p>“I read that pepperoni oil gets rid of cellulite,” Jessica claimed. Probably wasn’t true, but who knew?</p>
<p>“I read that too, but it only works when its baked with cheese,” Clay said quietly.</p>
<p>Jess giggled, “And tomato sauce.”</p>
<p>All three of them shared a nice little laugh. And for once today, Clay felt happy.</p>
<p>“Hey, Clay. Have you been here all night?” Jessica asked.</p>
<p>Clay shook his head. “I just got here.”</p>
<p>“Right when everyone’s leaving,” said the girl who was with Zach.</p>
<p>“I’m not leaving,” he said to her, wrapping his arm around her.</p>
<p>“This party is far from over,” Jessica declared.</p>
<p>“And I’m not going anywhere now that you’re here. My mom let me take her car, I can take you back…or to somewhere else if you’d like,” Hannah whispered to him.</p>
<p>“I’m not really in that kind of mood tonight,” Clay said, holding his arms, like he was protecting himself, defensive. “But…I did bring my swimsuit.”</p>
<p>Hannah dipped into the water while Clay undressed. He dipped into the water with Hannah. He wasn’t in the mood for sex, but he accepted her leaning on him. She relaxed into him. Clay leaned back and sat looking up to the stars, with the bubbling of the hot tub.</p>
<p>
  <em>“Sitting there…I felt at peace for the first time in days.”</em>
</p>
<p>Justin and Jessica were busy almost having sex right there in the hot tub…at least until they got out and went inside the house. That thought…it disgusted Clay. To see Jessica about to fuck someone barely a month after what happened in her own bed that night. But what could he do?</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <em>After</em>
</p>
<p>“Look, I’m sorry, Hannah,” Bryce said. “I know he meant a lot to you, and it sucks what happened to him.”</p>
<p>“Yeah. It does,” Hannah mumbled, her voice breaking with grief for Clay and disgust for Bryce.</p>
<p>“He was such a nice guy. And a good-looking one. In better shape than most other guys. Sometimes, I couldn’t keep my eyes off him in the locker room. You know about that,” Bryce said with a grin.</p>
<p>Hannah felt like she was about to get sick at what Bryce just said to her.</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <em>Before</em>
</p>
<p>As Hannah leaned against Clay, she suddenly gasped and started rubbing her chest. She winced in some serious discomfort. Everyone in the hot tub</p>
<p>“You okay?” Zach asked her.</p>
<p>“Yeah, I’m alright. Just a little bit…tender,” Hannah said.</p>
<p>The girl immediately started scooting away from Hannah. “Do you think you might…?”</p>
<p>At first, Hannah was clueless. Then she immediately realized what the girl was implying. She whispered in Clay’s ear, “I’ll be right back. Then we can leave if you want.”</p>
<p>She got out of the water and quickly went to the house. She went straight to the first bathroom she found. She locked the door and took off the bottom of the bathing suit. To her relief, there wasn’t any blood. She hadn’t been wearing a tampon or a pad, so that was a relief. But she still wasn’t sure.</p>
<p>There was knocking on the door. “Hannah? You alright in there?”  </p>
<p>“Jess? What happened to you and Justin?” Hannah said.</p>
<p>“He had to use the bathroom, upstairs. Came down to use this one, saw you running in here. You okay?”</p>
<p>Hannah shook her head, even though Jess couldn’t see her. “No…I feel kinda sick…and my boobs are hurting.”</p>
<p>“Hannah? Are you on your period?”</p>
<p>“I don’t know. I’m not bleeding,” Hannah answered.</p>
<p>“Well, what else could it be?” Jessica asked.</p>
<p>She thought about it…and came to a horrible realization. She realized the day. It was the last day of September, and the night of Jessica’s party was September 9. Three weeks to the day. And her last period was close to the beginning of August. She hadn’t had a period since then. It was far too early to tell, but this was too great of a coincidence for Hannah.</p>
<p>“I don’t know,” Hannah said to Jess.</p>
<p>“Well…I hope you feel better.” Jess walked away to another bathroom, leaving Hannah alone to deal with her realization. She hoped and prayed to anyone or anything that would listen to her that she wasn’t pregnant.</p>
<p>Outside of the house, Zach left with the girl. And then Clay was alone. He sat with his eyes closed, relaxing.</p>
<p>And then the hot tub jets turned off. Clay opened his eyes to find Bryce right there. He was nothing but petrified with horror seeing him.</p>
<p>“I can’t believe Clay Jensen finally came to one of my parties,” Bryce said.</p>
<p>“Well. It looks like it’s almost over,” Clay said, wearing a fake smile.</p>
<p>Bryce laughed. “Not by a long shot. The drunks are passed out, the fakes are gone. It’s just the cool people are left.”</p>
<p>“And I qualify as cool?” Clay asked.</p>
<p>“Clay. You’re one of the coolest in the class, no matter what anyone says. And…you’re more ripped than me and most of the athletes at school,” Bryce complimented. He started moving towards Clay.</p>
<p>“Well, I’d better get going. Hannah’s gonna drive me back home in a few minutes,” Clay said. He tried to step out of the hot tub, only for Bryce to gently pull him back in.</p>
<p>“You just got here,” he said. He started touching Clay’s shoulder, moving down to his chest.</p>
<p>“I gotta go,” Clay said firmly. He tried to step out quickly. Bryce pulled him back by his wrists, and held him very tightly around the back of his neck, enough that he could barely breathe, such was the pressure of Bryce’s grip on him.</p>
<p>“Don’t go. We’re just having fun.”</p>
<p>“Bryce,” Clay said, raspy.</p>
<p>Bryce held Clay down, pinning him against the edge of the hot tub. Bryce leaned over him, breathing over Clay’s exposed skin, making him shiver in terror and disgust. Clay started quivering, realizing what Bryce was about to do.</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <em>After</em>
</p>
<p>“Bryce…” Hannah said. “I left to go to the bathroom. What happened between you and Clay?”</p>
<p>“I’m not sure you’re gonna like what you hear,” Bryce said with a chuckle.</p>
<p>For once, Hannah agreed with what Bryce said. “Try me.”</p>
<p>“We just had a little bit of fun.”</p>
<p>Hannah scoffed. “What kind of fun?”</p>
<p>“The sex kind.”</p>
<p>She laughed without humor. “Did he want to you to?”</p>
<p>“I assume so,” Bryce said. “Clay and I, we had this off and on thing. He was a special guy.”</p>
<p>“You raped him!” Hannah said loudly. </p>
<p>Bryce’s smile vanished. “What?”</p>
<p>“You fucking raped Clay,” Hannah said softly.</p>
<p>“Hannah. Don’t talk about what you don’t know about,” Bryce said, his voice deeper, without any charm behind it.</p>
<p>“That’s what you did when I left that hot tub. You fucking raped Clay!”</p>
<p>“Okay, I’m fucking leaving,” Bryce said.</p>
<p>“No, you’re fucking not,” Hannah threatened. “Don’t you dare fucking leave! I want you to say it to me! Tell me what you did before I came back out of your house!”</p>
<p>Bryce stopped and menaced her. “What business is it of yours? He’s dead.”</p>
<p>“Because of what you did! You said he wanted you, did he tell you that? Did he say ‘yes’ to you?”</p>
<p>“He didn’t have to. I knew what he wanted by the way he looked at me,” Bryce said. “I knew him well enough for that. He got in that hot tub with me. His eyes. I know that’s hard for you to hear, that your crush was a gay guy, and could never be yours. But he fucking wanted it.”</p>
<p>“Did he say yes?” Hannah repeated.</p>
<p>“He didn’t tell me to stop. He didn’t say no,” Bryce told her.</p>
<p>“But did he explicitly tell you that he wanted to have sex with you? Did he say yes? Did he say anything like that?” Hannah repeated again.</p>
<p>“No, he didn’t. But like I said, I didn’t need him to say yes!” Bryce yelled.</p>
<p>Hannah impulsively shoved him in fury. But he was so much larger than her that it didn’t really do much. And then Hannah realized that she was in serious trouble right about now.</p>
<p>“I don’t normally fight girls…but for you, I’ll make an exception.”</p>
<p>Hannah immediately went on defense, stepping away from Bryce as he stepped towards her to punch her. He wasn’t trained by any stretch of the imagination, but she was still way smaller than him. One hit would be enough to completely take her out.</p>
<p>“Not so tough now against a real man? Not like Monty?” Bryce taunted. He swung at her, but he missed her.</p>
<p>She took a moment to read Bryce’s movements. Like Sheri had told her, he’d move like the big tough alpha he believed himself to be. And that was all Hannah needed.</p>
<p>“Bryce, stop!” Hannah yelled, putting some effort to make her voice sound helpless and terrified when she was anything except that.</p>
<p>Another swing to her face, one that she didn’t just avoid, but countered. She let the swing go in full, and like any untrained person, he left his flank open and undefended, as he continued the motion. She jabbed her knee right into his ribs. He groaned out in pain.</p>
<p>Hannah went full offensive, striking him in the eyes with her full extended hand. Her lead hand was always her right hand. She tucked her attacking thumb in place, and struck in an arc across his face, not right at it. And she didn’t scrape across his face. As soon as she made the motion, and successfully struck his eye, she retracted her hand, just like Sheri had taught her.</p>
<p>Bryce stumbled back, stunned by the eye strike. Hannah compounded this with a kick to his balls. She would’ve done so much more, but that was enough to get him on the ground in agony.</p>
<p>“You fucker!”</p>
<p>Hannah stood confidently over him. “You attacked me. Remember?”</p>
<p>Her bookbag was on the ground nearby. She picked it up and left him there. And she had a confident smile on her face as she left him there, possibly with permanent damage to his testicles.</p>
<p>
  <em>“The way I see it, there are two different types of death.”</em>
</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <em>Before</em>
</p>
<p>In a different time, Clay wasn’t so fortunate to have a way to protect himself. He was completely overpowered and helpless as Bryce pinned him down on the edge of the hot tub. He resisted, gasping for breath.</p>
<p>
  <em>“If you’re lucky, you live a long life, and one day, your body stops working and it’s over.”</em>
</p>
<p>“Please, Bryce,” Clay begged.</p>
<p>“Just relax,” Bryce said to him.</p>
<p>He pulled down Clay’s trunks, and his own. And then he forced himself into Clay’s ass. Clay groaned in absolute agony, feeling like it was on fire, like he was ripping open, tearing apart into pieces from the inside.</p>
<p>“We’ll go nice and easy,” Bryce said.</p>
<p>
  <em>“If you’re not luck, you die a little bit over and over…until there’s nothing left of you. You realize it’s too late.” </em>
</p>
<p>“That’s good,” Bryce said. “Good boy.”</p>
<p>Clay wanted to throw up, but there was nothing in his stomach to throw up. He cried out in horror, and in pain. He cried…until he felt nothing. Bryce pinned him down…and he just stared across the ground, feeling nothing but the pain of what was happening.</p>
<p>The pain of being torn apart from inside, the pain from being ripped and violated. Not just physically, but in every sense of the word. Clay Jensen’s body was no longer his. It was an empty shell harboring a beating heart and a soul that was beyond any kind of emotion.</p>
<p>And as quickly as this started, it ended. But it felt like forever between the time that this started to when it ended. And when it did, Clay was left a bleeding mess. Bryce left him alone, left him to waddle home. Every step, every movement of his legs was agonizing, like he was ripping himself in half with each motion. He was carrying his pants, shows, and was wearing his wet shirt. And he was trembling with paralyzing horror for the whole way.</p>
<p>
  <em>“Some of you might think there was more I could have done or should have done. But I lost control…it felt like I was already dead.”</em>
</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <em>After</em>
</p>
<p>Justin Foley returned to his house late at night. It was all dark in here, until Seth scared him by turning a light on…holding the subpoena for the deposition.</p>
<p>“What the hell is this?” Seth asked Justin.</p>
<p>“None of your fucking business,” Justin jabbed.</p>
<p>“It is my fucking business. I got commerce to do here, and I can’t do that with the goddamn sheriff’s department knocking on my door, you understand me?”</p>
<p>Justin shook his head. “No, I don’t understand you, because that’s not your fucking door!”</p>
<p>Seth grabbed Justin by the throat and held him against the wall, leaving him gasping for breath.</p>
<p>“You are no fucking good for anybody, you hear me? You act like you’re above it all, but you’re in the shit deeper than anybody. No good for your mother, that girl of yours, nobody.”</p>
<p>Amber came out to see this. She was horrified, quickly approaching them. “Seth!”</p>
<p>“Back!”</p>
<p>Amber froze, only watching as her son was gagging.</p>
<p>Seth turned to Justin. “So, take your shit and go live with that rich buddy of yours.”</p>
<p>“Seth, please! The woman next door will call the cops!” Amber pleaded.</p>
<p>Seth let Justin go, letting him cough as he got his breath back. Seth went into the bedroom…and a meek and weak Amber followed.</p>
<p>“Mom?” Justin pleaded. She didn’t do anything but look at him for a moment before following Seth behind those doors. Justin took the subpoena and his bag and left.</p>
<hr/>
<p>He wasn’t the only one suffering. Jessica was in her room staring at her bed. For a long moment, she just stood there, unnaturally still.</p>
<p>And then she grabbed the bottles of alcohol she was using to drown her pain and dumped them all into the sink. And then she hopped in the shower, wanting to wash away all the pain, and she couldn’t. She couldn’t just forget about it like she wanted.</p>
<hr/>
<p>And in his own house, Alex was fixing up his room. He put clothes away and everything.</p>
<p>“Room’s looking good,” his father said.</p>
<p>“Thank you, sir.”</p>
<p>Bill smiled. “I was just on the phone with a lawyer friend of mine about these depositions. He think—we’ll know more on Monday—but he thinks we may be able to get you out of having to go.”</p>
<p>Alex wasn’t happy with that.</p>
<p>“Not that I don’t sympathize with these parents kiddo, but you didn’t have anything to do with this. You shouldn’t have to be put through it.”</p>
<p>Alex shook his head. “Thank you, sir.”</p>
<p>“You’re a good kid, Alex.”</p>
<p>“Thanks, Dad.”</p>
<p>Bill left Alex alone. He sat down on his bed, looking around with the same look of dejection and despair, hopelessness. Behind him, his phone started ringing, but he ignored it. It was Jessica calling him.</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <em>Before </em>
</p>
<p>A dejected Clay arrived home. His parents were passed out on the couch together. Clay stared at them for a long while. And then he went up the stairs, an agonizing effort to lift his legs and push himself up the stairs.</p>
<p>He went straight into the bathroom, where he took off his bloodstained trunks and his wet shirt. He hopped into the shower, wanting to wash everything that happened away. He cried in the shower, as he still felt blood trickling out from his ass.</p>
<p>After showering, he cleaned the blood from his trunks and put everything in the hamper. He went to his bedroom.</p>
<p>
  <em>“I though I could forget about what happened. But thanks to you, Bryce, I’d finally lived up to my reputation. You forced me to be what everyone said I was.” </em>
</p>
<p>Clay lay in bed sleepless. Until he stood up and painfully hobbled over to his desk, sitting down and started to write something down on notebook paper.</p>
<p>
  <em>“But I thought I could set the record straight. I made a list to piece together exactly how my life went so wrong. And the names that came out of it all. Life is unpredictable, and control is just an illusion.”</em>
</p>
<p>He wrote down several different names. All over the paper. He started circling the people who would become the subjects of his tapes. The people who he eventually found to be responsible for derailing his life to such a horrible degree.</p>
<p>
  <em>“And once I took a look back, and I finally understood how everything happened, I decided that no one would ever hurt me again.” </em>
</p>
<p>Clay turned off the light in his room…and his life.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Yes, Bryce is a bisexual rapist here. I figured he wouldn't have any problem with doing this to guys.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Tape 7, Side A</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Clay seeks help from a school counselor. Hannah resolves to tie up loose ends after her brawl with Bryce, and contemplates her future after listening to the final tape.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Warning! Graphic scene of violence and suicide ahead!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>“One last try. I’m giving life one last try.” </em>
</p><p>November 10, 2017.</p><p>8:00 AM.</p><p>And here was Zach Dempsey for his deposition. He was before the Jensens, the male lawyer for the lawsuit, and the female defense attorney for the school.</p><p>“Good morning, Mr. Dempsey,” said the male attorney. “My name is Dennis Vasquez, representing Matthew and Lainie Jensen, and this is a deposition. I will be asking you some questions, and you must answer them truthfully unless your attorney clearly instructs you otherwise. Do you understand?”</p><p>“Yes,” Zach said.</p><p>“There is no judge present, but this is a legal proceeding. You are under the same legal obligation to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. Do you understand?”</p><p>“Yeah, I understand,” Zach said.</p><p>“Good. For the record, please state your name, your age, where you go to school, and what year you’re in.”</p><p>Zach cleared his throat. “My name is Zachary Shan-Yung Dempsey. I’m 17, and I’m a junior at Liberty High.”</p><p>“Okay. When did you first meet Clay Jensen?”</p><p>Zach sighed. “That’s a name I’ve known all my life. But I guess…it would be at a party right before sophomore year started.”</p><p>“What do you mean?”</p><p>Zach shrugged. “We never had a conversation until sophomore year.”</p><p>“How well did you know Clay?” Dennis asked.</p><p>“Um…I didn’t know him that well. I knew him from around school, and we were homework buddies for a while,” Zach said.</p><p>“Were you aware of any bullying against Clay?”</p><p>“Objection. Asking to qualify behavior,” said the defense attorney.</p><p>Dennis retracted. “Did you ever hear anyone say unkind things to Clay?”</p><p>“Um…Yes. I heard…and I said some things myself.”</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>Before</em>
</p><p>Clay was at his locker when Sheri approached him. “Hey.”</p><p>She pulled out a tape recorder and gave it to him. “Just what the doctor ordered.”</p><p>“And…like…it just records the tapes?” Clay asked.</p><p>“Yeah. Like a voice text, just way more stylish. I think the Baker Drug Store has ones that’ll work perfectly for this,” Sheri said. “Now for the million-dollar question. What exactly is this project?”</p><p>“Something stupid,” Clay deflected. “You mind if I keep this for a few days?”</p><p>“Clay, keep it for as long as you need…or want. See you around,” Sheri said. She walked away. She had no idea the real purpose for this strange request, the real reason Clay wanted them.</p><p>He brought them home, and put one of his new tapes in, and started recording.</p><p>“Hey. It’s Clay. Clay Jensen.”</p><p>
  <em>“I recorded twelve tapes. First, I started with Justin, the first link in the chain. Then I went to Jessica, who broke my heart. Then onto Alex, Tyler, Tony, and Marcus, who all helped to destroy my reputation. Through Zach and Ryan, who broke my spirit. And finally, tape 12, Bryce Walker, who destroyed my soul.”</em>
</p><p>As Clay recorded each of his tapes, he labelled them with blue sharpie ink.</p><p>
  <em>“But, when I finished 12…something strange happened. I felt better just by talking about it, to no one but a tape recorder. I poured everything out. And now—now I think I can beat this. I think I can get past this. Now, I’m going to try. I’m going to get help, because now I realize that I can’t do it alone.”</em>
</p>
<hr/><p>On the last day of Clay Jensen’s life, he woke up earlier than normal. He went through his whole routine more quickly, wanting to leave as soon as possible.</p><p>Matt and Lainie were at the dining room table, and saw his son’s haste. “Whoa, whoa, why are you up so early?”</p><p>“I have a project with a classmate. It’s not due today, but we were hoping to finish it today,” Clay claimed. His parents bought it.</p><p>“Well, I made some eggs,” Lainie said. “Come and eat with us before you leave.”</p><p>Clay sighed. He chose to eat breakfast with his parents. He enjoyed the meal with his parents, who quietly enjoyed their own meals, too. This was unusual. Lainie wasn’t one to make breakfast for everyone in the morning.</p><p>“So…where’s this coming from? You don’t usually make breakfast,” Clay said to his mother.</p><p>Lainie smiled. “Things have been so hectic lately, I feel like we haven’t had time to have family meals. Dinner seems like a no go, so I thought that a family breakfast would be best.”</p><p>Clay let out a fake laugh. He finished his food. “Alright. I gotta go.”</p><p>“We love you,” Matt said.</p><p>“Love you too,” Clay said back.</p><p>He walked over to the Bakers’ store. The sign said it was closed, but the door was unlocked. Olivia was doing some inventory when he opened the door.</p><p>“Oh, sorry sweetie, we’re not open yet,” Olivia said.</p><p>“I’m sorry, Mrs. Baker. I just…I just need one more tape. Can I just buy it right now? I’ll be right out of your hair,” Clay pleaded.</p><p>Olivia looked at him for a long minute. She remembered selling him the other tapes. “The same project?”</p><p>“Yeah,” Clay said.</p><p>“Okay,” Olivia conceded. She sold him one last cassette. “I must admit, I thought I’d only ever sell these to Sheri Holland or Tony Padilla. You know them?”</p><p>“Yeah,” Clay admitted. “And thank you.”</p><p>However, as he left the store, he made off with one last thing. It was a box of razor blades that he slipped into his backpack. The Bakers didn’t even notice that he did it, as they were so distracted by their own discussions about their financial struggles.</p><p>
  <em>“Right now…I really think I have a chance. So…I really hope that you’re not hearing this…because if you are…then I failed. Or he failed and my fate is sealed.”</em>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>After</em>
</p><p>Matt sat on the stairs of his home, the ones that lead to the upstairs floor where Clay once slept.</p><p>“Matt?” Lainie came to find him. They were both well-dressed. “We don’t have to sit through these depositions. They’re procedural at this point.”</p><p>“I’m sure. We both need to be there,” Matt said. “Those kids…they hurt our son. I want to find out what they know.”</p><p>The look on his face was one of pure rage, one of pure wish for understanding. And right now, this was as close as he was ever going to get to it. Such a long and arduous process for all of this. And he wanted…he needed to know what happened.</p>
<hr/><p>November 10, 2017.</p><p>9:55 AM.</p><p>Marcus Cole’s deposition.</p><p>“Clay and I had a few classes together,” Marcus said.</p><p>“Were you ever friends with Clay?” Dennis asked him.</p><p>“No. We had a few study sessions.”</p><p>“So it wasn’t a serious friendship?”</p><p>“Objection,” said the defense attorney.</p><p>“I’ll rephrase. Marcus, did Clay ever say anything to you that might lead you to believe you were more than acquaintances?”</p><p>Marcus shrugged. “Not really. I think…I might have hurt his feelings a little bit. But I didn’t mean to.”</p><p>“Hurt his feelings how?”</p><p>“I wanted to be his friend. I think he wanted to be something more with me,” Marcus lied.</p>
<hr/><p>Hannah sat at the table eating breakfast. Her mother was staring at her daughter as she ate, but Hannah said absolutely nothing. It was extremely uncomfortable for Olivia.</p><p>“Are you giving me the silent treatment, or is it the other way around?” Olivia asked her. “Cause it should be the other way around.”</p><p>“I’m not the one staring or making this more uncomfortable than it needs to be,” Hannah said.</p><p>“You disappeared again. You’ve been doing that a lot,” Olivia said.</p><p>“I didn’t disappear. I was at a friend’s house,” Hannah claimed.</p><p>“A friend’s house? Then why are your hands all bruised up?” Olivia asked her.</p><p>“Because I walked over there. I walked back home, and some asshole attacked me. I dealt with him,” Hannah said, deciding a half-truth was enough.</p><p>“Attacked? By who?”</p><p>Hannah sighed, officially annoyed. “Nobody that matters. Nobody that will be alive if he tries it again. And let’s leave it at that. I mean, there is a reason my hands are the only thing bruised.”</p><p>The front door closed. And in came Andy with Sheri. “Look who decided to stop by.”</p><p>“Hey, Sheri,” Olivia said with a bright smile.</p><p>“Hi, Mrs. Baker.”</p><p>“I thought Sheri might like to join us for breakfast,” Andy said. “We can all catch up. Maybe talk about those depositions you have tomorrow.”</p><p>“That’d be nice,” Sheri said.</p><p>“Yeah. But Sheri and I have something to do real quick.” Hannah mouthed to Sheri, “My room.”</p><p>Hannah and Sheri walked right to Hannah’s bedroom.</p><p>“Mind telling me what happened to your hands?” Sheri asked.</p><p>“I put your self-admitted limited training to good use,” Hannah answered.</p><p>Sheri looked worried. “On who?”</p><p>“I’ll show you.”</p><p>Sheri closed the door. “And this couldn’t wait until after school?”</p><p>“No.” Hannah pulled out tape 13. “Remember how side B was blank on this one?”</p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p>Hannah flipped the tape. There was a new tape labelled 14. “Not anymore.” She played it.</p><p>It was Hannah’s own voice, at first.</p><p>
  <em>“You said he wanted you, did he tell you that? Did he say ‘yes’ to you?” </em>
</p><p>And then Bryce. <em>“He didn’t have to. I knew what he wanted by the way he looked at me,” Bryce said. “I knew him well enough for that. He got in that hot tub with me. His eyes. I know that’s hard for you to hear, that your crush was a gay guy, and could never be yours. But he fucking wanted it.” </em></p><p>
  <em>“Did he say yes?”</em>
</p><p><em>“He didn’t tell me to stop. He didn’t say no,” </em>Bryce said.</p><p>
  <em>“But did he explicitly tell you that he wanted to have sex with you? Did he say yes? Did he say anything like that?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“No, he didn’t. But like I said, I didn’t need him to say yes!” </em>
</p><p>And then there was the sound of Hannah shoving Bryce.</p><p>
  <em>“I don’t normally fight girls…but for you, I’ll make an exception.” </em>
</p><p>Hannah stopped the tape.</p><p>Sheri looked at Hannah, amazed. “He fucking confessed.”</p><p>“It’s enough to convict him by public opinion. And…two-party consent doesn’t apply because this happened in a public place with no expectation of privacy. That’s why I needed him down by the dock.”</p><p>Sheri sat down on Hannah’s bed, overwhelmed. “You didn’t give him the tapes?”</p><p>“No,” Hannah said. She returned Sheri’s tape copier, the 14<sup>th</sup> tape, and the recorder. “I imagine you want to make a copy so that you have a complete set.”</p><p>“And then what?” Sheri asked.</p><p>“Jeff called me last night,” Hannah told her. “He went to the police himself. We have his testimony. We have Bryce’s close-enough-to-it confession.”</p><p>“What about going through the cycle like Clay wanted?” Sheri asked.</p><p>“Clay…Let’s face it. What he wanted and what he needs are different. And, let’s be honest, he wasn’t all there when he made these tapes. And it’s not just about him anymore. It’s about Jessica, and every other person who Bryce raped,” Hannah said. </p><p>“Hannah…I don’t know if this is the right thing to do. Even if I was, I have no idea where we stand in all this. I mean, we’ve been sitting on evidence for weeks, evidence that has passed from one person to another to another.”</p><p>“You’re right. The tapes in that shoebox have. And the copies that I made of them to keep for myself. We either do something now, or we give it up tomorrow in the depositions. Don’t forget about all the other kids. Who knows what they’re gonna say?” Hannah sat down on her bed.</p><p>“This tape…” Sheri said. “It blows up the world.”</p><p>“The world needs to know what happened to him. And so do Lainie and Matt,” Hannah said softly. She looked out the window, closing her eyes, and imagining that the world would have been better out there. Somehow the world was not as dark and horrible as it seemed.</p>
<hr/><p>November 10, 2017.</p><p>10:50 AM</p><p>Tony Padilla.</p><p>“Did you consider Clay a friend?” Dennis asked him.</p><p>“Yes,” Tony said. “He was my friend. But we had a falling out.”</p><p>“Reporter, can you mark this document as Exhibit three?” Dennis put a printed version of the viral picture of him and Clay on the table. “Can you identify the people in this photo?”</p><p>Tony looked at it. “It’s hard to tell.”</p><p>“So you’re not in this photo?”</p><p>Tony hesitated.</p><p>“You can either talk about this photo now or in court,” Dennis warned.</p><p>Tony touched the picture again. But right there, he still remained absolutely silent…in guilt and shame and the wish to be closeted. Hannah’s threat loomed over him…and he realized that the threat was about to be realized.</p>
<hr/><p>Hannah was on her way to her next class. While she was on her way, she was stopped by Jessica.</p><p>“Hey,” Jess said. “Can we talk? It’ll just be a few minutes.”</p><p>Hannah sighed. She followed Jessica to an empty classroom.</p><p>“I wanted to thank you, Hannah. You were the only who tried to tell me the truth.”</p><p>Hannah looked to the ground. “I might have been a little bit overboard with my reaction. But I know what it’s like to want to pretend something didn’t happen. I mean, what happened to me is nowhere near as bad, but—”</p><p>“Stop,” Jessica said. “Assault is assault. No matter if it goes as far as rape.”</p><p>“I don’t if I should ask you this because I know the answer’s probably…how the fuck do you think, or something, but…how are you holding up?”</p><p>“How the fuck do you think?” Jessica said with a chuckle.</p><p>“Yeah…Do you need to talk to someone? See someone?”</p><p>“Who?”</p><p>Hannah shrugged. She pulled the box of tapes out of her backpack. “I made a copy of these. Just for me, and they’ll never leave my side for the rest of my life. But these…I’ll light them on fire and let them burn up until they’re ashes and melted plastic. If you want.”</p><p>Jessica looked like she was considering it.</p><p>“But…if you want to fight this. These tapes can help. They’re corroborating evidence.”</p><p>“What? You want me to tell the whole goddamn world what happened to me?” Jessica asked Hannah.</p><p>She shook her head. “No. I want you to help me bring down the fucking asshole that did this to you. And to Clay. And who knows who else around here. I mean…It’s harsh to say this but…You and Clay aren’t the first ones he assaulted, and unless we do something about him, you won’t be the last. I’m not asking you to do anything. You need to do whatever you feel is going to make yourself feel better. And that’s not up to me. And Bryce needs to pay for what he did.”</p><p>“Will he though?” Jessica asked Hannah. “Have you listened to the last tape? You know what happens when people like us try to get help?”</p><p>Hannah nodded. “Yeah. I’ve listened.”</p><p>“I’d have to tell the police, my dad… I don’t think I can do that.”</p><p>“Okay,” Hannah conceded.</p><p>“You think I’m letting Clay down?”  </p><p>“We all let Clay down,” Hannah said. “And he let you down, like he said.”</p><p>Jessica leaned forward. “He was telling the truth. He did try to talk to me about my party. He asked me if I was okay because I seemed drunk. And he brought it up a few times until I got annoyed with him. And he was just trying to make sure I was okay after what happened. I didn’t even really remember it.”</p><p>The bell rang.</p><p>“Shit, I gotta go. Thank you for coming here. I’m glad we got to talk,” Hannah said to Jess.</p><p>Jessica stopped Hannah from leaving. She pulled her into a hug. “Don’t burn the tapes.”</p><p>Hannah nodded into Jessica’s shoulder. She held Hannah even more tightly, almost like she was ready to cry into her. Hannah wasn’t flawless, quite a vindictive person from the looks of things, but Hannah’s heart was in the right place. She wasn’t nice for these last several weeks…but then again neither was Jessica or anyone else on the tapes.</p>
<hr/><p>November 10, 2017</p><p>11;35 AM</p><p>Katherine “Kat” Thompson.</p><p>“The jocks walk around the halls like they own the place. The teachers feed into it. Bolan feeds into it. It’s just how it is.”</p><p>“But you dated athletes,” Dennis said.</p><p>“Objection. Relevance,” said the defense attorney. “She’s here to talk about Clay Jensen.”</p><p>“Yeah, I dated jocks,” Kat said. “There are plenty of good ones. You just have to learn how to find them. Just like you have to learn how to find good people to be around. Clay…his whole life…he never learned. And that’s not his fault. You two should try going to a school with a bunch of Neanderthals narcissistic scholars who are told they are the only thing of value at school, and that the rest of us are only there to serve their needs and cheer them on.”</p><p>“You texted Clay many times that he had a terrible taste in friends. What did you mean?” Dennis asked.</p><p>“What I meant—what I mean…is that if I hadn’t moved away, if I hadn’t left him there, if I’d been around to help him through it. Clay would still be alive today.”</p><p>“You also shared numerous texts with Clay regarding Justin Foley, many of an acrimonious nature. Can you explain?” Dennis asked.</p><p>Kat sighed. “Justin…sent an inappropriate video from Clay’s phone. One of Zach Dempsey changing between cars. I happened to get one from one of my old classmates before I deleted her number. I knew who did it, because he’d done it a couple of times to others. Sneak videos of them doing something and then spreading them. Nothing that bad.”</p><p>“Are you and Justin still in communication?”</p><p>Kat scoffed. “Justin Foley…is dead to me.”</p>
<hr/><p>Said boy, Justin, was standing outside of the school as Jessica left, wearing a hoodie to hide her face from everyone. But the hood didn’t keep her from seeing Justin in the parking lot of the school. She became outright furious when he approached her.</p><p>“Are you fucking following me?!”</p><p>Justin took a step back. “Jess…I was walking around all night. I don’t have a place to live. Shit’s so fucked up.”</p><p>“You think?” Jessica said, mocking him.</p><p>“Just talk to me.”</p><p>She shook her head. “Why the fuck should I talk to you?”</p><p>Justin had nothing but tears in his eyes. “Last night, I walked every street in this shitty town. I ended up by the docks. I climbed up this crane, all the way up. I could see the whole city. I was gonna jump, or shoot myself, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t stop thinking about you.”</p><p>Jessica had no sympathy. “Try harder.”</p><p>“Just tell me what you want me to do!” Justin begged. “I’ll go to the school. To the cops. I’ll kill Bryce. If that’s what you want, I’ll do it, and I’ll pay the price. Just tell me what you want!”</p><p>Jessica shook her head. “What I want…is to never see you again in my life.”</p><p>Jessica left him there alone, got in her car, and drove away.</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>Before</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“A few days after I recorded 12, I saw Bryce in the hallway.”</em>
</p><p>A voice over the school PA announced Liberty’s first game win, with the one who scored the game winner being…Bryce Walker. Everyone cheered him on. Everyone except for Clay Jensen, who stared at him, frightened…and Bryce just gave him a sleazy flirty wink.</p><p>
  <em>“I thought I could never show my face at Liberty again. Everything was dark for days. But then…I felt the light. I felt the hope. And I feel it now. The kind that makes you think…maybe.” </em>
</p><p>That hope was in the form of Hannah Baker. She was at her locker, and she was equally not impressed with Bryce’s “big win”. She ignored him just like Clay while everyone around him showered him with praise like devout worshippers of some cult.</p><p>Hannah spotted Clay watching her. Her face was a bit worried, and a bit anxious. Once more, she rubbed her chest in a bit of pain. She was really starting to feel her pregnancy by this point.</p><p>She walked over to him.</p><p>“Do you think that our priorities are ever in the right place these days?” Hannah asked him.</p><p>“Shouldn’t I be asking you that?” Clay said with a semi-real smile.</p><p>“Yeah. That’s a very you question. That’s why I asked,” Hannah said. She wanted to tell Clay right here that she was pregnant by him. Tell him that she wanted his opinion. If he wanted her not to have an abortion, she wanted to hear it. If he wanted her to have an abortion, she wanted to hear it. But she couldn’t summon the words. Not when she was just glancing around and seeing so many prying eyes and ears here.</p><p>“Hannah…” Clay said to her. He looked like he wanted to tell her. Tell her things that he hadn’t said before. Tell her the things that he wanted to say, all the things that went wrong…even that he had been raped by Bryce.</p><p>Hannah waited for him to say something. “What is it?”</p><p>He shook his head. “Never mind. I’ll see you in Communications.”</p><p>And then he walked away from Hannah with a forlorn look on his face. Hannah watched him leave, and she smiled. She resolved to tell him to meet her at her house in the class they shared.</p><p>And Clay’s destination was the front office. Specifically, he went to Mr. Porter’s room.</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>After</em>
</p><p>Hannah was waiting in the front office. She wanted to meet with Mr. Porter, too. Luckily for her, he walked right through the doors just a few minutes after she got there.</p><p>“Mr. Porter.”</p><p>“Hannah. Hey. Nice to see you. Are you okay?” he asked.</p><p>“I’m alright. I just needed to speak with you.”</p><p>Porter smiled. “Sure. Come on in.” He brought her into his office.</p><p>“I wanted to talk about Clay,” Hannah said.</p><p>They both sat down.</p><p>“The whole week right before it happened. That’s when I realized that I could be pregnant,” Hannah told him. “I was so frightened, I was so worried. I was so caught up with my problems that I didn’t even notice that Clay was having problems.”</p><p>Mr. Porter leaned forward, “Look, Hannah. Whatever happened between you and Clay, or anyone and Clay, he made that choice to take his own life.”</p><p>“But why? What would bring him down to such a low that he thought the only way out was dying?” Hannah asked.</p><p>“We can’t know that for sure,” Mr. Porter said.</p><p>“Actually…we do.” Hannah leaned forward with an ominous smile. “Maybe you consented, and now you feel ashamed because you were raised to believe being gay was a bad thing.”</p><p>Mr. Porter’s expression shifted. He leaned back in his chair, horrified at what he just heard her say, something that he had never said to anyone else.</p><p>“Do I have your real attention now? Mr. Porter? Good. Because I’m going to talk. And you’re going to listen to me. Which you didn’t do when Clay came here to see you the day he died,” Hannah said. “But first…let’s run back through what exactly happened in this office. I need to make sure you remember everything.”</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>Before</em>
</p><p>Clay met with Mr. Porter in his office. “I’m glad I saw your name on my calendar.”</p><p>“Why?” Clay sat down.</p><p>“Just glad you made an appointment to come talk,” Mr. Porter said. “So what’s on your mind today?”</p><p>“Umm…” Clay started nervously. “Everything. I guess.”</p><p>Mr. Porter’s phone rang. He hung it up quick. “Everything is a lot. Let’s start with how you’re feeling right now.”</p><p>“Right now?” Clay shook his head. “Lost. Empty.”</p><p>“Empty?”</p><p>Clay looked to the ground. “Yeah. It’s hard to feel anything now. Like I can’t care.”</p><p>“Care about what?”</p><p>Clay scoffed. “Myself. School. My parents.”</p><p>Mr. Porter looked at him with curiosity. “Your parents?”</p><p>“I mean…I care about them…but I don’t care who I am to them. I’m not who they want or need me to be.”</p><p>“Who do they need or want you to be?” Mr. Porter asked.</p><p>Clay hesitated. “Not a problem.”</p><p>“How are you a problem to them?”</p><p>And then Mr. Porter’s phone rang again.</p><p>“You can get that if you need to,” Clay said.</p><p>Mr. Porter stopped the phone again, ignoring the call. “No. But what about your friends? Don’t you care about friends?”</p><p>“Friends? What friends?” Clay said.</p><p>“I see you all the time in the hall. Jessica Davis. Alex Standall. Tony Padilla.”</p><p>“They’re not my friends,” Clay said firmly.</p><p>“What about Hannah Baker?” Mr. Porter asked.</p><p>Clay visibly softened. “Hannah Baker…what about her.”</p><p>Mr. Porter smiled. “I’ve seen the way she looks at you. She seems to really like you.”</p><p>Clay shrugged. “I’m afraid of that.”</p><p>“Why?”</p><p>“Because I’m not good for her. I’ll just drag her down. God…it’s like it doesn’t matter what you say. Or…maybe it does…I don’t know…” Clay glanced at the microphone sticking out of his backpack. The microphone that was taping this whole conversation.</p><p>“I’m not following you,” Mr. Porter said, confused.</p><p>“Actually, never mind.” Clay stood up to leave.</p><p>“Wait. Don’t go. Just help me understand, please,” Mr. Porter said. “When you leave this office, how would you like things to be different for Clay Jensen. Talk about yourself like your someone else. Maybe that’ll help.”</p><p>Clay sat back down. “I don’t know…I’m not sure what I’m expecting.”</p><p>“If you ask me, it sounds like you need something. You’re not getting it. Let’s start there.”</p><p>Hannah sighed. “I need…I need it to stop.”</p><p>“What do you need to stop?”</p><p>Clay started crying. “Everything. People, life—”</p><p>Mr. Porter’s expression became concerned and worried. He gave Clay a box of tissues. “What do you mean when you say you need life to stop?”</p><p>“I don’t know,” Clay said, voice breaking.</p><p>“That’s a very serious thing to say.”</p><p>Clay wiped away his tears and the snot on his face. “I’m sorry…I didn’t mean…that, I guess.”</p><p>Mr. Porter sat up straight. “Clay? How did you end up here?”</p><p>Clay shook his head like he wasn’t sure how to answer. “One thing…on top of so many other things.”</p><p>“If I’m gonna help you, I need you to be more specific with me,” Mr. Porter said.</p><p>“I’m sure you’ve heard the rumors about me,” Clay said.</p><p>Mr. Porter’s phone rang again. Fed up, he locked the phone in his drawer. “No, I haven’t. Can you tell me?”</p><p>“Last year…someone made stupid…hot or not list, best/worst. People have reacted to it ever since.”</p><p>Mr. Porter asked, “When was the last time?”</p><p>“A week ago,” Clay said.</p><p>“Was there—” Porter started. “Did you have an encounter at the party?”</p><p>“An encounter… Yeah. You could call it that.”</p><p>“Did…” Mr. Porter started hesitantly.</p><p>Clay shook his head. “You don’t give a shit about this, do you?”</p><p>“No, I do. It’s just…did anything happen that you regret?”</p><p>Clay sighed. “Yes.”</p><p>“Are you embarrassed by what happened?”</p><p>“Very.”</p><p>“Maybe you made a decision to do something with someone that now you regret?” Mr. Porter asked.</p><p>Clay instantly became disgusted. “Oh my God, no! Is that really what you just assume?”</p><p>“No. I’m just asking you,” Mr. Porter said softly.</p><p>“I didn’t make a decision. He did,” Clay practically yelled.</p><p>Mr. Porter’s office phone rang. He immediately stopped it, picking up the receiver and slamming it down, now even more frustrated with whoever was calling him.</p><p>“Okay. So…this party. Did anything happen that can be considered illegal?” Porter asked.</p><p>“Maybe.”</p><p>“Drugs or alcohol.”</p><p>“Definitely alcohol, but I wasn’t drinking,” Clay said.</p><p>“You said you had an encounter ‘him’. Was this encounter of a sexual nature?”</p><p>Clay tensed up. “Yeah.”</p><p>“You said ‘he’ made a decision. Did ‘he’ force himself on you?”</p><p>Clay tensed again. “I think so.”</p><p>“You think so…but you aren’t sure?” Porter said. “Did you tell him to stop?”</p><p>Clay looked away. “No.”</p><p>“Did you tell him no?”</p><p>“No.”</p><p>Porter shrugged. “Maybe you consented, and now you feel ashamed because you were raised to believe being gay was a bad thing.” </p><p>“No. It’s not like that!” Clay protested.</p><p>“Should we involve your parents or the police?”</p><p>“NO!” Clay yelled. “No…”</p><p>“Clay. Who is this person?”</p><p>Clay sighed. “If I tell you…will you promise me that he’ll go to jail? And that I’ll never ever have to face him again?”</p><p>“I can’t promise you that, Clay. But I can promise you that I will do everything I can to protect you,” Mr. Porter said. “But I can’t do that unless I know everything that happened, and who was involved.”</p><p>Clay couldn’t bring himself to speak.</p><p>“If you can’t give me a name, if you don’t want or don’t know if you can press charges against this boy, then there’s only one other option.”</p><p>Clay finally looked up at Mr. Porter. “What is it?”</p><p>“I’m not trying to be blunt here, Clay. But you can move on.”</p><p>Clay was beyond stunned, to the point where this was going in only one direction. “You mean do nothing.”</p><p>“Is he in your class.”</p><p>Clay shook his head. “He’s a senior.”</p><p>“Then he’ll be gone in a few months.”</p><p>Clay stared at him for a long while. “Are you <em>fucking</em> serious? Are you fucking kidding me?!”</p><p>“Something happened Clay. I believe you. But if you won’t confront him, then the only other choice is to move on.”</p><p>Clay looked to the floor, scratching his hands. “I guess…that’s what I have to do. Thank you…Mr. Porter.”</p><p>“Okay. If there’s more to talk about, there are other—”</p><p>“No,” Clay said. He stood up with his stuff. “We figured this all out. I just have to move on and get the fuck over it.”</p><p>Porter stood up. “I didn’t say get over it. But sometimes, that’s the only other option.” His office phone rang again.</p><p>“Look. I get it.” Clay stepped out the door.</p><p>“You don’t need to be in a hurry. Sit down, Clay.”</p><p>“No, Mr. Porter. I just need to get on with things. If nothing’s going to change, then I just better get on with it. Right?”</p><p>He closed the door. Mr. Porter was alone in his office, with nothing but his ringing phone.</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>After</em>
</p><p>Hannah sat before Mr. Porter, a look of anger all over her face. Anger with this man, this counselor whose job it was so help students…and here he was with an obvious victim of an assault…and all he did was ask victim-blaming, demeaning questions.</p><p>“Does all of that sound familiar? Mr. Porter?” Hannah’s voice carried a condescending tone.</p><p>“Yeah. But it’s not something I can talk about,” Mr. Porter reminded her.</p><p>“I’m aware. And I’m also aware that counselors are required to go to whatever resources are needed for given situations,” Hannah said. “Makes me wonder why you didn’t help Clay. Because he might not have used the word, but he described the rape.”</p><p>“I can’t talk about—”</p><p>“I know.” Hannah leaned forward. “I also know that you’re required to go to the police when a student reports an assault. Clay didn’t give you a name or say outright what happened, so I’m doing it for him. I’m here to report Clay Jensen’s rape. Bryce Walker is the one that raped him.”</p><p>“It can be very dangerous to accuse a student of,” Porter said with a deeper serious tone.</p><p>“I have his confession,” Hannah claimed.</p><p>“How?”</p><p>“We had a discussion, and I recorded it. Two-party consent doesn’t apply, because we were in a public place with no expectation of privacy,” Hannah said. “I took Clay at his word. I believed him without a second thought, which is what you should have done. And then Bryce tried to beat the shit out of me for it.”</p><p>Hannah showed Mr. Porter her bruised hands.</p><p>“Okay, that’s it. We need to stop this conversation.”</p><p>“Okay,” Hannah conceded. “Then we won’t have a conversation. I’ll just talk, and you’ll listen to me. Because I’m going to tell you everything that happened after the father of my unborn baby walked out of this office on October 9, 2017…”</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>Before</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Clay Jensen stood outside of your office, and hoped that you would come after him.”</em>
</p><p>He waited right outside of Porter’s office. He spoke to the microphone. “His door is closed behind me.”</p><p>He waited. And waited. All Clay heard was an indistinct conversation with whoever called him.</p><p>
  <em>“You didn’t.” </em>
</p><p>“He’s not coming,” Clay said. He left the office and walked down the empty halls, a dull emotionless expression on his face.</p><p>His last words to the tape were flat and unemotional, completely devoid of whatever made them human. Just a shell, a physical shell imprisoning Clay’s soul. And Clay was now absolutely sure that there was no other way than to die…</p><p>“I think I made myself very clear. But no one’s coming forward to stop me. Some of you cared. None of you cared enough. And neither did I, and I’m sorry.”</p><p>He took one last look through the halls of this school.</p><p>“So. This is it. This is the end of tape 13. There’s nothing more to say.”</p><p>He took out the tape recorder and stopped it right as the bell rang. Clay stood there alone, with people obliviously passing by him, not knowing that in a short time…he’d be dead.</p><p>
  <em>“You let him walk away. We all did. He walked out of school, went home. His parents weren’t home. He put some things in order.”</em>
</p><p>Clay put the last label on the final tape he made. He placed them all in their cases, wrapped them in bubble wrap and placed them in the shoe box. He fixed up his bed and his clothes, and took his uniform.</p><p>
  <em>“He brought his uniform to the Crestmont where we worked together for a while. He dropped it on the counter and walked away. I tried to go after him. I wanted to tell him that I was pregnant. I was so desperate to tell him. But I lost him.”</em>
</p><p>Clay walked away through the crowd of the sidewalk. He was holding a package and brought it straight to the post office.</p><p>
  <em>“He dropped a package off at a friend’s house, and then brought another one to the post office. And then he went back home.”</em>
</p><p>At his house, Clay got changed. He removed his shirt and his jeans, opting for an old pair of grey sweatpants. And then he went to the bathroom. Out of habit, he brought his phone with him. He left it on the edge of the sink.</p><p>
  <em>“He put on some old clothes. And he took a box of razors that he got from my parents’ store that morning. He filled up the bathtub.”</em>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>After</em>
</p><p>Hannah was growing incredibly distressed describing this, her voice breaking and her eyes tearing up. As was Mr. Porter.</p><p>“Mr. Porter. I read something interesting recently. A lot of people live for years wondering if they don’t need or want to be alive. It often consists of years of people having little thoughts for maybe a few minutes at a time. Thinking things like ‘this is how I’d probably do it, but I never will’, and years of ‘life sucks’. All the hypotheticals of what you might do. I’ve had them myself. And then…one thing goes wrong after another after another after another, and it becomes unbearable. Intense emotions overpower reason, and then hypothetical becomes preparation. And that’s what happened.”</p><p>Mr. Porter had nothing to say, so Hannah continued.</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>Before</em>
</p><p>Clay stood in front of the mirror with the water running in the tub. He looked in the mirror for a long time holding the single razor in his hand…the instrument that he was about to use to end his own life.</p><p>He had no words…not even for himself. He just looked at himself, contemplating that his life was coming to its end right here…and that he was about to do this.</p><p>
  <em>“Clay got into the tub, still wearing clothes, slit his wrists. And he bled to death.” </em>
</p><p>Clay dipped into the tub. He took several deep breaths…and one final tear dripped from his eye. For a long moment, he stared off ahead of him, holding the razor blade in his left hand. And then he moved his hand, moved the blade to his arm.</p><p>He poked…and slit open his wrist. He screamed out in pain…because the pain was beyond anything that he had ever known in his life. A broken arm had nothing compared to this. This was not a cut. It was not easy. It was like he was like tearing open his arm all the way through. Like his arm was being ripped apart as he dragged the blade down his arm.</p><p>But this only made him want to die even more. A vicious cycle born of a tortured mind.</p><p>So he did it a second time, just below the first…and then finally did it to his other arm. Blood poured from his arms and into the rising water, staining it red. The water turned more and more red as his blood flooded into the water, pouring from his body.</p><p>He laid back, succumbing to the horrible writhing agony of this. Three spots in his body…somehow different infinities of pure pain. Here…it was indescribable. Three singularities of anguish, three spots on him…where he was fatally torn apart.</p><p>But there was one fact that Hannah Baker, the tape subjects, nobody knew nor would ever know.</p><p>That Clay’s phone started vibrating. In a second it fell to the floor, screen up. Clay impulsively glanced at it as he lay bleeding to death in the water that now started overflowing over the edge of the tub.</p><p>It was his mother calling him. He saw her picture even as his vision was fading. And in that moment, he remembered the good that he still had. He remembered the family breakfast that he had that morning. He remembered the smiles on his parents’ faces. He remembered all that he had with them.</p><p>And in that moment that nobody would ever know about except for Clay himself, he <em>regretted</em> this. He changed his mind. He wanted to live. He suddenly realized that this was a mistake. He, like so many other people, came to regret this.</p><p>Clay Jensen was an anomaly among typical suicide victims. He had a thorough plan in place instead of the immediate typical impulse. But there was one thing he shared with so many other suicide victims. He regretted the act after committing to it.</p><p>And so he reached over the edge of the tub, his vision and strength waning and tried to reach for his phone. His blood trickled down his hand and to the water on the floor. A desperate attempt—a second desperate attempt to save himself.</p><p>And then the phone stopped ringing.</p><p>
  <em>“He died alone.”</em>
</p>
<hr/><p>Matt and Lainie arrived home together. They were out grocery shopping. Matt was the first to start bringing things into the house. He was the one that saw the water dripping all over the stairs.</p><p>“What the hell?”</p><p>Matt went up the stairs. “Clay? Clay? Why is there water all over the damn place? Clay?”</p><p>He opened the upstairs bathroom door…and time froze. Clay was there. His left arm was hanging out of the bathtub, dripping blood from two massive cuts on his arms. The water all over the floor was covered with blood-stained water. And he was motionless in the water, his eyes closed…and there was no sign of him breathing.</p><p>Matt took all of this in. “Oh…Oh no…”</p><p>He stepped through the water.</p><p>“No, no, no. Come on, Clay.” He grabbed his son’s dead body and desperately tried to pull him out of the water. “Come on, buddy. It’s okay. Clay? Oh, my baby boy. Lainie! It’s okay, you’re gonna be fine!”</p><p>Matt’s voice…broke apart.</p><p>“LAINIE!” Matt screamed. “Come on, Clay! It’s okay. You’re okay. You’re fine…”</p><p>In that moment, Lainie came up the stairs and saw this. “Oh my God! Clay! Baby! No! No!” Lainie immediately cradled her baby.</p><p>“He’s okay. He’s okay…. He’s okay, baby. Just call 911!”</p><p>Lainie hesitated to leave to get her phone that she left downstairs.</p><p>“Tell them to hurry!”</p><p>But Matt knew the truth…knew the reality he desperately wanted to deny from the moment he held his son.</p><p>Clay Jensen was dead.</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>After</em>
</p><p>Mr. Porter sat in his seat in tears. As a father…the idea of his own kid committing suicide like Clay did was unbearably terrifying. He needed tissues to wipe away his tears, finally realizing the magnitude of all of this.</p><p>“You could have stopped it. I could have. And so many other people could have,” Hannah said. By now, her anger was gone. Because there was no anger left. All there was remaining was the grief…that sense of nothingness from this kind of loss.</p><p>Mr. Porter sniffled and wiped his nose. “That’s…powerful. And painful…Just to imagine what Clay’s last days were. To try to understand what led him there. But if he wanted to end his life, we couldn’t stop her.”</p><p>“I cost a boy his life because I was trying to help him be more social. Everything I did to try to be with him, to try to help him…it all led to this,” Hannah said.</p><p>“You can’t love someone back to life.”</p><p>“No,” she conceded. “But…you can try.”</p><p>“Hannah. We don’t know what was in his mind or heart. There’s no way to know why he did what he did.”</p><p>Hannah pulled the box of tapes out of her bag. They were not the original tapes, but the copy that she made of them…labelled with the same blue nail polish that she had painted her own nails with. A way to pay homage to the original tapes being marked with physical scotch tape and sharpies.</p><p>“There is,” Hannah said. “Clay recorded thirteen tapes before he died. Thirteen reasons why. I know that mental illness, disorder, whatever you want to call it is the primary culprit. But these tapes tell you everything that led to that.”</p><p>Mr. Porter looked at the box in shock.</p><p>“In this box is a copy of these tapes that I made just for you. You’re number 13. Everyone before you except for 12, has heard what you did and didn’t do. And they always will. They know what they did. You’re the last one to receive the tapes. Clay didn’t leave any instructions for what to do after you.”</p><p>Mr. Porter glanced back up at Hannah.</p><p>“I added tape 14. I hope that helps you decide what to do with these.”</p><p>He asked Hannah, “How do you have these tapes?”</p><p>“Because they’re mine. I’m tape 11. And on that tape, Clay outright told me that these tapes are mine, and that I could do what I want with them. So I made a copy of them, and I’ve brought those copies to you.”</p><p>Hannah picked up her bookbag and got ready to leave. But she had one more thing to say. “It has to get better. The way we treat each other, and how we look out for each other. It’s gotta get better. I know it will get better, because I’ll make sure of it.”</p><p>She left Mr. Porter in the office with the box of tapes. She stepped out into the hall right outside. Another river of teenage human beings going about their business, so many people whose lives would never cross again. Just extras in the story of each of their life.</p><p>Everyone’s the hero of their own story, a main player in another’s story, a supporter of another’s story, the villain of another’s story, and an extra in another’s story.</p><p>Hannah was the hero of her story. Her parents, Charlie St. George, and Sheri Holland were main players in her story. The teachers, the counselors, and Jeff Atkins were supporters in her story. Marcus Cole and Bryce Walker were the main villains of her story. And everyone walking through these halls were extras in her story.</p><p>And a person Hannah considered a main player in her story walked by without realizing she was there. Charlie. She followed him.</p><p>“Hey, Charlie.”</p><p>“Hannah. Hey. What’s up?”</p><p>“Can we talk outside real quick?”</p><p>“Sure.” Charlie followed her out the doors of the main building. They stood aside where people wouldn’t stand a good chance of running into them.</p><p>“I just talked to Mr. Porter,” Hannah said.</p><p>Charlie knew what that meant. “How’d it go?”</p><p>“Better than I imagined it would…and…I actually feel better,” Hannah admitted.</p><p>“Really?”</p><p>“I feel like a huge weight is off me. At least…for now. But I’m not gonna stop.”</p><p>“Stop what?”</p><p>“This school…all of it’s fucked up. I’m gonna do what I can to change it. Maybe not in this year alone…maybe in the lawsuit. But I’m going to keep fighting for what’s right. And…everything I did this last month…none of it helped.”</p><p>Charlie nodded. “Good.”</p><p>Hannah pulled him in for a kiss. But this one wasn’t experimental. It was a true and passionate kiss on her part and his. It didn’t make her feel good…it made her feel like she was alive. It reminded her that she could learn to move on, because it wouldn’t take one specific person to make her feel good. She could learn to let another one in. And right now…she was ready to do that with Charlie St. George.</p><p>When she pulled back, he looked at her confused. “I don’t…I don’t know what to say. Are you sure?”</p><p>“I am now.”</p><p>Charlie looked at her like he was afraid.</p><p>“I’m willing to at least try to move forward with my life. With you.”</p><p>“So soon?”</p><p>“I’m not saying that we need to go fast. But…I want to try again,” Hannah said.</p><p>Charlie stated the obvious. “You were in love with Clay. Tell me how I’m supposed to live up to that.”</p><p>Hannah had a poetic speech for Charlie. “I’ve kissed four guys in my life. One of them made me feel turned on. One made me feel good. One made me feel proud to be who I am. One made me feel alive and reminded me that I can learn to love someone else. You’re the fourth one, Charlie. And frankly…I’m scared.”</p><p>“Why?”</p><p>Hannah sighed. “I’m going to live mourning Clay for the rest of my life. I’m scared that…that’s not something you’ll be able to live with.”</p><p>“Well…maybe there’s only one way to find out,” Charlie said.</p><p>Hannah smiled. “Are we gonna try to do this?”</p><p>Charlie nodded and gave her a small grin. He whispered in her ear. “There’s something you need to know about me before anything.”</p><p>She listened intently as he whispered very quietly. Her smile faded to shock as she listened to what Charlie told her. Whatever he told her, it completely restructured the way she viewed Charlie. And she was so caught off guard by whatever he said that she had no emotional reaction to it, much to Charlie’s visible concern.</p>
<hr/><p>One person who wasn’t at school was Tyler Down. He was busy digging through the trunk in his room.</p><p>“Tyler?” his mother called. “Honey, it’s time to go.”</p><p>“Just a second,” Tyler said. He quickly put things away as she started calling his name more and more, knocking on his bedroom door. He was putting away the gun that he bought from the stranger, alongside two other handguns and a couple of boxes of ammunition.</p><p>He closed it just as his mother opened the door.</p><p>“Mom. Privacy,” Tyler said to her annoyed.</p><p>“I was calling for you. We’re gonna be late,” she said.</p><p>“I was just getting a sweater.”</p><p>His mom believed him. “Your dad is on his way back from work. Are you sure Mr. Sebring shouldn’t be with us?”</p><p>“I didn’t do anything wrong. I don’t need a lawyer,” Tyler reassured her.</p><p>“I’m just worried. Those kids are already picking on you.”</p><p>Tyler shrugged. “I can take care of myself.”</p><p>With one of those guns in class…maybe.</p>
<hr/><p>Matt and Lainie Jensen were at home getting ready for the next round of depositions.</p><p>“We gotta go. This afternoon’s session starts at two sharp,” Lainie said.</p><p>Matt was holding a paper in his hand. “Lainie what’s this?”</p><p>“Nothing.”</p><p>“This is an application to the Dolan Law Firm in San Francisco,” Matt said.</p><p>Lainie sighed. “Look, they have places less then ten minutes from here where I can work. We need more income, Matt. This case could go on for a long time.”</p><p>“Seriously? That’s your excuse? More fucking secrets, more fucking lies,” Matt jabbed.</p><p>“Don’t go there, Matt.”</p><p>“Why shouldn’t I? I mean this isn’t the first time you kept something really serious from me. Did you really think we’d just move on from what happened.”</p><p>Lainie looked remorseful. “Look…I regret what I did Matt. And I’m sorry for it, but right now, that’s in the past.”</p><p>“Yeah, with that kind of thinking, we might as well just give up the case, Lainie. We can’t change what happened to Clay, so we should just move on and forget about it right? Cause that’s what you’re telling me right now.”</p><p>Lainie had no words for Matt.</p><p>And then from nowhere popped in Sheri.</p><p>“Sheri? How’d you get in here?”</p><p>“The door was literally open,” Sheri said. Matt got up and closed.</p><p>“What is it?” Lainie asked upon noticing Sheri’s serious demeanor.</p><p>“Look. I have to apologize for not telling you everything,” Sheri said. “Clay wanted me to keep secrets for him. I wanted to honor him. But…now I realize that I need to share something with you.”</p><p>She put a flash drive on the living room table.</p><p>“There are fourteen audio files on this drive. You should listen to them in order. I and one other person have the original tapes, and for reasons you’ll come to understand, they are hidden in safe places. But if you need them, I can get them for you, too.”</p><p>“What’s on here? What kind of files?” Matt asked Sheri.</p><p>“Uh…I really believe you need to listen. And what happened to Clay…shouldn’t have happened. And it shouldn’t happen to anyone else ever. If giving you this helps that…” Sheri sighed, very ashamed of herself. “I’m sorry. I thought I was doing the right thing.”</p><p>Sheri then left. Her girlfriend was waiting for her at the car. Matt held onto the flash drive tightly. He wasn’t letting it leave him.</p>
<hr/><p>At two that afternoon, Tyler was in for his deposition.</p><p>“I would say the climate at Liberty high School…as I have experienced it myself, is bad. The shit that—sorry…”</p><p>Dennis said, “It’s okay Tyler. Use your own words.”</p><p>Tyler sighed. “I get shit every day. People shove me around, trip me, slam me into walls, lock me in bathroom stalls, pull my pants down.”</p><p>“Are you aware if Hannah suffered bullying like this?” Dennis asked.</p><p>“Objection. Asks for expert opinion.”</p><p>Dennis conceded. “Did you ever hear anyone at Liberty speak unkindly to Clay?”</p><p>“Yes. Many times. And not just at Liberty,” Tyler said.</p><p>“Can you tell about the time or times it happened?”</p><p>Tyler nodded. “All the time. People would…call him a faggot. A pervert. They would treat him like he was poison. Like he was gonna make them sick. Things like that.”</p><p>“Did you ever witness anyone being physically abusive to Clay?”</p><p>“Yes. Guys often slammed him to the ground. They’d push him into lockers like they still do to me. I have pictures of it.”</p><p>“You have pictures of physical abuse? You have proof?” Dennis asked.</p><p>“Not like….of bruises or anything like that,” Tyler clarified.</p><p>“Okay. Let’s talk about—”</p><p>“There are tapes,” Tyler said.</p><p>“I’m sorry?” Dennis said.</p><p>“There are tapes. Clay recorded tapes. He spoke about what people did to him. It’s pretty serious.”</p><p>“Where are these tapes?” Dennis asked.</p><p>“As far as I know, Hannah Baker has them,” Tyler said.</p><p>Matt was holding the drive in his hands. He knew that must have been what Sheri had been talking about. About Clay’s secrets, the ones that she wanted to keep out of respect for him.</p>
<hr/><p>In another part of town, Justin met with Bryce…who had noticeable bruises on his face. He was bringing alcohol to Justin.</p><p>“When did you go to vodka?” Bryce asked him.</p><p>“Since I needed to travel.” He tried to put the bottle away.</p><p>“Hey, you promised me a drink,” Bryce said. “So, they got you going to the lawyers today?”</p><p>“I didn’t go,” Justin said.</p><p>“Good. That’s good. But how did Hannah know about me and Clay Jensen?” Bryce asked Justin.</p><p>He shrugged. “Clay Jensen made tapes before he died, saying what we all did to him. What you did. To Jessica.”</p><p>“Jessica?”</p><p>“He was in the room that night, hiding.”</p><p>Bryce was officially worried. “You’ve heard these tapes.”</p><p>“Yeah. I’m on them. So are you.”</p><p>Bryce started breathing heavily. “Who has them now?”</p><p>“I don’t know.”</p><p>“Fuck,” Bryce mumbled underneath his breath. “Whatever. Who’s gonna believe a dead boy, right?”</p><p>Justin shook his head. “I think they’re gonna believe the pregnant girl he left behind.” He put his bottle of vodka away.</p><p>“Justin…you know the real story. You know what’s true, don’t you?”</p><p>Justin nodded.</p><p>“So I’ll see you around?”</p><p>“No. I don’t think you will.” Justin walked off to parts unknown. Bryce was left alone in the alley, realizing that things were potentially not going to go very well in the near future.</p>
<hr/><p>Jessica was at her home. Her dad, who had been away for some time, came to her room.</p><p>“I’m proud of you, kiddo. You did your friend good today,” he said to her.</p><p>“Thanks,” she mumbled.</p><p>“You okay?”</p><p>“I’m fine,” Jess lied.</p><p>“You sure?” Her father sat on her bed. “You don’t look fine.”</p><p>Jess started to break down. His joking smile went away as her eyes started welling up. “Dad……there’s something I—something happened to me.” She started sobbing into her desk. Her father immediately held her in his arms.</p>
<hr/><p>Tyler Down was in the school dark room. He had a hateful expression on his face, one of incredibly fury like the one Hannah had for so long.</p><p>And there were pictures hung up. Pictures of the other tape subjects. Bryce. Jeff. Tony. Marcus.</p><p>And Hannah.</p><p>But there was one picture he took down. Alex Standall.</p><p>Elsewhere in the school, Mr. Porter was in a supply room with a boom box. He inserted tape 13 and pressed play.</p><p><em>“One last try. I’m giving life one last try,”</em> said Hannah’s voice.</p><p>And then suddenly, in came Bolan. Porter quickly paused the boom box.</p><p>“Kevin!”</p><p>“What is it?” Porter said.</p><p>“Alex Standall…shot himself in the head last night. He’s in critical condition at Mercy.”</p><p>Bolan quickly left him alone to deal with this revelation. As if he hadn’t had enough of these horrors as it was.</p>
<hr/><p>Then there were the Jensens. At the end of this day of depositions, they came home. They went straight to Lainie’s computer and plugged in the drive. On the table was the paper with all the names and arrows that connected them, and they were about hear the key to it all.</p><p>“Here we go,” Matt said.</p><p>They opened the files, finding fourteen files as Sheri had said. Matt clicked play on the first audio file.</p><p>
  <em>“Hey. It’s Clay. Clay Jensen.”</em>
</p><p>“Good god…” Matt mumbled.</p><p>
  <em>“That’s right. Don’t adjust your—whatever device you’re hearing this on. It’s me. Live and in stereo. No return engagements, no encore, and this time, absolutely no requests.” </em>
</p><p>Matt and Lainie Jensen, united in their grief and wish to learn what happened to their son, listened to their son’s voice. To hear him again…and yet for him not to be alive, was an unimaginable torture. It was a horror to sit through this.</p>
<hr/><p>Sheri drove down the road. Next to her was her girlfriend Mya. In the backseat were Charlie and Hannah.</p><p>“So what do we do, now?” Sheri asked Hannah.</p><p>“I don’t know. Let’s find out,” Hannah said.</p><p>“Should I put a tape on?”</p><p>Hannah shook her head. “Let’s listen to the radio.”</p><p>“Good idea,” Sheri said. She turned up the volume.</p><p>Hannah relaxed into Charlie’s shoulder, wrapping his arm around her. She wanted him to hold her. She allowed herself to relax, be vulnerable, and enjoy the wind in her hair as they drove off into the future, ready to face whatever came next.</p><p>Hannah knew one thing for sure.</p><p>This was not the end of anything. It was the beginning of her fight.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>And there you go. My own role reversal AU of 13 Reasons Why. I hope you enjoyed Clay Jensen's Greatest Hits. I know I certainly enjoyed going through and rewatching the first season specifically to create this work.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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